Showing posts with label King Joffrey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label King Joffrey. Show all posts

Monday, 30 June 2014

Men Of God Are Wild

Wise men going from village to village dispensing wisdom to the young is something we need more of these days. My blog is a 21st century evolution of that, and mostly because I can't be arsed going out as I'm allergic to stupid people.

No offence you stupid twat.

One such wise man is Justin Lookadoo, can ya just try to get past the name? no wonder yer trapped within the hell cycle of reincarnation, you'll never get enlightened and achieve what all enlightened people strive for .... total apathy.
I once asked a holyman sitting calmly under a tree while all the villagers were being rounded up and executed and their cattle raped and slaughtered for food, how he could remain so calm. Does this not anger you old man? Don't you wish to fight back?

 A hipster holyman who was praying long before anyone else started praying.

He slowly gazed around then looked at me and smiled and said, "All my fucks have been given today."  with that pearl of wisdom I told him to go get with the other dead men walking then I burnt his sacred Bodhi tree doon,  aye I was a right cunt in the 80's ..... the 1880's that is, I've mellowed out somewhat these days.          

Justin Lookadoo  is a Christian motivational speaker or a Christianist if you like. Old Knudsen accepts that wisdom can come from anywhere and so remains open to it. Lookadoo has taken it upon himself to travel around US high schools to show young people the kind of values and morals they need to instill for life.


"Dateable girls know how to shut up" ..... yes indeed, it's like you've read my journal. Those are also the ones who try to trap you with pregnancy, all young men should practice looking into the mirror, shrugging and saying, "I thought YOU were taking care of that."

Lookadoo says that gurls should accept their girly-ness and that the sexiest thing on a girl is happiness. Well you can't really go to high schools and talk about firm young bodies and perky breasts, trust me I've tried but they just aren't ready to listen.

Lookadoo the former juvenile probation officer with too much of an interest in the sex life of teenagers also says: 

Girls need to know their place and be subservient while at the same time being mysterious and confident but no little miss independent. Guys need to be needed so you should let them be needed while letting them lead because God made guys as leaders and to just let them be guys.

As they say in India and Pakistan, 'boys will be boys' and 'sometimes rape is wrong' we should learn from ancient cultures like that, not in a religious way as they are heathens but in a just about trust them to go to the shops for you way.

Men of God are wild and boys need to be strong, be honest and not look at porn. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys. Bring God into it. “What would He say if he was talking to me through this situation?” ... well if it was a young virgin lying asleep then god would probably fuck her without her knowing about it, that shit be immaculate bitch!

Call the baby Jesus or Bob, I don't care it isn't mine.
  
Good idea, wear a t-shirt with a puke pattern already on it.

What's this? Police found Lookadoo sitting in his car by the side of the road covered in puke and smelling like a brewery?
He told them he pulled over for a nap, I guess all that drinking tired the little man out. Justin, do you consider yerself a dateable guy?
The Federal government pays for him to speak to school kids, he covers issues such as keeping schools safe and drug free, abstinence education, pregnancy prevention, tobacco prevention. He was also once part of a group that cured gheys of their gheyness. Like Dr Hoose, "It's nat lupus, he's queer as a 2 dollar bill."


I'm sure that look he had going on prevented many a pregnancy and helped him with abstinence .... well not with the drunk driving obviously.


Those rapey eyes are checking out yer young firm happiness and yer tight underage dateability. His wisdom is wasted on the young people who dismiss his federally sanctioned misogynistic rape talks as he has been trolled mercilessly and is now known as Lookadouche.  Children can be so cruel eh Justin? aye, sexy and cruel ..... I'd date the fuck out of her. 

They persecuted Jesus when he loved everyone whether they liked it or not, they persecuted Ken Ham when he said that of course there were kangeroos on the ark, just because you haven't found any evidence to back up what I claim doesn't make it false ..... well they should have persecuted that cunt, what's wrong? get stuck in there.


And on the third or was it the fourth day? God dith cross a sheep and a kangeroo and what he got'tith was named by Adam as a knitted leaper, thank fuck scientists renamed it a wooly jumper. Tastes like chicken and is a little stringy.

