Why Hasn't Old Knusen Blogged?

Firstly you fucktards isn't all about you. If you had listened to Old Knudsen Russia and China wouldn't be on the verge of destroying western civilization, the UK wouldn't be left holding its dick as no one wants to trade with it, there would be a sexy lady in the White House and Old Knudsen would probably get a pardon from her about that tax and child trafficking mix up thing.

 Also Anna Faris and Chris Pratt would still be together .... why the fuck do I bother if you don't listen?

Old Knudsen went to Israel and said, 'look you cunts just get along with the Palestinian cunts and stop trying to kill each other.' Gift baskets were exchanged and apologies made and then Trump had to go and talk about moving the US embassy to Jerusalem.

The place is a shit hole, no wonder Jesus went to France after the whole fake crucifixion farce.

As a response a TV show called Knightfall came out making the Templars look like good guys who only really wanted to help the Jews .... Popular culture often compliments real life but it's a shite show so fuck em.

Enable Christian pseudo Nazis and just forget about the genocide. No one will know their history cos they took down all the Templar statues.

I told you not to trust the likes of Kelly but the Libtards wanted a hero... Marines! 

I've also been helping North Koreans defect to the south but it's hard to run from the border patrols with a 10 foot tape worm hanging out yer arse. Trust me, when the tape worm diet came out in the 70's I was into it. Now you have hipster tapeworms that don't eat gluten.

Plot twist: people drank from jars because you could seal them up again and they were too poor to buy glasses. Modern folk are idiots,

China makes up 80% of North Korea's trade and so sanctions .... I told Trump they wouldn't work, he has no clout with the chinks. Just because Ivanka has a few sweat shops there.

The Chinese now have the water ways and roads across Asia. You'd better lern to speak ting tong ting pretty soon people.

One half of the US being hit by a cold weather bomb and the other side hot as fuck. Scientists have come up with a plan to combat climate change. Just build more Rocky mountains but smaller so the weather isn't so extreme .... it's science bitches.

Queen Elizabeth II can barely speak English ... FACT!

In a bid to prevent WWIII Prince Harry will be marrying Angela Merkel.  The Germans claim they only want breathing room but I think we know how this turns out.

The world is in a sorry state but ISIS are being destroyed .... well they'll be destroyed the same way the IRA were destroyed. A few lame attacks now and then.  As usual you have more chance of being killed by an American civilian than an ISIS terrorist.

RIP Heff!

Celeb deaths have been pretty blah. How can you top David Bowie dying? Yeah Tom Petty had a few good songs but he was no Bowie. Kirk Douglas is almost 400 and still alive, he loves those stem cells. This will not be Shatner's year though. Old Knudsen would wear black for the rest of his life if that ever happened.

Turns out that 9/10 women have been sexually assaulted and 9/10 men are sexual predators. Who were the weemen Old Knudsen missed out? .... probably ugly.

If you smiled more you'd be a lot more pretty .... Old Knudsen giving out a taste of his game for all you virgins and losers that cannae get their hole.

I'd respect the hell out if that

Anyways we have to start respecting each other more.  Nothing says respect like keeping quiet about sexual harassment. Now when I see a Dustin Hoffman movie or Kevin Spacey I think, 'what a creep' ... but if it's a good movie I'll say 'yeah you probably asked for it' shut up the what's in the box scene is coming up.

Tone down the over acting Brad it's only Gwyneth Paltrow's severed head and she's a dick. She is now engaged to Brad Falchuk because during her 13 years with Chris Martin from the group Coldgay she kept calling him Brad by mistake which lead to some friction so marrying another Brad makes sense.

She doesn't cope with change very well.

New Year's eve Old Knudsen was a mile away up a hill with a high powered rifle waiting to take the shot. I can't say much but he was a high profile Yemeni target whose militia was interfering with the secret Saudi shit going on there ... anyways it was for yer freedom and yer welcome.  Happy new year mother funker, yeah that sure surprised his wife and kids but me diaper was full and me rations were low I couldn't wait any longer but hey, wouldn't you ride the fuck out of yon new Timelord?

Not the pussy in the blue box

Just don't let the lass push any buttons or she'll go directly for the fall out of the Tardis button, weemen huh? Ya can't make sandwiches falling through the air.

