What Did Jesus Look Like?

Sorry bro, you just don't have the looks to the the messiah. 

Everyone knows that the story of Jesus is not historical fact ... it's just FACT, fuck yer lack of all evidence, we believe that some sandsavage could walk on water, resurrect the dead, fly faster than a jet, work a catering truck and home brew wine for events and parties. Defeating the Joker and the evil General Zod,  Jesus went on to become a household name often called upon when you stub yer toe or drop something.

A Retired medical artist got fed up with day time TV and so using forensic techniques and passages from the Bible he crated the real face of Jesus.

Dr Neave and his team X-rayed three Semite skulls from the era and made him look like what a Middle Eastern Jew from the Galilee area of northern Israel .

Yes, he would have looked like a mildly retarded and quite shifty neanderthal. In today's terms he looks like that fella that doesn't speak English and pretends to be dumb so he can stand close to ladies on the tube and feel their boobs. The whole 'healing the sick' lark was probably just a ploy to cop a feel.

I know that when I feel ill I always call a carpenter, no one knows human physiology better than a chippy. When I need therapy I go see an electrician.   

Jesus was actually one of the better looking disciples, the people didn't really take to Mary's actual son whose name was Jude with his surname being Uss.

When the Romans came to arrest the messiah they grabbed the one that looked the part and nailed him up. Jude Uss felt guilty about it but not enough to speak up .... he's shifty, not dumb.

In the end the son of God felt so guilty that he hanged himself which meant he couldn't get into Heaven as God doesn't believe in depression and thinks you just need to suck it up.

400 odd years later Emperor Constantine saw the times changing and so had a competition for writers to retell the story of Jude Uss but with more umft! Constantine was the JJ Abrams of his day. 

One of the rejected versions was a little like Avengers assemble with the super disciple team taking on a Roman cyborg army but Constantine didn't like the Romans looking like the bad guys so they made it into Jews who had been taken over by aliens. Hitler would later use this rejected scripture to turn the German people against the Jews in the 1930's.

The writers that won have been criticized for stereotyping women as either sluts or mothers but this was at a time when weemen knew their place. The writers didn't want to include the messiah's wanking in public fetish, in fact there is little that actually describes what kind of person the son of God was. A man of love and peace .... until his return as then "he shall execute the severest judgement on the opposers of his truth."
Soo, something to look forward to. It's been 2000 years, I reckon he's fucked off to Jupiter or something. 

So the Romans, rebooted the messiah but made him Jesus instead of Jude, also white and attractive and so it becomes the much loved super true factual story that we know today.

Archeologists have backed up the story of Jesus by once finding a piece of stone with the name Jesus on it, they misspelled it Yeshua but close enough. They also found a couple of large urns that might have held wine that was made from water .... what more proof do you need?   

To be honest, now that I know what he looked like I think I'll be directing my prayers to gun show Thor. 


I'm not racist .... but. 

The Last Supper: The True Hollywood Story

Remember the last supper? Jesus and his posse rented out a room and reserved the longest table at ye olde Olive garden.

Aye they all sat on chairs at tables back then .... not! 

It was a joyful time with lots of finger pointing from Thomas (it was his thing) an all male gathering like a stag do because at the time inviting weemen to eat with you was just so ghey. Sure John looked a bit feminine but that's another story for another day.

Here Jesus have some bread to soak up all that wine blood you've been drinking, yer talking complete and utter shite at the moment.  

Hey waiter, can we get another order of breadsticks and more marinara sass?

I'm so wasted right now that I wash all the feet ... I like feet, here, let me get in between those toes with my tongue. 

Don't worry, if yer receiving the foot wash that doesn't make you ghey.

It was about the time of the foot washing when the manager came in and asked them to leave. Jesus then say'th onto him, "the bread is my flesh, the wine is my blood and this breadstick is yer fucken tip, sit on it."  

Latter that night the Romans caught up with Jesus and nailed him to a cross for not paying his bill at Olive garden. Judas was ashamed for he had plenty of dosh in which to pay for the meal.

The Romans were a wonderful people with zero tolerance for crime.

What Would Socrates Think?