Hold on a minute, Ham, who is the best smelling creationist ever says that there were kangaroos on the ark. How the fuck did they get the 7,000 miles to Australia? Within the 6,000 years that the earth has existed there has not been any land bridges, maybe they hopped over land then fell into the sea and floated there on a log.
Then why isn't there kangaroos in the Middle east and Asia .... too many questions um God did it! Well that's a little implausible. Maybe God got an Emu to swoop doon and grabbed a pregnant roo and flew it to Australia, then one of the lions from the Ark ate the only male.  Now that sounds far more likely.

Oh and God shrunk the Emus wings after the flight because he's a cunt and does shit like that. No mentally stable god floods the entire world to kill a science experiment that has gotten out of hand, rapes young gurls and sits back and watches his son being brutally tortured and then makes Justin Bieber famous.

What if God was Joffrey ? a sick fuck like Joffrey, who kills strangers on the bus trying to make their way home.

Before God stopped talking to humans and stopped doing miracles (when camera phones were invented) he did get on like a bit of a Joffrey. You die and get to Heaven, the Hound is on the gate telling you that there is no where fucking safe now get in and you find that God is King Joffrey.

"Look on the bright side" says St Michael, otherwise known as the hand "he's getting married tomorrow and yer invited" ....... Aye who doesn't like a wedding? Don't wear white wear red, it'll not show any stains as much.

   

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Look Up It's Life

This could be you ... except yer reading this, you loser.

Old Knudsen doesn't like to be told what to do, especially by cunts .... which is everyone except him. So you get this Youtube that goes viral like yon clap yer Ma gave half of Scotland, it has a bloke speaking in verse about how if you don't switch off from social media or look up from yer phone then you'll miss out on life. 

Gary Turk not looking up. 

The poem starts off, I have 422 friends yet I am lonely, I speak to all of them everyday yet none of them really know me.
The problem I have sits in the space in-between, Looking into their eyes or at a name on a screen.


I took a step back and opened my eyes, I looked round and realised .... I'm an ugly cunt!

Ok that last bit was me, he isn't ugly, even with his very British lack of a chin and dull dead eyes.


For some reason he asks a woman for directions .... no chin and no cock either huh. The whole Youtube is a montage but doesn't show you the stalking he does to this lass to wear her doon, usually if you ask directions (I never have) you'd get them and go to the place, none of this "Hey do you know where the clap clinic is? ... and this may sound crazy since we've never met but can I cum on yer titties?"


How did he do it, is he a hypnotist? Hypnotists get pussy thrown at them where ever they go ... or is that ventriloquists? ach one of those two. Within the 5 minute video he fathers a child and grows old and dies .....  that'll teach him for looking up, he triggered some kind of aging vortex.

If you play Angry birds on yer phone or keep liking Facebook comments you'll never get yer hole. Nobody that uses social media has ever had a relationship or has ever bred ... that's a fact, right Gary?

Oh, check her out, I'm going to stand here and wait until she looks up and then we're going to have a lot of sex, shit! I bet she's texting her boyfriend, chicks who aren't ugly always have boyfriends.

I shall make her pay for this outrage with rivers of blood and shrubberies of skulls, mwahahaha! ..... wot, too soon? 


NO! Don't look up, it's a trap.

Of course this Youtube then tells you to LIKE and SHARE ......... you mean you .... used me?

Ok but this is real, we're gonna protest against Internet surveillance, we're going to TAKE BACK THE INTERNET! are you with me? Then enter yer name and e-mail address and the last 4 digits to yer social security number.

To really teach those NSA bastards also enter yer mother's maiden name and the town you were born.

LIKE and SHARE this post ..... and look up, there's a car coming.  

Friday, 18 April 2014

Game Of Dicks

The king is dead, long live the ..... Queen regent who shags her one handed brother, why did Old Knudsen never have a sister like that?

Who killed King Joffrey?  Yon cool midget dude?  Henry the mild mannered janitor? .......... could be.

I think the main suspect is the knight turned fool, Dontos Hollard as played by Tom Hardy. What do you mean you didn't recognize him in Game of Thrones?


That's because Hardy stopped dieting and working out then got pummeled by a cage fighter in order to submerse himself into the role. He also calls himself Tony Way but I don't think he's fooling anyone. 

They kill off the Starks and now Joffrey, you'd think this was real medieval history the way they are doing things.
We need more happy endings in Game of thrones, naked hot chick/midget sex happy endings.