Woman Got MERS Infected Boob Implants On The NHS

You may kiss .... er maybe just a fist bump the bride.

"Praying for the rapture, cause it's stranger getting stranger, and everything's contagious, it's the modern middle ages" ~  Robert Williams

Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS©) is a viral respiratory illness that is new to humans. Developed by the CIA as an assassination tool It was first reported in Saudi Arabia in 2012 and has since spread to several other countries, including the United States. Thought to be either a plague from Gog because the Saudi's are head chopping cunts or from something they picked up fucking camels it is unclear. 460 have died since 2012. The 16,532 pilgrims in Mecca have all been tested and are clear as long as they stay away from the sexy camels. 

Pastor James McConnell says he doesn't hate Muslims but added, "I'm gonna laugh my balls aff when they suffer extreme pain and torment for worshiping Satan and I hope they burn in Hell forever .... God is love .. lol!"

Do I believe that Saudi Arabia is clear of MERS? Anyone remember that town that refused to close its beach because of a shark attack? Aye they were more interested in the tourist/pilgrim money.

 

In South Korea the death toll has risen to 32 people. What a weird disease, they have found MERS in camels and bats so what are the durty Koreans doing with the bats?

In China in 2003 there was a SARS epidemic that killed 349. SARS is of the same coronavirus family as MERS. Instead of scary 4 letter acronym names why don't they try harder and spell something like FLUFFIES, "I'm so sorry to hear about Susan, was it MERS or SARS?" ..... "She died of FLUFFIES which actually makes me smile when I say it so the loss isn't that bad, I heard that Simpson got TICKLES, such a loss :::snigger::::" 

  The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you, and how could, anybody, deny you.

Chris Martin took time from writing Game of thrones to write Green eyes in memory of his then wife Gwenyth Paltrow, the most famous person to die from SARS. Martin is now dating Jennifer Lawrence and they are reportedly fucking like bunnies .... I expect we'll be seeing some leaked pics soon.  

This fish may mistake yer nuts for actual nuts and take a bite. 

Remember when you only worried about getting the clap from nasty foreign hookers and the tarts who hung around army bases? Now you'll get head lice from the plane, bed bugs from the hotel room, a nasty flesh eating disease from a warm bus seat. Now they are finding testicle eating fish in  Illinois and they have better teeth than most British people .... bastarding fish and their oral hygiene. 

You just never know what yer going to catch or what catches you which is why when Old Knudsen open up a can of tuna he doesn't check it for eyeballs. Don't watch what you eat just fucking well eat it, when the starving children of Ebola figure out that you've got loads of food they'll be over to take it. 

 

Woman with MERS infected boobs died shortly after this picture was taken. After an examination her body will probably be released to the family around November ... maybe-ish. 

Flesh eating in Florida.  

Flesh eating virus, Vibrio vulnificus just claimed its 4th victim in the US, some bloke from Florida who went swimming in Mississippi. Don't go swimming if you have any open wounds and don't drink the fucking water, it's America for fucks sake. 

Ach he was from Florida, probably high on bath salts or bubble bath and had forgotten about the bullet wound he'd got a week ago from robbing yon shop. Shows you can be pretty careful unless you sniff the Radox then all bets are off. 

Healthcare Is Not That Difficult

Vladimir Putin put the medical community to shame after becoming a trained physician when he watched 10 seasons of Grey's anatomy back to back. He was quoted as saying, "how difficult can it be?" just before entering the operating theater to operate on a woman with depression.

After a 3 hour op he declared that he had cut out all the depression and ordered the top of her head to be re-attached while he grabbed some lunch.
The woman can be seen recovering and smiling in the photo. In fact she did nothing else but smile right up until her death, Putin put her death down to bad timing as God must have been going to take her anyway but at least she died happy .... she didn't know her name but she died happy. 

Dr Putin then performed a miracle. A patient was terminally ill with Man-flu, Putin suggested that the dying man be given something to be allowed to die with dignity. Within minutes the patient was up and about.

David Cameron was not to be outdone by Putin and went on a morale boasting tour of NHS hospitals and to show that they didn't really deserve a pay rise.
He was able to free up some beds by getting rid of 'time wasters' and showed that if nurses did their jobs better then they too could have a better work experience, he found time to have a tea break and check his phone so why can't they?   
  
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg added, "David you are so wonderful."

Veteran Told To Remove Flag

 This is as close as we could get before they started shooting at us.

Kartobi ... Syria. Alyn Al-el Mosi a veteran fighter of ISIS has been told by the owners of the apartment building that he lives in to take his ISIS flag down. Mosi fought hard under his flag killing hundreds of unarmed men women and children only to face this kind of discrimination.

He said, "I kill infidel in the name of Allah ... bless his merciful name and now I feel like I want to kill more, is this not a free caliphate? The people downstairs have that yah yah yah music all the time when I'm online trying to recruit people and looking at tumblr and no one says anything to them."

The owner who refused to give his name said that while we thank Al-el Mosi for his service the flag goes against his rental agreement and apartment policy and so must be removed. 

Mohammed Khali al-wahwah is a former ISIS fighter now living in the UK, even though he has tested positive for aids and Ebola he was able to live rent free in a 7 bedroom council house in Essex with his wife and 8 children. He gets paid £3,750 a week in benefits and has just had a boob implant operation on the NHS because his body issues were making him depressed. 

I'm not trying to make a point, I just think he has very nice tits. 

David Cameron says, "Well I personally think that anymore than a handful is a waste but if it helps to bring peace to the world then I say YES, are you going to say no to world peace? Maybe if the British people stopped being cunts and smiled a little more then our young people wouldn't be going off to be a Jihadi in Syria, why have a miserable life there when you can do that at home?"  

Has anyone just stopped with the firing of the missiles and put their arm around an ISIS fighter and said, "are you all right my friend?" .... oh wait they have? .... they were beheaded and their cuntry mocked on Twitter? 

Why yes I do have a backup idea.