From the time of Achilles (11th century BC) a hero was someone who would slay all round him in battle, during that time in the Greek world battle was more akin to sport which you trained at to become better, form was very important. We still have the concept of a hero as being someone who was good in war and we wear poppies for them and shame anyone not wearing one because we're elitist, tribal cunts. The word 'hero' has evolved to mean so much more and anyone can become a hero.

To those who get annoyed when someone types 'your right about that' and they have to add *you're* well Old Knudsen hates it when people type 'heros' you wouldn't type potatos so put a fucken E in there... heroes.  

Generals and world leaders don't just decide who gets medals, now all sorts of civvies do and the acts of courage are no longer about killing the enemy and winning the battle. Yes so and so was very brave for fighting their cancer but many brave acts are really just things that you have to do. If you call time and end your life is that less brave? You don't have control over what others will think of you and if yer dead then what does it matter what they call you? If you value their opinion then that's different. Heroic acts are not what they used to be.

Bill Maher called the 9/11 bombers brave because it must take guts to fly to your fiery deaths. He got that one wrong because intent is very important if you want to call someone brave because that puts them up with those who are actually brave such as firefighters who don't want to die a fiery death but risk it all the time.

I was reading about a bloke who was dying of cancer but now he wanted to marry his partner and take all their kids abroad for the honeymoon. Yes it was a reason to set up a Go fund me page. The paper kept using the word brave and I wondered why. Was it because he wasn't crying or complaining? Maybe he does that in private or is past that. If you don't have a choice and you don't want to die you do what you have to do. Is that really brave merely because you are stoic about it? Putting on a brave face.    

Achilles having a one weakness (his heel) and being killed by someone less noble figure (Paris) shows you how being a hero was changing from the 7th century on. Homer got to write how things were going to be remembered.
I see Hector as being the hero of the Trojan war not Achillies. Hector had to fight for his brother's actions and for his city knowing that he would being going to die. Self sacrifice for the sake of others became a popular heroic thing to do and something that civvies could do too on various levels that didn't always mean death.

Carton, a lawyer who thinks an aristocrat deserves to live more then he ... what a tough call. 

A tale of two cities had English lawyer Sydney Carton secretly taking the place of a condemned man because he is less noble than the man and he'd do anything for a woman he loves that doesn't love him.

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."       

It may be noble but not a great example for those with low self esteem and survivor guilt. Maybe he would have been braver to face up to his own personal issues that made him want to drink. Dying is easy but staring life in the face can be a lot tougher. 

Alexander was prone to drunken rages and carelessness in battle, he didn't lern too gud. 

What do we know about Socrates and why am I talking about heroes? He lived around 4th century BC and was big with the mental masturbation known as philosophy. Most info on him comes from his students Plato and Xenophon. 

Socrates in his youth was a soldier, a veteran of the Peloponnesian War. Mentioned for his bravery at the battle of Delium. He was also a stonemason who was attributed to have made the statue of The Three Graces (daughters of Zeus) that stood near the Acropolis until the 2 nd century AD. 

 A copy of the Roman copy of the three Graces. 

He was a stubborn git who didn't believe in retreat in either the courtroom or the battlefield, even if it meant death. A product of his era? Greece was going through its downward spiral and was under subjection from Sparta so the next generations would not have been so gung ho as Socrates. He made a living out of teaching and took on the odd court room debate. Probably would have wrote into the local newspaper a lot and only bought the thing to see if his comments had been printed .... Of course Old Knudsen doesn't do that. Yes, they do get printed BTW.

Athens was going through a time of change and was trying to become its own entity away from Sparta. Democracy was being tested out and Socrates was against this silly idea. It was political infighting that got Socrates arrested with the charge of poisoning young minds (buggering young bums was legal) and not obeying the local gods. 

Philosophy may be something that boring wankers do to get an easy degree now but then it actually meant something and was seen as dangerous. 

Too much of yon thinking will make ya go blind. There was a reason that Hitler got rid of the academics first as ideas and ideals can be dangerous in the hands of the public, better to keep them like mushrooms, in the dark and fed on shit. Yeah democracy does suck for those at the top. 

Socrates had the means to escape prison but he was old and teaching somewhere else would just have him pissing off people there too. Like Old Knudsen commenting online. He said that he broke his social contract with the city he lived in and would see the case through to set an example for others. He was sentenced to die by poisoning. 

