25 Good Reasons To Join ISIS

Looking for a challenging career in which you can get a head?

What are the signs that yer kid is about to run off and join ISIS/Daesh? Could it be the growing of bum fluff on their chins? ..... very odd for gurls to do but still. Maybe they refuse to eat the pork chops you've cooked and they spit at you and call you an infidel pig?

A plane ticket to Turkey is usually a give away, who gives kids that kind of money anyways? In my day if you did all the chores and helped with dinner you'd get beat and told how lucky you were to have what you have .... and we were lucky.

If yer teen is surly, avoids you and spends all their time up in their room on the Interwebs then either they are a "normal" teen or they are about to go jihad. If American they may be about to go on a shooting spree.

Old Knudsen often sends pictures to his friends who in turn take pictures of them holding the  picture. 




If any of that worries you then there is only one way to be sure, check their trash can. If yer kid doesn't have a cold or allergies but the trash can is always full and smells like a Thai food restaurant then they are just wanking a lot and sexting etc, normal teen stuff. If the bin is the usual trash then check their Interweb history, any parent worth their salt knows not to show their child how to do this, it's the one thing you just happen to forget to tell them.

 Beautiful Raqqa in Syria.

So I was on yon dark net talking to some Jahidis on Hatebook and they accused me of having anti-Daesh views that was probably based on them being brown skinned and so I was deeply ashamed.
Was Old Knudsen using his white privilege to judge? It is awesome being white though, you never get stopped by the police and always get served in shops first .... well our police are kinda shite and don't like conflict and I always jump queue cos I'm old and don't want to die waiting to buy a fucking scratch card.
In Northern Ireland we don't have many darkies but I'm sure the ones we have get treated with courtesy and respect cos we're Irish and friendly like.  We don't single people out nor are we racist, all Asians get called chinky no matter where they are from, all blacks are African and all brown people are pakkies, we is very respectful of cultures and traditions because we know what it's like to have yer culture and beliefs disrespected and so wouldn't do that ... unless yer a Fenian or just look like one of course ..... or Dutch, who likes the Dutch huh?   

ISIS/Daesh/cocksuckers asked me to write some kind werds about them to show I wasn't racist and also to encourage recruitment to replenish their ranks of fools, idiots and loonies brave fighters to fight a holy war against western influence as you can see on their Youtube and Twitter accounts. I follow Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi on Instagram, can't wait to see what he's having for dinner tonight.

Abu Khaled ,  Abdullah Emir or Colin is a famous Australian boy who got attention when his parents outed him as being 'as white as rice' ..... I suspect they don't mean brown rice. Daesh have been more accepting of Colin and have encouraged him to be himself, something his family never did. An ISIS spokesman said: "Come join us at our luxury resort and spa in Raqqa, we won't judge you because Allah doesn't mind who blows themselves up for him as long as they take some enemy with them."

Offer does not include Christians or gheys terms and conditions may apply.  

Colin never had a gurlfriend and now the gurls are lining up to meet him. Not that they have a choice. 

The Yazidis are touted in the western media as being Christian, lets not forget how they stoned 17 year-old Du’a Khalil Aswad to death for running off to marry a Muslim boy in 2007. Westerners fail to understand the ways of the sand savage and try to compare them to ourselves which is how Jesus became white.

There are other gurls who really want to meet Colin and his friends.   

ISIS deny the rumour that they use western members as suicide bombers because they are soft and useless, females get used as cum bucket/slaves wives for brave fighters and get elevated to an important social status and if yer husband dies you'll be given a new one ... arranged marriages can be soo romantic. 

Raqqa is one of those cities you should see before you die, it's green and lush and always a comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The malls offer the best in variety and quality, you can find a koran, burka and AK-47 all in the same place ..... it even has soft toilet paper. 

A-list stars? Raqqa also has the highest concentration of failed British rappers that no one has ever heard of .... because they are just soo cool an street.

