Lost .......... In Belfast

Previously on Lost:



Stranded in Belfast because all airline flights are cancelled around Europe because of the evil Icelanders and their volcano .


You see Charlie we are all in comas on an alien spaceship and this reality is playing out on the ship's computer, the smoke monster was the sun reflecting off the volcanic ash from Iceland and only my body died because I am now a cyborg .


You like to blow shit up? well the volcano blew its ash money shot all over you. Look how hot I am baby, check out my new adult profile on Facebook, friend me good and hard go on poke me.


But what about the polar bear and why is Hurley still so fat?


Don't fuck with me you little obbit its destiny, fate or some such shite.

I knew you didn't know ya baldy cunt.

Dude I'm just big boned and I don't like sports unless there is fried chicken involved.


I don't see nae fuckin ash!


Ben and the others are out there causing the ash with their outside smoking.


No its not about the ash, the city wants something from us and won't let us go until we vote for the DUP. Just vote DUP for unity we'll get rid of the others and live in peace.

I spent my whole life trying to get approval from my father and doubting I could be the best I could be ................ held back by my own fear but now that I'm trapped in Belfast damn do I feel soooo superior.
Hey why is everyone so white and puffy? wanna touch my abs?




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Big Barney Rubble In Little China

Monk in foreground, Chinese rescue workers hard at work in their lovely clean gear while a Chinese military man sorts out his camera. "Oy monk don't walk into the scene!"

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So there was a wee 7.1 magnitude earthquake in China's Qinghai province on Wednesday. For those that don't get out too much that area used to be Tibet with a load of Mongols moving in during the 18th century.
In 1928 and then really super officially in 1949 China invaded and took it over for its own good, ach go watch the film Seven years in Tibet if ya can stand Brad Pitt's Austrian accent which was terrible but better than the Norn Iron one he did in The Devil's Own:

"One man trapped by destiny, and another bound by duty. They're about to discover what they're willing to fight, and to die for."


I'm too sexy for the RA!

I've never seen an IRA terrorist as pretty as Pitt, to be honest they are usually shouting "please don't kill me I was diddled by priests its not my fault I'm a murdering coward" with tears doon their faces and shit stains in their y-fronts. Ach did I get off track ? try to focus ya cunts.

So Tibet .......... the Chinese hate them but being commie bullies like to be in charge of a poor mountainous region that is of no use except its another part of the world they can own and it gives them an expendable no mans land to protect its real borders.

As soon as the quake happened hundreds of Tibetan monks and nuns were on the scene giving what relief they can and pulling bodies from the rubble. Now holy men may be total tit-heads but unlike the holy men of the Vatican these Buddhist monks don't make excuses they talk the talk and walk the walk just like those in the Burma protests so fair play to them .

Chinese soldiers and rescue workers have been mostly only digging bodies out of official Chinese buildings and schools, they are more eager to guard their own shit than dig but what can you expect its a 90% Tibetan region ....
The monks have been doing most of the work and are the only ones digging out people in the hooses.

Only official media allowed but Old Knudsen has his sources doon at Panda Express where the egg rolls flow free for Old Knudsen.
When the cameras turn up the soldiers get off their arses and send the monks packing and are seen to be the ones pulling the bodies out..... ah propaganda don't ya love it? memo to Bush, wear an open necked blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

Unlike the monks many rescue workers can't handle the altitude like they gave a fuck anyway.

The Chinese President Hu Jintao showed up at the same time as a load of government aid did and in front of the cameras hugged crying people and wrote in chalk on a blackboard in a makeshift school in a tent "There will be new schools! There will be new homes!"

He didn't say where they would be as now is a great time for China to move broken ethnic Tibetan families to more chinky regions to get rid of them.

Don't worry Americans with you getting over all caring Socialist health care which you often confuse with cunty Communism you can still be total wankers just like the chinks. During Katrina the government was under no obligation to help but it was expected and media pressure made it so. Why would they help? its not a socialist cuntry, ach ya want it all but not pay for it.

