When I Fought Saddam

 

Years back when the Bloominberg diamond that was lent out to the British museum in London .... England was stolen, MI-5 put their best man on the case. SG-19 also put their third from best on the case too which was me cos the other two were on holiday at the time so technically I was the best, and don't you forget it.

I found myself in a typical London alleyway, it was the early 80's and every alleyway had it's own smoke machine .... yes everyone, even the alleyways smoked back then and it never gave us cancer but if it had we would have laughed in its face and would have been grateful.

I squared off against a street thug that I was going to squeeze for information. He looked cocky and defiant as if he had powerful rich friends. I could tell this would get real violent real soon.

In my highly trained mind I chose a plan of attack, I'd feign submission and let my shoulders slump, strike at his throat, he'll attempt a wild haymaker, I'd deploy an elbow block then body shot, block his left jab, cut with a cross to right cheek followed by an elbow to his face breaking his eye socket then end with a front kick to the sternum .... all planned out in a split second through years of training and sparring.  

I woke up in hospital, my only mistake was when I started to day dream while planning my attack which gave him an advantage.
I'd only been in my coma for 3 days, that was nothing compared to the 8 weeks in 1978 when I told Leon Spinks that he got lucky when he beat Muhammad Ali ... I got my revenge when I found out his home address. Should I own up to it? .... Ok, in 1980 I knocked on his front door and ran away, he was all like wha? He didn't have a clue who it was, revenge is so sweet. Fuck you and yer London look teeth ... was what I would have said to his face.

A large bouquet of flowers with a note that said, "hope you get well soon, stop asking questions and you'll stay that way" I examined the handwriting, licked and sniffed the card, wasn't European it was more nutty but not Russian A-HA! obviously Middle Eastern.

I pumped my contact from Mossad from some information. She verified that Al-Koblah was at the museum shortly before the theft, he was Saddam's number one jewel thief.

Donald Rumsfeld the Special Envoy to the Middle East under Reagan. 

If would be difficult getting into Iraq for a mission against Saddam, he was very tight with the US and Reagan had it out for me cos he was jealous of the history I had with Nancy. It was all very messy, no seriously, Nancy was a right squirter.

Since the US was selling weapons to Iran and Iraq while all the time trying to mediate peace I slipped inside a container marked bio hazard which was heading to Iraq, I just assumed it was like Baby Bio plant food so I'd be grand.... strangely enough it must have been like plant food as I did grow a foot within 8 weeks of that mission but I had it removed as it was growing in an odd place and I couldn't cut the toenails very well.  

I faced off against Saddam at his secret castle and demanded he returned the Bloominberg diamond ... ya still remember about that right? he said "Ack bach halli ouc da ne hadisha bo lokach he na suclueh ole Knudsen" so I repeated my demand SLOWLY AND LOUDER so he could understand, I do speak fuckin English ya cheeky cunt.

He laughed and pulled out a big shiny sword. Old Knudsen has been laughed at by better folk than him but there was something about that sword, then it struck me, ouch! It was Excalibur, I knew it back when Aurthur had it and called it Calibur.
How was I to defeat him? I could shag his wife like Lancelot did, he had 2 so which one should I pick ? That daydream cost me an arm (it grew back a year later) his mocking laughter and hacks at my body was starting to bend my shite then I noticed that he had the diamond put into the hilt of the sword ... Aurthur was always humming and hawing what to put into the hilt as he hated emeralds and sapphires, it had to be kingly looking  ... no wonder he never noticed Lancelot and Guinevere round the back of the tents.

Saddam thought that with a limb missing and several pints of blood gushing out of me that I was done for and he got careless. I used my remaining good hand and ripped his mustache clean off his face. If I had a camera phone back then I'd have taken a selfie with it.

Saddam screamed like a little gurl and dropped the sword, I picked it up and stood over him and bellowed "Cry Gog for Harry, England, and Saint George!" and raised the mystical blade, suddenly in a fiery explosion Saddam flew into the sky just missing my blade of justice ... A fucken jet pack, what is this, the 21st century?