Plato referred to him as a Gladfly, they sting a horse to force it into action, Socrates was acting for the good of society by setting into motion events that people had to talk about, they couldn't ignore it. He took his punishment well and a numbness crept over him until death. He thought his death would make a difference.

His legacy was the teaching of many important people and a wisdom that exists even until today. Saying "The unexamined life is not worth living" is as true now as it was then.

By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.

There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance.

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.

To find yourself, think for yourself.

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.

He was like the George Carlin of his day and has just as many Facebook memes to show for it. Times and attitudes may change but the human condition remains the same. 

The death of Socrates reminds me of something else. Sure Socrates had reasons for not escaping such as it might be seen as him being afraid and would leave his friends in the situation of being punished, being old probably had him saying I'm too old for this shit. I understand him not wanting to escape. 

The Bible which seen in comparison with the wisdom of Socrates seems really fucking dumb but those who wrote it may have had him in mind when it came to making up what Jesus did. After being betrayed Jesus milled around waiting for the bloody Romans to get him. He was told to run but didn't. I always wondered why he was so fucking dumb. Jesus would not have been given a cushy death. There is being brave but being stupid kinda takes away from that.

So a young 33 year-old didn't run because .... like Marshall Applewhite and David Koresh he had drank his own Kool aid???

Since it's just a story it doesn't have to make sense, it just has to inspire. Dying for our sins is pure ego, it's like those cunts that tell you they'll pray for you because they don't agree with you. Like Socrates, Jesus had to take his punishment like a man, a fictional man but still and man/god-ish thing. 

Imagine if he was real, what kind of mind fuck did Mary do to him? She had anal sex with some rough goat handler but it leaked into her twat so she made up a story about God sex and Joesph who was desperate for some young girl action decided to believe it .... maybe they did a virginity check on her so her story must be true. 

Joesph came from a long line of very important sand savages so he was a catch to ride the coat tails on. Mary brought Jesus up telling him how special he was and much of his life was dedicated to fulfilling the prophesies to make him the messiah, even cousin John got involved, it was a family business. Long family line to King David (even though he wasn't of Joseph's blood) check, ride a donkey into town check. 

As for the miracles, photos or shut the fuck up. 

Socrates wasn't a hero unless you count his military service, he was a boy loving bloke who was deep. Many people never reach that level of self awareness that he had and he did his job of making other think very well. Achilles would be the stereotype of a hero and as for Caitlyn Jenner ... not a hero, you don't get called what firefighters are for being an attention hoor. I don't care what gender or race people identify as, I'm just telling it like it is.

Jesus gets all glory. The King of kings, King of beers,  Lamb of God, Light of the World, Son of man, Son of God and Son of David .... though the last one is a lie based on the story that they themselves tell. 

Not very humble, more like a personal affirmation you are trying to convince yourself of. I am worthy, I am a good person, I do deserve better. 

The Old Testament is as sprawling as World War Z except the ancient writers couldn't research the areas of the ancient werld. It maybe a tiny area but many people just didn't travel very far in those days. They heard stories of foreign places and names and filled in the rest. 

The writers of the Bible seem like educated people (for being able to write alone) but they don't seem to be very deep thinkers. The New testament clearly shows the Roman and therefore Greek influence in writing style and the writers probably knew of Socrates and even Aesop the Greek fabulist who died in 564 BC. 

Jesus was made into a hero for failing even though being tortured to death as a part of his cunning plan. Did God lie to him ... lol! Or did he think Joesph would spring him at the last minute? 

A drunken Joesph: "Oh now I'm your father, well fuck away off and die, I was never good enough for you unless you want to use my family name to get into the carpenter's guild, it was all Yahweh this and Yahweh that but he never taught you how to carve out a gourd, he never taught you a left hook, he never paid for when you had to have the new and trendy sandals."   

Influence in the ancient world interests Old Knudsen, if you understand history, not just the facts but what is behind the facts and who are writing the facts and what their angle is, then you might understand Influence.   

