Woman Got MERS Infected Boob Implants On The NHS

You may kiss .... er maybe just a fist bump the bride.

"Praying for the rapture, cause it's stranger getting stranger, and everything's contagious, it's the modern middle ages" ~  Robert Williams

Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS©) is a viral respiratory illness that is new to humans. Developed by the CIA as an assassination tool It was first reported in Saudi Arabia in 2012 and has since spread to several other countries, including the United States. Thought to be either a plague from Gog because the Saudi's are head chopping cunts or from something they picked up fucking camels it is unclear. 460 have died since 2012. The 16,532 pilgrims in Mecca have all been tested and are clear as long as they stay away from the sexy camels. 

Pastor James McConnell says he doesn't hate Muslims but added, "I'm gonna laugh my balls aff when they suffer extreme pain and torment for worshiping Satan and I hope they burn in Hell forever .... God is love .. lol!"

Do I believe that Saudi Arabia is clear of MERS? Anyone remember that town that refused to close its beach because of a shark attack? Aye they were more interested in the tourist/pilgrim money.

 

In South Korea the death toll has risen to 32 people. What a weird disease, they have found MERS in camels and bats so what are the durty Koreans doing with the bats?

In China in 2003 there was a SARS epidemic that killed 349. SARS is of the same coronavirus family as MERS. Instead of scary 4 letter acronym names why don't they try harder and spell something like FLUFFIES, "I'm so sorry to hear about Susan, was it MERS or SARS?" ..... "She died of FLUFFIES which actually makes me smile when I say it so the loss isn't that bad, I heard that Simpson got TICKLES, such a loss :::snigger::::" 

  The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you, and how could, anybody, deny you.

Chris Martin took time from writing Game of thrones to write Green eyes in memory of his then wife Gwenyth Paltrow, the most famous person to die from SARS. Martin is now dating Jennifer Lawrence and they are reportedly fucking like bunnies .... I expect we'll be seeing some leaked pics soon.  

This fish may mistake yer nuts for actual nuts and take a bite. 

Remember when you only worried about getting the clap from nasty foreign hookers and the tarts who hung around army bases? Now you'll get head lice from the plane, bed bugs from the hotel room, a nasty flesh eating disease from a warm bus seat. Now they are finding testicle eating fish in  Illinois and they have better teeth than most British people .... bastarding fish and their oral hygiene. 

You just never know what yer going to catch or what catches you which is why when Old Knudsen open up a can of tuna he doesn't check it for eyeballs. Don't watch what you eat just fucking well eat it, when the starving children of Ebola figure out that you've got loads of food they'll be over to take it. 

 

Woman with MERS infected boobs died shortly after this picture was taken. After an examination her body will probably be released to the family around November ... maybe-ish. 

Flesh eating in Florida.  

Flesh eating virus, Vibrio vulnificus just claimed its 4th victim in the US, some bloke from Florida who went swimming in Mississippi. Don't go swimming if you have any open wounds and don't drink the fucking water, it's America for fucks sake. 

Ach he was from Florida, probably high on bath salts or bubble bath and had forgotten about the bullet wound he'd got a week ago from robbing yon shop. Shows you can be pretty careful unless you sniff the Radox then all bets are off. 

The Welsh Zombie Face Eater

It was just a matter of time that Wales started turn evil, cases of pedophilia have been in the news with more than 114 Registered Sexual Offenders living in the Bridgend and the Vale of Glamorgan areas.  

Five-year-old April Jones was abducted and murdered in Wales in 2012 and the singer of the Welsh rock band Lostprophets was jailed for depraved acts against children, these were the most high profile cases of late. 

This is because of the Cardiff riff, similar to the one in Leeds and known in the US as Hellmouths which can be found in Florida, Arizona, Texas and Cleavland to name a few. 

Ebola is said to have crawled out of a riff in Africa according to CIA sources. 

Cerys Yemm a tasty 22 year-old shop assistant was chatted up in a bar by 34 year-old Matthew Williams. He invited her back to his hotel the Sirhowy Arms hotel in South Wales. He was recently released from prison after serving 5 years for a violent attack on his former partner. The hotel acts as a as a bail hostel so don't go thinking it's all swanky, it's a fucking bed and breakfast for scumbags.

