Old Knudsen Cures Baldness

With a young Adolf Hitler

A wise man only gives his opinion when it's asked for, Old Knudsen can't sit around waiting for you to get smart enough to need his opinion. Back in the day while time traveling I visited a young man named Adolf Hitler, have you heard of him? .... I always ask that question in case I've fucked up the time stream again. 

Anyways Hitler was a young man born in a town in present day Austria in 1889, he then moved to Germany and became a postal courier who was much loved in his town. He married a lovely lass named Anna and had 7 children, he died in 1975 aged 86 surrounded by his children, grandchildren and his young male friend Edwardo. That was his life and probably the reason you've never heard of him. 

When I met him, he was a young delicate lad with an over bearing father, while Adolf wanted to paint and was very into the show tunes of the time and performing dance routines his father made him do manly stuff like hike up mountains while drinking strong beer.  

Adolf's future was to fight in the great war of 1914 - 1918, it was a fixed point in time and there was no escape from it. 

I had read all the time lines (well some of them) that Hitler was in and his son Heinrich was going to cure male pattern baldness so it was vital that he was born, I'm no going bald by the way though my face just seems to be getting bigger as I age. 

I became young Adolf's friend and told him which cushy regiment to join for WWI that would keep him away from the front and I also told him the exact time to leave his bunker cos a shell would have hit it, yes I probably did save his life. He was the type to avoid war service but to avoid him fleeing from Vienna to Munich and getting arrested and looking like a coward which he might very well do I made sure he knew what an easy war he'd have. 

Adolf would be a HQ runner and his war would be a lot more comfortable than most. The Iron cross second class he was given was handed out to many HQ staff because they were always around the big wigs. 

I told Adolf that he was different than most other men and his thoughts and desires would have to be suppressed for the greater good of the werld and besides, all that chumery was still illegal back then he'd only be allowed to be himself in 1968 when the laws change. 

I taught him how to walk with a swagger instead of mincing. I taught him how to disregard the feelings of others as a typical man would do, his empathy and camp-ness would never attract the future Mrs Hitler ... yes it was that important, Timelord shit, you wouldn't understand.       

Angry, horny, hungry, hot and cold are the 5 male emotions .... are hot and cold, ach never mind I taught him them all as he thought way too much, I did teach him the Scooby Doo Theme tune to help him replace yon intellectual stuff in his hed. I schooled him in never owning up to anything and how to blame shift, "It's the dog's fault!"

There's a lot to being a man ya know. 

I advised him that if he ever wanted success in life to exaggerate about his war service, maybe make up some death defying feats and close calls and say yer iron cross was first, not second class. A real nutter would kill those who served with him and destroy his birthplace but that would be crazy huh.

He needed to be more confident and to take control, I used all the cliches like, 'Fortune favours the bold' and 'Just do it.' I told him to do something with yon mustache as it made him look funny. 

My 3 weeks with Hitler boosted his low self esteem, I told him he was meant for a higher purpose (having his son) but of course couldn't tell him too much. He was a non-smoking vegetarian that liked the feel of cheese wedges up his rectum but I can only do so much.

You see the werk of a Timelord often goes by without you even knowing about it, you'd never had heard the name Adolf Hitler if I hadn't done a post about him. I will leave you now with the advice that seemed to resonate the most with young Adolf, 'Go big or go home' ... he was bound to get the gurl after that and to all you slap heads out there, yer welcome, enjoy yer hair. 

 

 

 

  

Nationalism = Disengaged Brain

 Going the way of Bonnie Prince Charlie but without the cross dressing.

To sum up the aftermath of the Scottish vote for independence. As expected the vote was around the 50/50 mark with 55% saying NO to independence and 45% saying YES. I did say that no matter the outcome there would be at least half of the population not very happy didn't I?

The vote was on Thursday the 18th of September, the result was totaled up for the next day, Friday morning. A day in which the YES voters were strangely quiet compared to the last few weeks.

Of course in Glasgow which overwhelmingly voted YES there was sectarian trouble with the racist sectarian bigots and their Union flags causing trouble. I bet that most of them didn't even have a vote.

Scottish Nationalist party leader and First minister of Scotland Alex Salmond announced he was to step down as party leader. Maybe it was too soon to make that announcement as people were still gurning about the result.
It will be a generation before Scotland can take the vote again. Oh whatever, a YES vote would have thrown the rest of the UK to the wolves .... or the Tories if you will. They would not have had any real opposition after Scottish Labour had been destroyed. 

