David Cameron Needs A Holiday Or Three

David Cameron who just recently begrudgingly took a 10% pay rise after shrugging, "nothing I can do about it so I'll give more to charity then" and it's true, the woman at Tesco collecting for guide dogs for blind alcoholics with cancer said he did indeed put a 20p instead of his usual 10p into her bucket. 

Politicians pay may not be performance related but I'm sure they deserve £74,000 a year ....

Unlike all those lazy healthcare workers who tweeted to show Jeremy Hunt that they were working weekends .... aye yer doing an 80 hour shift but you have plenty of time to take a selfie, cut their pay stat!


Cameron also begrudgingly takes 3-4+ holidays every year and will be taking 3 this summer. You can't have the leader of one of the most self-entitled cuntries in the world getting ill from over work. I'm sure the recent election was very hard work. People say that digging ditches is hard work but you try being a politician. All that stress of hiding yer true intentions from the public can be tough. 

He maintains that he is still in charge of the nation while on holiday which makes you wonder what he does all day. I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes and wondering what public services to cut.

He just wants to remind the British public that while many of us struggle to pay our bills and see little hope in the future especially as more government cuts are being made that we are all still in this together.

Of course he plans to be in this together in Portugal. He'll also have breaks in Cornwall and Scotland but not in the shit places that normal folks go to.  


 

Lewis Hamilton Is As Boring As Toothpaste

Lewis Hamilton is the reigning Formula One champion, is he good looking? I'm not sure, he isn't hideous but has that cocky smugness of youth. Did I say youth? He's 30 years-old, I thought he was like 24 or something the way he got on.

He wears designer clothes and dates singers, he's in with the in crowd. Old Knudsen finds most sports and definitely racing kinda dull. Close quarter combat, hotdog eating competitions and werd searches are the only honourable forms of competition .... Sudoku is for pedos, there I said it, someone had to.

Hamilton popped up on Old Knudsen's radar when he read an article (probably on the Daily fail Mail website) about a young couple who didn't recognize him and asked him to take a photo of them. He did so and they went on their way. The story said 'superstar Lewis Hamilton' and I thought how I wouldn't recognize him either.   

Then he won a race and squirted champagne bukkake style into the face of one of the pretty hostesses in Shanghai. I saw the video of it, the other hostesses smiled probably glad it wasn't them and the one getting squirted smiled awkwardly and you could tell she wasn't liking it. He got slammed for doing this and rightly so. 

He's a bloke and a wealthy winner and god's gift to weemen so he can do this sort of shit.   

 

Being half black means he can wear flat brimmed caps and look like a douche bag but if white people do it then they are on Rachel Dolezal territory.  

The lad is as boring as toothpaste, is that an expression? Well he is. He was one of 4 guests on a talk show I watched and he's soooooo boring. One guy mentioned how boring other drivers were but Lewis, he's a superstar. I waited for Hamilton to say something interesting but no, all he said was that he found one of the boring drivers to be a very funny guy, yeah that figures. 

He gets called a superstar because he has won some races and he wears the ghey stuff they wear in the south of England. It is well known that he and his teammates don't get along because he is a dick, he tries to justify it by saying he has to get more points so he can win so even his teammates are his competitors who he doesn't want to see winning.       

Recently he was invited to the Royal box at Wimbledon, he seemed to have ignored the dress casual and smart that it said on his invite. I would have said that would be slacks, jacket and shirt but the above picture is what Hamilton wore.

Prince William's burrito is coming back.  

It seems that Royal casual and smart means a suit and tie. Any normal person would have been worried enough to do a Google search on what everyone else wore.

Not Lewis Hamilton. He turns up with his flowery shirt, suede shoes with no socks and expects to get in. He is that self-entitled cos hey he's met Prince Harry a couple of times.

Hamilton refused the loan of a tie and jacket ..... well he didn't want to look silly, yes I should put a 'lol' after that.

Instead of going home and changing he just left, fuck you all, I'm Lewis Hamilton and tennis isn't a real sport.  

