Showing posts with label florida. Show all posts
Showing posts with label florida. Show all posts

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Is Donald Trump The Spawn Of Satan?

Melania wore gloves ... clever little demon

Trump has had his numerous failures throughout his life including 6 bankruptcies failed Trump airlines, casino, magazine, mortgage, university, vodka, pocket pussy and his steaks were made from young runaways it seems. The FDA went nuts when they found out as that breaks some health violations or something. 

The perfect man to run America. George Washington had several military failures before becoming president and the way Washington relied on the French for victory Trump relied on his dad to bail him out ... striking similarities, they were also both quite ugly. 

Fred Trump is dead so how could his son who can't even manage to tweet the word unprecedented correctly become Precedent of the United States? 


Joel Tooley a pastor in Florida took his 11 year-old daughter to Trump's Florida Melbourne rally. He said he had the overwhelming feeling of evil there. 

"I felt like people were here to worship an ideology along with the man who was leading it."

When Melania recited the Lord's prayer it seemed theatrical and manipulative. Trump did not recite the prayer until the very last line, 'the power and the glory forever and ever, amen!'

Rather than giving Trump credit for knowing one line the pastor stood up for a couple of anti-Trump people chanting T-R-U-M-P spells bigotry and had women screaming "fuck you" in demonic voices at him and denouncing him as un-American, their faces contorted in hate and rage. 

Tooley said: "I realized that we were not listening to someone presidential, we were listening to someone terribly powerful. My kid was shaken – she had just seen some of the worst of humanity." 

Tooley was not a Trump or Hillary voter by the way.  I just wonder what the fuck he expected, it was Florida for fucks sake. As we all know Florida (the face eating state) is situated on a Hellmouth and "experts"  think that the Hellmouths in Texas and Arizona are linked to it via a deep underground cave system.


Old Knudsen went to Trump's other Florida rally that the dishonest media didn't cover. It was on Fox and Bro-Bart news but that was it.

A rally of just 600 people held in an abandoned factory the tickets were too hard to get so Old Knudsen had to sneak in. Everyone was marked by a special Trump Stamp but Old Knudsen being the initiative taking fool he is bluffed a mark to show security with a sharpie pen. I wonder what three 6's means. Area code?

Trump gave a speech that covered how big his inauguration crowd was, how the media keep making fake news up that honest General Michael Flynn had to resign as the false allegations made him cry. He denounced Hillary, the Democrats, several US businesses, Sweden, Paris, Germany, the FBI, breast feeding mothers, Meryl Streep, Gandhi, refugees who we all know are terrorists and of course the Mexicans. 

He made sure to blame the increase of hate crimes on extremist Liberals who pretend to be Nazi fucks to give Trump followers a bad name. Trump has the best Nazis, tremendous! ... Terrific Nazis!

When Trump took off his face and revealed his true demon nature the crowd didn't seem to mind. I think all Trumpflakes know in the back of their minds that he is evil and Bannon, Tillerson etc will destroy the US but they've made their choice. As long as they are the last to go they don't care.

There was a bright flash of light and everyone with the mark of the Trump vanished, demon Trump licked his lips and looked at those left behind, just security, staffers and Old Knudsen. 

They grabbed me and Trump said "Knudsen we meet again, I shall kill you but first hear my origins story and evil plan."

Old Knudsen rolled his eyes, it was getting near to lunch and his sugar level was getting low. 

 What Trump would look like without demonic magic

"For years I've failed, only to be bailed out by my father, he kept me safe when I was banging under aged girls and snorting rooms full of coke. When he died I was all alone. Then Satan sent his Russian demons to claim me, they gave me money and hookers with full bladders. All I had to do was sell my soul as my father had done before me."   
    
Old Knudsen wasn't really paying attention as he was starting to get cranky and the label on the neck of his shirt was a little itchy. 

"Satan gave me my youth and my hair back, he gave me the power to do and say anything without people doing anything to stop me. I could also sway the feeble minded to do my bidding, how else do you think an unqualified semi-failure of a businessman whose only real sucess is a reality TV show could become President?"

"No one will miss these 600 souls and since no one reads your blog and you get ghosted on Twitter and Face Book no one will miss you either." 

He came towards Old Knudsen his tiny hands stretched out. Fuck this I was missing lunch. The anger of a low sugar level gave Knudsen the strength of 5 men ... 5 big men. He broke free of the security guards and flung a large 400 LBS guard towards Trump. 

There was a snacks table but you never eat or drink anything at a Trump rally or you'll be trapped there ... everyone knows this. 

Upon making my escape I jumped into my El Camino and raced to a Taco Bell. I had called 911 and had them have ready a couple of Burrito supremes and several soft chicken tacos

When you are close to death as I had been today you learn to enjoy life more. I never want to be that close to death ever again so I'll always carry snacks. Oh the demons ... ach sure that was scary too.   
 

