Now this is what I call a target rich environment even Dive could get his hole here.
No one wanted to go anywhere, no cunt was posting on their blog so whats there to do? I'm bloody broke but I did find half a bottle of sherry when after me weekly bath I was looking for a half descent pair of briefs amongst my dirty laundry ,add that to the painkillers I borrowed from my mate Harold's hoose , I was feeling a little buzzed . I had fully expected to just sit in front of the telly and watch Casualty, for you Yanks its like ER but dull as fuck, then I heard it.
A dull thump thump thump of music, some cunt was having a party. I got up and looked out me window some young gurls outside screamed when they saw me that's when I realised I was naked, when I found the sherry I had lost interest in everything else, I had better be careful as I don't want to get a reputation as a pervert .
The music was doon the street abit, probably at Andy's hoose. I don't know him too well hes one of those little boy racers with a Honda Civic who lives with his parents I suppose his folks were out as they are a nice respectable people, church elders and all.
I threw on some clothes and headed out, there were quite a few cars at Andy's hoose and a lot of young scummy types with baseball caps and gold chains drinking from cans of beer and smoking some wacky backy in the porch just outside the front door. One of the hooligans said to me, " this isn't the senior citizen centre try doon the road", I put his face into my people to beat up some day file in my head and said, "I'm the fucking stripper, stick a round for a lap dance laddie". Maybe it was the painkillers but I felt a little more than buzzed when the air hit me and me stomach was starting to bubble. I went into the hoose quite a nice place except it was full of Neds ( Non-Educated Delinquents) drinking Buckfast in their shell suits and Gap Hoodies.
Youngsters have more fun now than we ever did, if you're not shagging yer teacher you're watching gurls going wild and raising their tops for beads, in my day the only thing we got for beads was Manhattan.
No one was over 23 I reckon, the gurls wore things like leopard skin mini skirts and tight tops that showed off every well defined roll of fat, many of them must of bought their clothes, had half a dozen kids and still believed the clothes fitted them, maybe stretch marks are the new sexy thing like when they all got those tramp stamp tattoos on their lower backs.
The dirty looks I got from everyone, I headed to the kitchen and raided the fridge. I always go to parties with my shop lifting coat on as I added numerous pockets to the inside of it and I bring baggies for any food delights I happen upon.
One slack jawed cunt challenged me being there so I told him I was Andy's Uncle there to supervise, we chatted as I chugged the beers I found in the fridge, he was a boring wee shit only talking about getting high and driving fast, I found that kind of behaviour quite irresponsible and told him to repent before the Rupture when we, God's people would be taken up into heaven, he just blankly starred at me, probably a Fenian so then in which case he was fucked anyway.
My stomach was really going for it, I kept getting hot flushes but I didn't let that interfere with a par....tay. I hit paydirt when I found a bottle of Southern Comfort someone had stashed, I have an uncanny ability to find drink I could be an X-man or something, soon my head was spinning. I was dancing away to the shitty music they played while others looked on in what I can only describe as awe . Andy came over and asked me what the fuck did I think I was doing there , I said "John I'm only dancing" but he didn't get it, through my drunken haze I sensed danger I saw the lads at the back muttering to each other and looking at me . I just looked angry Andy in the eye and said,"that music is shite do ya like *Korn*?" Andy looked confused so I dropped my kegs and took a big Korn filled shite on the carpet, I'd wipe later if I remembered, it sure was a stinker that emptied the room. I held my Southern Comfort bottle up as a weapon as I slowly staggered out of the hoose then I proudly proclaimed, "I am the party pooper" .
*A crappy musical group that are famous for being on Southpark*
A dull thump thump thump of music, some cunt was having a party. I got up and looked out me window some young gurls outside screamed when they saw me that's when I realised I was naked, when I found the sherry I had lost interest in everything else, I had better be careful as I don't want to get a reputation as a pervert .
The music was doon the street abit, probably at Andy's hoose. I don't know him too well hes one of those little boy racers with a Honda Civic who lives with his parents I suppose his folks were out as they are a nice respectable people, church elders and all.
