The Battle Of Mongs

Battle Of Mons




On the 11th of the 11th which is remembrance Sunday I'd like to clear up something that has been bothering me for decades. The battle of Mons was not won by angels, UFO's or Cybermen, its like everything being put doon to the "luck of the Irish" its an insult, hard work and skill that's what did it.

It was 1914, back then everything was in black and white but we were cheerful ready to link arms and sing a song at any minute. I was still in the army enjoying the Empire and wondering why they hadn't promoted me at all.


I was a part of the BEF (British Expeditionary Force) we were a 70,000 strong force marching across France to meet up with the French to fight the dreaded Hun (German) our commanding officer was General John French which made things very confusing, especially as I knew a bloke named David English who was Irish but he wasn't there.

We clashed with German cavalry before we even saw any Frenchies so we dug in to fight, we should have guessed that the frogs had already got an arse kicking and were running south.


The commander of the German First Army, Kluck, was surprised to see the British so soon but he wasn't worried as he had 160,000 men and 600 artillery guns which was double what we had brought with us, also Kaiser Bill had called the BEF a bunch of " contemptibles ” so a lack of respect all round even though we were professional soldiers.






Me and Bobby out practicing our camouflage exercises, how not to be seen. It was a simpler time back then, you'll have to trust me that there really is two men amongst the foliage.



The Germans suffered really heavy causalities and thought we were using machine guns, in fact they were facing the best riflemen in Europe using Lee Enfield rifles in a medieval 20-acre formation each firing 15 rounds a minute at 800 to 1000 yards. The Germans were coming in like grey clouds but we were turning them back littering the field with their dead, our mood was quite jubilant. One German regiment lost 25 officers and over 500 men in just one attack, another losing 5 officers and 376 men.

The French forces having retreated leaving the British flank exposed was our doon fall, General French wanted to retreat to the coast but Lord Kitchener insisted we stayed closer to the French so the Germans could slaughter us better I suppose. We retreated to our second line of defense disheartened as we were winning and retreat or defeat had never occurred to us.

The story of the Angels of Mons firing arrows at the Germans was our marksmen, the woman in the long white dress urging us on to victory was Smithy, god bless his cross dressing little heart. The story got back to England and became a legend to give the people hope.


How can you look at a battle and say that God was there on anyones side? either God enjoys it or turns his back a lot, the angels would be a far better deterrent to war than 10 nations with nukes.


Absolute power corrupts absolutely does that apply to Gods too? those brave warriors who have lost their lives in the service to their country had better be well looked after for their sacrifice as they deserve far more. I shall do my part and remember and thank all the soldiers and civilians from all over the world who have served and have given their lives for us and especially all of those old contemptibles.


The Enniskillen bombing 20th anniversary