Woman Got MERS Infected Boob Implants On The NHS

You may kiss .... er maybe just a fist bump the bride.

"Praying for the rapture, cause it's stranger getting stranger, and everything's contagious, it's the modern middle ages" ~  Robert Williams

Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS©) is a viral respiratory illness that is new to humans. Developed by the CIA as an assassination tool It was first reported in Saudi Arabia in 2012 and has since spread to several other countries, including the United States. Thought to be either a plague from Gog because the Saudi's are head chopping cunts or from something they picked up fucking camels it is unclear. 460 have died since 2012. The 16,532 pilgrims in Mecca have all been tested and are clear as long as they stay away from the sexy camels. 

Pastor James McConnell says he doesn't hate Muslims but added, "I'm gonna laugh my balls aff when they suffer extreme pain and torment for worshiping Satan and I hope they burn in Hell forever .... God is love .. lol!"

Do I believe that Saudi Arabia is clear of MERS? Anyone remember that town that refused to close its beach because of a shark attack? Aye they were more interested in the tourist/pilgrim money.

 

In South Korea the death toll has risen to 32 people. What a weird disease, they have found MERS in camels and bats so what are the durty Koreans doing with the bats?

In China in 2003 there was a SARS epidemic that killed 349. SARS is of the same coronavirus family as MERS. Instead of scary 4 letter acronym names why don't they try harder and spell something like FLUFFIES, "I'm so sorry to hear about Susan, was it MERS or SARS?" ..... "She died of FLUFFIES which actually makes me smile when I say it so the loss isn't that bad, I heard that Simpson got TICKLES, such a loss :::snigger::::" 

  The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you, and how could, anybody, deny you.

Chris Martin took time from writing Game of thrones to write Green eyes in memory of his then wife Gwenyth Paltrow, the most famous person to die from SARS. Martin is now dating Jennifer Lawrence and they are reportedly fucking like bunnies .... I expect we'll be seeing some leaked pics soon.  

This fish may mistake yer nuts for actual nuts and take a bite. 

Remember when you only worried about getting the clap from nasty foreign hookers and the tarts who hung around army bases? Now you'll get head lice from the plane, bed bugs from the hotel room, a nasty flesh eating disease from a warm bus seat. Now they are finding testicle eating fish in  Illinois and they have better teeth than most British people .... bastarding fish and their oral hygiene. 

You just never know what yer going to catch or what catches you which is why when Old Knudsen open up a can of tuna he doesn't check it for eyeballs. Don't watch what you eat just fucking well eat it, when the starving children of Ebola figure out that you've got loads of food they'll be over to take it. 

 

Woman with MERS infected boobs died shortly after this picture was taken. After an examination her body will probably be released to the family around November ... maybe-ish. 

Flesh eating in Florida.  

Flesh eating virus, Vibrio vulnificus just claimed its 4th victim in the US, some bloke from Florida who went swimming in Mississippi. Don't go swimming if you have any open wounds and don't drink the fucking water, it's America for fucks sake. 

Ach he was from Florida, probably high on bath salts or bubble bath and had forgotten about the bullet wound he'd got a week ago from robbing yon shop. Shows you can be pretty careful unless you sniff the Radox then all bets are off. 

The Secret Life Of Steven Moffat

Stephen Moffat the writer and producer of such shows as Dr Who and Sherlock is famous for his Fridge moments , that means you watch a TV show and afterwards when it's over you go to the fridge for another piece of crack or whatever you keep in there and you make an observation about the show that you didn't notice at the time.

I'll just get a pickled eye .... 'Hey why did Buzz Lightyear, who thinks he's a real Space Ranger and not a toy lie still and quiet like the rest of the toys when Andy was about?' 

Fridge moments or plot-holes as you may know them are usually a slap in the face to the viewer cos the writers couldn't think of anything else, 'aye we'll just reverse the polarity with the sonic screwdriver or blow something up totally out of character for the Doctor or something, who cares? it's Friday and I'm outta here early.'

From all the fridge moments and the fast talking, fans are getting a bit fed up with Moffat, it's like hes trying so many different things that he isn't focusing on one. Give the fans what they want and take their money, we'll just skip on quality for a bit.

 Some have cum to the conclusion that Sherlock and Dr Who needs less Moffat.  

In the last episode of Sherlock, Magnussen had his two bodyguards search Sherlock and Watson for weapons when they went to the Baker street flat but when Sherlock and Watson went to the home of Magnussen known as Appledore not only were they not searched but the place lacked any security, completely vulnerable.  
Sherlock producing Watson's gun and shooting Magnussen dead was a real lack of foresight from a genius such as Magnussen ..... Why does Watson have a Sig-sauer handgun anyway? Oh he was a captain in the army when he was an army doctor .... the army doesn't just let you keep shit you know, especially firearms.
After the Hungerford massacre, handguns for the public were made vorboden! Oh and inspector Lestrade wouldn't have one either. Problems when you modernise Victorian stories.

