I Landed On The Moon

For years now I've told you that the moon landing was fake and that it was shot in a studio in Arizona but now I have a confession to make, it really happened.

Who is going to believe me? Well who cares? Due to the recession the US government have been cutting back of their disinformation agents and so it doesn't pay me to make up shit anymore, now it's just a hobby. Why have there been so many conspiracies around the moon landing?  Well that was to cover something else up.
 

 

Old Knudsen might have been the first man on the moon, who knows? Back then we weren't keeping score, we were just trying to survive. Earth was under attack from a race of bug like aliens who were based on the moon.
We don't know their motive or real name, we called them cliggs from the sound they made. After taking out our base on Mars they headed towards the Earth.

Like pill bugs or roly polys they'd roll up into a ball and then fall through the atmosphere using their exoskeleton to protect them and then they'd unfurl and go on a killing spree.  If people saw them fall they might think it was a meteor, on the bright side it was a larger world back then, no one was connected by camera phones and so you could engage in genocide in the more rural parts of the world.

The queen bug was on the moon spewing offspring at Earth, I was already there waiting for Armstrong to deliver NASA's latest super weapon. We lost some good men on Mars and Old Knudsen wanted payback. He also wanted to visit the all female base on Venus that the NASA nerds kept babbling about. 

Armstrong landed on the moon cos I was there!       

Why did their landing module not make a crater? It did weigh 17 tons but on the moon it only weighed about 2 and a half. NASA weren't dumb enough to land it on sand, that thing touched doon on solid rock that had a thin layer of sand. 

Why did the flag wave? Once something starts to move on the moon it keeps doing it .... duh!

What about the shadows going in different directions that obviously means various light sources right? 

Well that proves the landing was a fake .... no wait, that proves yer a moron. 

The rock with a 'C' that proves it was a movie studio. No, that proves that even in space yer pubes will find their way into yer unopened butter ..... explain that one.   The c was a pube on the lens. 

What other amazing things have bored virgins noticed? Reflections in helmet visors maybe, you've got this thing called lens flare which is on several pictures, it's a phenomenon that also happens on Earth. Now you also have this thing called photoshop which can convince a new generation too lazy to Google the truth.

Can't be lens flare, obviously must be from studio lights. The government lies to you on a regular basis about things that effect you and yet this is what you go on about. 

Why no stars in the sky when they took photos? Ever try to take a photo of the moon using yer average 14 megapixel camera? only the very brightest of stars will show and that is with our modern cameras. Go take a pic of a street light and see if any stars show up in the picture. It isn't rocket science dude. 

On brightly lit streets you can't even see stars with yer eyes, figure it out ya dope. 

I'm sorry to ruin yer delusions but it did indeed happen and I did indeed destroy the queen Cligg and her army. The moon is still highly contaminated with radiation so we won't be going there anytime soon.

Now what do we have left? well, Elvis did die in 1977 on the toilet, Jimmy Hoffa Amelia Earhart and Lord Lucan did get abducted by the Greys for hybrid experiments and some ragheads did indeed fly into the WTC because seriously folks, Bush was president, he couldn't even make a success of his own domestic spying programs never mind anything else, he destroyed the American dream and the economy, the man was an idiot.  Yes it took Obama to make those programs work but that is because of his reptilian hybrid mind which is most devious. 

      

 

A Slice Of Bigotry

Northern Ireland's first openly ghey mayor Andrew Muir was having an anti-homophobia bash to mark the  International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. Phobias are rampant in Northern Ireland but the fear or phobia of gheys is let doon by the mental health services.

It was a big deal for Muir to come out, rocks were thrown at the fellow. The DUP hide their gheyness and mutter about getting sport massages in seedy hotel rooms.   

The reason why yer a homophobe ...... lets cut through all yer excuses about religion, yer afraid of gheys because .... well you are one, look at how you dress and those big ear rings, yeah, I'm talking to the men of Norn iron who allegedly shave themselves to go faster ..... whatever that means. 

Listen to the high pitched complaining the men do on the Nolan show, the angrier they get the more high pitched they get, only weemen and small children have voices that go that high, go join the Bee Gees for fucks sake, at least until yer balls drop. 