I know Scotland is resentful of the English, mostly for shit that happened 200 odd years ago but that is the way that nationalism works. Nationalism is a poison of the heart that infects the brain ~ Old Knudsen.

Nationalism stirs people up with pseudo romantic ideas of noble freedom fighters and flags waving in the wind .... it has no place in the real world, just like religion it fucks everything up with crazy ideas from the past that are more myth than fact.

Hitler was a nationalist or at least used nationalism for his own agenda as most do, learn from him about it, he knew the effect that flags, parades and the promise of being a great nation made.

The nationalists of north and south Ireland change their names like John Smith to the silly and barely pronounceable Séan MacGabhann and spout on about the unholy British and how it was the police who killed those 29 people in the Omagh bombing ... not the people who planted the bomb in a car that they parked on a busy street.
The Loyalist fleggers in Northern Ireland are just as bad since they sing 'God save the Queen' but can barely read or write English, have no manners that the British are supposedly famous for and conveniently forget that they and their grandparents or their parents were 100% Irish.

The Scottish drag out their plaid skirts, play bagpipes and reenact Braveheart to give them a sense of national pride. Aye just ignore all the neds with their bags of glue.

 

Being a proud nationalist is akin to being a white supremacist, the same thinking is involved. 'I'm proud to be white' ..... you don't have a fucking choice. Did you have a choice of where you were born? It's all tribal thinking, some people need to belong to a tribe I guess, to be defined by what you are instead of who you are.

I'm Scottish,Irish,British,Texan,American,Muslim,Protestant,Orangeman,white,brown,black ... oh I'm also a total cunt because I throw what I am in people's faces to agitate them. It saves on too much introspection and dealing with my issues as it's my template on how to live and think.  

Like I said it poisons the heart, singing yer jingoistic songs and chants to get the blood pumping and using reason and logic based on that.
You defeated us in battle 200 years ago so YOU are our enemy. We defeated you in battle 200 years ago so YOU are our enemy.

Grow the fuck up, you weren't even born then, I bet if you searched yer family history you'd probably find out that yer ancestors fought on the other side anyway.         

David Cameron helping with the voting ... must be true since you can see him right? 

So we had a NO vote for Scotland, that means they don't get to fuck up the rest of the UK and don't get all the attention like a child acting up. Salmond did a great job, 84.5% voting turnout which was a change from the usual apathetic 40% . The Good Friday Agreement in 1998 in Northern Ireland when we voted for peace was only at 81.1% and that was an amazing turnout, the record is 86%.

For some reason the Russians are calling foul as 84.5% is obviously fake and they should know about fake elections. Fuck off back to yer Russia Today news channel and spout yer anti-British shite there. Don't you have the Ukraine to invade or something? 

I predicted as soon as I heard the result that people would be complaining about vote rigging. It's what people do when they don't like something. The vote was rigged or the government blew those two buildings up because planes full of jet fuel hitting buildings just doesn't happen. 

Youtubes claiming to be from polling stations showing people packing boxes full of votes or YES votes on the NO vote piles.
Some of those videos show the wrong sized paper and wrong boxes but good try and since seeing Justin Bieber's eyes turn alien on Youtube and UFO's fighting in Afghanistan I tend to not believe what I see on Youtube. Seeing second hand is no longer believing.

I do think it's funny that on the day of the voting result Alex Salmond is accusing London from going back on their promise of further devolution powers ... the vote just happened for fucks sake. Would you not like them to put some thought into it .... geez talk about pushy, maybe nationalists are too serious and dull to enjoy the weekend or something ... 'I'm still grieving over Culloden to go to the pub tonight.' 

I'd hate to see Salmond waiting on an e-mail reply ... 'it's been 10 minutes, why is this fucker treating me like this? I'm going to send them another e-mail accusing them of being a pretend friend, why did I marry that bitch anyways? ... opp never mind, aye I thought we were out of eggs I'd better pick some up. '  

Yes people tend to feel more nationalistic when they go aboard, that would be down to the rosy glow memories they never had as they try to remain who they are which is why the Americans do St Patrick's day better than everyone else.

It's silly to be nationalistic as other cunts are probably going to behave in such away that you shake yer head and feel let down, you can't control what others do so you only have your own behaviour to define who you are.