Old Knudsen does that half smile half grimace look when he thinks of Hamilton, like when the dog takes a dump when yer walking it and it isn't very solid but you have to lift it or at least as much of it as you can since half of it is stuck to the grass. 

Nah, yer not self centered, even William Shatner hasn't taken a topless selfie. 

The guy is a boring shallow dick who can't understand why people don't really like him for being a prick. They say how great he is and what a superstar he is but he knows they don't really like him as a person and he doesn't get it .   

Does he even care? Well the excess and celeb lifestyle means that he doesn't have to care because he's insulated from the real world. 

Hamilton gets his own post because people that Old Knudsen have disliked such as Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Jimmy Savile, John Peel, Dave Lee Travis, Charlie and Martin Sheen and Ryan O'Neal all turn out to be assholes of some kind. 

I believe I dislike Tatum Channing because he always looks smug and because his name Tatum reminds me of Tatum O'Neal the daughter of  Ryan O'Neal who both starred in Paper Moon together which so fucking annoys me. So when Hamilton is up on rape charges, just remember that I didn't like him.     

 

The Vanishing Wasp

Bug scientists in Cheshire who were studying the declining wasp population have stumbled upon a startling revelation during the wasp cloning process.

"We noticed a serious decline in wasps and so cloned some the size of crows so they would be easy to follow so we'd see where they went to." said professor Green from his secret lab in Cheshire.  

They noticed something similar to other animals that they had worked on while employed by the cosmetic industry. Wasps share a gene found in spiders, goats, sharks and cats .... They have nicknamed it 'The cunt gene'.

The gene can also be found in some small dog breeds and moths that make you flap your hands and cause you to do the derp face .... stop flapping, they are totally out of reach and are laughing at you.

Animals that get on like cunts all share the gene, professor Green is hoping to get enough interest in his work to start human studies. This could explain why people who seem interested in helping you during a time of need just don't bother to turn up when they say they would.

Some animals are just cunts. If yer spouse sat around all day licking his bits then after you fed him he takes a shit in a box of grit in the kitchen and then stays out all night looking for pussy you'd probably have some stern words to say to him.

Or if yer girlfriend went around biting strangers saying she mistook them for seals and was just curious, that may cause a few difficulties.  

Studies have shown that 8/10 cat owners suffer from low self esteem and think they deserve how their cat treats them .... and they probably do deserve it, cat loving tossers.

Professor Green added, "If we could turn off the cunt gene in people then maybe women would see past my balding head, diminutive stature and large belly and see me as a person .... fucking bitches!" 

The professor asks the public in and around the Cheshire area to let authorities know if they see any large wasps flying around as he has misplaced a few.

"They fly surprisingly fast." Said the bewildered scientist.

  

The Conspiracy Archives

So yeah there is so much butt hurt online these days. Every paranoid teenager with a Facebook page freaking out because you have a differing opinion than them.

One such page called 'The Conspiracy Archives' which has 120 thousand likes but of course never that many commenting or liking each post.... Must be fake accounts and government lurkers.

Old Knudsen made some innocuous comments, the kind that other crazy pages like Willie Fraser would ban you for, ones that question the reality of the situation. I thought everything was cool, they must get people that don't believe half their crazy shit all the time right?

Then I got a comment from the administrator saying how I needed to do some research because everything I've ever said on the page has been wrong and that they were sick of it.


Wow, imagine that, I've been wrong my whole life and this person who is right just um put me right.

Then I agreed with someone else who totally tore them a new one and called them on their bullshit and the next day I wasn't able to make comments anymore FUCKING NAZI GERMANY!!!!!

I wasn't trolling yet my freedom of speech was taken away, I feel so violated. Luckily I enjoy being violated.

 Violate this!

So I went on another account and commented and that was me done. Their page isn't interesting enough to stay on if I can't comment and call bullshit. My life doesn't revolve around them and yes I was surprised that my comments got singled out and even remembered ..... I feel so special cos I never gave them a second thought until now. 