Embrace what you are instead of hating it. Yer putting way too much thought about what they may be doing in private.

Old Knudsen is confident in his sexuality and so doesn't have to condemn others to get hard. 


Alliance councillor Andrew Muir wanted a lovely cake to cut and of course it had to be local but the local Tesco only had Batman, Spider man and Barbie cakes. 
 

 A happy ghey day from Klaus Barbie.

WHY DO YOU HATE THE FAGS TESCO????

So a small local business in Newtownabbey was chosen to make the cake which probably didn't get the copyright approval but this is Northern Ireland and we take the chance that Disney or whoever aren't paying attention.

 

 Using slogans, songs or images without copyright, we laugh at the law.   

I've seen churches over here using Transformers and Ironman on their posters to entice young children to their "clubs" probably for brainwashing and grooming, Christians have no shame.

Ashers Baking Company is a small business which NOW describes itself as a Christian company. It seems that the name Ashers which I had assumed was the owner's name is actually Biblical, Asher was one of the 12 tribes of Israel..... no apostrophe. 

I suppose that's the tribe that ended up in Newtownabbey hence all the Israeli flags that go up around there during the 12th.
The company refused to make a cake in support of gay marriage because they don't believe in it. Another company in Bangor got the order instead.

Other cakes from Christian groups are acceptable though.

Old Knudsen believes that  businesses have the right to refuse service but not to discriminate. You don't have to support ghey marriage and deep throat chocolate eclairs, you just have to support equality cos that's what it's about. If you don't believe in ghey marriage then you just don't believe in equality.
Why are you better than other people? yer deluded you sick fucks, only Old Knudsen is superior and you know it. 

Not very Christian of you, what would Jesus say?  ... turn the other cheek and he who is without sin then cast the first stone, aye he was well into turd burgling and adulterous behaviour.

  That stone age brow has to get a mention .... WTF???? I'm just a caveman, yer flashing lights and immoral ways confuse and startle me.

Daniel McArthur aged 24 is the general manager at Ashers. The company started in 1992 and employs 62 people, it was founded by Christians, and the current directors are Christians. He says,  “That means that we run our business according to Christian values and beliefs, according to what the Bible teaches. It means for example that we don’t open on Sundays, that we trade openly and honestly with people.”

So the Bible tells you to discriminate? The Pope hates ghey marriage too so I'm seeing a recurring theme here.
I'm sure their is some rule about unleavened bread not to be made on Tuesdays before 4pm or something silly like that, that yer breaking.  Do you employ weemen ? I hope they are all virgins or married and aren't baking while on their period, do you check?

We are very similar to the Bible belt of America's deep south. This same thing has happened in Portland Oregon and in Colorado, the later was forced to undergo sensitivity training and to make monthly reports to make sure their business wasn't discriminating against anyone. 

 

Old Knudsen has been boycotting Ashers for years without knowing it, before it was a matter of taste as I've definitely had better but now it is a matter of not supporting their bigoted smugness. 

Why are you defined by yer religion? don't you have a personality or a character of yer own? When Old Knudsen became self aware the world and it's secrets were open to him, go travel and explore outside of yer own culture, read, think and form opinions for yerself. Does discrimination feel right to you? How would you like to be persecuted and judged for the way you live?

Is it right that a combination of eggs, flour and sugar is being used as a weapon of hate? What does an invisible entity care what you do with yer cakes or what the fags do with their genitals?

Is it right that you are so afraid of this being whom you have never seen, felt or heard but will punish you if you displease it?
You sound like yer in an abusive relationship with yer invisible friend, the first step to getting help is to admit you are in one.

Old Knudsen has many gods, he does not worship them but honours them, he is not afraid of them any more than he is afraid of a bee. They are his friends.

Do people live their lives by the Norse Eddas and use them to discriminate against others with? It is just as ridiculous to live by Christian mythology.
Do you think they had different principles and customs back then that do not apply to us? What does the Bible say about Facebook? Go read Jane Austin and see that only 100 plus years back we had a social structure that is completely alien to us now.