I returned the Bloominberg diamond to the Bloominbergs who needed it for their zionist new werld order and for tax purposes, I gave Excalibur to the ancient and wise Merlin, he'd know what to do with it.

Well he actually got totally pissed on apple scrumpy during one of those solstice thingys and threw it into a lake, we haven't spoken to each other since.              
   
What was the point to this story? Well now you know why Saddam wore a fake mustache for all those years, yep that was all me. His old mustache became feral and lived up in the Sinjar Mountains before the Kurds were able to track it down and kill it in 2005.

Upon returning to SG-19 I wrote up my report and was promoted to Head field agent of the suicide mission task force. I'd asked if I was getting any medals cos I likes getting medals but they were all out and due to the recession they couldn't afford any more, always the way.   
   

ISIS Almost Defeated

ISIS during their 12th July parade in Raqqa.

On Facebook I've see the chicken hawks comment, 'they killed our citizens, we must wipe the IS scum from the face of the earth, bomb the bastards' .... if this was a movie I'd step in and open handedly slap them in the face, calm yerself doon the Arabs are watching!

ISIS or ISIL, as well as Al-Nursa, Al-Qaeda ,Tallyban, Boko Harem, Al-Shabaab and the more local minded Hamas, Fatah and Hezbollah have been on Old Knudsen's shit list for a while, as are all the other flavours of cunt like the Khazali Network, the al-Abbas brigade and all the ones whose have shifted and merged into ISIS or whatever.

However, unless they dress in black as seen above they all kinda look the same.  

 There is usually ISIS cock in this glory hole but not today.

So what about the bombings? The first target was the ISIS stronghold of Raqqa. About 2 weeks previously the ISIS forces moved out or vanished into the population .... I guess they were told about the bombings. Empty buildings and communication towers were destroyed.

Now if ISIS came back to Raqqa they couldn't mock the US on Twitter .... yeeeooohhh!!! fuck yous!

Blowing up random buildings and hoping to hit muzzies isn't very good if they know yer coming. Having Saudi Arabia and Qatar on yer team means there will be leaks since they fund many of the groups, the US CENTCOM where all the decisions are made is located in Doha, Qatar for fucks sake.

Now we are shown reports of a small oil refinery getting destroyed. The Pentagon said the refinery is said to be able to generate up to $2m per day in revenue for ISIS but that doesn't add going by previous information, $2m a day in total for the whole operation as the 9,000 odd barrels they produce makes about one quarter of a million. 

The group is said to be worth $2bn getting money from ransoms, extortion, donations, t-shirt and mug sales and oil. They own around 13 oil fields in Iraq and Syria.

Al-Qaeda at their height only had $30 million. Attacking oil refineries is very important, to cut off their supply of money of course, even though ISIS never started out with oil money.

It seems to me that those nations who charge $101 a barrel of oil wouldn't like any competition so lets destroy these refineries and hey the oil fields too. ISIS selling oil at $25 a barrel is bad for business.

News just in we've killed 1,000 ISIS fighters and two top Al-Qaeda leaders and it's all going well, don't believe the reporters at the scene.  

We've given ISIS what it wants and so their recruitment will soar, this attack isn't intelligent nor is it competent.
We need drone and on the ground intel and only to use the Arabs for less important targets and attacks mounted from air craft carriers and  bases in Turkey and Germany rather than Doha.

The public are not being given the correct information so why should the Arabs? ... oh that's right cos they are in control. 
Reactivate Old Knudsen's military service and put him in charge, I'll blow up the refineries after they make the oil and I'll sell it. I'll put out disinformation that is actually believable and I'd have the war over by Christmas. 

We are at war with ISIS because we need to protect our overseas interests, not because they are evil. Last year Citigroup and the Chase bank opened up branches in Iraq. At a time when both banks have been downsizing, like I said it's all about protecting our interests since there is no real strategy on defeating ISIS.   