So I was going to write a book just piecing together all the rumours about Trump but someone beat me to it.  It'll annoy him to buy it so go ahead and do so.

Old Knudsen is still alive and thinking that 2018 will be his best year ever. Not for blogging as me rash has cleared up and the ladies are calling. Taylor Swift has been gagging for some Knudsen cock but I get the feeling she is just after a bitter break up song to help her career.

Time for a Timelady

Space clothes go in the space hamper not on the space and time floor!

The BBC who still make sets out of cardboard and still do the crappy camera angles from the 70's have shown the world they could be modern by making the new Doctor Who a woman.

Not at all a novelty jump on the bandwagon success of Wonder Woman and a failed Presidential bid (when will the UK have a female PM?) it is about empowering women.

That thing Joss Whedon did 20 years ago that the world wasn't ready for. Oh and Old Knudsen loved Buffy so away an fuck if you think he's got a problem with female leads, he has a problem with a female Doctor Who. Next up a female James Bond.

These things got popular in the first place because ... oh fuck it.

You can't empower weemen, they like cock and cleaning up after men too much ... FACT!

Of course it was going to be some Brit that Old Knudsen hasn't heard of, he doesn't watch much crap British TV due to most of them lacking the quality that most US shows have. You can say more with one lingering camera shot than a page of bleh filler dialogue.

Old Knudsen does like Black Mirror, it's well made and intelligent like a modern Twilight zone. Jodie Whittaker was the cheating wife in the excellent episode The Entire History of You. That's the one Robert Downey jr wants to turn into a movie.

Of course I only found out she had been in something I had watched after Googling her thanks to Doctor Who. Broadchurch you ask me about? ... I say Yawnchurch. Just a load of other shows rehashed and re-booted into one.  

Doctor Who was originally supposed to be a children's show that would teach kids science and history. When companion Peri's outfits got shorter and tighter with boob bounce during running and obvious nipples poking through it started to look more like a low rent Baywatch.

Old Knudsen misses Peri.

Now it's a show for older virgins. To make up for the lack of sense, Steven Moffat made everyone speak fast like Sherlock. Luckily Moffat is going as he's really been half arsing the 50 projects he has on the go at once.

There was this episode with a Victorian army unit on Mars .... Sort of steampunk without the cool. One of the soldiers was black. Now Old Knudsen isn't racist ... much, but he does get annoyed when people take liberties with facts and make glaring mistakes.

A Victorian army unit would not have a black guy that they treated as an equal anymore than they would speak to a female Time Lord. Have you never watched Zulu?

The BBC tries for diversity after decades of being white and male but seriously bad casting just ruins everything.

The new Time Lady (isn't a Lord) will have a handbag that is bigger on the inside cos women pack those things with everything. There may be jelly babies but there'll definitely be tampons and pads ... it would be sexist to ignore that right?

Lets hope she has a bit more sense and packs a handgun. Less people would die per episode if the Doctor just wasted the villain.

Martha Jones who was a medical doctor had to pretend to be a servant in the early 1900's. 

Sarah Jane had a sonic lip stick, maybe number 13 will have a sonic vibrator or can opener so she can make the space and time dinner.

She'll need a male chaperone to play as her husband or most of Earth's history will be closed off to her. Hey I don't make the rules. I'm sure she'll raise her voice once and after that everyone will consider her an equal like they do with the current one.  

Or they'll declare her insane and lock her up like they did will uppity women back in the day.

Will they cover this or gloss over it? The modern day Doctor seems to be a figure of redemption trying not to turn to the darkside. It's the human companions that keep him grounded. Lets see them keep her grounded when she's on her space & time period. The TARDIS will tell her it only likes dudes so change again or get out.  

Now as a female there is the chance of a space and time baby ... I smell spin off! They should have had a spin off with the Doctor's daughter but the BBC tend to miss massive clues and only go for whatever everyone else is doing.

Dr Who hasn't been good for the last few years. I've watched it when bored but haven't enjoyed it. Who the fuck wants a Clara or Pearl action figure? Most bad guys are as scary as the ones on Scooby Doo for fucks sake.

I'll watch it with its overdue and calculated move but if it doesn't up the game with the writing I will drift away.