 

   

Close Enough For Government Work

 

Queen Nefertiti ruled Egypt alongside her husband Akhenaten in the 14th century BC, her beauty is legendary in fact her name translates as "a beautiful woman has arrived." Old Knudsen was once married to a Sharon which translates as "oh fuck her she comes." to commemorate Nefertiti's beauty and to show what modern day weemen could do if they put the effort in a statue was put up at the  entrance of the city of Samalut.

Sharon also inspired artists to capture her likeness. 

The real sexy Nefertiti sits in a German museum all safe from the sandsavages who would probably destroy her. We need to take all the cool stuff from the ancient world just in case Daesh want to behead any statues. 

Some hilarious Egyptians have suggested that the new statue was what she looked like 4 days after dying. I'd love to see the artist as they go, 'yeah, fucking nailed it' then again art is a representation of what is inside .... ah fuck it, it's terrible.   

Nefertiti was a babe and now she's gone all Grace Jones mixed with Rachael Dolzeal.  

Remember when some old biddy wanted to make Jesus look better? I think we've lost our natural abilities to be artistic . Luckily we have computers to do all that now.

Jesus won't eat his cereal.

Then there was this Frozen cake. The Internet, goaded by a news outlet harshly mocked this cake. Then when that news outlet had all the facts and did another story that turns out that it was a charitable donation to an ill girl and the cake maker's Ma had died during the making of it ... wha wha wha it's the kiss of death cake full of sorrow, regret and sugar.  I wouldn't feed that to an ill child, all that bad mojo inside it.  

Yes the cake maker was black and probably thought Elsa looked too weird and that her features weren't strong enough .... I bet the cake maker's Ma looks like that. Now the Internet feels bad for having mocked the cake, even if it is shite. 

The more I look at the cake the more I want to nibble on those shoulders. 

 Happy first bleed, now get on like a cunt as you bleed from yers hooray!

Which leads Old Knudsen's mind astray. I pictured in my head a sex doll made out of cake, aye to bang away at it and then eat that creamy filling .... surely it's been done before. 

Plenty of baby cakes though.  

Made by weemen of course, all they think about is babies and doing house werk. 

 An artist made a doll of herself and served it cake????

 

My Internet search on sex dolls was long, hard and anti-climactic. Is it possible to do a search on cake sex dolls and not end up on the Real doll web site with yer cursor hoovering over the add to basket button? 

 

Maybe I'll take up baking but with the mouths open of course. Cumming soon to the shelves of Tesco.  

Who Were You In A Previous Life?

Luke Ruehlman was a 5 year-old boy from Cincinnati who shocked his parents when he told them of another life he has remembered. He claimed to have been a black woman from Chicago called Pam aged 30 who had died in a fire.
His parents asked the Internet and results came up for a fire at the Paxton Hotel in 1993 and one of the people who died in that fire was named Pam Robinson. Luke was even able to pick out a picture of Pam put amongst several false ones.
He was always a safety conscious child making sure that things weren't hot or left on and would often make strange comments like, 'I had ear rings just like that when I was a girl.'

His story appeared on 'Ghost inside my child' on the Lifetime channel but the family never got paid for the story as it was more about the story that transcended death, race and gender. Luke stopped talking about his past life after getting it all out.

Getting it out then stopping talking about it seems to be a theme with kids and past lives. 

Does Old Knudsen think reincarnation is real? Why yes he does, was he someone in a past life? Yes, Old Knudsen used to be Jesus which is why I hate Jews and Romans .... the fuckers! Only kidding I love yon hooked nosed money lenders but the Italians can fuck off, no seriously.

I'm Jesus and my wife is a holy hoor. 

I don't know if I was someone famous, probably not given the odds though there are plenty out there who were Jesus, Napoleon and of course Cleopatra. Alan John Miller, a former IT specialist from Australia thinks he was Jesus H Christ and that his wife was Mary Magdalene.
Miller has set up his compound to ready his faithful for the end of the world in a few years time. He uses pop psychology and emotional trauma on men women and children. An ex Jehovah Witness preacher he split with the church over some trouble with a hooker, his flock buy him properties and donate to him .... nothing dodgy there, oh wait, he was an IT specialist, that means HE'S FUCKING NUTS!!!! Reincarnation is not very Christian and his earth changing/destroying predictions have not happened so no divine truth there. 

