You Can't Hold Back The Tide So Don't Worry

Those fucking polar bears again 

NASA are jumping on the climate change band wagon and say they are "locked into at least 3 feet of sea level rise, and probably more" they weren't sure before but after consulting a calculator they decided 3 feet. The ice sheets are melting and the seas have already risen 3 inches since 1992. NASA scientist and ice expert (knows fuck all about the sea) Tom Wagner said that the seas could rise as much as 10 feet ..... fuck I'm panicking now, oh wait he added in a century or two .... nicely played sir fuck that, I might have finally died by then so do I care? 

Will someone in the year 2215 say, "look, Tom Wagner was right!"? ... like everything climate change will be old news by then because we'll have managed to build whole cities completely indoors that fucking hover over the rising sea. Who doesn't like astro turf better than real grass anyways? At least you wouldn't get ants.   

 A polar bear suspect being arrested, he's in for a real grilling.

Experts no longer believe that warm furry polar bears are causing the ice sheets to melt as their body temperature isn't that hot and have asked for a temporary cease to the eradication of these alleged global killers.  Lions still create greenhouse gases so shoot away.

NASA will talk about ice sheets that have no relevance to my life since I don't live in Greenland but they won't talk about the lights they saw from the International Space Station, cover up!  Ach don't worry about the sea level, not even God could wipe us out with a flood. I will miss cities like London and New York of course but I'll get over it, they'll be like Venice which is fucking lovely ....  besides from the smell of course, like a giant toilet. 

So NASA say the seas will rise to 3 foot sometime, here is Old Knudsen's answer to that. Build a 4 foot sea wall. Do I have to do all the thinking for you? 

 

  

How Much Is Your Life Worth?

We all know that yer personal details are not safe online, Facebook, Twatter and loserville Google plus all sell yer shit. What you don't know is how much they get for yer phone number, work details and who you are connected to.

Obviously the more attractive you are the more yer details will go for. For tax purposes (in other words they don't want to pay tax) all amounts are in dollars. Tracy's details will cost a tidy $500, that includes all the stuff in the 'About me' section that she hasn't made public, all her photos and messages.
I have bought many personal details for my private files.

Social media encourages its users to be the best and have better more interesting lives than yer friends which means that only the best photos are used and quite often ones from 10 years ago but who cares as long as organizations will pay for them. Pictures of you with a celeb are like gold.

It's not just governments and insurance companies that want yer details, a shadow organization only known as The Mystery Shoppers buy yer details and track you through life in order to help you spend and consume. All yer LIKES, SHARES, RETWATS and SEARCHES are logged and assessed. Even yer TV is in on the act.
Ever have a friend go on about seeing an Anusol commercial like 20 times a day or that, "when I was diagnosed with genital herpes, I was devastated" commercial? You might say, "I've seen them a couple of times, not that many." That's because yer friend Googles for assfuck videos and info on herpes flair ups.

Last year the secret companies got into a bidding war for this ugly wee fucker's photo, it sold for $865 and has been used on over 738 memes. For people like Mark Zuckerberg it's handy that people are cunts. Who hasn't bought a kitten just for loads of cute kitty pics then tossed the creature into a river when it got older? .... don't deny it, you'd have 100 cats in yer hoose going by all the different kittens you've had, even crazy cat ladies don't hate themselves enough for that many cats. A cute kitten pic can reach $25 - $50 on the cat market, that's why Zuckerberg is rich.

Those make up free selfies that had us men demanding you make the effort was actually started by a social media think tank of behavioral experts in order to not only sell yer pics but to sell you make up too. Sure about $125 was raised for charity by the people who posted a selfie and actually donated because most people forgot about the donation part cos they were too traumatized by their selfie and getting the right amount of blur or the right filter for it to hide their natural 'ugness' .... You were here for the creation of that werd not to be confused with uggness as in ugly ass boots an shit.    

Duck face was started by the think tank too which as a way to encourage more photos to be taken. At first duck face pics were being sold for $60 but within a week the trend got so lame they only get $1.50 if lucky. People who do duck face now often get a media backlash or their accounts suspended or transferred to MySpace.

Sparrow face is where the money is at with Facebook and Twatter selling yer pics for up to $80 depending on how startled you look.

Yer life is being manipulated and sold but who cares if it wastes 6 hours of yer day? .... oh kitty. 


 





 

25 Good Reasons To Join ISIS

Looking for a challenging career in which you can get a head?

What are the signs that yer kid is about to run off and join ISIS/Daesh? Could it be the growing of bum fluff on their chins? ..... very odd for gurls to do but still. Maybe they refuse to eat the pork chops you've cooked and they spit at you and call you an infidel pig?

A plane ticket to Turkey is usually a give away, who gives kids that kind of money anyways? In my day if you did all the chores and helped with dinner you'd get beat and told how lucky you were to have what you have .... and we were lucky.