   

You Too Can Be Jihadi, Ask Me How

I have a confession to make, last week I went to Iraq on a Jihad for research purposes. I went in wishing to demonstrate my dedication to .... well I wasn't sure to what but who is? After 3 hrs without drink or bacon I was shaking, luckily I carry a med kit containing a wee bottle of vodka with bacon bits in it, Al Qaeda took issue with that for some reason and showed me the door.

I moved onto to another group, I even pointed a finger and shouted Allen Achbar which is the guy in charge of all Jihadis I assume but no one would let me hold their severed heads so I went on a Jihad against them.
Fuck you ISIS and yer mini van of terror. Allen was nowhere to be found so I said screw this, let me know when ya make a video demanding stuff as I want to show off me skills, I've got the moves like Allen.

Old Knudsen is one of the world's top specialists in the werkings of the human mind. I have worked with departments, agencies and companies all over the world to find out A) What the fuck yer problem is and B) How to shut you up ..... when I say 'you' I mean the faction that is causing difficulties..... and maybe you too.


What is Old Knudsen's specialist field? why psychological disruption of course or mind dazzle as I call it so yous that don't like big werds can remember it. You may think that I take the opposite end of the argument because I'm a mean old bigoted asswipe but in reality I'm not bigoted, I have chronic dislike syndrome with a side disorder of apathy.

Yusuf Sarwar and Mohammed Ahmed, Islamic dumb and dumber.

What I have to do is figure out is the mentality of foreign Jihadis. The people who go and fight for Al Qaeda, ISIS or whoever, including both sides of the Ukraine conflict. They are usually male, you'll find that most groups that cause trouble are mostly male for some reason. 

Young males who are attracted to an ideology that is black and white and gives you the answers .... so not really very deep or imaginative people. These young men are struggling to find a purpose to their lives and feel they have something to prove, they need cognitive closure. 

  Foreign fighters in Ukraine.

They feel as if they are driven to act and going somewhere to shoot unarmed men in the sand will make them into important people. Yusuf Sarwar and Mohammed Ahmed were two 22 year-olds from Birmingham ..... England who went to Syria to fight, they didn't know much Arabic and had to order Islam for dummies off Amazon before they ventured to sand world. 

It isn't necessarily brainwashing into the Islamic faith as Jihadi Islam isn't considered to be the real Islam by most "normal" Muslims. 

Young people, especially males can be a little one dimensional, they see issues in black and white and stick to them no matter how stupid it is if it serves their agenda, they haven't had the life experience to analyze things and mostly just live life reacting. 

It's really sad to see older people who are supposed to be adults think this way. They just refuse to see other factors or to share the blame. 

  

 London woman Khadijah Dare and her husband Abu Bakr from Sweden. 

Khadijah Dare is one of the few female Jihadis, she traveled from London to Syria to marry her ISIS fighter husband from Sweden. She has one son with him and is expecting another child. While she does not get involved in the fighting being just a woman and all she does hope and dream one day to bravely kill an unarmed and cuffed British or American captive.

On Twitter she wrote,  "Any links 4 da execution of da journalist plz. Allahu Akbar. UK must b shaking up ha ha. I wna b da 1st UK woman 2 kill a UK or US terorrist."  Her cognitive complexity isn't very extensive which is why she fits in with the 'death to the west' crowd. Many young people from London not only type this way but speak that way too.

 I welcome any move in which she covers up that face.

Sally Jones a 45 year-old mother of two left her life of welfare benefits, and her two kids to run off and marry 20 year-old Junaid Hussain a British computer hacker who she met online. The two now live in butt fuck Syria. Jones has said on her social media account (just like the one Allah had) 'You Christians all need beheading with a nice blunt knife and stuck on the railings at Raqqa... Come here I’ll do it for you!' 