Sergey Anatolyevitch Torop a Russian ex-cop is also Jesus. Funny how Jesus keeps coming back as a long haired white bloke. Sergey has banned money from his congregation which means he is nuts or just in it for the sex but the fact that he's a vegan definitely confirms being nuts. 

The case of  Bridey Murphy is one of the most famous since there was a movie made out of it. Virginia Tighe  a housewife from Colorado said while under hypnosis she was an 18th century Irish woman named Bridey Murphy. While her account was detailed, some of the facts from her hometown was wrong. Turned out that she had lived in Chicago as a child and knew an Irish woman named Bridie Murphy Corkel so don't go believing in hypnosis too much, the person doing it might be feeding answers and leading you without realizing it. 

 I was an Egyptian princess.

So there are plenty of kooks claiming to be historical figures though I doubt that many of them could give you verifiable facts that they should know. There are also plenty who claim to be just boring plebs. 

James Leininger was a 3 year-old drawing pictures of planes on fire and giving out facts that he shouldn't know. He claimed to be a 21-year-old Navy fighter pilot named James Huston who was shot down by the Japs over Iwo Jima.

How does a 3 year-old watching Barney and Dora know about a WWII aircraft carrier in the Pacific called the The Natoma Bay or the name of one of the guys that flew with him? 

Another 3 year-old boy who was from the Golan Heights region of Israel had a birthmark on his head and claimed it was where he had been killed with an axe. An Israeli doctor took him seriously and they went to a village where the boy confronted a stranger by his full name and then went and found his own skeleton, hole in the head and all. 

Some people say that when they were dead god gave them permission to return, they fell through a hole and were born again. I don't know, maybe they get turned into a sperm, unlucky if Admiral Nelson ends up in a porno shoot.  

I died for yer sins though I don't really think it was worth all the trouble.

Old Knudsen is not the same person he was in his younger days, that person is just so different. Sometimes it was like someone else taking over for you to get you through a difficult time in life. I believe that the soul does keep bits of our former lives and it certainly feels as if Old Knudsen has been on this gog awful planet going around in circles for way too long. It often feels that some of the personalities bubble to the surface a bit more from time to time but those people and assorted animals were all me. 

While I'll nod politely to the Plato's and the Cleopatra's at the same time wondering how is it that I know more about them than they do I shall remain open minded to cases that have nothing to gain or no egos to feed.    

  

200 Year Old Tibetan Monk Is The Oldest Man Alive

Still in the perfect lotus position .... ish.  

A 200 year-old monk whose mummified body was found in Mongolia is not dead. According to Dr Barry Kerzin, a physician to Tibetan spiritual leader the Dalai Lama he says that the monk is not dead but rather in a deep state of meditation called tukdam and so should be in the Guinness book of world records as the oldest man alive.

"If the person is able to remain in this state for more than three weeks - which rarely happens - his body gradually shrinks, and in the end all that remains from the person is his hair, nails, and clothes. Usually in this case, people who live next to the monk see a rainbow that glows in the sky for several days. This means that he has found a 'rainbow body'. This is the highest state close to the state of Buddha."

Well ok then ..... stepping away. Their heart also stops beating and they may start to smell after a while but that's all a part of the meditation.
3 weeks is the usual time a human can last without food before you die  you go full tukdam but if you go 3 days without water you'll be fast tracked to tukdam eternal .... have fun being enlightened you smug, elitist cunt. 

"If the meditator can continue to stay in this meditative state, he can become a Buddha. Reaching such a high spiritual level,the meditator will also help others, and all the people around will feel a deep sense of joy." 

He also said that the lump he found behind the Dalai Lama's ear was nothing and that his cough should clear up in a week.There was me thinking my NHS doctor deserved the title 'Dr Death.'

The Dalai Lama got his job for having been reincarnated from the previous one , hey it's true, they did tests an shit so I suppose this monk may still be alive.  

The choosing of the Dalai Lama is the truest form of nepotism, it's not who you know it's if you know yerself.  

Compare these two poses, yep the undead monk totally nailed it.  I doubt he fell asleep and gave into the cold elements, did his eye just move? .... nah, didn't think so. He may bring happiness to everyone but I'd put a muzzle on him in case he wakes up in the night and wants some brains.