Tom Cruise Is The Next Doctor Who

It only just feels like we went through this, who is going to be the next James Bond Dr Who? There are many that want to spoil an already failing show by going the PC novelty route ignoring what made the 2005 re-boot popular in the first place.

A black Asian gender fluid a-sexual Australian has been what many have been calling for. Or we could just black up a white British actor and make them talk funny.  It's the BBC, anything goes.

Tom Cruise has been tipped as being the next Doctor. We've seen from movies like Far and Away  and The Waterboy that Cruise can do accents.   We've seen from War of the Worlds and The Mummy that his judgement in picking roles has been quite questionable so he might do it.

We caught up with him on the set of Mission Impossible 9: The Search For Spock.

"I always like to stretch my acting range and try something different so my Doctor would be the polar opposite to the one played by Peter Capaldi. People want explosions and to see the Doctor being thrown across the Tardis in slow motion. I see the Doctor being ex-Special Forces with a sonic blaster fighting for his family. I also want to put my stamp on him with an accent, I'm toying with making my Doctor Canadian."

Exciting stuff, I'm hoping for this to happen.  Cruise has been practicing time travel to get into the character deeper. 

 There has never been an orange Doctor

No one asked him but President Trump has said that he's considering the role.  

"I don't know what it is but everyone tells me I'd be great for it. I'd be the best Doctor Strange ever. When you are a Timelord the companions will let you do anything, kiss them, dry hump their leg and even grab em by the Cybermat!" 

Likely a dodgy looking not well known and not US friendly/acceptable Brit will get chosen. With 
Steven Moffat racing Capaldi to leave the sinking ship maybe we'll get a good Doctor this time. One that can act and gets good scripts instead of relying on speaking fast and a companion that nobody really cares about.

  

Yet again just like the last time Old Knudsen backs Damien Molony. There has never been an Irish Doctor ... wouldn't that piss off the DUP? He can do an English accent if Irish is too controversial.  

Molony is a good looking lad that can certainly act, his vampire Hal in Almost Human was awesome and fun to watch. Much better than that Poldork bloke with the hair. Molony could easily charm the US too. 

Dr Who writer Toby Whithouse has joined Old Knudsen in choosing Molony, lets make it happen cos the show is in sore need something interesting though not explosions and Tom Cruise.  

How To Ruin Dr Who

Sunglasses at night, call me Doctor Douchebag.  

I have to say it, I don't like television writer and producer Steven Moffat. You know how Old Knudsen gets when he doesn't like someone, there is probably a good reason for it. Like how yer loyal lab growls at some bloke but is ok about others, we know you know. Even though he is Scottish I just can't like him.

He's won several awards so you'd expect his work to be of a pretty high quality, well it can be. He wrote one of Old Knudsen's favourite Dr Who episodes 'blink' and while the whole idea of Weeping Angels is silly and easy to get around by blinking one eye at a time it was still a good story. Quiet, thought out and didn't depend on flashy special effects. 

Not much about his personal life on Wikipedia, I recall him saying how he'd sleep around a lot while working at the BBC and that he was going at it like a "mechanical digger". I don't know about you but I do not want to think of him having sex, especially after comparing himself to a machine. 

He seems smug and full of himself, not to mention his pube like head of hair. He did resurrect Dr Who and brought new life to a dead and dull franchise. He had the Doctor as a glib but tortured soul with a cruel streak and it was that bad boy image that attracted people to it. Then the Doctor went more hipster. After the David Tennant Doctor the show lost its way a little. The success changed it from a show with good writing and acting but not very flashy to a flashy show with mediocre writing and acting.  Glib one liners instead of depth of character.    

During the Matt Smith years the characters of Amy, River and even Rory were more interesting than the lead. Moffat's female characters seem to be quite similar but Amy and River made them more than Moffat's lad like wet dream. 

I think that the success of the show and other projects allowed Moffat to use other writers and not put in so much attention to it. 

Moffat was co-producing Sherlock with Mark Gatiss as well as working on the shite Tin Tin movie for Spielberg so standards slipped. Matt Smith was a decent enough Doctor and I do like The Pandorica opens and The Big Bang 2 parter that Moffat wrote. 

Now to tell you what I've noticed. Moffat took a young Matt Smith and made him dress old and uncool. A bow tie and a fez for comedy effect. The fangirls loved the Tennant and Smith years because the Doctor was younger, easier on the eyes as compared to Tome Baker. It was a formula that was working.
  