Williams who is thought to have taken cocaine before the attack went nuts and started to eat her face, it is unsure what actually killed her though having yer face eaten wouldn't have been very good for her.
The security guard at the hotel saw Williams eating one of her eyeballs .... eyeballs are a good source of water if yer thirsty, so is the tap in the sink.

A policewoman arrived and tasered Williams who then died. Did he have a heart attack or can zombies be killed by electrocution? Gwent Police have yet to return my e-mails.

Some harsh lessons can be learned from this tragedy such as don't trust zombie criminal wife beaters who pick you up in a bar, have better taste in men, especially the ones who want to taste you. Ms Yemm's former boyfriend was jailed for 3 years when he set fire to his home in a in a botched suicide bid after they split up so she seemed to be attracted to the unstable type, why does Old Knudsen never meet this kind of lass?

As the riff vibrates with evil this kind of thing will become common place.

 

Ebola Zombies Walk Amongst Us

 

 Dead man walking.

Two Ebola victims in Liberia who were taken out for burial had other plans when they rose from the dead. 

Both females in their 40s and 60s from separate communities they are now walking with the living causing fear and panic. 

Ma Kebeh the older woman  had been indoors for two nights without food and medication before her  death, she had expired, she was an ex Ma Kebeh, or so they thought.

You can look to the obvious reasons for this, most Africans are poverty stricken and poorly educated, much like the average GOP voter in the American deep south, they are superstitious inbreeders who believe magical beings ..... and so do the Africans ... HA! see what I did there?  

Like Victorian times the dead were probably still a little bit alive but medical care wasn't that good, like in Greece last week where a woman was thought to be dead but was buried alive, by the time they dug her up she was dead, talk about having a bad day.     

Africans can be kinda dumb when it comes to healthcare, they don't want Ebola patients in their communities so they attack them, a facility in Monrovia was attacked and some patients ran away.

So what did the attackers do? why they stole their bedding and healthcare equipment, a real slick move. 

Red Cross workers in southeastern Guinea were attacked while trying to bury some bodies. C'mon people! and these are the ones who Bono wants to save ... why?  

People are just looking for excuses to attack someone. While there is no cure for Ebola the patients can be cured with just basic healthcare involving rest and fluids. 

Now with zombies in the mix I reckon we're all doomed. 

A Close Shave Zombie Attack

I'm dead, I'm supposed to smell, what's your excuse egg and onion boy ?

I like zombies and I can't deny. Something about being allowed to kill people without fear of prison and hey, they aren't really people, just like those half naked hoors on the Interwebs who aren't really people either. 

"You don't know my name, nor do you care. Fill your trashcan with Kleenex in my honour."

Ya don't have to tell Old Knudsen twice.  So a couple of things I've noticed about the living deed, you don't get zombies with beards. Maybe the odd closely trimmed goatee but not a real manly beard. 

Of course there is always some fucker like Hershel here to be an exception to the rule.  Hershel (from the walking dead) was killed by a human so that doesn't count. Does beards make you invulnerable to zombie attacks then? 

A 2010 report said that men with beards were more honest than those without, maybe zombies can't handle the truth.

Then again maybe zombies see beardies as really tasty food and that is why you don't see any. 

You have movie titles like Night of the living dead and Day of the dead and while Dawn of the dead has the word dawn in it that means beginning rather than in the morning. I can't imagine that zombies are really good morning people considering the amount of anger and resentment they carry around.  I bet that zombies lie in until noon like civilised people do. 

"You aren't going to make it through the night Mrs Wilson so you lie in and get some rest before you try to eat people.....  Is my husband here? ..... Fucks sake you stupid bint, your husband died 30 years ago, that's all we need zombies with Alzheimers ..... Are you my daughter? ..... in yer dreams."  

The Morning of the dead,  "Lets hide in the rest home, those zombies are less aggressive as they don't know what time of the day it is and forget to put their dentures or just forget to attack you ..... nice beard by the way. "

Just as long as you don't have any children in yer group as bored old people are attracted to children in the same way that sharks go for chum. 

If the zombie apocalypse happens on a Saturday night the UK will only find out on Monday as no one will notice on Saturday as staggering, aggressive people are the norm and with Sunday being the day of rest when God slept off his hangover the news outlets also have hangovers and don't report fresh news. 