If yer teen is surly, avoids you and spends all their time up in their room on the Interwebs then either they are a "normal" teen or they are about to go jihad. If American they may be about to go on a shooting spree.

Old Knudsen often sends pictures to his friends who in turn take pictures of them holding the  picture. 




If any of that worries you then there is only one way to be sure, check their trash can. If yer kid doesn't have a cold or allergies but the trash can is always full and smells like a Thai food restaurant then they are just wanking a lot and sexting etc, normal teen stuff. If the bin is the usual trash then check their Interweb history, any parent worth their salt knows not to show their child how to do this, it's the one thing you just happen to forget to tell them.

 Beautiful Raqqa in Syria.

So I was on yon dark net talking to some Jahidis on Hatebook and they accused me of having anti-Daesh views that was probably based on them being brown skinned and so I was deeply ashamed.
Was Old Knudsen using his white privilege to judge? It is awesome being white though, you never get stopped by the police and always get served in shops first .... well our police are kinda shite and don't like conflict and I always jump queue cos I'm old and don't want to die waiting to buy a fucking scratch card.
In Northern Ireland we don't have many darkies but I'm sure the ones we have get treated with courtesy and respect cos we're Irish and friendly like.  We don't single people out nor are we racist, all Asians get called chinky no matter where they are from, all blacks are African and all brown people are pakkies, we is very respectful of cultures and traditions because we know what it's like to have yer culture and beliefs disrespected and so wouldn't do that ... unless yer a Fenian or just look like one of course ..... or Dutch, who likes the Dutch huh?   

ISIS/Daesh/cocksuckers asked me to write some kind werds about them to show I wasn't racist and also to encourage recruitment to replenish their ranks of fools, idiots and loonies brave fighters to fight a holy war against western influence as you can see on their Youtube and Twitter accounts. I follow Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi on Instagram, can't wait to see what he's having for dinner tonight.

Abu Khaled ,  Abdullah Emir or Colin is a famous Australian boy who got attention when his parents outed him as being 'as white as rice' ..... I suspect they don't mean brown rice. Daesh have been more accepting of Colin and have encouraged him to be himself, something his family never did. An ISIS spokesman said: "Come join us at our luxury resort and spa in Raqqa, we won't judge you because Allah doesn't mind who blows themselves up for him as long as they take some enemy with them."

Offer does not include Christians or gheys terms and conditions may apply.  

Colin never had a gurlfriend and now the gurls are lining up to meet him. Not that they have a choice. 

The Yazidis are touted in the western media as being Christian, lets not forget how they stoned 17 year-old Du’a Khalil Aswad to death for running off to marry a Muslim boy in 2007. Westerners fail to understand the ways of the sand savage and try to compare them to ourselves which is how Jesus became white.

There are other gurls who really want to meet Colin and his friends.   

ISIS deny the rumour that they use western members as suicide bombers because they are soft and useless, females get used as cum bucket/slaves wives for brave fighters and get elevated to an important social status and if yer husband dies you'll be given a new one ... arranged marriages can be soo romantic. 

Raqqa is one of those cities you should see before you die, it's green and lush and always a comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The malls offer the best in variety and quality, you can find a koran, burka and AK-47 all in the same place ..... it even has soft toilet paper. 

A-list stars? Raqqa also has the highest concentration of failed British rappers that no one has ever heard of .... because they are just soo cool an street.

Do not believe pictures like this that shows Raqqa as being a butt fuck dustbowl where people (women) walk about in black robes carrying their 10 kids in 100 degree heat, that is just western lies. ISIS also do not show beheadings to young children and brainwash them with scripture, they have the best health and childcare system in the world. People joining all the time you get to hear all about yer favorite TV shows and movies, everything is so personal and real.

The real Raqqa that the west wouldn't show is a paradise and everyone has Crystal, Maybach, Diamonds on your timepiece, Jet planes, Islands, Tigers on a gold leash ... all halal of course or in Raqqa we say halol cos the place is soo much fun ..... lol!

The thing that Jahadis always show foreigners to get them to join ISIS is Nutella. As if that makes everything all worth it.   

Of course ISIS have their own brand due to a supply issues and you can barely taste the bull semen or the chemical they use to preserve it in the heat .... I'm just mentioning the taste so you'll be less um surprised.  

If you are unsure of joining ISIS I hope this post has helped you. Go join them you disaffected and disenfranchised misguided fool, you weren't going to have a future anyway but when you get killed in the butt fuck desert you can have a great future in the afterlife ... assuming they haven't got their version of Islam all fucked up like the scholars say. 

 

Jihad John Ate My Hamster

Jihad John may be the big boogeyman created by Daesh and the media but a clearer picture about him is being pieced together through stories from his school friends and teachers. Ya can't go by those Muslin rights people from CAGE say, very dodgy that lot are.

