There's A Place Called Mar-a-Lago

Mar-a-Lago or as Donald Trump calls it 'The Winter White House' is a 17-acre prime piece of Palm beach real estate. The name means sea to lake as on the west is Lake Worth and on the east coast is the Atlanta. It sits on a sliver of land connected to the mainland by bridges.  

Built in the late 1920's by socialite Marjorie Merriweather Post she had imagined it as a place where future presidents would go to get the sun. When she died in 1973 she gave the property to the government.

Nixon preferred to stay elsewhere in Florida and Carter just wasn't interested. Costing $1–3 million in annual taxes the government returned it to the Post Foundation in 1981who then put it on the market for $20 million.

Trump had tried to buy apartments for his family to live in Florida but couldn't make the deal so he offered $15 million for Mar-a-Lago. That offer was refused.

Like all bullies he didn't take no as an answer. He put in a $3 million bid to buy the land beside Mar-a-Lago saying he'd build apartments that would block their view. Not too many potential buyers after that. In 1985 he got the place for $5 million and paid $3million for some of Post's antiques and furniture.  A real insight into the type of person he is.

58 bedrooms, 33 bathrooms and 3 bomb shelters. Five tennis courts and a pool.

Anyone that has ever tried to kill a head of state knows that when they are traveling or on vacation that is the best time to do it. Trump is always on vacation. For someone that slagged off Obama for playing golf while soldiers were having funerals, he loves to play a round with the boys at the tax payer's excessive expense.

200 plus civilians have been killed by the US in bombing in Mosul but they weren't white, American or worth ruining yer swing over. Fuck them huh? 

Hitler had planned to kill Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin when they were visiting Tehran for talks and there was also a plan to bump off Churchill in North Africa while he was visiting the troops ... Has Trump been to Syria or Iraq yet? Those bone spurs are probably stopping him huh. 

The coast guard sets up 3 zones to patrol during Trump's visit. Two dividing Lake Worth Lagoon and one on the Atlantic coast. You need permission to enter these zones and without it you can be fined anywhere from $10,000 to $88,000 and get a 12 year prison term.

Roads are closed when Trump is in town and jet fighters are on alert and have been scrambled up to 5 times during one weekend. 

It costs around $100,000 to scramble a jet. These calls were for civilian planes that got too close.
 

 
Trump usually flies to Fort Lauderdale on Air Force One which costs $200,000 per hour to run. There are two of these planes but they only become Air Force One when the preez is on board. 

His fleet of armoured limos at $1.5 million a pop each are sent ahead with an advance team even if he doesn't use them. His main limo 'The Beast' has stocks of his blood in case of emergency.  

He then he takes his Marine One helicopter to the club.

A 50 foot long 8 inch thick concrete landing pad was built at Mar-a-Lago and is to be removed when he is out of office.  

When Marine One flies in there are about 4 decoy helicopters that fly in with it so it's nice a loud for his neighbours. These decoys take off at the last moment as the Trump laden one lands.

It's ironic as Trump sued the nearby Palm Beach airport for the noise of planes taking off.

Biggest dungy in the history of presidents, I should tweet this. 

Protecting Mar-a-Lago is a logistical nightmare as you have to have land, air and sea protected unlike Camp David which is secluded but too rustic for Trump. It sits empty just wasting yet more money.

If anyone wanted to strike at Trump it would be at one of his rallies or while at Mar-a-Lago. It's very handy how we all know where he is going to be as well as the random thoughts he has while on the crapper at 4:30am.

 The famous back of the hand pat awkward disrespectful tug of war handshake.

Next week-end he's hosting the Chinese leader at Mar-a-Lago. I can't wait for the awkward handshake, Trump sure understands Asian culture.   

Lets hope the visit is a safe one and that Trump has many years of squandering the tax payer's money while making cuts to the poor and living like a French monarch.

Some day maybe Putin will stay at Mar-a-Lago, that will be quite the Russian event as Trump has sold nearby houses to Russian Oligarchs, they can all come in from the cold for dinner.  

  

Is Donald Trump The Spawn Of Satan?