No, I do not think I'll be fucking a horse just because Loki did .... I'll do it cos it's fun. 

The gods are Old Knudsen's friends and his guides through life. They don't selfishly hold you to believe in them and no one else or do their bidding in fear of  divine reprisals ..... why is this? because god is one. It's humans who limit god by defining it and so they are limiting themselves to small mindedness.  

After you admit that yer in an abusive relationship you have to then admit that you know nothing and that most of yer life was shaped by others. You don't have to find yerself, you have to create yerself. A version that seems right and personal and true to you.

If it turns out that yer a bigoted arsehole then go work in a Christian bakery, there is no help for you.  

The Politics Of Being Pope

Pope Francis met with some victims of clergy abuse. Wow, that really shows the Pope to be a very understanding and caring man to admit to wrong doing at such an early stage of the clergy sex abuse cases. 
He went on to say that some of these victims go on to suffer from addiction and even suicide ..... what an insightful man the pope must be.

Yes indeed, to have yer trust of authority figures destroyed at an early age and to be unworthy of real love, honest love because you are in some way at fault for what happened to you. It's almost as if the Pope put himself into the shoes of those whom his fellow clergy abused.

Maybe they bragged to him about it at the water cooler. 

 

“I feel the gaze of Jesus, and I ask for the grace to weep, the grace for the church to weep and make reparation for her sons and daughters who betrayed their mission, who abused innocent persons.”

I really feel as this this Pope is going out of his way, to make you like him, WISE THE FUCK UP!

In all his years as a church leader in Argentina the Pope never met any Argentine victims and ignored guidelines to stop sex abuse and to properly handle sex abuse allegations. No, instead he met with safe, compliant victims who knew their place and would never get angry or anything.

Two from Britain, two from Ireland and two from Germany, where are the mouthy Americans who were first to stand up to the evil that is the Vatican?  .... aye that would be a PR nightmare.

One woman from Ireland did ask for the head of the Irish church to get made retired but who cares what that sinful wretch has to say? 

It seems that with Pope Fanny (or Two face) was a typical gheys are evil and abuse doesn't exist kind of Cardinal but as soon as he became Pope he rolled out the humble act.




   

Holiday In Magaluf Really Sucked

So this story about an 18 year-old British gurl (from Northern Ireland) was encouraged to get drunk in a bar while on holiday in the Spanish town of Magaluf and was told that if she took part in a game she'd win a holiday.

The drunken lass agreed and then found herself performing sex acts on 24 men in the bar. Of course someone was there to take a video of it which went viral like gonorrhea.

I did a reconstruction of the event just for my blog. 

The holiday turned out to be the name of a cocktail, ha ha what a really funny joke .... not!  A witness says that while the gurl was drunk she was totally conscious of what she was doing and chose to go doon on 24 blokes to win the game, others decided to snog or fondle the blokes. The witness also says that she returned to the bar the next night. 

It seems that this kinda stuff goes on all the time and even has a name for it there, mamading which is performing sex acts for free alcohol. 

Since the story broke there has been a lot of slut shaming and only a tiny bit of stud shaming .... what? aren't weemen sluts and men studs? 

Much like the rapists in India and Pakistan whose politicians make excuses for, 'boys will be boys' or the men who are curiously absent at the Magdalene laundries and single mother homes like the one at Tuam as the mother's and their children get paraded around in order to show off their shame. 

Men don't get blamed. 

You can try and tell young people to drink responsibly and not get their dick out in public and not suck on some stranger's cock unless you have the money in yer hand but they won't listen. 

Just because you go to a foreign cuntry doesn't give you full reign to be a complete tosser, people live and work there and there are laws. Not only that but you may have to explain to yer mum at home why you got pregnant or at least how you got some gonorrhea of the throat. 

  

The Fuhrer And The Babies

Happy birthday to Jew.

I liked the old days in which the Jews were the good guys instead of being Western pawns used to keep the Holy land out of Muslim hands. 

Back in 1934 a young Latvian Jewish couple were having their first baby. It was a time of growing antisemitism with Hitler and his DUP like politics on the rise. The father had been a singer going by the name Lenssen but when his real name of Levinsons was known he was fired from his local opera house. 