One of her former neighbours said of her , 'She was very scatty, everything was always a drama. Her language wasn’t good, her children were unruly and she was extremely loud. Men came and went but she lived mainly as a single mum with her two boys.'

 Junaid Hussain, I love blokes with masks and guns, they are all so hard ... not!

Another said, 'She was a nightmare. Always screaming and shouting and up all hours of the night. Everything about her was extreme. She had problems with debts so one minute she was there, the next she’d scarpered. She started to go through a phase of thinking she was a witch.' .... pictures on Facebook have her dressed in a cloak as that is how witches dress .... obviously.

A former lead guitarist in an all-girl rock band in the 90's she sounds like a tweaker slapper who likes attention and to shock people and woke up one day and realised she was 45, two kids and no man, when a 20 year-old bloke paid attention to her she became what he wanted ... yeah she'll really fit in, NOT! With female jihadis it seems there has to be a man involved. She won't last that long before she gets fed up being a slave and not partying and he'll get fed up with her too.

Aqsa Mahmood a 20 year-old from Scotland was radicalized online and ran off to join the Jihad. Well educated and from a middle class family she is now married to a Jihadist fighter in Syria. In 2005 western women were used as suicide bombers but now they recruit other westerners and make babies for the cause.

 ISIS dickheads.

Abu Rashash Britani, a British Jihadi has called for the Prime Minister David Cameron to be beheaded and for Muslims to attack soldiers on the street with knives in the same way that off duty soldier Lee Rigby was murdered. 

Yeah yeah yeah, behead him, rise up, revenge this, destroy that. It's as if people were born but only half grew up. Their mental capacity is not necessarily reduced, these people are not less intelligent than others, they have decided to only think in simplistic terms. I am right, you are wrong. Maybe deep down they know they are doing bad things but believe the cause is worth it.... or has to be.

 Iron man.

When 9/11 happened the US wanted some cognitive closure, it needed answers in a situation that was not normal. It boiled everything doon to the bare bones and decided that whatever it did was right, the Islamic terrorists and anyone who liked them were wrong and they would do whatever it took such as drone strikes at wedding parties to torture and rendition to win ..... fuck human rights, we hurt!  

In essence the US went Jihadi. That is the same mindset as the Brit or American who goes to Syria to fight, they look for answers and seek revenge. The thing that saves nations that go Jihad are introspection and having the freedom of speech to say .... wait a minute, are we doing the right thing? 

Bad shit happens during war but now we get to see it on our Twitter and Facebook accounts. It just means we need to be better than what we are. Civvies will never understand the tough calls made by the military if innocents are killed and will lump the tough calls with the bad calls .... Many don't want to know how their food is killed but they'll happily eat it.   

 Jennifer Lawrence

It was very difficult for rational people to be heard after 9/11, just a week after 9/11 Bill Maher said on his TV show Politically Incorrect "We have been the cowards. Lobbing cruise missiles from two thousand miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building. Say what you want about it. Not cowardly."     

ABC cancelled his show. Maybe it wasn't a tactful thing to say but you can't go and watch a TV show called Politically Incorrect and expect not to have your world view questioned.

If everyone stays angry and keeps up with the soundbites such as 'all Muslims are terrorists', 'we are a Christian nation', 'immigrants are evil', 'heritage, culture, no surrender', 'we are just defending ourselves', 'it's our right' then we are Jihadi and are not thinking clearly enough to do the right thing, we have closed our minds, disengaged our brains and our mouths are on autopilot.      

ISIS Melted My Ice-Cream

Do you ever look at the world with all its fake drama and feel disgusted? A Belfast born baker failed in a reality show called The Great British Bake Off, what is being blamed is that a fellow contestant removed the ice-cream from the freezer for 40 seconds but Iain Watters the baker decided his Baked Alaska was ruined and binned the ice-cream.
So Twitter went nuts, the Belfast Telegraph newspaper formed a petition for the BBC to apologise to Watters because he didn't present a desert and lost. TOTAL OUTRAGE!!!! SABOTAGE!!!!
Oh and Madonna may be slagging Lady Gaga off in her new song, I didn't know Madonna was still singing. Is Lady Gaga just a copy of Madonna? When did Madonna buy the copyright to being a slag?

