Naked Selfie Sunday

A collection of naked selfies that get sent to me by my readers for you enjoy unless yer mind gets distracted by the messy rooms or the toilets. I can't be the only to wonder if the selfie is taken after a dump or before it. Did they do a massive dump and thought they must have lost some weight so why take a pic if you can stand the stench of yer own brand.

 

Russia Tells Troops To Stop Posting On Social Media

Russians have been in Syria since April but it's hard to deny their presence when the troops are posting pics up on social media. One Russia soldier complained that though their stripy shirts look kinda ghey, Syria was in for one serious gun show for the next 8 months.    

 Debaltseve in eastern Ukraine.

If you remember Old Knudsen went to Ukraine to find evidence of serving Russian soldiers fighting along side the Russian backed separatists. The Russians deny they are there in any official capacity but it's difficult to deny when loads of serving Russian soldiers post selfies all over the place. This is an ethnic Buryat named Bato Dambaev from Russia's Siberian region on the border of Mongolia. It's hard to deny there are foreign fighters running around when they are Kazakhs or Buryats. You can see his uniform isn't standard Ruskie and the white arm bands are so the local rebels know they are on their side. Since his wall was open I could see him in his Russian military uniform and see that he has signed up to served until 2016. 

Old Knudsen even tracked young Dambaev to his home town in Buryatia and threatened to show the pics to Putin unless he paid me money and perhaps do me other favours .... it's a journalist thing, I do it with loads of young men who have compromised themselves with social media, it's like a life lesson. 
 

 They make it so easy to catch them some times.

   
A while back there was a young British soldier tearing around Belfast posting about what parties he was on the way to. While the Troubles are over the chance to kill a member of the security forces should not be given to the IRA loving cunts on a silver platter. Hopefully the present day terrorist is as gormless as the present day squaddie, young people huh. Old Knudsen is so paranoid that he splashes people who call to his hoose with holy water .... going by the huge size my cock it has obviously been blessed by Gog so that counts as holy water right? 

Russians are crazy as fuck but seriously, turn off yer location settings before posting selfies. If you keep it on for a 'come an get us if yer hard enough' kinda thing then respect to ye. Old Knudsen used to strip down and oil himself up for battle like the Spartans did .... which is why I'm no longer allowed to shop in ASDA anymore. Haters gonna hate.    

Typical Russian military shit, ach who hasn't done this in the army? .... yeah, probably the Yanks, they wouldn't risk hitting their faces. On this side of the Atlantic we embrace every branch of the ugly tree and since broken bones are supposed to be stronger after they mend we break everything just to be tough. Old Knudsen can crush walnuts between his butt cheeks though it's a strain and you wouldn't want to eat them afterwards. He saves it to do at parties ..... though he never gets invites for some reason.

 Don't ever say their outfits look ghey or he'll break yer bricks. 

Old Knudsen would personally rather fight German Nazis, Jap samurais or Islamic extremists than fight the Russians but if I had to I'd win. Anyone can break a brick with their fist, Old Knudsen prefers to break fists with a brick, not his own obviously as that would hurt. 

Reminds me of 85 when I was teaching the Mujahideen how to kill Russians during the battle of Maravar Pass in Afghanistan. Killing Russians was all the trend back in the 80's, big hair, shoulder pads and dirty commies. 

The Mujahideen which became al Qaeda and the Tallyban were our friends and it was the Libyans and the Iranians you had to watch out for ... well that hasn't really changed except now they are too busy to hi-jack and blow up planes. 

Ivan is gearing up for the weekend .... totally not in Syria though.

We lured them into the gorge, blocked their only exit and flanked them with heavy machine guns, 2 days of fighting before their reinforcements came to get them out, ach I thought the Spetsnaz were supposed to be tough but against Knudsen's Ragheads they didn't stand a chance. I tried to stop me men beheading the enemy which is just rude but you know what Johnny savage is like when their blood is up. I told the CIA not to trust them and to leave on friendly terms but would they listen?

After that the Soviets made sure to carry less vodka and more ammo out in the field.  

These days they don't carry any vodka and actually carry morphine in case they get wounded, what pussies. In Old Knudsen's day if you were wounded you'd walk it off and a selfie was something you did in yer bunk, ach times do indeed change. 

 

Saturday Nonsense

Someday you'll look up from yer phone and see that life has gone on without you. But that's ok cos it's not as if yer life was like Old Knudsen's or something. I just got back from Monte Carlo where I won 50 million in a game of Solitaire, I then gave it all to charity, a lovely lass, very appreciative.   

So anyways, any doctors reading this and should I be concerned about this?  I was just out feeding the birds, this is nothing, you should see my fat balls.

It's Saturday, I just got refills on me medications and the office still haven't noticed that the petty cash has gone so anything is possible. Because you lot are my bestest friends I'll tell you this, if later on you see an old man lying in the street in a pool of blood choking on his own vomit cross the road cos it's a trap ... ach I do love Saturdays. 

Danger Selfies Cull The Herd

"Please, you got help me ..... shut up or the bitch gets it ..... listen to her she's serious :::blub blub::: just let me take a selfie before I die ..... better hurry up bitch cos I'm gonna do it."

The Bold and the beautiful called, you didn't get the part, even yer acting was too bad for them. Old Knudsen does studies in stupidity, he wants to understand people better so he can enjoy hunting them  talking to them more. Maybe I'm old but what the fuck is up with snuff selfies? ... then again what the fuck is up with disco dancing, you young uns never fail to disgust astound Old Knudsen. 

A 21 year-old Russian woman got hold of a security guard's pistol. The office werker probably couldn't figure out how to get past her computer's firewalls so she could watch porn or cat videos on social media like most office werkers do so she decided to take a selfie with the gun.