So to update my knowledge, 9/11 was an inside job because jet fuel cannot melt steel beams. I was sure that it can turn the beams and rivets to putty which would then weaken the structure and gravity would do the rest but that doesn't fit so I must be wrong.

Building 7 at the World trade center was dodgy though and I find it hard to believe that could collapse due to minimum damage and office fires, I'd blame that one on the likes of Cheney as the Bush admin were not smart enough to perpetrate 9/11 but they were smart enough to make it work for them..... but of course I'm wrong.

I thought that fluoride in the drinking water at low controlled doses was beneficial ... of course at high doses like most other things it's harmful. Fluoride is found naturally in water and in parts of the world can be found at dangerous concentrates. Some governments add it to water to prevent tooth decay.

According to the Conspiracy Archives it can be used for anything from mind control, giving you cancer and mental retardation and depending on what day of the week it is it may even cause shooting sprees.

Well that's me schooled. Except that Northern Ireland doesn't have fluoride added to the water and there is a load of cancer about, mental retardation or just a lot of very thick people and ready to fight and riot at a moments notice. They'd shoot you if they had the guns.

Ach I must be just wrong. What is the point to having such insight, wisdom and experience if I don't get it right? .... imagine a frowny face here cos I just can't be arsed to do one. Me confidence is all gone.

Don't vaccinate yer kids because they put mercury into the vaccines that causes autism ... since 2001 all vaccines for under 6 year-olds have been thimerosal free... Actually the MMR and IPV Vaccines have never contained thimerosal but you don't want facts getting in the way of a good scare. The MMR etc are live virus' and thimerosal would like kill it.  

Some flu jabs may contain trace amounts but since the flu jab is well dodgy and doesn't always werk thanks to evolution Old Knudsen doesn't do that one. FUCK YER FLU JAB!

The page admin did not like me asking why this is still an issue if they don't add it anymore and put up links that probably said they did .... no doubt written by Jim Carey MD but I'm fed up with nutters using sites that look like real news or science sites that talk jargon and whose links are mostly dead or don't go where they say they go to. 
READ ALL ABOUT HOW VACCINES CAUSE AUTISM IN THE LANCET .... and it gives you their subscription page, yeah nice try. 

Of course the FDA, CDC and WHO websites are all lies so you can't go by what they say. 

So vaccines cause autism even though there is no proof but a discredited scientist looking to get published said so and parents who only noticed their kids were autistic when they started speaking said so ... Got it.

If Old Knudsen had a dollar for everytime he is wrong (according to the virgin teenager stoner admin of this page) he'd be rich bitches, at least $5.

 Bob Marley smoked marijuana ... now he's dead. 

I didn't even get into the whole, 'marijuana cures everything' crap, of course stoners are going to say this.

I loved the recent story of a vet with PTSD was arrested for growing pot because his state hadn't legalised it. He had been to Callyfornia and had weed there and so wanted some .... for his health of course so he grew 6 plants.

Maybe he shouldn't have chased his wife with a kitchen knife forcing her to call the cops. PTSD doesn't make you stupid and doesn't make you break laws but some stupid law breakers may have PTSD. He'll get better healthcare in prison anyways.      

Yes, this page is that dumb.

Anti-depressants makes you kill people .... I've been on so many different types until I found one that suited me and throughout those years I had never gone on any killing sprees. Hobos hunts are different, that's sport and we eat what we kill. 

The problem is when people aren't on them or are doing well and think they no longer need to be on them and stop taking them. Then you have real health issues like Schizotypal personality disorder that James Holmes has and that could lead to Schizophrenia, Cho may have had schizophrenia, Jared Loughner has been diagnosed as a paranoid Schizophrenic and  Adam Lanza was Autistic and we don't know what else because his mom home schooled him and had him avoid getting healthcare help. 

It's easy to pick a common denominator and decide that is the reason if you can't see the whole picture. They are all males under 30 with mental health issues and easy access to guns but no, it's the anti-depressants, silly me. 

