Double Baggers

I know this young couple who are to put it in a nice way "fucking ugly" these two people fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way doon and then angry villagers clubbed them with ugly sticks.

Everyone says fat people are jolly, that isn't true, fat people are mean nasty fuckers that would eat you if you show any weakness. Now Mr and Mrs Ugly are quite jolly, she has the face of a horse, like Princess Margaret meets Amy Winehoose and Mr Ugly is a chubby were-pig. Lovely people, well into the church and like a lot of mingers they have great singing voices.

They had a baby 2 years back, and he looked a bit were-piggy and they gave him a trendy modern name, now I hear that in July they had two more children (talk about bumping uglies) they sent me a picture to announce their births and these two wee sprogs are the creepiest creatures to be born of humans, like bald monkeys with a skin disease.
I've said before that god has a wicked sense of humour when he not only makes twins but makes them both ugly. Thank fuck for plastic surgery.

I feel obligated to send a well done you ugly fuckers card back to them but I can't find one that advises them to stop breeding.

You'd think Hallmark would have something that covers that, I see they also don't have "why are you not dead yet?" cards and "she meant nothing to me" cards. People breakup by e-mail and texts and dear John letters, what about "I think we should see other people" cards ? I see a niche in the market and who doesn't like getting cards?