The Muhammad Emwazi I knew was a humble, lovely man.... we don't believe you!

A socially awkward loner who received brain damage when he banged his head on a goal post, he probably also got brain damage when he almost drown in a swimming pool and from when he was 14 and his danger wank went wrong which cut off the blood supply to his brain. 

His teachers knew him to have anger issues and later on in university he expressed anti-Semitic views, so yeah, he is quite the dickhead. He admired gangsta rappers, drank vodka and smoked the pot and never had a girlfriend . No wonder he went into I.T. I bet he fit in well with the rest of the crazies in that field. 
Going Jihad for people like him is just as way to act the big man with like minded losers. 

Old Knudsen was delivering Bibles to the starving people of war torn Syria when he was captured by Daesh (the proper name for ISIS or IS) they took me to a secured windowless room where they tortured me for hours with they crappy wailing music they play, the Black eyed peas I think it was ... so awful. I don't care about her junk in her trunk, sell the stuff on eBay.

Jihadi John was very popular with the fighters who didn't have weemen. While Daesh are against gheys there are still things they can do without getting flogged. Emwazi got his name John because fighters enjoyed taking a dump on his chest and jerking off to him rubbing it in. When they would say, "I'm going to the John" we all knew what John they meant. You thought it was about the Beatles?

Is there a factory that makes these cunts?

Besides the music, the beatings and not being able to tell them apart it was the caps that I had trouble with the most. Curl those fucking brims for fucks sake, why not wear a sign that says 'I am a douche bag?' I bet they also wear the collars of their polo shirts up.

I had to get out of there so ate the end off my finger and picked the lock of my cell with me finger bones and escaped. 

Anyone who says that MI-5 radicalized Emwazi are morons. He tried to get to Tanzania to join Al Shabaab in Somalia before MI-5 talked to him, aye as if spidey London twats go on safari as he claimed to be doing. Joining Daesh and cutting off heads .... no one makes you do that sort of thing, this isn't a Saw movie.  

 

I just have to mention Avijit Roy, the blogger who was hacked to death in Bangladesh. He was singled out because he blogged against extremism and had US citizenship. He compared religious terrorism to a virus and how it takes a hold of you and has you acting crazy and sweeps across nations. 

He was still naive enough to ignore death threats, thinking he could reason with them if they tried anything, he obviously didn't really understand what he is dealing with. I'd compare it to a cancer that needs to be cut out. Roy was far more brave than the two cunts who killed him, as were the anti-extremist author killed near where Roy was killed 11 years ago and the Atheist blogger killed there in 2013. 

Taslima Nasreen who left Bangladesh because of death threats wrote on her blog, "Bangladesh has become a safe haven for Islamists where they can do whatever they like, no free thinker is safe in Bangladesh."

  

Old Knudsen salutes all the free thinkers. The group Ansar Bangla-7 are thought to have carried out the attack on Roy. 

That group, Al Shabaab, Al Qaeda, Daesh and whoever else are all cowards. Like the Lee Rigby attack it was two armed men against one unarmed man though Roy's wife was wounded in the attack she was not the target. 

Two against one and they have machetes or it's a tied up bloke with big tough John boy with a knife. 

They are nothing but bullies who gang up and ambush smaller soft targets. Does Allah not believe in honour then or are his followers just chicken shit? 

People with blogs scare the Islamists because deep down they know it isn't Islam what they are doing but if they can silence all the better educated and more intelligent voices they can continue to fool themselves because it's not as if they can debate using the Koran, just like how many Christians haven't read the Bible. 

Bloggers will never be silenced because there is truth that needs to be told. 

  

Kicking ISIL And Taking Names

It looks like an Akira Kurosawa film where a dog walks through a deserted village, you check to see if it's got a severed hand in it's mouth but no.

The heroes in the war against ISIL have been the Kurds in Old Knudsen's less than humble opinion. You have the US and the UK who like to portray themselves as the good guys who at the same time make deals with governments they should be standing against, then you have the Kurds who are small in number and not a very powerful people in comparison to western nations but they always seem to be fighting against evil.
     

Decades of fighting against Saddam, Al Qaeda and now ISIL, they raced to protect the Yazidi people as much as they could and sure they no doubt shoot the odd unarmed enemy but who doesn't?  They have been the only ones (until US drone strikes) to have any success against ISIL.

People make the incorrect assumption that Old Knudsen would fight the Israelis if he lived in the West bank, no, he would move to the safety of Israel like many others have done, he would fight along side the Kurds if he lived there though as they are not rabid Moosalims into beheading westerns as many Palestinians seem to be.

   Look over there, a man doing something wrong.