It is funny, until you find out what they actually think.

Why do I go on such pages? Why do I friend nutters? .... Life is an experience and the very odd time you might be pleasantly surprised. Not this time though.

This page is like a nerd you meet at a party and they say something really whacky and far out there that you laugh, then you realise that they aren't laughing and that it wasn't a joke. You are stunned but can't say anything because yer brain is stuck doing double takes. 

When the page called anyone who joined the military murderers I knew that this was a special type of asshole whose opinion mattered nout. 

You know what? On the very remote off chance that Old Knudsen has been wrong about anything well if this is right then I really don't mind being wrong. I'll be one of the sleeping sheeple rather than the anxiety ridden paranoid wuss who is overly sensitive to criticism, when you keep repeating, "this is not debatable" that doesn't mean yer right, that means you can't see that you may be wrong.

And that my lad is not debatable.

  

Prince Philip Gives Nazi Salute ... No One Cares

An old photo of Prince Philip has been found from the late 1930's wearing a Nazi uniform and giving a Nazi salute.

Ach we all know Phil is a raging racist Nazi that hunts runaway children for sport .... he's still Britain's most favourite curmudgeon. Remember when he told those children with terminal cancer, "won't be long now I expect" .... ach bless him and his hilarious gaffes.

Go on, show us something surprising.

Still at it and we love him for it.   

Courage And Cooking Oil

Oh whatever, Noah Galloway just lost his limbs in Iraq to get attention. 

Many say Caitlyn Jenner should not have received the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. We say to those people, "yer just a transgenderphobe!" and we shout them doon and shame them on Twitter. Even the thought of a surgeon going near my cock with a knife is enough to give me the sweats, I'm just not brave enough. Let me fight Daesh or even yon UFC *fighter from the UK* Conor McGregor but don't slice me knob.  

Lauren Hill even died from brain cancer to try to get the award, some people have no shame.
Philip Seymour Hoffman died to make more money in movies, that fella seems to have a new one out every month, that I don't want to watch.  His giant head gives me the creeps.

Totally doesn't look like a dude made up like a lady.  

It takes courage for a man to decide to become a woman these days, especially in the uber misogynistic right wing conservative world of Southern Callyfornia.  So quick to judge there.

Fighting cancer, competing in endurance sports with multiple amputations .... a fucking doddle compared to picking the right outfit in which you don't look like some flat assed old dude on TV, that is challenging. Maybe Kim should share some of her arse cos it looks like Caitlyn lost hers in Vegas. 

If you say white boy ass then yer a racist and a sexist transgenderphobe.

It takes courage to tell yer wife that yer a woman, trapped inside a man's body .... though you still want to fuck weemen, just not her, that my friend is true bravery, especially if you hadn't signed a prenup but I'm sure he she would being a lawyer and all. 

Old Knudsen thinks Jenner can do with her body whatever she wants but does it all have to be in public? He also thinks that Jenner makes Old Knudsen's dick turtle, maybe because I didn't like her as a bloke, why would I like her as a womany bloke? 

Am I being a transgenderphobe because I think she's hideous? Oh c'mon, she could play Gary Busey's twin sister now. Busey could turn woman for his own reality show, I bet Busey would be wild in the sack as a woman. 

I don't think either of these people should have gotten the award for courage. 

It should have went to Romario Dos Santos Alves. This 25 year-old almost lost his arms because he was injecting oil into them to pump them up. 

Never mind the crazy shit about being a woman trapped in a man's body, he is the Hulk trapped in a man's body, this is serious. It takes real courage to do a little bit of exercise and then take the oil injecting short cut. He may have died leaving his wife and young child to fend for themselves but he didn't, cos he had courage an shit. 

   
Alves should have been given the Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly Award because his 5 minutes a day lifting weights is a lot more current than Jenner's sporting exploits 40 years ago, Alves was fucking robbed. 