Melania wore gloves ... clever little demon

Trump has had his numerous failures throughout his life including 6 bankruptcies failed Trump airlines, casino, magazine, mortgage, university, vodka, pocket pussy and his steaks were made from young runaways it seems. The FDA went nuts when they found out as that breaks some health violations or something. 

The perfect man to run America. George Washington had several military failures before becoming president and the way Washington relied on the French for victory Trump relied on his dad to bail him out ... striking similarities, they were also both quite ugly. 

Fred Trump is dead so how could his son who can't even manage to tweet the word unprecedented correctly become Precedent of the United States? 

Joel Tooley a pastor in Florida took his 11 year-old daughter to Trump's Florida Melbourne rally. He said he had the overwhelming feeling of evil there. 

"I felt like people were here to worship an ideology along with the man who was leading it."

When Melania recited the Lord's prayer it seemed theatrical and manipulative. Trump did not recite the prayer until the very last line, 'the power and the glory forever and ever, amen!'

Rather than giving Trump credit for knowing one line the pastor stood up for a couple of anti-Trump people chanting T-R-U-M-P spells bigotry and had women screaming "fuck you" in demonic voices at him and denouncing him as un-American, their faces contorted in hate and rage. 

Tooley said: "I realized that we were not listening to someone presidential, we were listening to someone terribly powerful. My kid was shaken – she had just seen some of the worst of humanity." 

Tooley was not a Trump or Hillary voter by the way.  I just wonder what the fuck he expected, it was Florida for fucks sake. As we all know Florida (the face eating state) is situated on a Hellmouth and "experts"  think that the Hellmouths in Texas and Arizona are linked to it via a deep underground cave system.

Old Knudsen went to Trump's other Florida rally that the dishonest media didn't cover. It was on Fox and Bro-Bart news but that was it.

A rally of just 600 people held in an abandoned factory the tickets were too hard to get so Old Knudsen had to sneak in. Everyone was marked by a special Trump Stamp but Old Knudsen being the initiative taking fool he is bluffed a mark to show security with a sharpie pen. I wonder what three 6's means. Area code?

Trump gave a speech that covered how big his inauguration crowd was, how the media keep making fake news up that honest General Michael Flynn had to resign as the false allegations made him cry. He denounced Hillary, the Democrats, several US businesses, Sweden, Paris, Germany, the FBI, breast feeding mothers, Meryl Streep, Gandhi, refugees who we all know are terrorists and of course the Mexicans. 

He made sure to blame the increase of hate crimes on extremist Liberals who pretend to be Nazi fucks to give Trump followers a bad name. Trump has the best Nazis, tremendous! ... Terrific Nazis!

When Trump took off his face and revealed his true demon nature the crowd didn't seem to mind. I think all Trumpflakes know in the back of their minds that he is evil and Bannon, Tillerson etc will destroy the US but they've made their choice. As long as they are the last to go they don't care.

There was a bright flash of light and everyone with the mark of the Trump vanished, demon Trump licked his lips and looked at those left behind, just security, staffers and Old Knudsen. 

They grabbed me and Trump said "Knudsen we meet again, I shall kill you but first hear my origins story and evil plan."

Old Knudsen rolled his eyes, it was getting near to lunch and his sugar level was getting low. 

 What Trump would look like without demonic magic

"For years I've failed, only to be bailed out by my father, he kept me safe when I was banging under aged girls and snorting rooms full of coke. When he died I was all alone. Then Satan sent his Russian demons to claim me, they gave me money and hookers with full bladders. All I had to do was sell my soul as my father had done before me."   

    

Old Knudsen wasn't really paying attention as he was starting to get cranky and the label on the neck of his shirt was a little itchy. 

"Satan gave me my youth and my hair back, he gave me the power to do and say anything without people doing anything to stop me. I could also sway the feeble minded to do my bidding, how else do you think an unqualified semi-failure of a businessman whose only real sucess is a reality TV show could become President?"

"No one will miss these 600 souls and since no one reads your blog and you get ghosted on Twitter and Face Book no one will miss you either." 

He came towards Old Knudsen his tiny hands stretched out. Fuck this I was missing lunch. The anger of a low sugar level gave Knudsen the strength of 5 men ... 5 big men. He broke free of the security guards and flung a large 400 LBS guard towards Trump. 