Disgusted by this trivial bollocks yet?

ISIS marched 250 Syrian National Army troops into the desert (not a long march) all stripped doon to their skivvies and executed them. This was after ISIS captured Tabqa air base. Yes, I know that the Syrian army are the enemy but this shit is not cool.

ISIS also kills any men, weemen and children they don't like the look off, they are wiping out the "good" Syrian rebels who aren't mad Mooslims in these executions too.
According to Christian sites ISIS are beheading children but since it's only Christian sites who report on Christian persecution this cannot be verified though the persecution of the Yazidis is real enough and there are still many Yazidis stranded on Mount Sinjar in Iraq trying to fend off ISIS.

The Christian sites don't really seem to care about the Yazidis as they are a little too strange for them. Not at all very Christian.

    

ISIS captured 15 Kurdish fighters as a warning to the US to not help the Kurds. They even beheaded one of them near Mosul in the same manner as journalist James Foley and promised more.  They'll just shoot them anyways if they don't behead them.

The Peshmerga are Kurdish fighters whose name literally means 'those who face death' how fucking cool is that? It could only be better if it was Those who laugh at death or Those who mock paper cuts.

They have been a thorn in the side of Saddam for years and now ISIS. They are some of the few who will actually fight and win against ISIS, showing ISIS up as nothing more then wankers with guns.

Hey ISIS, yer Boko Harem ..... HA HA!

Or worse...

Hey ISIS, yer Al Qaeda .... HA HA! .... "I will fist you to death America but I will lube up as we aren't that bad and a dry fisting is terrible, take my word on that."
 

The Kurds have asked for arms and equipment from the west and I say Hell yeah but they can only do so much.

ISIS want to promote an aura of power and fear, it's easy to kill stripped down unarmed prisoners. The Kurds have shown that ISIS can be beat, they aren't all that if you have the balls to stand up to them.
I hear talk about oh if someone invaded yer land you'd fight against them, well why haven't the Iraqi people been fighting them? Too busy running or being executed for not being Mooslim enough. The Kurds pick and choose their battles and mostly fight against the bad guys, they have been consistent in this.  

ISIS cannot afford to hold prisoners as that takes food and ties up their fighters and they can't just release them so killing them is their only option, all the rest of their brutality is just showing them up as the unprofessional force of fanatics that they are. I would be more inspired to fight to the death than run or surrender but that is me. Go on yer own terms.

I'm sure the people of Iraq and Syria would like nothing better than having Britney Spears' relationships or ice bucket challenge water waste as their main concerns but they don't, they have to worry about survival for themselves and their children, we are sooo lucky in this respect and yet so sad and trivial too.

C'mon Obama, quit being a beige suit wearing Anti-Christ for 5 minutes and mount up. Fuck yer lack of strategy, what you had failed.
We need Obama and his lap dogs of shame (the UK and other weak willed nations) to go and defeat ISIS. Learn from the Kurds if you need to, use Iraqi troops as canon fodder, help Assad because he is the lesser evil, whatever, get it done without pissing off Syria and it's big friend Russia. 



It can be done and it needs to be done.

Top General Reveals Tactics Used Against ISIS

A top US General has revealed military tactics employed against the Islamist terrorist group ISIS. Having over 500 military advisers in Iraq seems to be paying off.

To the untrained eye it looked as if the popular fanatical group had swept through Iraq taking cities and large swathes of land with little opposition as the Iraqi army panicked and fled but that is not the case.

ISIS have been on social media showing off all the US equipment they have seized and have used US artillery against the Kurds in the north. Some of their fighters have been taunting the US to send in troops to take it back, shit got serious when they double dog dared the US on Twitter.