To many Germans, finding out yer favourite singer is a Jew would be like some bloke finding out the lass he had just had a blow job from was a dude .....  Some people might not like it.  

The people of Northern Ireland fully support the not wanting of durty impure races mixing with our proud, white and Protestant inbred genes .... Gog forbid we'd have chins, how dumb would we look with chins huh?  Aye we'd be able to close our mouths but the very thought of not being a slack jawed chinless wonder really does disgust me as it does my fellow, er not racist but rather selective breeder. 

We aren't racist or sectarian, we just don't want no Fenians or coloureds round here. KULTURE!

So the young couple gave birth to a gurl, Hessy Levisons and were so proud that they took her to a photographer. 

Later, the woman who cleaned for them told the mother Pauline, that she had seen Hessy's picture on a magazine cover  .....WTF?????

The magazine was a Nazi Magazine full of propaganda and men wearing swastikas, it even had an interview with Hitler on how he spends his perfect Sunday. I wake up and drink a large beer, then I hike up a mountain or into another country and then it's home to the smell of baking from the ovens at one of my holiday camps.     

He sounds just so normal and human. 

 

The mother phoned up the photographer all hysterical that her little Jewish baby in appearing in a Nazi magazine. The photographer told her to calm the fuck doon. Many top photographers were asked by the Nazis for pictures of babies that best portrayed Aryan beauty,  the perfect example of the Aryan race to further Nazi philosophy. 

The photographer who was a man after me own heart, made a wee joke and didn't tell them that Hessy was a Jewish baby .... the perfect Aryan. 

The picture made it to shop fronts and was put onto birthday cards and I'm sure it was rather scary for the young couple. 

When there is a great evil, the last thing you want is it to notice you. These were people who chanted 'When Jewish blood spurts from the knife, things go twice as well' .... a chant no doubt popular in East Belfast.

The Prods of Northern Ireland (and Scotland) have the song with the words,'We're up to our knees in Fenian blood, surrender or you'll die.' ..... and that is why many Nazi war criminals fled to Norn Iron after the war, to be with their own kind.

The young Jewish couple fled Europe for Cuba (aye good move) then when Castro took over and started to kill everyone they fled to New York. 

Hitler loved children, he was all like 'Children are our future' he wanted to unite the world for future generations. 

 

He was insistent that German children have a good solid education which of course meant being taught how to destroy inferior races. Join the Hitler youth and I'll pay for college, ya never know what you'll achieve, maybe become Pope someday. 

In the 30's Old Knudsen was in Germany to promote British/German relations. I had met the Bosh in WWI and so was the perfect candidate for the job.

 

Hitler soon came to confide in me and ask my advice but of course he never took my advice, just like everyone else and then they say, "oh but I didn't think this would happen" Aye General Custer I'm talking to you.

Since I had served during the Boer war I was able to advise him on the proper way to run his death camps, we invented them so the only way to run them is the British way .... did he listen? he didn't even serve tea and biscuits at 11am, what an animal. 

Looking back on it I can totally see that if Hitler had been hugged a bit more there wouldn't have been a WWII. 

I told him, don't invade Russia and don't procrastinate so much. Ach people will only take helpful advice if they only really want help, otherwise it's just attention they crave. 

   

 

Saving The World For Pay

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The Imaginarium

Now what did I come into this room for? Like a fairy glamour spell my mind is clouded as I claw at my memories in vain.
The Imaginarium sat in the corner collecting dust as it had always done except it never collected dust.
The whole house was a zoo for Tribble like creatures made from black dog hairs but never on the Imaginarium, out of sight out of mind but always in my peripheral just waiting for the right time.

It was five minutes past the right time unless you tell the time sideways then what goes around gets around.
I looked towards the Imaginarium, my mind not in the moment, I haven't been in the moment for a while now distracted, feeling myself fade in and out, no the milk does not go into the cupboard with the plates.
The Fairies were trying to take me to claim me which was why I had an iron knife in every room and a Rowan tree in the garden. They taunt and jeer me and call up my cell phone trying to sell me things I never asked for, the dog hates them and they fear her teeth.