Oh sorry its Tibet Not Norman Tebbit the English MP who this year violently kicked a chinky child who wore a Chinese dragon costume during a Chinese New Year parade.... silly twat!



Who gives a fuck its Tibet? What about those cunty Icelanders and their volcano ash? now that is serious I mean who wants ugly American tourists stuck in Ye Olde London .......... England for any longer than they have to be? "I'm an American damn it I should be airlifted out by the space shuttle, McCain wouldn't have let this happen, damn you Obama!"


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Obama Loves Fried Chicken

The Tea Party movement's feelings are hurt, they don't like the label they are getting of being racists, homophobes and morons.
Old Knudsen really can't think how this came about unless its a slur by dirty Liberals or because the Tea party movement are a bunch of racist, homophobic morons you know , yer average Republican type.


Getting yer fear coated news via Fox News or rather the opinions of those ranting on that non-news channel.
For years Old Knudsen has heard how the immigrants get everything and has wondered how he has missed out for so long ............. oh because its a lie.

Old Knudsen (an immigrant) has gotten fuck all help from the government of Mr Bush or Mr Obama and only got obstacles to trying to get anywhere. Its very telling of a cuntry that will charge you thousands to become a citizen or get health care but will give you a free IRS number if you want one so you can pay taxes, isn't that special?


Why do Americans say "fuck"and are shocked when you say "cunt"? The Dark knight came out in 2008 so Bush didn't suffer much from this image that was a poorly thought out dig at Obama.

It was nothing to do with him when some twat thought about doing this. That makes the above woman a fucktard.......... sure I'd give her one after a few pints but only because I bet shes a super freak.

There I fixed yer sign for ya. Imagine being a ghey black Nazi out of the closet, ok that exercise in empathy is over.


Equality for all but I had better have more so the cunstituion says. Wrote at a time when weemen didn't have the vote and nig nogs were slaves, how fucking stupid do you have to be to take that seriously, more sense in taking the bible literally.

So you kicked the Brits out because you wanted to line the pockets of yer own people, how is that working out for ya? fuck I have always hated paying taxes but it has to be done. When Americans have to pay taxes they cry like babies which is why the cuntry is in a shit puddle and the kids are growing up with poor education and not much hope.

Don't complain about overpaying for something complain as to why whatever it is costs so much to start with......... generic for the people!

Teamwork takes practice but since this cuntry is already divided you'll be sitting ducks for the Chinese invasion when the billions of young men in the RED army reach the height of horniness due to the lack of chink weemen.

Get sorted out America and stop being part of the problem.

Iceland Exports Ash

Jack looks more worried than usual. He knows the island needs him but hes fucked if hes gonna eat pished on sheep eye balls or horse dumplings.


Iceland a nation of 320,000 people and a land of contradiction no maybe it isn't. Once invaded by the British then passed round to the Yanks like the village bike they people are a happy lot prone to knitting , alcoholism and axe throwing . An interesting diet of sheep arse lips and rotten fish has the average Icelander living to the ripe old age of 58 and when an Icelander dies all of the 320,000 people who are all related cum out to see his longboat sail out in a blaze of flames.

Speaking of flames the volcano under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier has erupted causing melting ice and smegma to gush doon and flood lowland areas. Hundreds of people and sheep have been evacuated . The other concern is the Katla volcano under the vast Myrdalsjokull ice cap which might blow too.

If fact Old Knudsen believes it will since that eruption with disrupt air traffic between Europe and North America.
Anything that can go wrong with me getting to my homeland will happen, hey Jesus had it tough too ................. not that I'm saying Old Knudsen is Jesus, I'm no stupid long haired sandal wearing hippy.
If someone smacks you on the cheek you don't turn the other one you put yer guard up and knock 10 shades of shit out of them, if you let folk push you around you'll end up listening to the voices in yer head and get tortured to death.

Pall Einarsson, a geophysicist at the University of Iceland, said "Hertigertum hiddle fergun snatsum." Well said sir.