Do not believe pictures like this that shows Raqqa as being a butt fuck dustbowl where people (women) walk about in black robes carrying their 10 kids in 100 degree heat, that is just western lies. ISIS also do not show beheadings to young children and brainwash them with scripture, they have the best health and childcare system in the world. People joining all the time you get to hear all about yer favorite TV shows and movies, everything is so personal and real.

The real Raqqa that the west wouldn't show is a paradise and everyone has Crystal, Maybach, Diamonds on your timepiece, Jet planes, Islands, Tigers on a gold leash ... all halal of course or in Raqqa we say halol cos the place is soo much fun ..... lol!

The thing that Jahadis always show foreigners to get them to join ISIS is Nutella. As if that makes everything all worth it.   

Of course ISIS have their own brand due to a supply issues and you can barely taste the bull semen or the chemical they use to preserve it in the heat .... I'm just mentioning the taste so you'll be less um surprised.  

If you are unsure of joining ISIS I hope this post has helped you. Go join them you disaffected and disenfranchised misguided fool, you weren't going to have a future anyway but when you get killed in the butt fuck desert you can have a great future in the afterlife ... assuming they haven't got their version of Islam all fucked up like the scholars say. 

 

You Too Can Be Jihadi, Ask Me How

I have a confession to make, last week I went to Iraq on a Jihad for research purposes. I went in wishing to demonstrate my dedication to .... well I wasn't sure to what but who is? After 3 hrs without drink or bacon I was shaking, luckily I carry a med kit containing a wee bottle of vodka with bacon bits in it, Al Qaeda took issue with that for some reason and showed me the door.

I moved onto to another group, I even pointed a finger and shouted Allen Achbar which is the guy in charge of all Jihadis I assume but no one would let me hold their severed heads so I went on a Jihad against them.
Fuck you ISIS and yer mini van of terror. Allen was nowhere to be found so I said screw this, let me know when ya make a video demanding stuff as I want to show off me skills, I've got the moves like Allen.

Old Knudsen is one of the world's top specialists in the werkings of the human mind. I have worked with departments, agencies and companies all over the world to find out A) What the fuck yer problem is and B) How to shut you up ..... when I say 'you' I mean the faction that is causing difficulties..... and maybe you too.


What is Old Knudsen's specialist field? why psychological disruption of course or mind dazzle as I call it so yous that don't like big werds can remember it. You may think that I take the opposite end of the argument because I'm a mean old bigoted asswipe but in reality I'm not bigoted, I have chronic dislike syndrome with a side disorder of apathy.

Yusuf Sarwar and Mohammed Ahmed, Islamic dumb and dumber.

What I have to do is figure out is the mentality of foreign Jihadis. The people who go and fight for Al Qaeda, ISIS or whoever, including both sides of the Ukraine conflict. They are usually male, you'll find that most groups that cause trouble are mostly male for some reason. 

Young males who are attracted to an ideology that is black and white and gives you the answers .... so not really very deep or imaginative people. These young men are struggling to find a purpose to their lives and feel they have something to prove, they need cognitive closure. 

  Foreign fighters in Ukraine.

They feel as if they are driven to act and going somewhere to shoot unarmed men in the sand will make them into important people. Yusuf Sarwar and Mohammed Ahmed were two 22 year-olds from Birmingham ..... England who went to Syria to fight, they didn't know much Arabic and had to order Islam for dummies off Amazon before they ventured to sand world. 

It isn't necessarily brainwashing into the Islamic faith as Jihadi Islam isn't considered to be the real Islam by most "normal" Muslims. 

Young people, especially males can be a little one dimensional, they see issues in black and white and stick to them no matter how stupid it is if it serves their agenda, they haven't had the life experience to analyze things and mostly just live life reacting. 

It's really sad to see older people who are supposed to be adults think this way. They just refuse to see other factors or to share the blame. 

  

 London woman Khadijah Dare and her husband Abu Bakr from Sweden. 