I force myself to cross the room, the back of my brain is screaming at me, 'You'll never know!' fear takes me, what if I will never know? What is it that I need to know?

The things you need to reveal your true self what if you never find out what they are? Somehow the knowledge has been taken and hidden in my head with glimpses to it's greatness but nothing more. I am not the same as you there has been a mistake! This life of consuming, defecating and fornicating is meant for instinctive animals with young easily mended souls. It hurts me being this, who put me under such an enchantment, such a curse?

Life is a gift that was forced onto me, can I not regift it?  

When the time is right I'll know, but the time has been left for the past hour can I trust you to tell me or will you do what the mischievous fates always do and tell me on my death bed? Careful what you wish for as the devil is in the details.

I reach out to the Imaginarium, unsure of what to touch but my fingers find the way and muscle memory saves the day. 

I am enveloped in a harsh white light, my black dog growls then bravely hides under the table. Yes it's all coming back to me, I am cursed I am damned, 100 million 200 million 300 million to a time before years existed. Guiding, cajoling in the vast black emptiness, cold and very lonely.

The dawn of a new era every time I dream, 1000 different lifetimes 1000 ways to be betrayed and to die, conquering, destroying and building. The ancients were you but more, look at yourself diluted by progress and worthy of my scorn.

A tribe, a village a town a city too many minds with too many prayers, is it any wonder I went insane, dripping my insanity onto you, tainting your hearts and twisting the word.

Die in the cold, die as the water fills your lungs, die on your knees, I could not kill my way out of it and god knows I tried.

He knew I tried because they were his hands that I grasped her throat with, that I cut them down with. I knew too much and did too much damage making orphans with merry glee, I am not who you think I am I am not everywhere I am somewhere. I must anchor myself to the flesh and continue this lie of an existence and hope to be saved.

The Imaginarium closes down and my head is clear from all the screaming once again, all is quiet.

Now what did I come into this room for?  
         

Pastor Has Gay Cure

The reverend Frank Schiften from the Universal life ministries church of Jesus and all the prophets  in San Francisco has something to add to the Bible.
Schiften was sitting on the toilet one morning listening though the door to his wife doing her constant nagging about his spending from their joint bank account when he asked the lord for guidance.

In his own words, "I had just dropped a deuce when in my mind's eye God was talking to me, he told me that the Bible was not yet finished and I was the one to do it"  God spoke with a mid-western American accent and a slight lisp by the way. "I know you better than anyone, stop hiding who you are, females are only to be used for breeding and you have produced 2 fine children now be yourself and step out of the closet and into the light my son."

God went on to tell Mr Schiften that being homosexual was God's true gift to humanity and was the  true natural state for all men. Ghey weemen are just kidding themselves or have issues, their place in Heaven is secure but men who are straight will go straight to Hell.
 

 87% of soccer spectators have had a at least one experiment with homosexuality and think about their favourite players during sex.

Those men who join in with group male activities know they are ghey in their subconscious but refuse to face it. Satan is the one who is preventing this. 

Schiften has typed up 3 pages of what God had told him and has demanded that it be added to any new printings of the Bible, so far church leaders have denounced this idea. Prominent French clergyman Cardinal Richelieu said, "This is preposterous, you expect us to believe that God has spoken to you rather than say,  me? You must think us stupid to to think we will fall for that, give us proof and then we'll believe, until then keep your imaginary friend to yourself."    

Well said Cardinal. Just because you said so doesn't make it true, am I right? 4/10 people hallucinate during the defecation process, it has to do with losing brain cells while pooing. A large dungie pushed out at speed will cause the loss of thousand of brain cells in one go which can cause hallucinations and phantom smells.  

 

Schiften left his wife of 18 years and now lives in a room at the back of his church with a Hispanic gardener named Jesus. He claims to be able to cure straight men through intensive scripture study and lots of oral sex. It is thought that this method will appeal to long term married men who can barely remember what a blow job is.

Schiften strokes his mustache and beard and says, "If there's hair, God wants you to put it there."  

