Is Death From Above Really Progress?

 

 An artist's rendition called 'death from above.'

The unmanned Russian spacecraft Progress 59 is due to crash to earth between May 5th and 7th but scientists have studied the odds and their best guess says it will either hit the sea or some uninhabited land.
On the other hand it may land on YOU ..... remember when rocket science used to imply intelligence? Now it implies hipster nerds with funky hair cuts and bad sexist shirts.   

Progress 59 is a Russian craft full of supplies for the International space station. As Progress 59 was docking, Dr. Ryan Stone a medical engineer nicknamed The jinx pushed the wrong button sending the ship shooting back towards the earth. 

She was only on the ISS to experiment on how space affects the making of sandwiches. 

Now Progress 59 is falling back to earth full of bread and various sliced meats, we are kinda hoping it crashes in Nepal but we don't want to scare the people .    

The crew of the ISS will be fine, they have a 6 month emergency supply of  food jokingly called last resort mystery meat because it's 5 years old and is the stuff that no one liked. They always put the horrible stuff to the side and ate the nice stuff and now they get to clear it all out. Most of the emergency food is packets of Kapuska which is a hearty Turkish cabbage stew.  

Bookmakers are putting odds on the crew of the ISS resorting to cannibalism before the emergency food runs out and they get resupplied in June .... assuming that makes it up.  
 

NASA would like to reassure the public that they are in no danger from falling space craft but since this is a Russian ship they have said, "fuck it, not our problem."

Falling planes, pianos and bricks thrown by hairy primates kill more people worldwide than falling space craft so don't worry ... unless this is a Russian distraction and Progress 59 is really armed with a nuke and heading for the White house, if so then the rest of us can breathe a sigh of relief as the Obamas and the Americans in the surrounding area for 100 miles were kinda annoying. 

Progress 59 ... in 1959 pantyhose and Barbie was invented, the Dalai Lama bravely fled Tibet and Castro took over Cuba executing 71 opposition supporters so this could be any kind of vague message from the Russians or a Rusky joke about progress. 
In 1959, 21 students were killed when a US jet fighter crashed into an Elementary School on the island of Okinawa, the pilot had ejected ... they already had their fill of uncontrolled, ach you're bound to be fine death from above. Was there any other worse place in the area that it could have crashed? 
Small island, big sea, the odds are ......

There are also more deaths from unexpected materializing time travelers than death by falling space ship. 147 car accident insurance reports could not be processed last year as the mysterious time travelers always yelled about being late and vanished according to police reports when they got to the scene of the accidents. 

You've also got more chance of dying from an early morning heart attack on the bog than being hit by space debris. 
Time travelers materializing in the bath tub while yer having yer morning glory is enough to scare anyone to death. Some think that Elvis didn't die on the toilet and that a time traveler appeared and took him with him otherwise why would the tomb be empty 3 days later? 

I may be mixing my fictional characters up a little but if Elvis did die for yer sins then don't let him doon, keep on sinning. If homosexuality is an abomination according to some good Christian folk then ghey me up and fuck me in the arse for I love Elvis!   

Does anyone else have nightmares of a hand reaching up from the crapper and pinching yer arse as you pinch off a loaf? Some have dreams of prophecy concerning them leading vast armies or losing their virginity to a real person who isn't a relative but Old Knudsen sees this prophecy of doom in his future which is why he has started to shit into carrier bags and empty jars. Banning plastic bags from shops isn't very helpful, I have to buy rolls of bags for my functions though on the bright side me poo is easier to fling ....  just call me Mr Sunnyside.

From the 5th to the 7th keep a watch on the skies cos seriously, scientists really know fuck all these days. You may not win the lottery but knowing yer luck a big fuck off space ship full of peanut butter and jelly might land on yer hoose.      

Men Are Not Beasts Of The Field

Tv presenter Jon Snow has been either blasted as being creepy or hailed for being honest because he said, "sex comes into every evaluation of a woman" meaning that when men meet weemen for the first time they may think about sexy things .....

He says that "sex is a natural animal instinct." and  "it's natural for men to think of all women as potential sexual partners."

Yeah right. So I put two pictures of my future wife (she still hasn't gotten back to me yet) fully clothed wearing super intelligent glasses and I must say that sex does in no way cum to mind when I look at her.
Nope, what I'm thinking about is if she has a really nice personality and if she shares my love of badger baiting.  

She is so going to suck my cigar.

Away an fuck Mr Snow, you illegitimate bastard of Ned Stark, we men are not just uncontrollable walking erections, keep it in the cage ya durty shite. 

David Cameron Apology

British Prime Minister David Cameron has issued an apology on behalf of Great Britain for giving the world 'The Benny Hill Show.'

Mr Cameron went on to say, "Though I may have pleasured myself to the show as a young man, I now must look upon the show's legacy with sorrow as it is always to be included with the great Monty Python every time a foreign person speaks about British humour."

The British government is expected to pay out millions of pounds in recompense for injury or loss. 

Sunday Slap

So I wandered in from the pub after celebrating Ulster day, aye it was a great event, thousands of people unwittingly showing their support for the UVF terrorists by celebrating the original UVF from WWI who were sectarian bigots, not terrorists.

Old Knudsen was so caught up in the day that he forgot to have a Sunday post.