Jenner wants to raise awareness and to inspire other transgenders which is very nice and all, talk up the years of therapy you should attend first of before you go cutting anything. Alves inspires others to not think and just inject oil into their bodies and risk solid tumors that could lose yer arm because he believes that inside so many of us is a superhero that needs helps to come out. Being a man or a woman is a piece of piss compared to being a superhero. With great power comes great abs.

You don't become a superhero and play around with yer hair and make up like a teenager, you pose for pictures and save the world from robots and aliens. You have to be all angst ridden and brooding, like a Goth but more sullen like an old lonely clown who hasn't heard laughter for years.

Who hasn't been a man trapped in a woman's body? Such are the perils of sloppy seconds, Life Hack Time! to avoid the suction from all the fluids stick a drinking straw up the side of the vadge to release any trapped air. 

Jenner didn't inspire me to become a creepy looking old lady man but Alves has inspired me to inject some Crisp 'n' dry cooking oil into me guns and maybe into me cock though it totally doesn't need it.     

Jim Wells Is A Liar

Remember at the end of April the then Health minister of Northern Ireland, DUP politician Jim Wells resigned? Well I did a post on it  so you should remember ... what do you mean you don't read my boring Northern Ireland posts? Well I don't either.

He said that children brought up in a homosexual relationship are more likely to be abused or neglected. Where did he get these facts from?

Ghey marriage causes straight couples to get divorced. Ian Paisley jr didn't just make that up you know.

After that he then went door to door for votes and ended up harassing a lesbian couple saying that his party doesn't believe in their lifestyle. The funny thing was that they were DUP voters until he showed up. 

Politicians on the mainland even slagged him off for his homophobic views so he resigned saying that he was leaving to take care of his wife who was recovering from two strokes. 

It took him 2 months to come up with a come back plan. His sick wife can be used as a back up excuse but now he's saying that he never said those words that stated as fact homosexual couples are more likely to abuse or neglect their children. The tape has been doctored he says .... yes a secret organisation probably reptilian in nature went to all the trouble to doctor the tape because he is what stands in their way to enslave the world. 

The DUP are small potatoes, no one cares. They are like bargain basement politicians who refer to the Bible on matters rather than do what's right or form their own opinions.    

He is denying everything and stating how he is now out to clear his name. The only problem with this plan is that he actually DID says those words. Even if they were taken out of context he still said the words. 

Unless he said before the clip, "If I was a bigoted homophobe I'd say that, it's a fact that children raised by a homosexual couple are more likely to be abused or neglected"    

This was the same man telling the leezers that their lifestyle was wrong. This is the guy who said that if a woman got pregnant after getting raped, the fetus is the ultimate victim so she should have the baby. Abortion only for medical emergencies .... rape is not an emergency. 

Yeah Wells you did say it, you said it all. Just because you want to return to work because there are no jobs out there in the real world for someone with yer lack of experience and qualifications .... yeah other jobs don't just put you in charge of shit because yer friends with a guy you go to yer Young Creationist church with. 

The DUP have demonstrated over the decades that they are anti-ghey, not just anti-same sex marriage but they want to make being ghey illegal as it was in the early 80's. They are as anti-ghey as the Orange Order are anti-Catholic and of course many DUP members are in the Orange Order. 

After fighting to stop ghey couples from adopting children the DUP is still using tax payer money to fight a legal battle to prevent ghey men from donating blood. 

I believe that Wells said the words, not just because there is indisputable proof but because he's a cunt and very likely to say it. It shows you what fine Christians they are every time they deny any wrong doing. Luckily Jesus died for all their sins so lets sin away and lie and not let his death be in vain.  

 

 

 

Jesus Was Scottish

Bibical experts and scholars have finally started to listen to Old Knudsen and his claim that Jesus was indeed Scottish.
Ewan McGregor stars as Jesus H Christ in the new movie Last days in the desert. Belfast man Ciaran Hinds plays his father so yeah they are so with the historical accuracy for once. His mother is Israeli in the movie but that was probably because we don't have very attractive weemen and a brutal Scots or Irish lass would be too much for the audience .... thank fuck they invented make up huh.