I hope my Northern Muse peep is faring her economy and island collapsing, it really does soon like Ireland just throw in some pedos .............. into the volcano I mean. Keep an eye on the horizon for longboats just in case 320,000 vikings have to go somewhere.

Hate Mail Yay!

So Old Knudsen defender of whatever needs defending saw this AOL story on Facebook about how the gheys couldn't get 700,000 signatures to get ghey marriage out in the voting booths again in Callyfornia. Remember when prop 8 in 2008 decided that, " Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."?

Support for prop 8 was heavily funded by the Mormon church/fad and many black voters also backed prop 8 swaying the vote against ghey marriage. So much for civil rights, MLK jnr ya failed.
This is the first I've heard about the petition and I firmly believe that all you meat sacks should have equality and even if I don't like you I shall fight for yer rights...... Of course pedos, Nazis, murderers and rapists should be destroyed, there are enough fucktards making trouble without that lot and they have given up their rights by their actions in my opinion.

So I got my first bit of Facebook hate mail from a Thomas Patrick who is a Colonel Sanders looking fucker holding a foo foo dog. He Joined Congrats America, Communists now Control Congress group and is a fan of The Colorado PT Cruiser Club and Moments in Bible Prophecy, a real deep thinker type.

The comments in the AOL post turned religious even though it was about a civil matter and knowing me I turned on me charm as usual, I did use the old 'Judge not, that ye be not judged' gem.
After I had judged they were all mongs of course and said so for taking the Bible literally.

My Facebook hate mail message was:

Mr when you wake up burning in hell, you will be a believer then. Sad to be such an unbeliever.

Old Knudsen believes in many Gogs so he has totally misjudged me. For Old Knudsen hell is other people and still being in America, yes I shall burn this summer.


My not well thought out reply was:


I believe, I believe yer a prick who will wake up in Heaven with a pedo priest wiping his knob on yer coat.


In Argentina 1965 Adolf Hitler begged for Gog's forgiveness and pished himself as he looked doon the barrel of my 1911 .45 cal pistol from the business end of it so he'll be up in Heaven too, what a flawed system it is.

Different Rules For Different Fools

I was putting the world to rights with William Holden and Mao Tse-Tung last night and into the wee hours over a case of Bud Light and several bottles of Rumplemintz. Angelina had left early because Brad was minding the kids which meant he was probably drunk or stoned on the couch.

The Chairman was getting angry because every time I'd doon a Bud light beer I'd yell, "to infinity and beyond" and since I didn't know how to say fuck off in cufflink I just kept doing it.

Old Knudsen came to the conclusion that he really really hates liars. Who hasn't been burned by people lying to yer face? I don't mean the exaggerating some or you 'yes I know who you are' do on yer blogs cos yer not fooling anyone I mean harmful fuck you lies which seem to go along with hypocrites that think they are better than you and so it doesn't matter if they lie to you.

Certain religions as they proselytise or fend of accusations are allowed to lie to people outside of their faith cos 'YOU' are going to burn and aren't in the right 'we are going to Heaven' club.

This brings me to Republican State Senator of Callyifornia's 18 district Roy Ashburn. Seen swerving in and out of traffic in the wee hours driving his state-issued vehicle on a suspended drivers license he was picked up and found to be over the blood alcohol limit.



Recently a police chief named Russell Leach was drinking at a topless bar on Super Bowl Sunday before he crashed his city-owned Chrysler and drove three miles on the rims.
He was pulled over by his own police officers just before 3 a.m. after he struck a light pole and a fire hydrant. The peelers did not perform a field sobriety test and recommended no further action.

Hey the Chief has been busting my balls all day for results in the BTL murder case. Oh and lets help him bury a body in case charges don't stick with the drunk driving.

Leech didn't know his tires were gone or that he had crashed a few times, the sparks of driving on his rims or the impacts had no impact on him.
He went on medical leave and said he was disoriented from his prescription medication. His wife wasn't at the titty bar but I'm sure she understood or she'd have more of the domestic violence he wasn't charged with in 2005.