Head scarfs worn for religious reasons is as wrong as cutting off part of a babies willy and Old Knudsen is against it, however weemen in uniform .... equality you can wank to. Weemen make up a third of Kurdish fighters and many are still teenagers. Puts yer own teenage years into perspective doesn't it? 

One fighter named Diren says that ISIL like to show themselves as tough guys but when they see a woman with a gun they start to shake ..... aye, no shit lass. She says that one female Kurdish fighter is worth 100 of theirs. 

Considering that the Kurds kick ISIL ass I'd totally believe it. 

An ISIL fighter captured by Iraqi troops shakes and cries.

It's a barren land on the frontline with deserted villages. The only people there are fighters. The Kurds do take prisoners but never foreign prisoners as they are always wearing suicide bomb vests. If foreigners go Jihadi they can expect to be treated as second class Jihadis as some twat from Cardiff is worth nothing compared to a battle hardened vet from Gaza. Since the truce in the West bank there has been an exodus of Palestinian fighters joining ISIS in Syria. 

The west needs to back and equip the Kurds instead of trying to equip and train rebels in Syria. You can't hide fanatical Islamists amongst the Kurds, when was the last time you heard of a 3 year sleeper within the Kurds shooting a US General dead?

You can see by the pictures that these Kurds have US military equipment already but they need more. The Kurds have Old Knudsen's seal of approval.   

Yes ISIS Really Are That Stupid

If they are so righteous then why do they hide their faces?

ISIS are such fucking morons that a fatwa has been issued on them by several Muslim clerics in the UK who said that ISIS are“heretical” and “an oppressive and tyrannical group” .... The edict was issued by Sheik Usama Hasan, a former imam from east London. He says that they may use social media as a weapon but still have medieval thinking.
ISIS have been issuing pictures of dead Jihadis with smiles on their faces saying that they are so righteous that their bodies don't decay and their blood smells like perfume, even after 10 days ..... yeah right.

Hasan was able to call bullshit as he himself had gone Jihad as a young man 25 years ago in Afghanistan and they were saying things like that then which he saw and smelled as not being true. As usual the Jihadis have gotten their Islamic faith wrong and the blood is supposed to smell like musk after they go to Heaven ... DOH! 

The guy on the left has similar eyes and voice to the Brit doing the be-headings. 

The Muslim Brotherhood have said that it's ok for men to go anal jihad on each other if their are no weemen for them, why don't they have a go at their dead comrades if they smell so sweet.

Well said Mr Sotloff.

American journalist Steven Sotloff was murdered by ISIS as promised after they had killed James Foley. A British hostage is said to be next unless we stop setting the drones onto them. We need to do a lot more than that to these cunts. 

Stolen childhoods.

ISIS are already looking to the future and have been stealing children from villages and taking them to training camps where they force their incorrect and misinterpreted brand of Islam doon their throats that they learned from 'Islam for dummies' or some shite. 

They teach the children to recite scripture and all the right answers .... a little like what the Jehovah witnesses do except with added AK-47 training too. They also make the children watch executions, floggings and the stoning of weemen to get them used to such violence. Look at what cunts our normal children are thanks to movie and video game violence, these kids will grow up and will kill the Kafirs (that's us) with so much ease. 

So child abuse all round. Who is surprised that ISIS, Hamas and all the others are child abusing cunts?  Then you have hipster cunts like Kony who have been doing it before it became popular.  

Aye Puff Baghdaddy yer such a big man, if Old Knudsen ever sees you in the street you'll feel his fist of steel justice on the back of yer head .... he'll give you a fisting that you'll never forget. 

Aliaa Magda Elmahdy on the left.

My new personal hero is a young Egyptian lass who has shown more bravery than many a battle worn vet. Aliaa Magda Elmahdy said fuck you to the oppressive society she lived in in Egypt, she suffered domestic abuse from her father when she refused to wear the head scarf and questioned his fundamentalist beliefs. As he couldn't control her (which looked bad) he put her into an insane asylum where she was given electric shock treatment, she pretended to give in so she could get out and now she lives in exile in Sweden. 

She joined Femen to continue to fight against injustice and sexism and writes blogs too . She gets constant threats of death and rape but keeps on standing up to them and encouraging others to do so by getting their stories out there ....  And she gets her kit off.

Old Knudsen remembers his days as a young gurl growing up in the mountainous region of Sharistan and having to hide his first menstruation .... those were tough days. They only got worse when he was sold into marriage to a old goat farmer.

ISIS' favourite goat. 

Aliaa Magda Elmahdy about her fleg picture, "And whilst I am of the mindset that many fundamentalist Islamic men like to cover their women with as many layers as possible to minimize their very existence, this kind of protest on that issue may not be the best tactic right now with ISIS rising. Personally, I vote we skip the protesting and just kill ISIS – every last one of them and their favorite goat – no questions, no discussion."