Jesus was also found in a mummified state, it seems he was put into a different crypt than first thought and so was waiting there for God to spring him but you know what God is like, didn't even bother his arse attending any school plays never mind his crucifixion and death .... deadbeat dad.

We know it's Jesus because of this picture thought to have been painted by John the Baptist   Methodist in 500 AD who went on a description as told by a guy who was quite old.  

Jesus The True Hollywood Christmas Story

The the year 1 AD a child was born to a young lass named Mary in Bethlehem. A product of a one night stand with a man known only to her as Yehwah, which sounds like a drunken Scotsman than a name. 
Joesph being much older than Mary made a deal for her to marry him and he'd raise the child as his own, thus saying that he was related to King David in order to receive welfare benefits from the bloody Romans.  

When Jesus was a child ..... sorry wrong picture.

When Jesus was a child he was presented to the wise men in order to register him as the Messiah. Jesus was a shy boy who wanted to be a Gladiator when he grew up but his parents saw his potential and pushed him into the limelight.

He grew up resentful of his role and how his life had been based on a lie (hereditary claims going back to King David) and just wanted to hang out with his male "friends" who he would feed pizza that had nail clippings and dead skin baked within ..... oh how he'd laugh and say, "dude, yer so eating my flesh right now" he also did stuff to the wine too. His "friends" would tolerate him because they were mostly waster fisherman while at least Jesus had a trade that paid the bills and his rocking chairs certainly did rock.

Due to his biological father being God he also did miracles to supplement his income, his 12 "friends" put up with the odd pube in their food cos they were onto a good thing with free healthcare.

Too much wine was consumed back in those days and after a major bender the Romans ended up crucifying Jesus. That was rock bottom for Jesus. 

 

Dorian also called Peter went on to say, "We was jus mindin our own bidness when a Roman stopped Jesus for walking while Gentile and started hittin him, he didn't do nuthin."  

They left him in a crypt due to the grave digger strike but he had had enough and so escaped by figuring out the combination for the rock door.

The crowd went mad with rage accusing the Romans of a cover up and was the life of a Gentile worth nothing?

The crowd led by his stepfather Joseph stretched out their arms goading the Romans, many temples were looted in protest but eventually Jesus was spotted by his friend Tommy who was told, "I'll be back in a mo to judge everyone." We all knew he would never return, crucify me once so rude, crucify me twice shame on you and stoopid me for coming back.

 

After many a life time keeping out of the news he worked out some of his father issues but still worried about how he had left down the world and how could he return now after 2000 years? He gave up drinking but instead turned to food for comfort, his questionable sexuality turned into a dark sadistic voyeurism which got him into trouble and so he moved to where he wasn't known and changed his name.

Almost unrecognizable having aged somewhat and put on some weight he did as he had promised and returned to judge you. 

Ho ho ho, you know what we got for Christmas in my day? fuck all!

He knows everything and sees everything and if you are good he'll sneak into yer house and fondle you. Call him Nick (which was his middle name) he no longer heals as he hates people, preferring the company of loyal animals and due to his PTSD from having been tortured and crucified he lives most of his life as a recluse. 

On his birthday he'll come out to the world and will judge you. If you are good you'll get whatever material object you wanted but if you are bad you'll burn in eternal Hell fire when you die. 

Since he spends most of his birthday fondling sleeping children and eating cookies he hardly ever gives out presents. To make the children feel less bad about burning in Hell many parents will lie and give a gift they say is from Santa, but in the end they will find out the truth. 

Many people don't know why they are in Hell, maybe it was because you were too excited to sleep when you were 6 or you phoned in sick for work when you were perfectly fine and just couldn't be arsed getting out of bed. Maybe it was when you described yerself as curvy or stocky when in fact you are really just fat or when you were cooking and a sausage fell on the floor and you put it on someone else's plate and didn't say a thing ... yer sins will find you out. 

So many people have decided that they are Heaven bound because they go to church but Heaven closed down years ago when old man God died and no one took over the family business. 

Have a merry Christmas you sinners and burn in Hell!        

    

Would Gog Lie To You?

Hi there ladies, wanna suck on the cock of christ?

It was an exciting time, you could go an kill fuzzies in the Holylands or sail off the edge of the world.