Saturday of the living dead ....... 

 

Simon Cowell's Moobs Explode

From the blog that constantly brings you breaking news cums the report that off the peg celeb Simon Cowell came close to getting gunned doon and having his face eaten off when he flaunted his sexy body topless, on a Florida beach. 

 Drinking the blood of young runaways to keep his supernatural strength and youthful appearance.

Known for his 'I'm not ghey I'm just English' camp and bitchy attitude which can destroy yer dream in an instant, Cowell is obviously still getting his body back to into shape after his first pregnancy.  Old Knudsen is still taking bets on when he'll cum out of the closet, aye Rock Hudson was married, oh whatever!  Old Knudsen's gheydar is never wrong. 

    Cowell seen here breast feeding his son Squiddly Diddly. 

British people seem to be amazed when they go to foreign cuntries and discover that you can't get away with shit as you can in the UK. Being drunk in public and pishing against a wall is not seen as cultural charm in the US and you will go to jail. 

At first the officer thought Cowell was either intoxicated or retarded as he didn't even know his own name, he kept repeating, "do you know who I am?" in some funny accent. Cowell was more compliant when the officer threatened to taser him in the face and leave him there for the Florida zombies to eat. He was let off with a warning.

Why anyone would want to go to Florida is beyond me. Cowell is a minor crossroads demon and is league with Satan which makes total sense for him. Do drab stupid people sell their souls to Cowell for instant fame? that would explain why so many talentless cum buckets have becum famous over the last decade or so.

Americans take their anti-moob laws very seriously. Jack Nicholson wasn't offered work for 5 years after a picture of him and his flapping man boobs appeared in public. That half eaten sandwich looks better than he does. 

Dude looks like an old lady.

Front man for pop sensation Aerosmith had to take a job as a judge on a reality talent show to pay the coke bills after his moobs and shriveled package was spotted. Not even camo trunks saved him. 

 

World War Jizz

One thing you can learn from the movie World War Z is that if you get some zombie bodily fluids in yer mouth then spit and you won't turn. Brad Pitt ..... spit!  He may swallow in real life but with zombies it's a spit and a rinse with Mountain Dew.

Ever violently hack someone to death? juices splattered everywhere, yer bound to get something in yer mouth. Even vampires have to be careful these days, too many nasty diseases about.
  

 

 Imagine a mouth breathing Flegger during the zombie apocalypse, "Stap biting me mate, this is an infringement of my human rites, (as his voice gets steadily even more high pitched) I'll find out where you live and break yer windows some nite."

Unless Fleggers evolve to be able to breathe through their noses they're fucked. If you are ever caught in a zombie outbreak during the marching/rioting/protesting season in Northern Ireland (an all year season) the safest place to hide is in the job centre . A flegger is unable to see the job centre but if they drunkenly stumble near by one by accident their back will start hurting forcing them to flee. 

 If you got turned into a zombie I would totally swallow .... ach lad yer so sweet.

Remember folks, always use protection, sturdy rope and a machete handy in case yer partner forgets the safety word, oh and never, ever use Brains as yer safety word. 

 

The Time Of The Walker

 "Na surrender M8"

As everyone knows a zombie apocalypse is just around the corner, believe Old Knudsen cos he saw the last few. The 1918 so-called flu pandemic being the last one to hit the headlines in the west, other minor ones in Africa and the recent Arab spring events have been dealt with for the most.

Whenever Old Knudsen hears about a bus or rail crash his first thought is, I wonder if it's an assassination on one person made to look like an accident and his second thought usually is could be containment or stock control of Operation dead eye his third thought is usually about midget porn or something.     

We all know about Prince Philip being a zombie since his death in 2011 RIP Prince Philip and we know that the US government with their CIA serum Prince Philip Still Dead have been keeping the rich and the famous alive for years. Kirk Douglas Dead

I also told you how big companies like Heinz manipulate you and start rumours of the end of the world to get cans of beans sold Con-sume

As Old Knudsen was counting his cans of beans this morning, the count was off BTW so we have a traitor amongst us ... no wait I had some last nite when I staggered home blootered.