Are the English all Nazi pedos? Going by the news you'd think so.

Thanks to the fleggers and other so-called patriots I see the flags as an oppressive weapon to try to belittle other with, much how black people would view the confederate flag. Does a veteran really need to fly a flag outside his hoose? Does it make him any more of a veteran? Wearing a t-shirt with a funny slogan doesn't mean you have a good sense of humour so flying a flag doesn't make you patriotic, yer actions do.

I may have served under the Union flag and was proud of doing so but now I can't look on the flag without thinking about spotty faced spides going on about culture and respect while they destroy the streets.

You can be proud of where you came from but don't over do it, try to be a human first. 

 

The Fuhrer And The Babies

Happy birthday to Jew.

I liked the old days in which the Jews were the good guys instead of being Western pawns used to keep the Holy land out of Muslim hands. 

Back in 1934 a young Latvian Jewish couple were having their first baby. It was a time of growing antisemitism with Hitler and his DUP like politics on the rise. The father had been a singer going by the name Lenssen but when his real name of Levinsons was known he was fired from his local opera house. 

To many Germans, finding out yer favourite singer is a Jew would be like some bloke finding out the lass he had just had a blow job from was a dude .....  Some people might not like it.  

The people of Northern Ireland fully support the not wanting of durty impure races mixing with our proud, white and Protestant inbred genes .... Gog forbid we'd have chins, how dumb would we look with chins huh?  Aye we'd be able to close our mouths but the very thought of not being a slack jawed chinless wonder really does disgust me as it does my fellow, er not racist but rather selective breeder. 

We aren't racist or sectarian, we just don't want no Fenians or coloureds round here. KULTURE!

So the young couple gave birth to a gurl, Hessy Levisons and were so proud that they took her to a photographer. 

Later, the woman who cleaned for them told the mother Pauline, that she had seen Hessy's picture on a magazine cover  .....WTF?????

The magazine was a Nazi Magazine full of propaganda and men wearing swastikas, it even had an interview with Hitler on how he spends his perfect Sunday. I wake up and drink a large beer, then I hike up a mountain or into another country and then it's home to the smell of baking from the ovens at one of my holiday camps.     

He sounds just so normal and human. 

 

The mother phoned up the photographer all hysterical that her little Jewish baby in appearing in a Nazi magazine. The photographer told her to calm the fuck doon. Many top photographers were asked by the Nazis for pictures of babies that best portrayed Aryan beauty,  the perfect example of the Aryan race to further Nazi philosophy. 

The photographer who was a man after me own heart, made a wee joke and didn't tell them that Hessy was a Jewish baby .... the perfect Aryan. 

The picture made it to shop fronts and was put onto birthday cards and I'm sure it was rather scary for the young couple. 

When there is a great evil, the last thing you want is it to notice you. These were people who chanted 'When Jewish blood spurts from the knife, things go twice as well' .... a chant no doubt popular in East Belfast.

The Prods of Northern Ireland (and Scotland) have the song with the words,'We're up to our knees in Fenian blood, surrender or you'll die.' ..... and that is why many Nazi war criminals fled to Norn Iron after the war, to be with their own kind.

The young Jewish couple fled Europe for Cuba (aye good move) then when Castro took over and started to kill everyone they fled to New York. 

Hitler loved children, he was all like 'Children are our future' he wanted to unite the world for future generations. 

 

He was insistent that German children have a good solid education which of course meant being taught how to destroy inferior races. Join the Hitler youth and I'll pay for college, ya never know what you'll achieve, maybe become Pope someday. 

In the 30's Old Knudsen was in Germany to promote British/German relations. I had met the Bosh in WWI and so was the perfect candidate for the job.

 

Hitler soon came to confide in me and ask my advice but of course he never took my advice, just like everyone else and then they say, "oh but I didn't think this would happen" Aye General Custer I'm talking to you.

Since I had served during the Boer war I was able to advise him on the proper way to run his death camps, we invented them so the only way to run them is the British way .... did he listen? he didn't even serve tea and biscuits at 11am, what an animal. 

Looking back on it I can totally see that if Hitler had been hugged a bit more there wouldn't have been a WWII. 

I told him, don't invade Russia and don't procrastinate so much. Ach people will only take helpful advice if they only really want help, otherwise it's just attention they crave. 

