Are you ready for yer initiation into the Foot Eater school for wayward young men?
Ya know what spoils my day? when I break an egg into the frying pan for a fry up and the yoke breaks, that's the best bit of the egg I like it runny so I can dip my potato farl into it, FUCK! that really does spoil my day , you just know everything after that will just be all bad, its God giving you the heads up, so I break open another egg until I get my two yokes. Last week was great, I got a box of eggs that all had double yokes. What has this got to do with anything? I don't know I was just sharing. Now you know all about me and I know nothing about yous, so what do my readers have for breakfast?
I'm sure Dive has a croissant as he is so 'European', did ya catch the way I spat out the word European? we British humour the world when they call us European but they can go and fuck off, its just a passive aggressive way to conquer us .
I'll tell ya what else bothers me, when ya go for a piss and you're standing there with yer lad pointing at the porcelain and suddenly yer piss shoots out to the right, totally flying over the rim and hitting the floor, this occurs commonly when you have had sex and maybe you still have some man muck in yer pipe blocking the way but I cannot see the reason for it any other time, its not funny I live alone I don't have a maid to clean it up so it has to lie there until it dries up, that explains the rhyming slang for having a piss as 'hit and miss'.
While we're on the subject you may have heard of the term 'slash and burn' its a farming method to clear the land that's overgrown with weeds. I was thinking that its the perfect description of having a piss (sometimes called a slash) when you have VD, these things just pop into my head and God gave me a Blog to spread the word.
While I'm on the subject and just chewing the fat with ya today do ya ever go to the record shop to buy the latest Bing Crosby LP and find that even though you paid way too much for it you don't even have the lyrics printed out inside for you to sing along too, fuck I hate that, I curse the artist for not thinking about their fans and just out to make money, never mind the Fair fucking trade website I want lyrics to find out what the hell you are mumbling so I can mumble too, try and sing along to Dylan or Springsteen why don't ya.
The picture I've put up is an ad for the North American Man Boy Love Association, or its an ad for long johns, why are these two men who are in their late 30's to early 40's standing around in their underwear in a log cabin, no doubt miles from anywhere encroaching on the personal space of a young 14 year old boy and all are laughing?
The boy's smile is not so sincere as he suspects something may be amiss (no misses to be seen) hes reaching into his backpack hopefully to pull out a knife or a tube of lube, I wonder if these long johns have the rear panels that open up.
I'm sure Dive has a croissant as he is so 'European', did ya catch the way I spat out the word European? we British humour the world when they call us European but they can go and fuck off, its just a passive aggressive way to conquer us .
I'll tell ya what else bothers me, when ya go for a piss and you're standing there with yer lad pointing at the porcelain and suddenly yer piss shoots out to the right, totally flying over the rim and hitting the floor, this occurs commonly when you have had sex and maybe you still have some man muck in yer pipe blocking the way but I cannot see the reason for it any other time, its not funny I live alone I don't have a maid to clean it up so it has to lie there until it dries up, that explains the rhyming slang for having a piss as 'hit and miss'.
While we're on the subject you may have heard of the term 'slash and burn' its a farming method to clear the land that's overgrown with weeds. I was thinking that its the perfect description of having a piss (sometimes called a slash) when you have VD, these things just pop into my head and God gave me a Blog to spread the word.
While I'm on the subject and just chewing the fat with ya today do ya ever go to the record shop to buy the latest Bing Crosby LP and find that even though you paid way too much for it you don't even have the lyrics printed out inside for you to sing along too, fuck I hate that, I curse the artist for not thinking about their fans and just out to make money, never mind the Fair fucking trade website I want lyrics to find out what the hell you are mumbling so I can mumble too, try and sing along to Dylan or Springsteen why don't ya.
The picture I've put up is an ad for the North American Man Boy Love Association, or its an ad for long johns, why are these two men who are in their late 30's to early 40's standing around in their underwear in a log cabin, no doubt miles from anywhere encroaching on the personal space of a young 14 year old boy and all are laughing?
The boy's smile is not so sincere as he suspects something may be amiss (no misses to be seen) hes reaching into his backpack hopefully to pull out a knife or a tube of lube, I wonder if these long johns have the rear panels that open up.
Cats are incredible, so many uses for the wee things and theres so many about. I got a new leg from the NHS. I actually wanted a sauntering leg but all they had left was a jogging leg and its powered by a cat, they only last a week though, if you could get a rechargeable cat that would be purrfect but I've found that once I remove the dud cat I can use my leg as an ambling leg. Its not as good as my wooden leg to beat people with but like this blog you get what you pay for.
A question I keep asking myself over and over again,"why can't we all just get a lawn?".
11 comments:
anyone who likes runny eggs has got to be ok, but please explain wtf is potato farl?
What do I have for breakfast? Bacons, eggs toast and juice when I'm at the river, at home, I usually have nothing. bad kate.
I've yet to work out how to eat a croissant, I'll have to ask dive, although I ordered one last time i was in sydney and they put it in a sandwich press so it was more of a croissandwich. I hate that.
Breakfast? Coffe. Instant - not because it's good but because it's just that, instant.
The word "pussyfooting" springs to mind. God knows why; perhaps it's a surfeit of croissants dipped in runny eggyolk. Mmmm …
Hey Dive--that's very funny. You made a pun. I laughed so hard at the lawn joke, although everyone else is asleep, so I had to laugh to myself.
For breakfast, I have a fried egg over medium and a rye cracker with a thin layer of mascarpone, and a cup of coffee. And today I also had three black berries.
And why can't men just clean their own toilets?!?
Because we're 'so much better at it' of course, Robyn
That chappie in the red looks a bit erm... excitedly impressive in his clingy suit, does he not? Or is it me.
Your sick mind is a fabulous thing to share. Working in the landscape industry I am giddy over your lawn joke. Thanks for a great beginning to my day!
P.s. Try sitting down to pee it will help with the balancing on one leg and over shooting the bowl!
If many cultures think that an egg represents the soul then do the double-yolked ones represent soulmates or just conjoined twins?
I like a nice hard-boiled soul in the morning myself.
kate isis A potato farl is potato,flour and milk made to look like dough and fried.I bought a croissant once when I was in Paris just to be a touristy poser and it was shite.
vic a banana is instant, don't make me come over there to look after you.
Dive why do I keep mentioning you in posts? do you think this is love?
robyn you lost me at the 3 black berries, were you out foraging? men clean thier own toilets? what are you mad?
lynn I knew if any of these fellas had a package of distinction it would be pointed out to me.
dear prudenece sit doon to pee? you don't call me Dive, see there I go again.
samD flies are also said to be the souls of the dead I wonder if flies have fly soul flies, I suppose with the egg being the pagan symbol of rebirth and all as used at easter. Souls are yummy.
Great, now you've linked my name with NAMBLA so I'll get a whole lot of perverts visiting my blog. I shall get you for this, you Scotch slug.
I'm sure they will fit in with all the rest of yer perverts.
Breakfast?
5 Benson & Hedges, 4 cans of Tennents Super.....and a dripping butty.
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