  

Old Knudsen Reviews Lone Survivor

O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of pain. USA, USA! So I watched this movie that was based on a true story. I don't want to give away any spoilers but figure it out, lone survivor and Marky Mark is shown in the first two minutes getting emergency medical attention. Might as well have called it, 'Everyone but Marky Mark dies.' 

It starts of by showing how tough and driven US navy seals are ..... wasn't even an issue, Old Knudsen respects these guys. If you meet them out of the military setting you'll find them to be polite quiet guys who carry around the embodiment of what being American is. Unassuming, laid back apple pie guys who don't need to brag or to prove themselves to anyone.   

Unlike the US Marines who feel the need to tell everyone how great they are and look down on anyone who isn't them.

Lone survivor is about a navy seal operation to kill or capture a notorious Taliban leader Ahmad Shah, code named Rick James, in Afghanistan in 2005. 
It shows the human side of the men talking about wedding gifts and being more than just a team but being a family as what happens in most military units. 

 Some gratuitous man flesh as there were no female characters in this story.
Taylor Kitsch plays the lieutenant .

  

 

Alexander Ludwig from the TV show Vikings plays a young seal frogman eager to be sent on his first combat operation . His character Shane Patton who was a real soldier like the rest of the characters died ..... see the movie's title. Sent on yer first op and it's yer last, all that difficult training and those skills you learned. Such a waste of human life but that is what heroes do.

In the movie the Seals have technical problems with communications trying to contact the base, this was one of the major reasons for the massive fuck up similar to Ridley Scott's black hawk down where you can see from the start where things went wrong (Orlando Bloom falling from the chopper) don't take water we won't be out for long.

While waiting under some trees their position was compromised by an old man and two youths tending their goat herd. One had a walkie talkie on them which suggests that they are Tallyban.

There is a difficult conversation had by the soldiers. 1) release the prisoners and fall back to get picked up, mission aborted. 2) Keep prisoners tied up and fall back, mission aborted. 3) kill the prisoners and continue with the mission.

With their comms down they can't get new orders or advice and so it's the lieutenant that has to make the call. Marky Mark argues for releasing them as they might get eaten by wolves or die in the cold at night. Killing is not an option as it goes against the rules of engagement and could get banged up in Leavenworth Penitentiary as they have arrested others for far less. Ben Foster argues to kill them as he doesn't care about them but does care about his teammates, they could go on to kill a truck load of Marines which he states happened recently.

What would the Tallyban do if in the same position? They would not hesitate to kill them but would that make us as bad as them if we did? Fuck that line of reasoning you need to be bad if yer gonna win against these fuckers. Yer gonna get dirty so do it for the mission.

If Old Knudsen was a civilised soldier with honour he'd stupidly do the right thing, except I'd leave them tied up, they'd get free eventually.

They release the prisoners and mention about how good things happen to good people as they expect a positive karmic reward, elsewhere one of the prisoners is running down the mountain, leaping rocks like Spider man to alert his fellow Tallyban cunts.

Still no communications but they get through to HQ only to be dropped, must be on the O2 network. The Tallyban however can move at supernatural speed through their mountains and have caught up with them. Then a firefight of 60 against 4 takes place and though the seals hit their targets the Tallyban have 50 cal machine guns and RPG's.

Ben Foster, Emile Hirsch and Marky fucking Mark.   

Old Knudsen wasn't taking part in this operation, he has the advantage of sitting at home after having read the movie title but seriously, some of the choices.

After taking a few bullets each they fall back only to find a 40 foot drop with jagged rocks and trees to break their fall .
So what do they do? they decide to fall off the side to get away. After some gnarly hits against some rocks they are barely on their feet again and shooting at the Tallyban.

So let me get this straight, they fall, ripping open their skin and probably breaking some bones to get to a position below the enemy in what could be called a killbox. The enemy has even more of an advantage, even fit and unwounded there was no getting away.
Since that worked out so well they did it again, after taking some more bullets but they accidentally leave poor ol Danny behind on the ridge above them. 