There was a snacks table but you never eat or drink anything at a Trump rally or you'll be trapped there ... everyone knows this. 

Upon making my escape I jumped into my El Camino and raced to a Taco Bell. I had called 911 and had them have ready a couple of Burrito supremes and several soft chicken tacos. 

When you are close to death as I had been today you learn to enjoy life more. I never want to be that close to death ever again so I'll always carry snacks. Oh the demons ... ach sure that was scary too.   

 

The Vikings Made Us Fat

Everyone remembers where they were during key events that have happened in their lives, most remember where they were when they were married, arrested or when JFK was shot or when Princess Diana died .... she was lovely, wasn't she.

Do you remember what you were doing when the Vikings attacked the Island of Lindisfarne? The small island off the east coast of England was raided by Vikings on 8th June 793, this would have been their equivalent of 9/11 as this more or less began the Viking raids that would change the world of the Brits and Irish forever. 

There was only a big deal made out of it because it was written about and it was a fucking monastery, who would risk the wrath of God? ..... The Viking continued to raid Britain for the next few hundred odd years so it looks like God didn't give a fuck.

They even ended up ruling most of the North of England giving many of their words to our language today. The days of the week for instance, I'm surprised they weren't renamed in America during the 1950's when they were putting 'In God we trust' over everything . "Yeah we're calling Wednesday Jesusday and Thursday is um Petersday." Americans wouldn't have the word Gun if not for these Pagans of the North nor could they tell fags to go to Hell. 
Seriously all you gun loving tea baggers and Sarah Palin in particular, you had better come up with a better language cos yer all speaking in Pagan, maybe you should learn Arabic or something. You can't even take this man to be yer husband or the bull by the horns. You wouldn't have anger or be happy if it wasn't for the Norse but you could be bleh.   

The festival of the Old Knudsen horn which still continues today.  

Aye I've got Viking blood flowing through my veins and very often in my poop just as I have Celtic blood so yes, I am a very gentle, intellectual, teetotaler type in touch with his feelings, all those stories you've heard are lies made up by the Conservative media influenced by the 1% ..... the story about the midget duct taped to a sex swing is partly true, the charge was reduced to manslaughter, they never mention that part. 

The Vikings like most of the world back then took slaves, they traveled up and doon the great water ways of Europe. Russia gets it's name from the Rus people who were Norsemen who traded and raided taking Slavs as slaves as they did any other race. 

Back then a male slave would cost you 12 ounces of silver or 8 for a female ... hey don't judge. The uber educated ancient Greeks had slaves, as did the tribes of Africa and the Native Americans, things were just too hard back then. Imagine what life would be like without a remote control for yer telly, aye shivers doon yer spine, you'd be calling fore the return of slavery within a day. 

You can't even get a BJ doon at the docks for 12 ounces of silver these days. 

Why were the Vikings so successful? .... Good question, it was mostly to do with gym membership. The Vikings encouraged their people to join a gym followed by a sauna, so you'd have all these buff blokes and fit warrior weemen all with the roid rage.    

A typical Viking woman. 

Just the thought of all those hard sweaty bodies is enough to make yer average English person empty their bowels. Centuries of body shaming by the Norse has made us hide behind a bargain bucket of KFC while we wear our elasticated leisure suits. 

A Celtic warrior from the late Gaulish period.

The Celts would also use the psychological warfare method of being buff but they would charge naked at their enemy which might lead to nasty wounds such as in the above picture. Aye that foreskin will never grow back. 

Vikings totally didn't mind dying in battle, in fact it was like an achievement to give a good account of yerself and die killing the enemy so you could go to Valhalla and feast with the gods. 

You could compare that mindset with ISIS who also want to die for their god so they can get their 72 virgin goats. If anyone is worried about dying a virgin in case ISIS gets them in the after life just send Old Knudsen an e-mail and he'll sort you out .... I wouldn't call it a duty, more like a good service. 

Christians on the other hand don't really want to die which makes me think that they don't really believe all that shite they are told to believe in. Prove me wrong Christians, the next time you feel a lump or pass out don't go to a Doctor, that just shows a lack of faith but get yer kids treated cos they are given a pass until they become dumb adults. 