I threw on some clothes and headed out, there were quite a few cars at Andy's hoose and a lot of young scummy types with baseball caps and gold chains drinking from cans of beer and smoking some wacky backy in the porch just outside the front door. One of the hooligans said to me, " this isn't the senior citizen centre try doon the road", I put his face into my people to beat up some day file in my head and said, "I'm the fucking stripper, stick a round for a lap dance laddie". Maybe it was the painkillers but I felt a little more than buzzed when the air hit me and me stomach was starting to bubble. I went into the hoose quite a nice place except it was full of Neds ( Non-Educated Delinquents) drinking Buckfast in their shell suits and Gap Hoodies.
Youngsters have more fun now than we ever did, if you're not shagging yer teacher you're watching gurls going wild and raising their tops for beads, in my day the only thing we got for beads was Manhattan.No one was over 23 I reckon, the gurls wore things like leopard skin mini skirts and tight tops that showed off every well defined roll of fat, many of them must of bought their clothes, had half a dozen kids and still believed the clothes fitted them, maybe stretch marks are the new sexy thing like when they all got those tramp stamp tattoos on their lower backs.
The dirty looks I got from everyone, I headed to the kitchen and raided the fridge. I always go to parties with my shop lifting coat on as I added numerous pockets to the inside of it and I bring baggies for any food delights I happen upon.
One slack jawed cunt challenged me being there so I told him I was Andy's Uncle there to supervise, we chatted as I chugged the beers I found in the fridge, he was a boring wee shit only talking about getting high and driving fast, I found that kind of behaviour quite irresponsible and told him to repent before the Rupture when we, God's people would be taken up into heaven, he just blankly starred at me, probably a Fenian so then in which case he was fucked anyway.
My stomach was really going for it, I kept getting hot flushes but I didn't let that interfere with a par....tay. I hit paydirt when I found a bottle of Southern Comfort someone had stashed, I have an uncanny ability to find drink I could be an X-man or something, soon my head was spinning. I was dancing away to the shitty music they played while others looked on in what I can only describe as awe . Andy came over and asked me what the fuck did I think I was doing there , I said "John I'm only dancing" but he didn't get it, through my drunken haze I sensed danger I saw the lads at the back muttering to each other and looking at me . I just looked angry Andy in the eye and said,"that music is shite do ya like *Korn*?" Andy looked confused so I dropped my kegs and took a big Korn filled shite on the carpet, I'd wipe later if I remembered, it sure was a stinker that emptied the room. I held my Southern Comfort bottle up as a weapon as I slowly staggered out of the hoose then I proudly proclaimed, "I am the party pooper" .
*A crappy musical group that are famous for being on Southpark*
16 comments:
It just isn't a party til someone shits on the rug. Nice work old man!
As long as its someone else's hoose.
That's an enticing photo, old K.
I want the one on the right. She looks like she'd give great "gums".
And that's me in the red shirt, Old K. I smacked the fella out later for cutting my grass
Kundsen:'if you're not shagging yer teacher' Paddy: well, Cate says it's okay / she did it; shagged her pupil that is and hollywood backs her up on fucking the 16 year old. He's really 10 but he fitted the part: what can you do. See how well she does tonight. I'd say she'll get a big golden lad; batteries supplied for supporting roll.
Bravo!What a punchline! Sounds like Saturday Night Fever only with jobbies instead of a white jacket
theres one at every party. i laughed like a tard when Tom Cruise shat the runner at this years Academy awards.
yes, we laughed.
between you& me (it will go no further i promise."our little secret").how come you get all these American Chicks on your blog?hundreds of them!What the secret?'not that i,m jealous or 'nothing...........
give great gums? cutting my grass? you kids and yer street talk.
I have decided that Cate gets it, I have a web site on the numerous teacher/pupil shagging/rape boy are there a lot.
Poor Tom its tough being a prick, I should know.
Tony, one month it will be gheys the next horny grannies then Irish you just don't know who will comment next. They drink their fill of me then move on and someone else turns up after a search for hot midgets.
Great gums is a blowie where the woman takes her teeth out first.
Nothin on earth to beat it!
of course there had to be a name for it I just give the order to remove dentures and assume the position, weemen love it when you take command.
Thanks for the great giggle! You are one of the most deft yarn spinners alive!
daft yarn spinners I think you mean.
Alcohol sniffing super-powers, a keen sense of danger and messy drawers after a nice SoCo balanced shite on the rug with an audience. You are my hero.
You have found my weakness on yer first comment, if you stroke my ego I react like a dog getting it's tummy sratched, I think I love you.
Well ole man, I see we have a thing or two in common. I have beer *induced* super-powers, but you are the master.
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