Khadijah Dare is one of the few female Jihadis, she traveled from London to Syria to marry her ISIS fighter husband from Sweden. She has one son with him and is expecting another child. While she does not get involved in the fighting being just a woman and all she does hope and dream one day to bravely kill an unarmed and cuffed British or American captive.

On Twitter she wrote,  "Any links 4 da execution of da journalist plz. Allahu Akbar. UK must b shaking up ha ha. I wna b da 1st UK woman 2 kill a UK or US terorrist."  Her cognitive complexity isn't very extensive which is why she fits in with the 'death to the west' crowd. Many young people from London not only type this way but speak that way too.

 I welcome any move in which she covers up that face.

Sally Jones a 45 year-old mother of two left her life of welfare benefits, and her two kids to run off and marry 20 year-old Junaid Hussain a British computer hacker who she met online. The two now live in butt fuck Syria. Jones has said on her social media account (just like the one Allah had) 'You Christians all need beheading with a nice blunt knife and stuck on the railings at Raqqa... Come here I’ll do it for you!' 

One of her former neighbours said of her , 'She was very scatty, everything was always a drama. Her language wasn’t good, her children were unruly and she was extremely loud. Men came and went but she lived mainly as a single mum with her two boys.'

 Junaid Hussain, I love blokes with masks and guns, they are all so hard ... not!

Another said, 'She was a nightmare. Always screaming and shouting and up all hours of the night. Everything about her was extreme. She had problems with debts so one minute she was there, the next she’d scarpered. She started to go through a phase of thinking she was a witch.' .... pictures on Facebook have her dressed in a cloak as that is how witches dress .... obviously.

A former lead guitarist in an all-girl rock band in the 90's she sounds like a tweaker slapper who likes attention and to shock people and woke up one day and realised she was 45, two kids and no man, when a 20 year-old bloke paid attention to her she became what he wanted ... yeah she'll really fit in, NOT! With female jihadis it seems there has to be a man involved. She won't last that long before she gets fed up being a slave and not partying and he'll get fed up with her too.

Aqsa Mahmood a 20 year-old from Scotland was radicalized online and ran off to join the Jihad. Well educated and from a middle class family she is now married to a Jihadist fighter in Syria. In 2005 western women were used as suicide bombers but now they recruit other westerners and make babies for the cause.

 ISIS dickheads.

Abu Rashash Britani, a British Jihadi has called for the Prime Minister David Cameron to be beheaded and for Muslims to attack soldiers on the street with knives in the same way that off duty soldier Lee Rigby was murdered. 

Yeah yeah yeah, behead him, rise up, revenge this, destroy that. It's as if people were born but only half grew up. Their mental capacity is not necessarily reduced, these people are not less intelligent than others, they have decided to only think in simplistic terms. I am right, you are wrong. Maybe deep down they know they are doing bad things but believe the cause is worth it.... or has to be.

 Iron man.

When 9/11 happened the US wanted some cognitive closure, it needed answers in a situation that was not normal. It boiled everything doon to the bare bones and decided that whatever it did was right, the Islamic terrorists and anyone who liked them were wrong and they would do whatever it took such as drone strikes at wedding parties to torture and rendition to win ..... fuck human rights, we hurt!  

In essence the US went Jihadi. That is the same mindset as the Brit or American who goes to Syria to fight, they look for answers and seek revenge. The thing that saves nations that go Jihad are introspection and having the freedom of speech to say .... wait a minute, are we doing the right thing? 

Bad shit happens during war but now we get to see it on our Twitter and Facebook accounts. It just means we need to be better than what we are. Civvies will never understand the tough calls made by the military if innocents are killed and will lump the tough calls with the bad calls .... Many don't want to know how their food is killed but they'll happily eat it.   

 Jennifer Lawrence

It was very difficult for rational people to be heard after 9/11, just a week after 9/11 Bill Maher said on his TV show Politically Incorrect "We have been the cowards. Lobbing cruise missiles from two thousand miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building. Say what you want about it. Not cowardly."     