If is wasn't for DUI's (Driving under the influence) we'd never find out what arseholes whose in power really are, we can speculate but until then we don't know.

Leech who has to do abuse programs, home detention and pay fines didn't even have to attend his hearing. Being a police chief he has spoken out about drunk driving so the hypocrisy is ripe though no real punishment ........

Back to Ashburn. Due to rumours of having been in a ghey bar on the night of his arrest and having a young male friend in his car Ole Roy finally came out and told everyone he was a ghey boy-toy.

No way dude yer a divorced father-of-four who has voted against ghey issues like anti-discrimination laws. How can you have four kids and have been married ? Oh I see hes a Roman Catholic he probably thinks well once you divorce anything after that is wee buns and doesn't count.

William Holden was fine about the drinking but got tight lipped about the gheyness, Chairman Mao was writing things doon in his little red book about ripping out all the other crops and planting nothing but corn for fuel.

Old Knudsen doesn't care if you are a flaming homo who likes a drink but if yer a leader in the community wise the fuck up and stop thinking yer personal life is separate because when it suits you the wife and 4 kids are no doubt paraded for the cameras 'a la' Palin.
Cars kill more people than guns every year and if Old Knudsen went out drunk with a weapon he didn't have a license for he'd get shot by the peelers. Fucking double standards.

Stop fucking lying and accepting back handers and lead by example ya cunts!

I had to put this picture up as every post should contain a hot woman. I'd really like to take a dump on Lucy Loo's tits a hot lunch I believe the kids call it but think its sad how socially unacceptable it is but driving drunk in yer state owner car is bad but not too bad but thats repressed America for ya. Hot lunches for all.



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Polish President In Plane Crash

Oh c'mon Russia doesn't give a shit anymore enough to be subtle about who it kills and you know why? because when you put two of the world's most powerful men Vlad the sexual impaler Putin and Simon is he ghey or just English Cowell in charge of one of the most powerful fuck the consequences cuntries you'll get ego trips. No one tells Russia what to do.



The Polish president Mr Lech Kaczynski was due to visit Smolensk to mark the 70th anniversary of the Katyn massacre when his plane crashed.

To jog yer memory that was when Stalin was more on the side of the Nazis and agreed with Hitler in 1939 to invade Poland from the east while the Germans invaded from the west . Soviet troops killed 22,000 Polish soldiers of all ranks and any other influential members of society they could find and threw them into mass graves with bodies 12 deep.
Kill the talent and the leaders so the people will be broken while the Nazis killed and raped as a matter of military policy on the other side.

The Soviets denied the whole thing until 1990 when Gorbachev fessed up and classified papers were released. A wee blight for the Russians who had censored the whole episode from their history.


Russian media reported that 87 people were killed in the crash, it is not yet known if anyone survived. The Polish Foreign Ministry said the president and his wife were aboard the plane.

Putin was at the forest apologising for the whole event of 1940 in order to look good. Who will say boo even if he looked bad? Arms agreement, apologising for something you didn't actually do yep the Russians are golden.

"Call that a murder? OJ did a better job at looking Innocent, what do you say Paula?"

If Mr Kaczynski is alive which I doubt as the KGB er sorry I mean the FSK are pretty good at their jobs he'll be in a guglag to be swiftly released due to pressure put on the Russians by this blog.
Yes Old Knudsen may smell of piss but the world leaders listen - ish.............. Nah hes a gonerski.


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Up The Bum No Babies

Lets us just reflect on two words 'Family values' what do these words mean? Back in the 30's it would mean how much an Arab was willing to pay for a family but now it means being the Waltons or some shite like that.
Family values is as much of a lie as Family sized, ever get a family sized bargain meal and wonder what fucking family are tiny enough to live off it?

All families have their fuck ups or black sheep. The alcoholic parent or the uncle you don't let the children near or wee Bobby, there is just something not right with that boy.