I haven't seen the finished movie though I've been on board as a consultant since last June, it's handy to have a first hand account when dealing with shit like this as you don't want to get it wrong.

  Pace makers? What is he saying? Is he even speaking English?

So I remember an excited Jesus coming over to me saying how he was going to break old man Methuselah's record for staying out in the desert without any food.  (the scriptures do not mention water) This is the kind of stuff Les Stroud does on Survivorman but without a camera and less whining. 

Why did Jesus come to me you may ask? Old Knudsen often travels the desert and is well versed in its deadly ways .... one of the problems of having outdoor toilets and plenty of wine, you tend to end up in the desert a lot. 

So I gave Jesus some good advice like wear sun screen for his pale skin and gave him a give bag of glue (the scriptures do not mention huffing) and a few bottles of beat the wife which was thicker and stronger back then. The slaves who built the pyramids lived on ancient beat the wife and barely noticed the whippings. Before you know it 20 years has gone by and a fucking giant pyramid is there. It was like a meal that you drank that would also get you blootered. 

You'd be fairly stupid to go off into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights with no supplies. 40 was a large number to the Jews and was used like we'd say, "oh there were thousands of them" but it just meant a long time. 

He wanted to go into the desert to prepare for the Lord's mission .... nah only kidding, you go out and set fire to shit and shoot some cans duh! Jesus actually had his hi-powered assault slingshot and would do target practice on empty urns an shit. He also wrote a book called the dead sea scrolls, the glue gave his the wackiest of ideas but then he couldn't remember what cave he left them in. He was well bummed out because he had wanted to go back and fully flesh out his boy wizard character named after himself.

After 3 days I sent my homie Lucifer out check on him. He had brought him bread but had forgotten the glue, Jesus was well off his head at the time and rambled on about how man cannot live by bread alone.

That is how we know that phrase as Lucifer came back with his bread and told Old Knudsen, how else could we have known what went on?  Jesus wasn't the bragging type and like he'd remember it anyways. It's not a reality show where his every move is recorded.

Jesus had several visions while out in the desert and after a week he came into town covered in his own feces and vomit complaining how hungry he was, his exact werds were, "I could eat a scabby skunk" he also said his mouth tasted like a camel's cunt but people don't like to hear the werds Jesus actually used, Scots tend to have a very colourful vocabulary. 

So go watch the film, I don't know if they left in all that I have told them but being a white Scotsman is a good start. Did you know that Jesus and his mate Andy invented golf?  Now Old Knudsen is for ghey rights but golf is wey too ghey even for him. Aye ya think you know a person then all of a sudden they are dressed like hoors and playing a round with the lads.  

 

   

Danger Selfies Cull The Herd

"Please, you got help me ..... shut up or the bitch gets it ..... listen to her she's serious :::blub blub::: just let me take a selfie before I die ..... better hurry up bitch cos I'm gonna do it."

The Bold and the beautiful called, you didn't get the part, even yer acting was too bad for them. Old Knudsen does studies in stupidity, he wants to understand people better so he can enjoy hunting them  talking to them more. Maybe I'm old but what the fuck is up with snuff selfies? ... then again what the fuck is up with disco dancing, you young uns never fail to disgust astound Old Knudsen. 

A 21 year-old Russian woman got hold of a security guard's pistol. The office werker probably couldn't figure out how to get past her computer's firewalls so she could watch porn or cat videos on social media like most office werkers do so she decided to take a selfie with the gun.

This is why open carry is a bad idea and why most civvies shouldn't be allowed near firearms, she "accidentally" pulled the trigger which made the gun unexpectedly fire. It was a rubber bullet which  ricocheted off the wall and hit her in the noggin. As far as I know she was in critical condition but expected to live.

You should always assume a gun it loaded and since modern pistols tend to have the safety built into the trigger you can fire the gun a lot easier now. Rubber bullets sound harmless, they are designed to be bounced off the ground and injure yer lower body, a head shot can be fatal.