   

 

A Harsh Mocking For Hitler

You've no doubt heard by now about the Alabama Life Savers Ministries who put up a gog bothering billboard that quoted Hitler. Some toothless snake handler thought how great that sounded and didn't know no A-dolf Hitler.

Why not quote Hitler? sure he was a crazy genocidal maniac but when he spoke, people listened ... or they would probably be shot.

 Hitler considered himself Christian and boy did he act like one.

A cheerful smiling face can make any quote seem better. I bet Hitler smiled when he said these quotes, he was always smiling, a bubbly wee fella full of life, I felt bad about killing him but he had a good run. Happy D-day and in yer face Nazi boy.

The Day Hitler Died

Old Knudsen doesn't want to cast dirt on one of the great figures of history, maybe someone who is a personal hero of yers but the truth is that Hitler was not so much the vegetarian during the last few weeks of his life.

The race was on to get to Berlin, the only ones left to defend it were old men and young boys who could kill you with a gun just as easily as anyone else I must add.

No way was Old Knudsen gonna let the reds beat him to Hitler ... it was personal.

Years earlier Hitler, who had just won Time magazine's dictator of the year had used his influence, charm and good looks to seduce Old Knudsen's then wife Helga who was Hitler's personal hair and makeup artist.
Helga didn't stand a chance once he started rolling his eyes about and spitting as he talked, he was a total playa.
Once she got pregnant she was sent off to the south American breeding colony. Old Knudsen vowed to kill Hitler as you never rub another man's rhubarb and survive.

In Berlin outside the Führerbunker on that chilly January day Old Knudsen battled against Hitler's elite bodyguard unit of frost giants and their war dogs until there were only a few unarmed old men and weemen left to kill.

He descended the steps into the bunker only to find that Hitler had been passing around the serum to turn those who were left into walking corpses that fed on the living.

Goebbels nearly got Old Knudsen cos hes was a sneaky fucker but BLAM! Nazi head shot. Finally after getting through Eva and Goebbel's wife and 6 sprogs from hell there was only the Führer left. He was hard to shoot as being the head zombie he had speed and strength greater than 10 men, 10 big men.
He clung to the ceiling reaching out with fingers that had become long sharp talons, after what seemed like a lifetime but was in fact only 3 minutes Old Knudsen made the head shot that took Hitler doon.

He had to hurry, a head zombie can regenerate even from a head shot ... everyone knows this. Old Knudsen threw salt onto the body and rolled him up in a carpet and burned him.

The Russians closed in, a special SMERSH unit were charged with finding Hitler's body, good luck to them.

Old Knudsen escaped through Soviet lines with his pack full of Nazi gold. Do I expect you to believe any of this, who cares? you weren't there.

Giving birth to Hitler's child drove Helga insane but the lad Trevor was a nice enough fella, he understandably wanted to hear about his father and Old Knudsen was more than happy to tell him. Knowledge is like fertilizer, what use is having it if you don't spread it around. 



   

New Jersey Nazi

You name yer child Adolf Hiler Campbell ..... You should be sterlised and not allowed to breed, Campbell is a terrible backstabbing name! Cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe and covers the graves o' Donald.

Polishing The Silver

Old Knudsen is conquering all the main sources of social media with the same status just to demonstrate his importance, humility, arrogance and tediousness, his adrenaline-charged, cleverly written idiotic rantings from a fascinating humdrum life, yes Old Knudsen is conflicted and contradictory or he may just have more sides to him than a Scottish clan during a conflict.

Who knows what is in the mind of the great Old Knudsen? well not too difficult to figure out actually unless yer a complete moron ........ cue blank stares.

The status update:

Old Knudsen is so full of self-loathing he berates himself while wanking in front of the mirror.


I blame society, the Devil and a chemical imbalance for how I turned out, well its easier than to take the blame myself. Also when you take personality tests it doesn't help when yer results are this.



Poor Adolf, from a drunken distant father and suffering from serious IBS no wonder he had to prove himself by earning a medal for bravery during WWI, if only Germans knew about chemical imbalances and stop blaming everything on sex (Freud) and the Jews, strange that Freud was Jewish and Austrian (as many claim Hitler to be, part Jewish that is) but also that the Jews had the guilt of killing Jesus who was nailed to a huge erection and that Freud died in 1939 (The actual year WWII started for you Yanks) are we all just prawns of the Gods?