Politicians use 'Family values' to suggest they are good Christan folk that raise their children firm but fair in a loving environment. Just because you are Christan doesn't mean yer good and a high powered political job doesn't seem like it would go too well with raising a family otherwise disgraced politicians wouldn't use leaving to spend time with their family as an excuse.

Politicians lie for a living go on ask one I bet they lie.

The above picture shows you political family values, on the surface God fearing people who stand about and hug alot but really its strong minded control freaks out to fool you to get votes. Did it work? did you vote McCain and Palin? slap yerself you fucking mong.
Old Knudsen hoped McCain was a man of honour but it turned out not to be so and Old Bitter Balls backed Obama as he was the not so bad choice.

If you've followed my blog over the years you'll notice the pattern of me blogging and the world doing . America would be far less Communist if it wasn't for Old Knudsen but Palin being a Dan Quayle type would have been great blog fodder. A lazy negro isn't as funny as a fucktard whitey.

Sarah Palin is anti-abortion so what? She does love the cock though. At the age of 44 she had a baby named Trig named after a person I believe and not Trigonometry or Roy Rodger's horse Trigger.
Even though she is anti-abortion she had him tested and was told he would have Doon syndrome.
Maybe sorta hoping a miscarriage would happen naturally she got on a plane while 8 months pregnant and feeling contractions and flew to Dallas to give a speech.

Yeah a terrible thing to suggest but I'm not seeing family values here, the speech was very important to her and to quote, "I was not going to miss that speech."


Bristol Palin Sarah's cock craving daughter got up the duff aged 17 the young man Levi Johnston said he'd do the right thing which Mrs Palin and Mr McCain decided would be a shotgun wedding.
Not very shocking in the real world since it happens all the time and Levi was no doubt promised big things when they won so the young couple played happy families.

When the then still unwed 18 year old Bristol was going into labour Levi's own mother was facing six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance the poor lad .

Of course Obama won and Levi was let off the hook, he didn't wanna finish school never mind get stuck with that crowd. Stick yer dick in a lass and feel her tits what could possibly go wrong and who thinks that far ahead anyway?

Bristol wants young people to learn from her penis addiction and has commercials on how hard it is to be a single parent even with rich parents.

She never uses the word mistake and doesn't regret being a mom at 18 but also says, " that if girls knew how tough it was to be a mom, they'd think twice about having sex." So its worth it then if you like children?

Teenagers are a very empathic, introspective lot Old Knudsen has found and so seeing this stupid tart who doesn't have to worry about her rent preach fear to them about how hard her life is will probably work as so many will be able to relate to her .......... not!

Now Bristol has decided on abstinence until she is married or until a well packed pair of Levis walk past.
Like shutting the barn door after yer eggs are in one basket.

Lets get Charlie Sheen to explain why drugs are bad or what Tiger Woods has learned about marriage.

"After a tough day on the course I like to hire weemen to join me in a drug and drink fuelled orgy in which I push their JCB starter button nipples and growl like a tiger, you should never let yer wife find out as that way leads to DOOM."

Great advice lad.

Old Knudsen resents getting played by the Palins and others as only a complete moron would care what these out of touch wankers had to say. Yes I do mean Fox News viewers.

We all make mistakes in life but its how we handle them after they are made that counts. When Bristol gets some balls and her own place she can write a book about her dysfunctional family and earn enough money to not have to be yet another two faced role model.

Maybe she'll settle doon with some rich throbbing Cockmaster who will teach her that anal beats abstinence and that naming yer son Tripp will get the head beat off him at school ........... or at least it should.

Exercise 'Magic Drug' for Depression

Away and fuck! this is the 21st century I want the magic drug for depression to cum in the form of a tasty pill oh and in a cup with 5 different flavours and fuck away off with yer cherry flavour only wankers like cherry and you can quote me on that.



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We Can Be Heroes

Loads of people getting killed in Pakistan with terrorist bombers and American drones (I didn't know we invaded Pakiland) 95 people die in Brazil floods, an explosion at a West Virginian coal mine kills 25, in the last 2 days 76 people have died by suicide bombs in Iraq and AOL are either going to sell or close Bebo the social networking site. I'm wondering if Obama and Global warming are share the blame for all of this.