And there was the constant will they or won't they with the Doctor, Rose, Martha, Amy, River and Captain Jack. The Doctor was always that guy that you couldn't or shouldn't have dated and you shouldn't fall in love with him. That dynamic brought depth to the show and opened up the companions a little.

Did Moffat dislike the fact that girls drooled over the Doctor and shipped him in their fan fic? Was he all like, 'they aren't appreciating my writing enough, this has to stop?'  Aye probably. He didn't have to court the fans anymore, he was a big shot.

Torchwood the Doctor Who spin off was left to die after they ruined that. Captain Jack was a good character but they focused on his sexuality non-stop which is the opposite to what they do with the Doctor. Jack was supposed to be from the 51st century where sexuality wasn't so restricted to ghey or straight it was anything goes. John Barrowman who played Captain Jack is ghey in real life and the character also seemed to become totally ghey too thus wasting the wink wink nudge nudge comedic element of the bi-sexual time traveler.   

 

Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor. It seemed as if Moffat was a Capaldi fan and maybe wanted to return Dr Who to the good old dull days of the respectable older gent that has any ideas of sexuality taken off the table. Old people don't do sex and an old 400 year-old dude flirting with a 20 year-old was just wrong compared to a young 400 year-old dude.

He inherited the former Doctor's companion Clara Oswald and though Moffat tried to make her interesting as  'The impossible girl' as Amy was 'The girl who waited' Carla was important to the Lives of the Doctor but still went back to being a teacher. Moffat shouldn't let his mechanical penis do the casting.

Rose got the power of the TARDIS for a bit and Donna became the Doctor for a bit but what exactly did Clara do? It's all kinda bleh and easily forgotten all showed in a montage. Clara was flirty and argumentative and treated her boyfriend like shit .... yeah, she was a bloke. A dull bloke at that. It is like we are supposed to care about her and that she is so important but really she isn't.  She's just an adrenaline junkie now.

The Master got made female (and Scottish) probably because people were suggesting that the Doctor be a female. It's a little like James Bond and the need for something new to liven up a tired franchise. Female, black and teenage are options I'm hoping they don't do just for the sake of doing it on Dr Who.   

The new Master or The Mistress can get out of any situation and is boringly treated as a friend/rival than an enemy by the Doctor. Oh you killed some people out of boredom, I'll ignore that cos there are only two of us left.
This is the reason the Doctor needs to carry a gun and stop being a hypocrite. He'll kill people with explosions or drowning and he'll kill people by letting the baddie get away so just get a gun and shoot the Mistress until she stops regenerating, you'll be saving lives.

   

The plot device of the Doctor meeting characters as a child then again as a grown up keeps recurring. Does Moffat have 5 story lines he just keeps changing?

Capaldi is older but his clothes have become cooler. It's like Moffat is having his midlife crisis through the Doctor, remember the motorcycle? I like it when the Doctor dresses more Victorian than modern, it gives him more style. The sonic screw driver which has been used as a convenient and lazy way out of a storyline jam has been replaced by sonic sunglasses.

The fans are not happy. 

Now the Doctor can put on his Risky Business Ray Bans while indoors and be 'that' guy. The sonic screw driver is iconic, yeah lets turn the TARDIS into a red shiny convertible sports car. 

Moffat had the Doctor standing on a tank, wearing sunglasses at night while playing an electric guitar ... how cool is that? No, not very cool cos it's just too contrived to be cool.

Now Moffat is trying to make 'dad' cool. Hey lets get the Doctor a big diamond sonic ear ring next, maybe the Doctor is trying to cope with the fact that Clara doesn't flirt with him anymore or that he can't get the old vortex up any longer.

Clara has filmed her last scene already and there are rumours that Capaldi wants to leave too. What happened to him being a life long Dr Who fan? Ach let him leave.

 

Old Knudsen actually wanted Damien Molony for the role of the Doctor but Moffat knows best. I was impressed by Molony's acting in the BBC series Being Human which was created by Tody Whitehouse who wrote some shite Dr Who episodes. Molony is Irish, good looking and most of all can act. People would beg to travel in time with him. 