"We gotta go back and get Danny" says the outnumbered guy who can barely stand. Are you sure they aren't Marines?  
Falling into killboxes has to be the dumbest plan ever, the thing is that the only choices they had left was how to die. They were in better shape to fight the Tallyban before they started falling doon hills and becoming better targets for the ragheads.

They were brave and honourable men, it's very easy to make the choice of killing than one of compassion but we've seen what the Tallyban, Al Qaeda and ISIS can do and I'm less likely to want to offer them a chance.
Like the story of the scorpion crossing the river on the back of the horse, the horse told it not to sting or they would both die, during the crossing but the scorpion did it anyway because hey, he's a fucking scorpion.

    
Could I live with myself if I killed unarmed prisoners ? yeah, it would be how my fellow brothers saw me afterwards that would be the most difficult and would they tell out of a sense of honour and duty?

Marky Mark whose acting ability failed as he is not Seal material in any shape or form got saved by friendly Afghans who protected him from the Tallyban because he was their guest.

So out of a disaster of an operation that went wrong due to not getting a radio signal and the guys on the ground doing the morally right thing you get to thinking that they should have killed the prisoners and what good is doing the right thing? Though the Afghan villagers did the right thing too so karma is very inconsistent and we tend to only see the bad things that we claim as karma.

Navy Seals getting made drown proof during training. 

Marcus Luttrell who Marky Mark played went on to write the book that the movie was based on. Not a feel good movie though you do come away with a sense of pride and respect for these tough bastards who have searched themselves better than any introspective philosopher and know what they are capable of due to how hard they have pushed themselves.





      

Russian Police Women

Russia doesn't like the gheys, now it doesn't like sexy female cops. Deputy Interior Minister Sergei (sir ghey more like) Gerasimov has banned all customisation of police uniforms due to some misplaced view that cops shouldn't look like strippers.
Do the Russians like anyone? Sting had a song about how they love their children but I wouldn't count on it.
Just before they evacuated Chernobyl they had a children's parade to show it was safe. This was later known as the parade of death. Aye they love their kids.   

Being arrested is not a very pleasant ordeal (so I'm told) so a police chick with legs all the way up to her arse is a nice way to make it more pleasant. I'm not sure if I could take a plain Jane wearing troosers very seriously.
You have the right to remain sexy, yer gunties may be taken doon as evidence. 

It's like the light of beauty and justice has been extinguished.

Which now makes Chile my # 1 cuntry to be arrested in. They all look like the chicks from a Robert Palmer video. You might as well face it yer addicted to law and order.

Conspiracy theory # 453, the movie A good day to diehard and do the gardening has a Russian security guard with the letter OMOH on his back, reverse that and you have HOMO, are the movie makers making subliminal statements to make you hate Russians?

Do you need subliminal messages in order to hate Russians or does it cum naturally to Americans?

Men Of God Are Wild

Wise men going from village to village dispensing wisdom to the young is something we need more of these days. My blog is a 21st century evolution of that, and mostly because I can't be arsed going out as I'm allergic to stupid people.

No offence you stupid twat.

One such wise man is Justin Lookadoo, can ya just try to get past the name? no wonder yer trapped within the hell cycle of reincarnation, you'll never get enlightened and achieve what all enlightened people strive for .... total apathy.
I once asked a holyman sitting calmly under a tree while all the villagers were being rounded up and executed and their cattle raped and slaughtered for food, how he could remain so calm. Does this not anger you old man? Don't you wish to fight back?

 A hipster holyman who was praying long before anyone else started praying.

He slowly gazed around then looked at me and smiled and said, "All my fucks have been given today."  with that pearl of wisdom I told him to go get with the other dead men walking then I burnt his sacred Bodhi tree doon,  aye I was a right cunt in the 80's ..... the 1880's that is, I've mellowed out somewhat these days.          

Justin Lookadoo  is a Christian motivational speaker or a Christianist if you like. Old Knudsen accepts that wisdom can come from anywhere and so remains open to it. Lookadoo has taken it upon himself to travel around US high schools to show young people the kind of values and morals they need to instill for life.