Some of yous just read me blog for the Sunday slappers but Old Knudsen doesn't care, hes had the fame and adulation over the years, hes already told the jokes you are telling today and think you made up.

Hes seen the rise and fall of trends, now he is content with putting out hot naked weemen to tempt away Christian pedos from the childer.

Look at these goddesses, don't listen to yer Bible yer Koran or even the neighbor's dog. Sex with consenting adults good, sex with vulnerable children bad. 

Who gives a fuck what Jesus or Mohammed tapped all those years ago? they were very bad men.

Well that escalated quickly.

As Old Knudsen sits here with his cheap vodka and loaded service revolver in the wee hours of the morning he thinks that maybe there is a tad too much Loyalist culture, I bet while the culture goes on thats when the likes of the UVF make their money with smuggled ciggies, children, petrol and drugs. If they legalized cigarettes,children, petrol and drugs then you wouldn't have this criminal behaviour.

Saucy weemen and loyal pet dogs make this life bearable, I'll put me revolver away for now .... on second thoughts there are a lot of sirens out tonight I think Lola will be coming to bed with Old Knudsen.
Enjoy yer Sunday, Old Knudsen will be in a foul mood and I don't mean craving for KFC, get it foul/fowl ach fuck off ya humourless flegger.

Up The Bum No Babies

Lets us just reflect on two words 'Family values' what do these words mean? Back in the 30's it would mean how much an Arab was willing to pay for a family but now it means being the Waltons or some shite like that.
Family values is as much of a lie as Family sized, ever get a family sized bargain meal and wonder what fucking family are tiny enough to live off it?

All families have their fuck ups or black sheep. The alcoholic parent or the uncle you don't let the children near or wee Bobby, there is just something not right with that boy.

Politicians use 'Family values' to suggest they are good Christan folk that raise their children firm but fair in a loving environment. Just because you are Christan doesn't mean yer good and a high powered political job doesn't seem like it would go too well with raising a family otherwise disgraced politicians wouldn't use leaving to spend time with their family as an excuse.

Politicians lie for a living go on ask one I bet they lie.

The above picture shows you political family values, on the surface God fearing people who stand about and hug alot but really its strong minded control freaks out to fool you to get votes. Did it work? did you vote McCain and Palin? slap yerself you fucking mong.
Old Knudsen hoped McCain was a man of honour but it turned out not to be so and Old Bitter Balls backed Obama as he was the not so bad choice.

If you've followed my blog over the years you'll notice the pattern of me blogging and the world doing . America would be far less Communist if it wasn't for Old Knudsen but Palin being a Dan Quayle type would have been great blog fodder. A lazy negro isn't as funny as a fucktard whitey.

Sarah Palin is anti-abortion so what? She does love the cock though. At the age of 44 she had a baby named Trig named after a person I believe and not Trigonometry or Roy Rodger's horse Trigger.
Even though she is anti-abortion she had him tested and was told he would have Doon syndrome.
Maybe sorta hoping a miscarriage would happen naturally she got on a plane while 8 months pregnant and feeling contractions and flew to Dallas to give a speech.

Yeah a terrible thing to suggest but I'm not seeing family values here, the speech was very important to her and to quote, "I was not going to miss that speech."


Bristol Palin Sarah's cock craving daughter got up the duff aged 17 the young man Levi Johnston said he'd do the right thing which Mrs Palin and Mr McCain decided would be a shotgun wedding.
Not very shocking in the real world since it happens all the time and Levi was no doubt promised big things when they won so the young couple played happy families.

When the then still unwed 18 year old Bristol was going into labour Levi's own mother was facing six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance the poor lad .

Of course Obama won and Levi was let off the hook, he didn't wanna finish school never mind get stuck with that crowd. Stick yer dick in a lass and feel her tits what could possibly go wrong and who thinks that far ahead anyway?

Bristol wants young people to learn from her penis addiction and has commercials on how hard it is to be a single parent even with rich parents.

She never uses the word mistake and doesn't regret being a mom at 18 but also says, " that if girls knew how tough it was to be a mom, they'd think twice about having sex." So its worth it then if you like children?

Teenagers are a very empathic, introspective lot Old Knudsen has found and so seeing this stupid tart who doesn't have to worry about her rent preach fear to them about how hard her life is will probably work as so many will be able to relate to her .......... not!

Now Bristol has decided on abstinence until she is married or until a well packed pair of Levis walk past.
Like shutting the barn door after yer eggs are in one basket.

Lets get Charlie Sheen to explain why drugs are bad or what Tiger Woods has learned about marriage.

"After a tough day on the course I like to hire weemen to join me in a drug and drink fuelled orgy in which I push their JCB starter button nipples and growl like a tiger, you should never let yer wife find out as that way leads to DOOM."

Great advice lad.

Old Knudsen resents getting played by the Palins and others as only a complete moron would care what these out of touch wankers had to say. Yes I do mean Fox News viewers.

We all make mistakes in life but its how we handle them after they are made that counts. When Bristol gets some balls and her own place she can write a book about her dysfunctional family and earn enough money to not have to be yet another two faced role model.

Maybe she'll settle doon with some rich throbbing Cockmaster who will teach her that anal beats abstinence and that naming yer son Tripp will get the head beat off him at school ........... or at least it should.