Thursday, 27 February 2014

Simon Cowell's Moobs Explode

From the blog that constantly brings you breaking news cums the report that off the peg celeb Simon Cowell came close to getting gunned doon and having his face eaten off when he flaunted his sexy body topless, on a Florida beach. 

 Drinking the blood of young runaways to keep his supernatural strength and youthful appearance.

Known for his 'I'm not ghey I'm just English' camp and bitchy attitude which can destroy yer dream in an instant, Cowell is obviously still getting his body back to into shape after his first pregnancy.  Old Knudsen is still taking bets on when he'll cum out of the closet, aye Rock Hudson was married, oh whatever!  Old Knudsen's gheydar is never wrong. 

    Cowell seen here breast feeding his son Squiddly Diddly. 

British people seem to be amazed when they go to foreign cuntries and discover that you can't get away with shit as you can in the UK. Being drunk in public and pishing against a wall is not seen as cultural charm in the US and you will go to jail. 


At first the officer thought Cowell was either intoxicated or retarded as he didn't even know his own name, he kept repeating, "do you know who I am?" in some funny accent. Cowell was more compliant when the officer threatened to taser him in the face and leave him there for the Florida zombies to eat. He was let off with a warning.

Why anyone would want to go to Florida is beyond me. Cowell is a minor crossroads demon and is league with Satan which makes total sense for him. Do drab stupid people sell their souls to Cowell for instant fame? that would explain why so many talentless cum buckets have becum famous over the last decade or so.


Americans take their anti-moob laws very seriously. Jack Nicholson wasn't offered work for 5 years after a picture of him and his flapping man boobs appeared in public. That half eaten sandwich looks better than he does. 


Dude looks like an old lady.

Front man for pop sensation Aerosmith had to take a job as a judge on a reality talent show to pay the coke bills after his moobs and shriveled package was spotted. Not even camo trunks saved him. 

 

Friday, 9 August 2013

If You Have Killed Someone You Care About LIKE And SHARE!

Facebook is full of memes to LIKE and SHARE and news about the exciting lives of exciting people though more stalkers than posters if you ask me. 

My what a small gun and knife you have.

You can't accuse Derek Medina of being a Facebook stalker, he goes above and beyond social media by killing his wife Jennifer Alfonso and posting a blood splattered picture of her. Of course this is probably normal Facebook stuff where he is from ..... FLORIDA!!!

I want to rape and kill you .... no maybe kill then rape you, oh and eat yer face.

Derek told friends that she was punching him and that he was sick of the abuse so he shot her. He walked into a police station and surrendered himself.

Besides being from Florida there is something seriously wrong with this guy. Updating status, 'Just killed the wife FML off to jail I suppose ... lol thats the weekend ruined.' 

If Old Knudsen had to be honest, Derek has the kind of face that is just begging to be punched. He gets on like a scary hardman and gets beat up by his wife? I'm sure he was trying to appear macho as Latino types do but yer name is Derek and yer like retarded or something, on the level of Willie Frazer I'm talking here, go and look at the purple hoodie pic again and tell me I'm wrong. While it's probably wrong in some cuntries to beat mentally disabled people, Derek no doubt needed it.

She must have been drunk or really desperate to have hooked up with him, or maybe just wanted some boxing practice. I'd love to know how inappropriate his other status updates were.  'Just took a massive dump, can't wipe my cornhole clean' or ' Got a boner while watching Glee, is my wife right and I'm gay?'

So Texas, Florida has yet again made it's move with some crazy shit .... yer turn. 

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Dead Sex Dolls


I've got nothing against Florida or the criminal class, sink hole dwelling, face eating, child molesting zombies that live there but seriously.


Only Florida would put a sex doll into a coffin and call it art. A little known fact is that 74% of Floridians lose their virginity to sex dolls, only a small percentage of that go on to marry them though.



Saturday, 2 March 2013

Florida Is Hell

Notice the fleg, what is it with Americans and their flegs? ... crazy huh.

Hasn't Old Knudsen been telling you for years that Florida sits over a Hellmouth? Why do you think you get face eating zombies there? Why do you think people from the UK go there for a holiday? ... evil attracts evil.

Poor 36 year-old Jeff Bush was lying on his bed maybe tugging the lad while thinking about ...

Hoor of Satan Miley Cyrus who is now legal, tough that didn't stop Jeff before * this is pure speculation on behalf of Old Knudsen as Jeff probably never had an impure thought ever*

So lying in bed and then a big sinkhole opens up in yer bedroom and swallows you up .... what fucking bad luck old Jeff has. Hes avoided getting his face ate off for years and now Hell takes him while hes in his wanking chariot.

His brother rushed in and tried to save him but was unable to. Brother Jeremy got stuck and it took a sheriff’s deputy to pull him out.


Remember folks, if you move into a house and you have one of these ^ on the floor, don't just carpet over it. You've got yerself a Hellmouth seal and you'll probably get sucked doon into a Hell dimension like poor Jeff.