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Super Meeting

Thank you for making some heh wonderful points Wonder Woman I'm sure that from now on everyone will make sure to tidy up after themselves in the tea room.

Down to more serious matters. Its fast approaching the end of the month which means the rent for the hall of justice is due again and with the ever increasing electric bill and water rates we are forced to make some cut backs in many departments, fear not! the gym will remain open and our health supplements/boosters will be available .

Hal the super computer can only be used after 5pm when the electricity rates are lower and I'm not looking at anyone in-particular 'Aquaman' but no more Farmville or Mafia Wars as we've had too many false reports of lost animals and crime sprees.

Sadly we also have to let go many of the sidekicks but they will have the option to stay on as super interns until a law is passed to make us pay them minimum wage. Check out the hero board on your way out for your name.
Before anyone makes any snide comments Robin can stay with Batman on an unpaid basis since they have a civil union together there will be no favoritism for senior league members.

Thank you for all for turning up today especially those who had the day off and remember to log in all your hero jobs if you want reimbursed for food and travel now lets hit the gym!

Was Zombie Jack Bauer The Last Straw?

It is so written that on the third night after the Crucifixion eleven of the holy disciples were having a lock in which is an ancient ritual of David where you lock yourself inside a pub and imbibe great quantities of wine til dawn. Though all the doors were locked a figured appeared in the room. "Who are you? " shouted a startled Peter as he reached for his sword. Its not a lack of faith that Peter carried a sword, it just made him feel like a big man.

"It is I Peter the bloke that was nailed to that fucking cross all day, that was so not worth your sins."

The disciples looked at each other puzzled as they did not know the stranger.

"Um hello holes in the hands spear cut on the side , mum raped by God or so she said, any of this ring a bell? for fucks sake I pick the smart ones."

Sean known as John the lad yelled, "It is Jesus our lord has returned." and so they knew him.

"Now who is first to give old JC some head?" asked Jesus as he licked his decaying lips.

The door opened and in walked Thomas, "Look Thomas" exclaimed Mark "It is our lord Jesus back from death isn't this joyous and not at all creepy?"

Thomas looked with a frown on his face, "I doubt very much its Jesus it may look and sound like him but its not the long haired sandal wearing hippy you know, there is nothing of him left inside."

The disciples looked shocked, the figure in the room sighed, "Ok then if its proof you want, blessed are the.............."

In a fluid motion Thomas drew his sword and sliced off the mysterious figures head and then chopped and hacked at it until there was nothing left.
Thomas carried a sword not through lack of faith but because he isn't stupid which is why the Pope sits behind bullet proof glass.

The blood splattered disciples looked on in shocked silence.

"I just met Judas up the road , the fucker tried to eat my brains besides no way was I going to listen to all that blessed are everyone except Thomas shite again."

"What happened to your arm Thomas?" asked Luke known as slick dick cum bucket as he glanced at a bloodied rag wrapped around the arm of Thomas.

"That bastard Judas bite me, it should heal ok it just itches though"


Zombie Jack Bauer and his insult dog Mohammad

And so it is written somewhere at the back that if a zombie bites you then you shall not turn the other cheek but shall turn into a zombie yourself .

In the time of Solomon did he write: Remove the head and destroy the brain .



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Whats All The Fuss About Mary?

Raniero Cantalamessa the personal preacher of the Pope has been given the chance to clear the air about his comments likening the abuse the Pope and the Catholic church has been getting to the Jews and the Holocaust.

"The Catholic church does not want to take away from the suffering of millions of Jews at the hands of the Nazis or even from a handful of traitors that didn't enjoy getting molested by the soldiers of God. It shows you from the backlash I received that we the Catholic church are obvious the true victims in all of this."