I looked towards Obama's zombie breeding camp known as Florida.

Remember folks, it's passed via body fluids so if you catch a zombie for fucking, wear a condom.

I was doing my usual search on Google Earth and found Miracle Village. A little enclave in Florida that is home to a community of sex offenders and their families.

Set up by a Christian organization because as we know Christians are pedos,which explains the whole anti-abortion stance, they want sexy little children to be born into vulnerable families or put into the foster system so they can diddle them.

While it is pretty satisfying smashing in the head of a zombie .... or someone you might think will turn into one (you can't be too careful) wouldn't it be great to bash in the head of a zombie sex offender?
If in doubt of a person infected by the zombie virus: 

Slurred words, not making sense when they speak a glazed look on their face .... not able to understand simple concepts like loyalty to the Queen, very angry. They might be turning into walkers, get them before they fully turn. Zombie Fleggers

Get yer target practice in while you can. The US has disarmed most of Europe as that was their zombie serum testing ground before they started in Florida, Texas and Arizona... blowing faces off, good family fun, well done Jack yer the father of the year.  

Wait a minute, doesn't that target look like someone? Oh yeah, President of the US Morgan Freeman. Only in Florida would they build a village for sex offenders, next there will be a zombie village. Out in the open zombies flaunting themselves in public and destroying the sanctity of marriage etc etc.

Should walkers be allowed to marry?  The Bible says a man and a woman, it didn't say they had to be alive though.

Check out yer History channel, zombies have been about for centuries, Jesus made a few himself like Lazarus before he himself was infected by a dirty needle.
Did the CIA find the holy grail that contained the secret to eternal life .... as a rotting corpse but still alive huh? 

Oh fuck! a zombie with a social conscience. I call these mongs who just jump on a cause  Trendy Activists, aye ignore all the other bad shit because it isn't good looking enough, not the right colour or hasn't had enough TV coverage. 

Stay frosty my friends, zombies are among us. 

Dead Sex Dolls

I've got nothing against Florida or the criminal class, sink hole dwelling, face eating, child molesting zombies that live there but seriously.

Only Florida would put a sex doll into a coffin and call it art. A little known fact is that 74% of Floridians lose their virginity to sex dolls, only a small percentage of that go on to marry them though.

Kirk Douglas Dead

Interest has risen since I told the world that prince Philip was a zombie, now people are asking, 'are there any more high profile zombies?'
Being undead is no longer such a social taboo in Hollywood and there are more than you'd think.

Kirk Douglas died of a heart attack in the mid 90's during a coke fueled orgy, as he has connections he had already arranged for his CIA buddies to inject him with the unstable secret serum which has been in general use on the public in such states such as Florida and Arizona with mixed results. A successful zombie rate of 40% is better than death and it looks like Douglas beat the odds. 

Being a Hollywood legend, Douglas has an army of volunteers allowing him to feed of them just for the honour of being ate by a Hollywood star of his status.   

Son Michael Douglas actually caught zombie syndrome after giving a rim job to undead Angela Lansbury. He now juggles being undead and being a has been movie star and father to three ... unless he eats one.

Florida Is Hell

 

Notice the fleg, what is it with Americans and their flegs? ... crazy huh.

Hasn't Old Knudsen been telling you for years that Florida sits over a Hellmouth? Why do you think you get face eating zombies there? Why do you think people from the UK go there for a holiday? ... evil attracts evil.

Poor 36 year-old Jeff Bush was lying on his bed maybe tugging the lad while thinking about ...

Hoor of Satan Miley Cyrus who is now legal, tough that didn't stop Jeff before * this is pure speculation on behalf of Old Knudsen as Jeff probably never had an impure thought ever*

So lying in bed and then a big sinkhole opens up in yer bedroom and swallows you up .... what fucking bad luck old Jeff has. Hes avoided getting his face ate off for years and now Hell takes him while hes in his wanking chariot.

His brother rushed in and tried to save him but was unable to. Brother Jeremy got stuck and it took a sheriff’s deputy to pull him out.

Remember folks, if you move into a house and you have one of these ^ on the floor, don't just carpet over it. You've got yerself a Hellmouth seal and you'll probably get sucked doon into a Hell dimension like poor Jeff.