If you Polish off something that means to finish or dispose of quickly and easily or to consume it completely did Hitler and Stalin not kill off a load of Polish? Is Irish stew relating to the Irish stewing over grudges or should we just eat them in a stew ? Polish them off.............. with immigrants? Ach this web of life.

Never mind Spotted Dick, what the fuck is that about? idiot Sassenachs.

Just go and re-think yer lives, free will my arse.

Cunts Of Colour

Police were called to the Whitehoose when it was reported that a gang of white weemen raping Negroes with huge erections and nines were trying to break in.

Senior officer Janice Hawker responded to find one high yellow fellow in a suit. When she asked him for identification he yelled, "You wouldn't ask a white man for his ID you racist fascist pig who has put the black man doon for hundreds of years."

Officer Hawker who loves black cock and was gagging for some replied she would and so suspected the male of being high or drunk.

The suspect who claimed he was president Obama was asked to do a field sobriety test which he failed, this consisted of dancing, speaking Ebonics and giving dap.

Once officer Hawker saw how white he was she gave Mr Obama his crack pipe and bottle of malt liquor back and said, "Carry on practicing being black sir and have a good night."

Mr Obama replied, "Iiiiiiight sugar titties, don't be hating da playa."


Meanwhile on Who wants to be a millionaire:



No friends left to phone as they have all taken cyanide, yer 50/50 of the audience put into camps and the answer you didn't like has been taken away and executed.


For $200 you said "B: Jews start all the wars, is this yer final solution?"


In Venezuela


Danny Glover discusses with his friend Hugo the chav the implications of racism on the young and how to plot the doon fall of white America with extreme leftist propaganda.




Old Knudsen is bored with racism, gheyism, ageism, sectarianism and any other isms you have going.

A big gun with a lot of bullets in the hands of Old Knudsen will only bring about peace and harmony for the world.

The only acceptable ism is sexyism.

I Was Also Margret Thatcher

Never seen before photos from one of Hitler's personal photographers, Hugo Jaeger have been put on display by Time magazine. They show a different side of the man made famous for having one testicle and a tiny but superior willy.


Ok Old Knudsen has been caught out. I was Hitler's double. When he had to take a fart break or gobble doon some Jewish babies Old Knudsen was there to take his place delighting the crowds.

Everyone knows the mustache was fashionable in England long before the war and Old Knudsen who is a trendy cunt had one. This facial hair gave Old Knudsen an uncanny resemblance to Adolf as you can see.

Old Knudsen was young and he needed the money. When the war broke out Old Knudsen shaved it off and fought the Nazis from Iwo Jima to Tokyo and back.
If any dirty Russians are reading this, POLAND DID NOT START WWII thats like saying a woman abused herself by absorbing her husband's punches, Old Knudsen doesn't have time for idiots who re-write history to suit them.

As I was saying I was Hitler's double and in 1945 I got the call to stand in for Hitler in a bunker in Berlin. Old Knudsen couldn't take the job as I got caught up in the whole Burma thingy taking Nazi scalps, instead Hans Gruber got the job. Between you and me Gruber is, er sorry was an amateur and did a piss poor job.

Anti-Nazi Cunts

Poor wee Adolf wouldn't get a cake made for him.

I hate small minded bigoted cunts. No I'm not talking about my readers, I love them I really do, except for all of those in my links.

Heath Campbell aged 35 from that sneaky Campbell clan that you invite into yer home and then they kill you in yer sleep named his children Adolf Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler.

Can you see where this post is going yet? Campbell who denies the Holocaust tried to get a birthday cake for 3 year-old little Adolf with his name on it. The anti-Nazi shop 'ShopRite' in bigoted New Jersey discriminated against him and his off spring and refused to make the cake. His 25-year-old wife Deborah said, "That's sad."

Thats the same shop that wouldn't make a cake for 5 year-old Attila the Hun or 49 year-old Fabio. What cunts!

Ok this is the real Adolf Hitler.

Nazis didn't have a great time during the war either you know the poor wankers lost, yeah hey lets rub it in a bit more.

Before anyone accuses me of being constantly anti-American because I post about stupid Yanks think about this, if they weren't so fucking stupid then I wouldn't be posting about them. I'm anti-moron and if they just happen to be American (The Troll) then so be it.

Now a morality question would you shoot Adolf Hitler if you met him as a 3 year-old child in a cake shop?


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