Michelle Obama responded by challenging Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the leader of ISIS to do the ice bucket challenge for ALS, as expected his 24 hour response time came and went and now he looks like a cunt for not doing it .... well played Mrs First Lady.   

 

General David Petraeus explained, "We had the whole thing planned, we want ISIS to use US made weapons and equipment, we want ISIS to drive US military vehicles, we want ISIS to wear US military uniforms and body armor."

"We worked closely with the Iraqi military to decide what routes to use when they bravely ran away and what equipment to leave behind."

"Research has shown that American troops, pilots and drone operators are more effective with targets they are familiar with, so we are turning our high history of friendly fire to our advantage, we can target our own vehicles and troops in our sleep and sometimes have."

"ISIS have fallen for our trap, their arrogance will be their downfall,  they really don't stand a chance." 

Kiss yer ass goodbye ISIS yer days are numbered. 

ISIS Cowards Behead Journalist

American photojournalist James Foley was captured by Islamic terrorists at the end of last year. He knew the risks of going into war zones and had been captured and released by other factions before.

His luck finally ran out when IS (Islamic State) formerly known as ISIS beheaded him on video, blaming Obama and America for his death as the US have started to fight against the advance of IS in Iraq.

ISIS are more used to Iraqi soldiers running away but now the tables have turned. The Americans stepped in to rescue hundreds of fleeing Yazidis and then helped Iraqi soldiers to re-take a vital dam in Mosul, ISIS are not used to losing and do not like anyone standing up to them ... just like bullies.

In the desert, on his knees with his hands cuffed behind his back he made a statement about how he wished that he had more time and how this is America's fault .... standard bollocks that they are forced to say. The people who knew him know what parts of it to believe.

Beside him is a masked coward with a British accent. David Cameron has said that we have at least 400 Brits fighting along side ISIS so it makes sense that they do the PR work. Someone in the UK must recognize this piece of shit, I hope his parents are proud.

After he stands there talking shite he steps behind Foley and hacks at his throat to sever his head with his 5 inch blade. This is common practice with radical Islamists and the knife used seemed a lot better than some of the rusty pocket knives used in the past.

I am disgusted by these actions as I am with everything else they have done, this is psychological warfare,  rather than make me fear them it makes me want to bomb the fuck out of them I'm sure many in the US will feel the same.

From now on I'm going to call them ISIS, I don't care what they change their name to this one suits me better so fuck em, I'm not playing. 

If you listen to Foley's voice and look at his expression you can see that ISIS lost this one. Sure it takes a big brave man to kill a cuffed man with guns trained on him but Foley faced it with courage.

Sure he was afraid but he did the best he could to have a brave death thus robbing ISIS from any point they meant to make with this.

Well done Mr Foley and may you be at peace, we'll make the cunts pay.

    

Recycling The Shock And Awe

The U.S. have come under fire (see what I did there?) by critics concerned that by attacking ISIS terrorists (now called IS for Islamic State) in Iraq they are destroying American weapons and vehicles given to the Iraqi military by the U.S.

Two FA-18 Hornet jets were launched from the USS George HW Bush aircraft carrier and destroyed artillery guns used by the IS.

We can't just afford to give out million dollar equipment just to blow it up 10 years later, some of these weapons have a lifetime guarantee, made in America, you don't see much of that anymore.

By destroying a Dodge, Chrysler or Ford truck full of screaming towel heads wanting to kill someone or something with yon anti-aircraft gun you are destroying a piece of the American soul ..... how dare you!   

I do however applaud the Iraqi forces for the recycling initiative they have shown and boy can those Iraqis run, they should have won tons of gold in the Olympics .

Pocal Industries in Scranton Pennsylvania are paying Palestinians the scrap metal worth to return the parts of the missiles and mortar rounds that don't explode.  

Thank you for showing environmentally friendly leadership and for helping the people of Palestine. 


  

Saving The World For Pay

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