I've been asked to do this post by the makers of the Darwin awards, they just can't keep up with demand.

 Plane just crashed, one person dead .... thankfully Instagram still works.

Mohammed Aslam Shahul aged 21, died in Bali after falling off a cliff while taking a selfie. He fell into the sea and it turned out that he couldn't swim. I guess 21 year-olds don't go on vacation to islands famous for its beaches to enjoy the water, unless the water is frozen and in their drinks. 

Anna Ursu, 18 was on top of a train in Romania to take a selfie when she touched the live wire. I hope someone took a pic of the burning mess or else what is the point to her sacrifice to the dark lord Selfie Dominous the shadow king?

Thanks to the selfie stick yer face no longer looks distorted unless the selfie is taken as you slip off the building.

Oscar Otero Aguilar, 21 from Mexico killed himself when posing for a selfie with his gun. 3 blokes from India, all  students aged between 20 and 22 died when they thought that taking a selfie on a train track with the train in the background was a good idea. They got out of the way of the train by jumping onto the track beside them not realising a train was coming in the opposite direction. I didn't see that coming, nor did they.

JESUS CHRIST! This is in bad taste. Jesus is my all time favourite historical character next to Sherlock Holmes, he deserves more respect than this. Whats next, stripping down to yer underwear and getting nailed to a cross for the ultimate selfie?

Oh never mind .... Jesus took duckface selfies for you!

Pete Wentz from a Fall Out Boy was not harmed in the making of this picture. 

If in doubt photoshap a shark. Then add the fake news title: 'Man Takes Selfie Moments Before Deadly Shark Attack' to mess with the critical thinking abilities of social media users who believe everything they see. 

The Pope also did not have a black Sabbath cassock either, some people want to believe but this faker doesn't fool me and no, he isn't cool and Black Sabbath were shite. Who am I to judge indeed ... doesn't stop you though.   

There are indeed some dumb enough to go into a shark cage for a selfie with a great white. Sharks are often maligned as vicious killers but in reality they only kill people dumb enough to swim in the sea or in rivers close to the sea. Often sharks mistake surfers and swimmers as seals .... Just like how Oscar Pistorius mistook his gurlfriend for a burglar before he shot her. 

It's a great excuse sharks but I'm starting to not believe it. 

Belfast boy takes selfie with queen .... she is not amused, he's still in the tower of London BTW.

Old Knudsen isn't impressed with snuff selfies or danger selfies, who cares if some back packers got naked for selfies on a sacred mountain? ... unless they have nice tits and then I care.

You hear people go on about how concerts are full of cell phones and people are no longer experiencing real life first hand, well that's bollocks! What is the point to going out, getting off yer head and missing getting a picture of Justin Bieber barfing on stage or Madonna falling off the stage? 

You just have yer fuzzy memory of the event right? Old Knudsen has missed years of his life due to the effects of alcohol on the brain but now he can record every drunken slur and sexual rejection thanks to modern technology.  Of course he has to get a smarts phone first even though he hates talking to peeple and doesn't like being tracked.

 

I do admire the fat girl angle selfies, very creative and why not? For some reason cameras aren't as good as mirrors and self delusion. 

 

 Here is yer prize for getting to the end of that post, yer prize is body issues, "look at that bitch, I bet she never eats and her lovely hair is probably photoshopped." or "look at that hottie, shit I hate my life in this basement and I'll never date a chick like her, should I do sit ups and improve my life or have more pizza? .... that wasn't really a question, pizza it is."

  

Selfies often bring beauty and semi erections to yer life unless it's Kim Kardashian then it's just 'oh her again' did you know that 97% of her indoor selfies that just show her face and shoulders were taken while she was having a crap?  Aye that serene yet smug look can be only achieved when pinching off a loaf ... true story bro. 

Take selfies responsibly and don't post more than 2 per month or people will think yer a self centered twat ... unless yer at new places or meeting celebs then it's ok cos social media is all about having the best looking life. 

If you do win a Darwin award then make sure yer pics get uploaded just before or after yer death. 