ABC cancelled his show. Maybe it wasn't a tactful thing to say but you can't go and watch a TV show called Politically Incorrect and expect not to have your world view questioned.

If everyone stays angry and keeps up with the soundbites such as 'all Muslims are terrorists', 'we are a Christian nation', 'immigrants are evil', 'heritage, culture, no surrender', 'we are just defending ourselves', 'it's our right' then we are Jihadi and are not thinking clearly enough to do the right thing, we have closed our minds, disengaged our brains and our mouths are on autopilot.      

The Islamic State Harshly Mocks America

IS terrorists Reyaad Khan in the middle and Nasser Muthana on the right, both from Cardiff, fuck I hate the Welsh!.... they don't look very Welsh.

Mooslims are everywhere! ya can't even fire a Hellcat missile into a U.N. refugee shelter without hitting loads of them .... of course that would be a wrong thing to do probably.
I was reading the Koran the other day and saw a passage about if yer neighbour throws rocks or other missiles at you, hold yer children up in front of you to deflect them with their love, and I thought the Bible was fucked up.

Amidst all this newly rediscovered antisemitism around the world I hope you are still remembering to eye Muslims suspiciously in case they are suicide bombers or something. David Cameron says that 400 Britons are fighting with IS (Islamic State) how does he know this? has there been a census taken?

Maybe cos they are all on twitter mocking the US with all the equipment they have taken. They take pictures with gear that has 'property of the United States Government' on it and dare the US to come and get it back.
Ali Baa El Baa baa@Americantroops
Where are you Americans, come back and play or are you afraid? 

The Obama administration got on it right away and Michelle started a hashtag. I'm surprised there hasn't been more attacks in Britain or the US from radicalised Muslim youths who are UK and US citizens. Maybe they don't want their mammys to know.

Khaled Sharrouf from Sydney ..... Australia, doesn't give a fuck who knows. He posted a picture on Twitter of his seven year-old son holding the head of a Syrian soldier and said, "That's my boy." Then again it's nice that a father and son can do things together, my Da didn't let me near any of the severed heads we had at home ... aye, I have daddy issues.

The 400 who are fighting in Iraq or Syria probably burned their passports in some act of defiance so I doubt they'll be flying back any time soon. Jahadis are not too bright.

There has been a lot of talk from American Conservatives regarding the US/Mexico border. The border is a vast stretch of land and impossible to guard every inch of it. Much goes through private property and these ranchers have set up cameras to see who is going through their land.

   There are fences that just stop ... it's the idea of security that counts.

The ranchers found that lines of about 20 people at a time walked through their property, some with packages on their backs and guards with assault rifles, no doubt drug gangs. To avoid too much attention the drug cartels use young children to carry their drugs through because regular gang members tend to get gang tattoos which is really just a walking advertisement. Coyotes ... guides who are paid to take people across the border often leave them out there to die after taking their money. 

While walking at night they'll point to a radio tower with it's light at the top and tell them, "Right Houston is 20 minutes that way" and they leave. In reality these people could be 200 miles from anywhere, stuck out in the desert. Ranchers often find people on their door step and carry extra water in case they stumble upon any lost souls.  

There are civilian militias who run around with guns playing at being patriots but they soon get bored with all the sitting about in the heat. If they ever happened across a drug cartel they'd pee themselves.

The US/Mexican border is in no way secure and never will be, it's yet another issue to beat Obama with as he has done nothing about it. Like he cares, he is in his second term and is just coasting along.

A documentary maker dressed like Osama Bin laden and crossed a small shallow river to show just how easy it was to do it with no border guards in sight, he could have used a metal bridge on up a little if he didn't want to get his feet wet.

"Finally I'm in America, now for part one of my plan ... Find a Hooters and order a bacon burger and a beer, I'm parched and most hungry and American boobies please my little camel."

I don't think Osama could have done this as I remember putting two in his chest and one in his head as if it was yesterday. On the Statue of liberty it says, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." Now it should say, "Fuck off we're full up, unless you have money and are white."