He pauses to take a sip of Holy water which can be bought in the lobby for $9.99 a bottle, you might as well buy a bottle as no outside drinks or food are allowed in the Vatican. Also try our God power bar, the energy snack that gives our priests the boost to get through the day, $7.99 for one or buy two for $6.00.

" Since my Jewish friend no longer speaks to me and besides it was just a commenter on my blog ' Whats all the fuss about Mary?' I spoke to a negro friend and he likened the harsh comments and blame the Church and pontiff gets to Slavery.
Whipped and chained with months at sea to be forced to do something horrible called 'work' and killed if you didn't do it and being treated like animals rather than people.......

It occurred to me during my weekly shoulder rub that maybe people took offense at the Jew remarks because they aren't clergy and are unenlightened and out of touch so maybe they might be able to see that we are being treated like niggers instead of hooked nosed money lenders."

A young man in a sharp suit rushes up and whispers in the Father's ear. Cantalamessa looks annoyed and hisses, ' well my Jew friend doesn't mind' and the young man leaves.

" It seems some people don't like the word nigger which shows you they will take offense at anything because we use the word all the time around here, even the Pope himself uses it. Ok then those people of colour whatever."
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The young man in the suit holds his hand to his head in distress and the pope gives Father Cantalamessa the thumbs up.

" I was talking to a female friend who likened the Pope to Nosferatu but since she is a woman what the fuck does she know? ta- bum a little humour to break up the seriousness.
No but really folks I was talking to a fellow priest and we came to the conclusion that the alleged victims of abuse against the Catholic church are like whiny pro choice women on their periods, c'mon get over it.
If those who were touched by the hands and knobs of God when they were children have a problem then they must be gay and therefore should be rounded up and put into camps, its what everyone is thinking right? "


He looks over at the pope for validation but he is busy on a dream quest communicating with God.

" To put it into simple words for all you non-scholars the so-called victims of abuse from pedophile priests which we have said was a regrettable thing to find out about since its caused so much trouble for us is the Devil and his demon fags trying to destroy the good thing we have at the Vatican and we can't believe that you don't see that .................. Maybe SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests should think about telling its members to 'snap' out of it and give us an apology."


He chuckled a little and glanced over to see if the pontiff was back from his vision yet. The holy saliva was being wiped from his holy chin by an underling.

"I'm gonna hand you back to big 'P' Benedict the master of the beatitudes or 'Masta beati' have a good Easter and take a moment to think what its all about, yes bunnies, eggs and us! Rome you've been great Cantalamessa out!"


The Vatican wishes to remind people that what is said at the Vatican by anyone isn't the official Vatican stance and as usual they cannot be held accountable.



The archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams took a moment from looking like a stoned hippy to say, "What the fuck?"

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A Tender Deep Fried Sign

Of course there is no sign of Old Knudsen's Irish passport its being held up by terrorists no doubt who see me as a threat maybe they are intimidating the workers to strike though its not like the Irish need any excuse not to work, when the ancient Irish went to Scotland and bred with the sheep only then did they get a good work ethic and less beady eyes............. dirty Irish sheep shaggers.

I have been in this cuntry of America for longer than I had planned but since over there in Norn Iron there is snow and power cuts maybe its just as well.

The Gogs love to tease Old Knudsen with signs and omens. White rabbits, roadkill raccoons and now this.
While having a happy meal (don't mock, the fucking dragon lights up its cool) I got a nugget that looks like the Isle of Destiny itself.

The nugget has more nutritional value than the real thing and isn't so greasy.

Old Knudsen only had a three piece Happy meal that day. I got on the Interweb and put the thing up on E-Bay like you do.

It was bought for $25 by someone called Ian Paisley jnr who is buying it for his aging father so he can separate the north and south once and for all before he dies, a lovely gesture Old Knudsen thought.

Old Knudsen is not the only one disillusioned, disappointed and disgusted by what he has experienced with America.


Its you not me, imagine going back to a cuntry thats a war zone for a better life, fuck it must really be bad in Mexico if they see this as a step up.