 

Why Loyalism Will Be Destroyed

As expected there was trouble in Belfast this 12th July marching season. Whenever the Loyalist bands get told they can't march past Catholic homes yelling their insults and playing their tunes about killing Fenians or about the Irish famine they get angry and riot. Drinking all day in the sun doesn't help matters either.

The bands were also told they were not allowed to play sectarian music while walking past Catholic chapels, they have done this for numerous years and even go out of their way to do it. Of course some bands test the law and do as they please like they did this year ..... what a sucky attitude. 

She got lucky and her injuries are non life threatening. 

There was a riot and a girl was run over by an Orangeman who drove into the crowd. The story is that he panicked but we'll see. Why was he there in his car anyway?

Police and photographers have been injured by Loyalists throwing bottles and metal bolts and one PSNI officer was bitten on the hand and needed 12 stitches, no dog was mentioned so I'm assuming it was a rabid flegger. An Inspector also suffered from a severed ear.

Billy Hutchinson is a paramilitary pretending to be a politician. 

Old Knudsen has had his fair share of bonfires and parades, it's stupid and boring. I've been making supporters and enemies online by putting out opinions that need to be out there. The Loyalists online automatically class me as a Fenian, little do they know I'm a Unionist who has served Queen and cuntry .... unlike the majority of them. They don't make me angry because I'm all ready angry so comments about me sucking on my momma's nipples just wash over me.

I compliment the person on their insult that was cutting edge more than 10 years ago and mention how my dead mother was cremated so her nipples are not much good now. 

The Loyalists try to justify their actions by blaming everyone except themselves. An Orangeman drove his car into a crowd of Catholic residents, hitting 3 and driving on top of a young girl and yet that is the fault of the police.

If they say that there wouldn't be trouble if they had let them march then you could say that there wouldn't be trouble if they weren't total dicks or if there weren't any parades. The lack of cognitive complexity is astounding.

Loyalism is a dirty word and Loyalist now means and ignorant, poorly educated drunken lout. They may define themselves with flags and sectarian hatred but they are also defined by their actions and words.

The Orange Order and all their Loyalist minions do their cause more harm every time they fail to obey the law or when they erect Nazi and Confederate flags along side their paramilitary flags. They will get more and more sanctions put onto their parades and they will push back and blindly lash out thus causing more harm.

People are smiling, can't be Prods.

The sham fight at Scarva where some Orange Order groups do a reenactment of a fake fight between King William of Orange and King James is the direction in which Loyalism must go. It isn't serious and it's a celebration rather than a sour faced parade, we need more of that.
It needs to be more American 4th July celebration than a gloating trouble making hate fest. No one burns the Union flag on the 4th July and everyone is made to feel welcome.

The Republicans or Nationalists .... whatever you want to call them can see what the Loyalists are doing and if they can refrain from rioting, burning Orange Order halls and from behaving like Loyalists then they will win the long game.

Loyalists will destroy themselves by their actions especially as the older more respectable ones die off leaving the younger hot heads to take charge. Politicians and the police need to see this and they need to quit sniping at each other and at the Parades Commission and join forces to work for the will of the people, not the angry mob and their tantrums.

Leaders today must start working on their legacy and make compromises or Loyalism will be that thing that criminals did every summer. The current behaviour is not acceptable.

         

Donald Trump Was Right

Donald Trump was the brightest star of the White House campaign trail, no one listened to him and now his worse fears have come to light.

An illegal alien from Mexico sneaked across the border and took Donald's job. The new Trump 'Donaldo' who can't speak a word of English but is now able to sell guns and drugs at a much higher rate than before thanks to his CEO billionaire playboy status.

It is thought that Donaldo has already raped Ivanka and Tiffany Trump and is now in talks (via a translator) with Univision and NBC to hold the Miss USA Pageant to which me says "Me Gusta Mucho." 

 

Staunch Trump supporter Bill O'Reilly was one hand to give his opinion on these developments, "Ay caramba!"