"Dateable girls know how to shut up" ..... yes indeed, it's like you've read my journal. Those are also the ones who try to trap you with pregnancy, all young men should practice looking into the mirror, shrugging and saying, "I thought YOU were taking care of that."

Lookadoo says that gurls should accept their girly-ness and that the sexiest thing on a girl is happiness. Well you can't really go to high schools and talk about firm young bodies and perky breasts, trust me I've tried but they just aren't ready to listen.

Lookadoo the former juvenile probation officer with too much of an interest in the sex life of teenagers also says: 

Girls need to know their place and be subservient while at the same time being mysterious and confident but no little miss independent. Guys need to be needed so you should let them be needed while letting them lead because God made guys as leaders and to just let them be guys.

As they say in India and Pakistan, 'boys will be boys' and 'sometimes rape is wrong' we should learn from ancient cultures like that, not in a religious way as they are heathens but in a just about trust them to go to the shops for you way.

Men of God are wild and boys need to be strong, be honest and not look at porn. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys. Bring God into it. “What would He say if he was talking to me through this situation?” ... well if it was a young virgin lying asleep then god would probably fuck her without her knowing about it, that shit be immaculate bitch!

Call the baby Jesus or Bob, I don't care it isn't mine.
  

Good idea, wear a t-shirt with a puke pattern already on it.

What's this? Police found Lookadoo sitting in his car by the side of the road covered in puke and smelling like a brewery?
He told them he pulled over for a nap, I guess all that drinking tired the little man out. Justin, do you consider yerself a dateable guy?
The Federal government pays for him to speak to school kids, he covers issues such as keeping schools safe and drug free, abstinence education, pregnancy prevention, tobacco prevention. He was also once part of a group that cured gheys of their gheyness. Like Dr Hoose, "It's nat lupus, he's queer as a 2 dollar bill."

I'm sure that look he had going on prevented many a pregnancy and helped him with abstinence .... well not with the drunk driving obviously.

Those rapey eyes are checking out yer young firm happiness and yer tight underage dateability. His wisdom is wasted on the young people who dismiss his federally sanctioned misogynistic rape talks as he has been trolled mercilessly and is now known as Lookadouche.  Children can be so cruel eh Justin? aye, sexy and cruel ..... I'd date the fuck out of her. 

They persecuted Jesus when he loved everyone whether they liked it or not, they persecuted Ken Ham when he said that of course there were kangeroos on the ark, just because you haven't found any evidence to back up what I claim doesn't make it false ..... well they should have persecuted that cunt, what's wrong? get stuck in there.

And on the third or was it the fourth day? God dith cross a sheep and a kangeroo and what he got'tith was named by Adam as a knitted leaper, thank fuck scientists renamed it a wooly jumper. Tastes like chicken and is a little stringy.

Hold on a minute, Ham, who is the best smelling creationist ever says that there were kangaroos on the ark. How the fuck did they get the 7,000 miles to Australia? Within the 6,000 years that the earth has existed there has not been any land bridges, maybe they hopped over land then fell into the sea and floated there on a log.
Then why isn't there kangaroos in the Middle east and Asia .... too many questions um God did it! Well that's a little implausible. Maybe God got an Emu to swoop doon and grabbed a pregnant roo and flew it to Australia, then one of the lions from the Ark ate the only male.  Now that sounds far more likely.

Oh and God shrunk the Emus wings after the flight because he's a cunt and does shit like that. No mentally stable god floods the entire world to kill a science experiment that has gotten out of hand, rapes young gurls and sits back and watches his son being brutally tortured and then makes Justin Bieber famous.

What if God was Joffrey ? a sick fuck like Joffrey, who kills strangers on the bus trying to make their way home.

Before God stopped talking to humans and stopped doing miracles (when camera phones were invented) he did get on like a bit of a Joffrey. You die and get to Heaven, the Hound is on the gate telling you that there is no where fucking safe now get in and you find that God is King Joffrey.

"Look on the bright side" says St Michael, otherwise known as the hand "he's getting married tomorrow and yer invited" ....... Aye who doesn't like a wedding? Don't wear white wear red, it'll not show any stains as much.