This is why open carry is a bad idea and why most civvies shouldn't be allowed near firearms, she "accidentally" pulled the trigger which made the gun unexpectedly fire. It was a rubber bullet which  ricocheted off the wall and hit her in the noggin. As far as I know she was in critical condition but expected to live.

You should always assume a gun it loaded and since modern pistols tend to have the safety built into the trigger you can fire the gun a lot easier now. Rubber bullets sound harmless, they are designed to be bounced off the ground and injure yer lower body, a head shot can be fatal.

I've been asked to do this post by the makers of the Darwin awards, they just can't keep up with demand.

 Plane just crashed, one person dead .... thankfully Instagram still works.

Mohammed Aslam Shahul aged 21, died in Bali after falling off a cliff while taking a selfie. He fell into the sea and it turned out that he couldn't swim. I guess 21 year-olds don't go on vacation to islands famous for its beaches to enjoy the water, unless the water is frozen and in their drinks. 

Anna Ursu, 18 was on top of a train in Romania to take a selfie when she touched the live wire. I hope someone took a pic of the burning mess or else what is the point to her sacrifice to the dark lord Selfie Dominous the shadow king?

Thanks to the selfie stick yer face no longer looks distorted unless the selfie is taken as you slip off the building.

Oscar Otero Aguilar, 21 from Mexico killed himself when posing for a selfie with his gun. 3 blokes from India, all  students aged between 20 and 22 died when they thought that taking a selfie on a train track with the train in the background was a good idea. They got out of the way of the train by jumping onto the track beside them not realising a train was coming in the opposite direction. I didn't see that coming, nor did they.

JESUS CHRIST! This is in bad taste. Jesus is my all time favourite historical character next to Sherlock Holmes, he deserves more respect than this. Whats next, stripping down to yer underwear and getting nailed to a cross for the ultimate selfie?

Oh never mind .... Jesus took duckface selfies for you!

Pete Wentz from a Fall Out Boy was not harmed in the making of this picture. 

If in doubt photoshap a shark. Then add the fake news title: 'Man Takes Selfie Moments Before Deadly Shark Attack' to mess with the critical thinking abilities of social media users who believe everything they see. 

The Pope also did not have a black Sabbath cassock either, some people want to believe but this faker doesn't fool me and no, he isn't cool and Black Sabbath were shite. Who am I to judge indeed ... doesn't stop you though.   

There are indeed some dumb enough to go into a shark cage for a selfie with a great white. Sharks are often maligned as vicious killers but in reality they only kill people dumb enough to swim in the sea or in rivers close to the sea. Often sharks mistake surfers and swimmers as seals .... Just like how Oscar Pistorius mistook his gurlfriend for a burglar before he shot her. 

It's a great excuse sharks but I'm starting to not believe it. 

Belfast boy takes selfie with queen .... she is not amused, he's still in the tower of London BTW.

Old Knudsen isn't impressed with snuff selfies or danger selfies, who cares if some back packers got naked for selfies on a sacred mountain? ... unless they have nice tits and then I care.

You hear people go on about how concerts are full of cell phones and people are no longer experiencing real life first hand, well that's bollocks! What is the point to going out, getting off yer head and missing getting a picture of Justin Bieber barfing on stage or Madonna falling off the stage? 

You just have yer fuzzy memory of the event right? Old Knudsen has missed years of his life due to the effects of alcohol on the brain but now he can record every drunken slur and sexual rejection thanks to modern technology.  Of course he has to get a smarts phone first even though he hates talking to peeple and doesn't like being tracked.

 

I do admire the fat girl angle selfies, very creative and why not? For some reason cameras aren't as good as mirrors and self delusion. 

 

 Here is yer prize for getting to the end of that post, yer prize is body issues, "look at that bitch, I bet she never eats and her lovely hair is probably photoshopped." or "look at that hottie, shit I hate my life in this basement and I'll never date a chick like her, should I do sit ups and improve my life or have more pizza? .... that wasn't really a question, pizza it is."

  

Selfies often bring beauty and semi erections to yer life unless it's Kim Kardashian then it's just 'oh her again' did you know that 97% of her indoor selfies that just show her face and shoulders were taken while she was having a crap?  Aye that serene yet smug look can be only achieved when pinching off a loaf ... true story bro. 

Take selfies responsibly and don't post more than 2 per month or people will think yer a self centered twat ... unless yer at new places or meeting celebs then it's ok cos social media is all about having the best looking life. 

If you do win a Darwin award then make sure yer pics get uploaded just before or after yer death. 

 

Selfie Sunday

1

A selfie is when you've just had a shite and noticed that the light in the bathroom makes you look fantastic and thin and so you take a photo of yer self - ie to show the world via an ex who hates you.

2

Some show a little more than others and many many selfies are taken because you want to capture that certain something.

3 

That certain something like yer newly shaved soul patch.

4

Don't forget to look pensive or deep in thought as that adds a new dimension to you ... oh look, he comes with a handle.

5

With friends is good even if they are towel heads. 

6

Or sad, and alone ... these are my tits, my tits are sullen and lonely, they may cry. 

7

Or be lonely but sexy ... in yer own mind as nothing says sexy like a toilet. 

8

Take one while breaking into a house as you never know when some cop might shoot you. I don't judge, those people have their culture so we must respect it.

9

I like selfies as there is a story to them that we'll never know.

10

Sometimes it's best just not knowing. 

11

Some are definitely better than others.

12

His muscles has to be photoshopped .... the cunt!

13

 But clean the mirror first.

14

You just never know who has sat on yer sink.