It's funny how generations can point to something like the assassination of MLK jr and say, "well that us blackies screwed, might as well stop trying to achieve equality and blame whitey instead"  or to 9/11 for fucking up air travel and immigration and causing those cuntries in the Middle East who are normally ever so peaceful to act like a Floridian on bath salts.  Lindisfarne was a game changer and even now the echos of that time and its influence can be still heard when someone calls you ugly.    

  

Woman Got MERS Infected Boob Implants On The NHS

You may kiss .... er maybe just a fist bump the bride.

"Praying for the rapture, cause it's stranger getting stranger, and everything's contagious, it's the modern middle ages" ~  Robert Williams

Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS©) is a viral respiratory illness that is new to humans. Developed by the CIA as an assassination tool It was first reported in Saudi Arabia in 2012 and has since spread to several other countries, including the United States. Thought to be either a plague from Gog because the Saudi's are head chopping cunts or from something they picked up fucking camels it is unclear. 460 have died since 2012. The 16,532 pilgrims in Mecca have all been tested and are clear as long as they stay away from the sexy camels. 

Pastor James McConnell says he doesn't hate Muslims but added, "I'm gonna laugh my balls aff when they suffer extreme pain and torment for worshiping Satan and I hope they burn in Hell forever .... God is love .. lol!"

Do I believe that Saudi Arabia is clear of MERS? Anyone remember that town that refused to close its beach because of a shark attack? Aye they were more interested in the tourist/pilgrim money.

 

In South Korea the death toll has risen to 32 people. What a weird disease, they have found MERS in camels and bats so what are the durty Koreans doing with the bats?

In China in 2003 there was a SARS epidemic that killed 349. SARS is of the same coronavirus family as MERS. Instead of scary 4 letter acronym names why don't they try harder and spell something like FLUFFIES, "I'm so sorry to hear about Susan, was it MERS or SARS?" ..... "She died of FLUFFIES which actually makes me smile when I say it so the loss isn't that bad, I heard that Simpson got TICKLES, such a loss :::snigger::::" 

  The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you, and how could, anybody, deny you.

Chris Martin took time from writing Game of thrones to write Green eyes in memory of his then wife Gwenyth Paltrow, the most famous person to die from SARS. Martin is now dating Jennifer Lawrence and they are reportedly fucking like bunnies .... I expect we'll be seeing some leaked pics soon.  

This fish may mistake yer nuts for actual nuts and take a bite. 

Remember when you only worried about getting the clap from nasty foreign hookers and the tarts who hung around army bases? Now you'll get head lice from the plane, bed bugs from the hotel room, a nasty flesh eating disease from a warm bus seat. Now they are finding testicle eating fish in  Illinois and they have better teeth than most British people .... bastarding fish and their oral hygiene. 

You just never know what yer going to catch or what catches you which is why when Old Knudsen open up a can of tuna he doesn't check it for eyeballs. Don't watch what you eat just fucking well eat it, when the starving children of Ebola figure out that you've got loads of food they'll be over to take it. 

 

Woman with MERS infected boobs died shortly after this picture was taken. After an examination her body will probably be released to the family around November ... maybe-ish. 

Flesh eating in Florida.  

Flesh eating virus, Vibrio vulnificus just claimed its 4th victim in the US, some bloke from Florida who went swimming in Mississippi. Don't go swimming if you have any open wounds and don't drink the fucking water, it's America for fucks sake. 

Ach he was from Florida, probably high on bath salts or bubble bath and had forgotten about the bullet wound he'd got a week ago from robbing yon shop. Shows you can be pretty careful unless you sniff the Radox then all bets are off. 

In Cod We Rust

 

 Look dad, it's a fucking fish invasion!

A war is raging, yes you may be weary of war but it's here and you either fight or you die. We shall fight them in the oceans, seas and other large bodies of water, we shall fight them in the rivers, lakes and ornament ponds, we shall never surrender! terms and conditions may apply  We shall serve them with butter or sauce made from cocks and tails, their dead unblinking eyes shall see defeat and the skillet, their doom shall be topped with tartar sauce and is a dish best served with chips.