The sooner I get out the better, I was watching Fox news and they said America was turning into Russia with all this socialised medicine, its true I saw a 'Smoke shop' as they call them and on one of the posters was the word 'Kool' and we all know the Russians use 'K' instead of 'C' Old Knudsen is too old for a Gulag again I won't feel safe until I hear an explosion and an Irish accent saying "Fock me fingers are gone" .


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How To Train Yer Drag Queen

Old Knudsen is picking at times in his life and trying to sell them for beer money. I contacted DreamWorks to see if they wanted to make a movie about when I lived on the Island of Boak and was the main Viking in charge of training young Vikings to be drag queens, the 4 lads in ABBA were mine by the way.


Knudsen the bloody they called me ................... ok sometimes it was Knudsen the bloody liar but they never had proof to back up their claims.

It first started when I lost my left eye while fighting a berserk tranny from Sweden, they fight like girls you know which means I was lucky to get out alive. She taunted me with half my eyeball stuck on top of one of her long fake finger nails, fuck she was hot.

As I bravely ran away crying I vowed to get closer to gurlyboys , purely for research of course to find their weaknesses.

The things I did for research, but I thought if the great Thor can wear a dress then I can wear
Sexy Chemise Underwear in Stretch Lace with Flair Skirt and swallow gravy .............. but just for research.


I got to know the half man half weemen creatures and realised maybe we weren't all that different, not me I mean I'm talking about you and others, oh no Old Knudsen loves the cunt pie not the fudge rocket, whatever happens on the other side of a glory hole is no ones business and I was assured the gurl was part Slav and thus was why her mouth was extra hairy.

I learned to be friends with drag queens and trannys and often rode them into battle lip syncing to disco war tunes.

After Disney turned me doon which was a shock DreamWorks sounded interested but I was also rejected by them.

Then this came out, Scottish Vikings and all. They said it was based on some book or something but Old Knudsen knows.

Oh and thanks for asking, me eye is fine now it grew back when I drank the blood of young runaways from the holy grail while on a bender with Casper the holy ghost.


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Can I Fool Ya?

I was at me extreme Krav Maga for resentful hoosewives class last night trying to think of a way to fool the 3 readers of my blog on this April fool's day.

I could say some celebrity died or America was winning a war or some such shite but it hasn't fooled too many over the last 3 and a half years, well ok there was the odd mong that googled Shatner's death ........... you know who you are. Have you caught the lie yet? yes my lovely reader there are not 2 others stupid enough to read my blog you are alone. In fact Old Knudsen can't even be arsed to pretend there are others by making fake comments lke all the rest do.

Wel ok except for Mago and Wilhelm Luther Old Knudsen does not have any other fake profiles.

In between kicks to the groin from Maggie (pictured above) which did make me quite horny I came ............................ to the conclusion that whatever I say today will not believed as my reader is now too smart even though they are still reading so consider yerself an Oxymoron which means yer strong as an ox and as thick as ox shit.

I should explain the Krav Maga, being a hand to groin expert I let the ladies beat me up for practice. They prefer the kicks and punches while I like to wrestle, it just took them only a week to become fast on their feet quick learners damn it.

So on April fool's day I have many confessions to make: Old Knudsen is not old, he is American from Florida before he moved to Texas and then Callyfornia, hes a pacifist, he didn't once or twice take the Queen of London, England up the jammy dodger, he does not smell like piss, a total homophobe he does not get aroused by gurlyboys from Thailand, he did not leave Bobby Turner for dead in the trenches of Flanders, he has never broken a crime in his life and was in the Coast guard and gurl scouts not the army, he doesn't spit at bartenders to get their attention and has never taken a shite in the toilets on display at the DIY store Home Depot, he also tips waiters ................ with money.

On a final note he is not the droids yer looking for, so beep fucking beep off .


Yes that was a final note, did ya believe that?


Ok I have ta go as I am adopting a child from the third world cuntry of New Mexico. Old Knudsen loves children and is a positive role model fer the wee cunts. Isn't she so darling?