Jesus was walking along the hilly country east of the Jordan, he met two blokes who were possessed by demons. The demons knew Jesus had a big angry father and knew they were in for some trouble. They begged Jesus not to zap their asses to the void but instead to put their souls into a herd of pigs.

Old Knudsen had his fridge moment. Why would there be pig farmers in a land that didn't eat pork?

The 2 demons entered the herd of pigs and then rushed over a cliff and into a river and drowned.... no idea why they did that, as with many stuff in the Bible this was not explained either.    

So Jesus put them into pigs, pigs because according to the Bible they are unclean animals because they have hoofs but don't chew the cud.... Cows would offend the Hindus and sheep, well they are most useful to the Israelites.  

I did some research and it seems that the Philistines who were a seafaring people that migrated there around 3,000 years BC kept and ate pigs. The Israelites were always at odds with the lowland Philistines hence being called a Philistine is now an insult thrown at some uncouth person, just as heck and hell are now used in a derogatory manner but were the names of goddesses Hecate and Hel.

Thats what cunts do, they associate yer name with something bad to demonize you ... they may even turn you into a demon or even leprechauns to be mocked and scorned.   

Christians/the victors love to rewrite history and phase out and replace the old ways.

Believe it or not but pork consumption is a good marker of ethnicity and identity considering the no lovely bacon rule in parts of the Middle east. Archeologists can tell a lot from what bones they find, whether these were Philistine pigs or European pigs that arrived 900BC. 
 
The Israelites were pastoral nomads with no time for an animal like the pig since they don't walk very far. They don't use them so obviously they wouldn't eat them, thats something those shitty Philistines do right?  Sea folk would have tasty pigs on board boats to eat up waste and top the occasion sandwich.      

Jesus infecting a man's herd of pigs turning his livelihood into demons was a cuntish thing to do, he may have saved the two men who then with no livestock might have starved to death but who cares? they probably weren't Jews so they were sinners anyway.

The rest of the story has Jesus not being thanked but begged to move on. Please, don't help us anymore ya tosser, that kind of help we could do without.  

 

Which leads me to the theory that Steven Moffat is a Time Lord or some other time traveler who went back in time and wrote the Bible.

How else can you explain all the fridge moments and the contradictions?  He doesn't even look Scottish for fucks sake he looks all pubic headed and timey.


     


  

A Man Barely Alive

Oh woe is Old Knudsen cut doon before his best before date. Mother is that you? I told ya not to fucking call me unless ya had me money.

Poor Old Knudsen is on his death bed and this is his last post as he cannae post from the grave as not even American cemeteries have Interweb access. Oh I just told a lie I do have a post scheduled for December 21st 2012 which as everyone knows is the end of the world so stick around.

As I lie here coughing up blood and bits of celery there are a few things I want to get off my chest, firstly yer ma as I'm no in the mood for fanny battered nipples maybe later.

In 2004 I stole The Scream and Madonna paintings from the Munch Museum. When you look at them close up they are pretty fucking shite, I wouldn't let either of them adopt my 3rd world wog baby.

I killed the Donnelly family and burned their farm in 1880. You will all agree that they were asking for it right?

I told Plato about the island of Atlantis in confidence and didn't expect the cunt to write a best seller, he was the Dan brown of his day.

I once rested my feet upon the stone of destiny and it roared with joy. That makes me the rightful king of Ireland. I was so embarrassed at being the king of the bog trotters I never told anyone.

I know what Dark Matter is and Newton was a moron.

Johnny Depp is semi-immortal and will look the same for the next 100 years.

For years I felt guilty about taking part in water boarding as it is now deemed as torture only to find out it was surf boarding I was doing.

I never cuddle after sex due to a fear of intimacy.

In 1926 while in the Explorers club we had a frozen Neanderthal which we slowly thawed and dinned on. I had the shits for a month.

I shot James Dean in Dallas, Texas in 1963 and I still don't regret it as he was one shite actor.

I am not afraid of the dark ................. it is afraid of me.

The thing I shall miss most when dead is the smell of freshly cut new born babies.

My greatest pleasure in life was helping others, especially hot, inebriated weemen.

I was turned doon by Susan Boyle ........... I knew she was a leezer.

I swore I'd never tell anyone that I once beat Chuck Norris in a fight and he cried like a baby, now I have and he did, Ka-Chow!

I have an addiction to Miracle whip and have never tasted food without it for 15 years.

:::::::spits up some blood and mops his fevered brow::::::::

I fear the war for my cap may lead to Armageddon as predicted in the Bible ........ at the back.

You'd think drinking hand sanitizer and spraying air fresheners would cure you but no Old Knudsen has sever gut ache and to compound the situation he has a lotto ticket for tomorrow night and he bets knowing his luck its a winner.

I wish I had more time, no really I'd like to go and see that film 17 again as that Zac Efron is as cute as fuck.

I sent an offer to guide him and his gurlfriend Vanessa Hudgens into the more adult artsy type of films but so far I haven't heard from them. It was only 8 months ago damn my closeness to death I could get the call at any time now.