 

Pope Alexander VI wanted to slap it into the Muslims he was fighting against during the very Holy Crusades against us infidels. The war on terror goes on and on.

The enemy was in Turkey as as far up as Germany and this was quite worrying. If you can't destroy their bodies then take a swipe at their hearts and minds. The church had been doing this for centuries as it discredited the old Gods and turned them into demons and fairies, even many of the saints were pagan Gods with a make over .... ho ho ho. 

The face of Jesus H Christ, a fictional character brought to life by science. It's called, 'making yer best guess based on anything that could be a  factor.'

If Jesus had existed, instead of just being the white, blue eyed usual figure of sacrifice used in previous religions around the world he would have looked like a swarthy, pube faced camel jockey into fucking boys and marrying prepubescent gurls.  

 A figure of sacrificed used in several movies.

Jesus' face has changed as much as Satan's has, depending on who the current enemy is. They have been kinda interchangeable at times, well considering that Jesus and Lucifer would be half brothers I'm sure they share some similarities.  

Whats with all the stabbing with spears? Aye it's all homoerotic but still. Agent Coulson died by Loki's spear and came back (is he really the Vision?) Loki had some karma while sacrificing himself for Thor and got washed in the chest but also came back. Did Jesus have the balls to take over Heaven as Loki did with Asgard? I doubt it. 

I could watch the Passion of the Christ and think .... blah, people took their young kids to see this snuff movie and feel disgusted at humanity and then I could watch Serenity and mourn the death of Wash and wish how Old Knudsen could tap his widow to comfort her. 

So Pope Alexander had an idea, since Christianity had been under western control for centuries they could not go having Jesus looking like an Arab and being all sand savage an like. The enemy were evil Arab sand savages and the images of Christ were too immigrant looking  .... sure they may be the intellectual enlightened ones but Christians will so fuck them back to the stone age the way they have with everyone else.   

The Pope started to use pictures of his son Cesare as Jesus. The Borgia's sure knew how to get their way, resistance is futile. 

Cesare was a Cardinal and was given command of an army to go and slay for church politics. He had at least one child in wedlock and 11 others with um others......

Cesare's account of syphilis was well documented by his doctor, this was seen as a plague from God like what yon Job fella had. Fighting in battle in Spain ended Cesare's life at the age of 31. Syphilis has been called the French, Spanish and Italian disease, used much like the image of Jesus and his family have been. Because Northern Ireland is a cursed land full of morons there is a rise in Syphilis here .... cos God hates Norn Iron. 

 

God hates a lot of things, babies, children, parents, good people, puppies and kittens ... the list goes on.

Does God wake up one day and say, 'I think I'll stop the millions of babies from dying today, they haven't done anything and it's a bit of a cuntish lesson to learn ..... NOT, let them die it's a laugh."

What kind of lesson besides that life sucks and God is cruel can be learned from miscarriages and random illness? 

  

When Old Knudsen was staying with the Borgia's back in the 90's ... 1490's ( I brought my own tamper proof food) he would hear Cesare banging away in the next room at his syphilitic hoors and they would be moaning and screaming 'Jesus Christ, oh god oh god' .... aye dead on. They wouldn't get on like that if it wasn't for his Da and the threat of death. 

Old Knudsen did leave his mark, and not just with a new strain of Syphilis. Now weemen scream Soren or Old Knudsen when they climax , well the ones who aren't faking it that is. 

 

What other lies does the Bible tell you? Well it just assumes you are dumb and willing to suspend belief. I mean the whole virgin birth thing. That is either just lying about having sex or stray spunk dripping in from getting it up the bum ... seriously folks DNA tests stat! 

If the child from yer virgin birth has a tail then it's either a Catholic (as told by Belfast fishwives) or  Eddie Van Blundht did a Luke Skywalker on you.  It's all just Small potatoes.

Why does the Bible make a big deal about Joseph's family tree when he isn't even a sperm donor to Jesus? Why did all the miracles stop happening when camera phones became more widespread? Very odd huh. 

Jews take it from the mother's side cos you usually always know who yer Ma is.

I'll leave you to believe what you want to, it's called a leap of faith for a reason, the reason being that no sensible fact based logic system can explain it. Like staying with an abusive partner.