Would Gog Lie To You?

Hi there ladies, wanna suck on the cock of christ?

It was an exciting time, you could go an kill fuzzies in the Holylands or sail off the edge of the world.

 

Pope Alexander VI wanted to slap it into the Muslims he was fighting against during the very Holy Crusades against us infidels. The war on terror goes on and on.

The enemy was in Turkey as as far up as Germany and this was quite worrying. If you can't destroy their bodies then take a swipe at their hearts and minds. The church had been doing this for centuries as it discredited the old Gods and turned them into demons and fairies, even many of the saints were pagan Gods with a make over .... ho ho ho. 

The face of Jesus H Christ, a fictional character brought to life by science. It's called, 'making yer best guess based on anything that could be a  factor.'

If Jesus had existed, instead of just being the white, blue eyed usual figure of sacrifice used in previous religions around the world he would have looked like a swarthy, pube faced camel jockey into fucking boys and marrying prepubescent gurls.  

 A figure of sacrificed used in several movies.

Jesus' face has changed as much as Satan's has, depending on who the current enemy is. They have been kinda interchangeable at times, well considering that Jesus and Lucifer would be half brothers I'm sure they share some similarities.  

Whats with all the stabbing with spears? Aye it's all homoerotic but still. Agent Coulson died by Loki's spear and came back (is he really the Vision?) Loki had some karma while sacrificing himself for Thor and got washed in the chest but also came back. Did Jesus have the balls to take over Heaven as Loki did with Asgard? I doubt it. 

I could watch the Passion of the Christ and think .... blah, people took their young kids to see this snuff movie and feel disgusted at humanity and then I could watch Serenity and mourn the death of Wash and wish how Old Knudsen could tap his widow to comfort her. 

So Pope Alexander had an idea, since Christianity had been under western control for centuries they could not go having Jesus looking like an Arab and being all sand savage an like. The enemy were evil Arab sand savages and the images of Christ were too immigrant looking  .... sure they may be the intellectual enlightened ones but Christians will so fuck them back to the stone age the way they have with everyone else.   

The Pope started to use pictures of his son Cesare as Jesus. The Borgia's sure knew how to get their way, resistance is futile. 

Cesare was a Cardinal and was given command of an army to go and slay for church politics. He had at least one child in wedlock and 11 others with um others......

Cesare's account of syphilis was well documented by his doctor, this was seen as a plague from God like what yon Job fella had. Fighting in battle in Spain ended Cesare's life at the age of 31. Syphilis has been called the French, Spanish and Italian disease, used much like the image of Jesus and his family have been. Because Northern Ireland is a cursed land full of morons there is a rise in Syphilis here .... cos God hates Norn Iron. 

 

God hates a lot of things, babies, children, parents, good people, puppies and kittens ... the list goes on.

Does God wake up one day and say, 'I think I'll stop the millions of babies from dying today, they haven't done anything and it's a bit of a cuntish lesson to learn ..... NOT, let them die it's a laugh."

What kind of lesson besides that life sucks and God is cruel can be learned from miscarriages and random illness? 

  

When Old Knudsen was staying with the Borgia's back in the 90's ... 1490's ( I brought my own tamper proof food) he would hear Cesare banging away in the next room at his syphilitic hoors and they would be moaning and screaming 'Jesus Christ, oh god oh god' .... aye dead on. They wouldn't get on like that if it wasn't for his Da and the threat of death. 

Old Knudsen did leave his mark, and not just with a new strain of Syphilis. Now weemen scream Soren or Old Knudsen when they climax , well the ones who aren't faking it that is. 

 

What other lies does the Bible tell you? Well it just assumes you are dumb and willing to suspend belief. I mean the whole virgin birth thing. That is either just lying about having sex or stray spunk dripping in from getting it up the bum ... seriously folks DNA tests stat! 

If the child from yer virgin birth has a tail then it's either a Catholic (as told by Belfast fishwives) or  Eddie Van Blundht did a Luke Skywalker on you.  It's all just Small potatoes.

Why does the Bible make a big deal about Joseph's family tree when he isn't even a sperm donor to Jesus? Why did all the miracles stop happening when camera phones became more widespread? Very odd huh. 

Jews take it from the mother's side cos you usually always know who yer Ma is.

I'll leave you to believe what you want to, it's called a leap of faith for a reason, the reason being that no sensible fact based logic system can explain it. Like staying with an abusive partner.