I also want to see her latest movie, oh thats right she does commercials not films.

Farewell all as I feel the life squirting out of me. I go to a much better place depending on yer religion that is. So many religions and so many afterlifes where are they all? what if I get sent to the wrong one? for fuck sake to end up with a load of weemen hating pedos for eternity, yes I mean you, you Catholics and Muslims.

"Which level of Hell would sir be interested in tonight?" asks a demonic waiter like Manuel.

I can't type anymore as I'm getting cold and its dark. I suppose I'll turn off the air conditioning as it is 12.40am .

I'm slipping away I see a light ................................................. oh shit the deep fat fryer is on fire someone should do something about that.


In lew of flowers donations should be to me in small used untraceable notes.



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Man Doon

I really don't know how it happened. Old Knudsen takes precautions like locking the door and making sure his nine is always loaded with one in the chamber.

Old Knudsen is the latest person to be struck doon by some form of the Swine flu. He has a fever, headache, sore throat, aches and pains and likes to roll around in his own feces.

Yes every illness will be Swine flu for a while as who wants to be left out?

Old Knudsen may not have much time left so if you want to be able to say we were lovers and get a book deal or TV appearances after I'm ded cum and get it.

And somebody tell Donn, tell Donn that I Luv.........................................



He'll know what you mean.


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Senior Discunt

Its not like mad cow disease of the 90's. You could could say, "Thats no mad cow thats my wife." I must say that Swine flu does make less attractive people look a lot more tasty.


Old Knudsen isn't going to go on about the war again oh sorry his mistake he is going to go on about the war because hes fucking mentally scared for life. You don't know you weren't there you chicken hawk bed wetting lint trap lickers.

As I was saying Old Knudsen has killed more Chinese, chinks or cuff links than you've had hot dinners or maybe he has killed the same one millions of times over ach they all look a like.



No offense to Anonymous Boxer but during the boxer rebellion I fought off the Chinks in Beijing I killed at least 1000 (I had a bad chest cold which slowed me doon) and the same in the Burma campaign until I was told they were on our side.

The Chinese are a funny lot, I don't mind insulting them cos I'm probably banned there on the Interweb and I doubt they can read blogs with those slitty eyes . Like the Japs their weemen hit fugly just after reaching the age of 30 which is why there is a loy of bestiality going on over there.

A pig can't walk doon a street without some perv shouting "ching ah you-ya oula boula" which if you speak mandarine is quite disgusting. Just look at the pig stalker with his big stick.

The chinks are quarantining all Mexicans in the cuntry even if they have pig flu or not. Which is not very good for foreign relations but what is Mexico going to do send over some illegals to write their name on things with sharpies?


Mexico who is losing 18 billion pecos ($23.46) a day due to the drop in tourism now says its all ok open up yer shops and restaurants.
If you can't trust the government then who can you trust?

I'm sure many of you lot got news about the Jimmy Dean competition. The famous meaty food producing company founded by the late James Dean contacted all the best bloggers and picked some to go to their meat plant on an all expenses paid trip as a pork promotional gimmick to counteract the recent scare.

I am at the moment blogging from my lap dance computer in Mexico city. I was taken around the Jimmy Dean meat plant where they let me put a few bolts into the heds of some piggies, its like pin the tail on the donkey and I was assured they don't feel pain and actually quite enjoy it, I know I did.


They even presented me with a small dooner pig which I shall name sizzle.

Sizzle will be well looked after but I didn't have the heart to tell them that British bacon definitely tastes a lot better.


Since Mexico is 12 hours ahead from any point in the world due to the fact they go by the sun to tell the time and night time really fucks with that method I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I don't know what it translates as but its held every 5th of May to celebrate a battle the Diegos won against the French .............. whatever been there done that.

Strange I haven't noticed any other cream of the blogging crop here if I do I'll let you know but right now I'm high on x-tassie and grooving doon to some hardcore polka music.


All the hoors doon here will only shag you while they wear face masks, thats ok cos I'm used to putting paper bags over the heads of many of my lady loves and of course the Hilary Clinton mask is one of me favourites.


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One Party One People One Leader

Shortly after the execution of 300 Republican party members who refused to wear black shirts and learn how to goose-step Rush Limbaugh the unofficial Republican party spokesman blamed the swine flu epidemic on those who reject Intelligent design, sexual abstinence out of marriage unless its with him and Illegal ghey immigrants who want to get married.

Limbaugh who has never fully gotten over his baby getting abducted and ate by dingoes in 1932 and an addiction to pain medications such as Asperin and Budweiser lite foamed at the mouth as he spewed forth his bile.

The ground zero for the flu has been narrowed doon to two ghey beaners known only as Hose-A and Hose-B who may or may not work for Osama Bin Laden.

Limbaugh has demanded that they be burned alive on a cross as an example and patrol dogs with frikkin laser beams on their heads patrol the border until a wall is built .

Well Old Knudsen doesn't know about you lot but to him it kinda makes sense or is it the varnish that Old Knudsen is huffing speaking?

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