Heavyn Nash (was almost named Destiny) a 14 year-old from Florida was boating with her mother and grandfather on the the Suwanee River when a sturgeon leapt out of the water and knocked her unconscious, it was only a couple of weeks since a sturgeon crashed through a boat windshield injuring the driver.
Police do not think it is the same sturgeon, they are aware of a group of Sturgeons that didn't stay in school and are operating as a gang in the area. 

Fishing boat captain Randy Llanes, 47 was recently killed when a swordfish he was trying to catch by spearing it, speared him.
Some think the attack was in retaliation for a 500-pound marlin Randy had caught the day before others say it was karma .... He is randy no more. 

Namor the Sub-Mariner and prince of Atlantis issued a statement, "For too long you surface-dwellers have destroyed the creatures of the sea and have used up and polluted our water but I say no more! Prepare to die, we will so fuck you up."

Aquaman the king of Atlantis was seen swimming around Houston with a 40oz can of Coors laughing maniacally at the floods and shouting out bad fish puns like, "look at this plaice it's a dump" and "hey baby, ya wanna catch crabs?"

Fishmen are complete assholes.

If You Have Killed Someone You Care About LIKE And SHARE!

 

Facebook is full of memes to LIKE and SHARE and news about the exciting lives of exciting people though more stalkers than posters if you ask me. 

My what a small gun and knife you have.

You can't accuse Derek Medina of being a Facebook stalker, he goes above and beyond social media by killing his wife Jennifer Alfonso and posting a blood splattered picture of her. Of course this is probably normal Facebook stuff where he is from ..... FLORIDA!!!

I want to rape and kill you .... no maybe kill then rape you, oh and eat yer face.

Derek told friends that she was punching him and that he was sick of the abuse so he shot her. He walked into a police station and surrendered himself.

Besides being from Florida there is something seriously wrong with this guy. Updating status, 'Just killed the wife FML off to jail I suppose ... lol thats the weekend ruined.' 

If Old Knudsen had to be honest, Derek has the kind of face that is just begging to be punched. He gets on like a scary hardman and gets beat up by his wife? I'm sure he was trying to appear macho as Latino types do but yer name is Derek and yer like retarded or something, on the level of Willie Frazer I'm talking here, go and look at the purple hoodie pic again and tell me I'm wrong. While it's probably wrong in some cuntries to beat mentally disabled people, Derek no doubt needed it.

She must have been drunk or really desperate to have hooked up with him, or maybe just wanted some boxing practice. I'd love to know how inappropriate his other status updates were.  'Just took a massive dump, can't wipe my cornhole clean' or ' Got a boner while watching Glee, is my wife right and I'm gay?'

So Texas, Florida has yet again made it's move with some crazy shit .... yer turn. 

Dead Sex Dolls

I've got nothing against Florida or the criminal class, sink hole dwelling, face eating, child molesting zombies that live there but seriously.

Only Florida would put a sex doll into a coffin and call it art. A little known fact is that 74% of Floridians lose their virginity to sex dolls, only a small percentage of that go on to marry them though.

Smells Like Teen Wookie

Teen Hoo hoo exposed in school photo


In Florida a crazed mother is demanding that her daughter's high school recall and reprint its yearbook because the teen, a junior may have exposed her tuna taco in a club photo.


The 16 year-old gurl explained that she didn't wear panties the day the photo was taken because she didn't want her panty lines to show.

The teenager hasn't been back to school since the yearbooks were issued. Her mother wants them destroyed. "I don't want any yearbooks out there with this photo in it because it's going to follow her," she said.

So will the slime trail she leaves on the seats at school, a track for males to follow.

Sickles High School doesn't believe it has to reprint the books. "We don't believe there's an exposure in the yearbook. It's a shadow," said school spokeswoman Linda Cobbe, "I have a hair pie myself and obviously know cooter when I see it."

Old Knudsen has looked at the photo and and cannot see blurt just blur. Observing the two pictures me thinks the lass should be slapped and sent to her room to study or to watch Dora the fur burger explorer never mind about panty lines.

Merely an excuse not to go to school or to get the attention of Playboy magazine. Sit and dress like a lady young lady you have plenty of time to slut it up after you graduate college.

The teens face, cooch and name have been with-held as she is a minor though I'm sure by now its easy enough to get all.