If the show is going to continue then it needs less Doctor on a tank, dinosaurs in space, dinosaurs in London. Less outrageous overly thought out gimmicks. It's like two teen stoners thinking what the coolest thing ever would be. There is already a movie being made called Cowboy Ninja Viking so quit trying for the wow factor cos yer just reaching the bleh factor.    

   

TV Sanity

It has been 10 years since the movie Serenity was screened, way to feel old huh. Serenity was the movie from the much loved and cancelled too soon series Firefly created by genius Joss Whedon. We still have our boxed sets to remember it and we'll always have our resentment at Fox for being dicks who didn't promote it enough then showed the episodes out of order then cancelled it citing low ratings and the fact they just didn't get it. 
Janye Cobb as played by Adam Baldwin is the character I can identify with the most. Who doesn't name their favourite guns and sniff unfamiliar objects? 

Sarah Jane and her sonic lipstick, we need a female Dr Who with a sonic vibrator.  

The BBC announced a new Dr Who like show for younger viewers and compared it to Buffy the vampire slayer (another Whedon show) so in other words they are filling in the gap that the Sarah Jane Adventures left when the lead actress who was a Dr Who companion in ye olden days died.  

The Internet yawned and said, "who cares, why aren't you bringing back Torchwood?" what annoys Old Knudsen is comparing BBC dross to Buffy which was really more of an adult show anyways. Not even Dr Who is as good as Buffy or Firefly. Close with Sherlock but no cigar. You just aren't good enough BBC.

  

Speaking of crap TV shows. I've been watching Fear the walking dead out of loyalty for the other TV show The walking dead. I've been hoping for it to get better then it had one good episode, # 5. Then I heard that episode 6 was the season finale .... WHAT THE FUCK!!!! 6 episodes does not a season make.

Lost season 1 had 25 episodes for fucks sake. The walking dead also had a first season with 6 episodes though this spin off might not make it to season 2 because it's so stoopid. Who the fuck lives in LA and wears a hoodie with Pomona on the back of it?
Oh look an infected person who just ripped someone's face off, they are still people, just dead and reanimated, lets go and help them and maybe talk them through their anger issues.

Teenagers are bratty assholes, teachers are bleeding hearts, Hispanics are gang members and soldiers are trigger happy sadists, all the cliches. 

The whole show is like someone's bad idea of what people in LA should be like. If it does get a second season then my Firefly resentment will just continue to grow.  

I only watch crap TV shows to keep me sane but if they become as stupid as the people I meet in the real world Old Knudsen may not be sane for much longer.   

I Killed You In Another Time Line Just For Fun

Did the TV show Dr Who rip off Old Knudsen's life? Well lets just say there are similarities. Old Knudsen does travel through space and time but not just in a time machine, he also uses mind expanding drugs too, the shamen of ancient Ballymena would often use Charlie, White, Snow, Toot, Rocks or Wash to enter on a vision quest and very often it would take you back through time only to have you emerge back in yer own time covered in blood riding the wrong way on Ballymena's crappy one way system on some strange tractor.

The legal system prefers Old Knudsen to use his Turdis, and so does his septum. While Old Knudsen has traveled through time to punch the odd historical cunt, he has also gone back in time to shag the odd bit of historical totty, a time traveler has to have his fun.

The main thing Dr Who has gotten wrong is that Old Knudsen doesn't run, it's not that he's really brave it's just that he doesn't do running. Invincible trash cans with plungers and we're all going to die? The fuck we are, run if you want Old Knudsen is going to fuck up some wheelie bins cos I've just eaten and can't be arsed to run.    

Anyways did you enjoy Easter? 

Look everyone Jesus isn't really dead. 

So I went back to 33AD ... it was a Friday and the Jews were getting the Romans to crucify Jesus. It was well nasty, almost put me off me bag of salted wolf nipple chips, the Romans sure know how to put on a show.

When he was dead and totally bereft of life me and Darren my companion partner chum assistant landed the Turdis in his crypt and took his body .... *lol!*

Yes it was funny seeing their faces when he wasn't there but even better when we did a weekend at Bernies all over the town. Thomas was a bit of a doubter, wouldn't surprise me if that cunt was an atheist. All through his life Jesus had the others blindly accepting but Thomas would say something cuntish like, "well they were very big loaves and fishes and everyone only got a bite" .... or "sure he turned water into wine he has a home brew kit but it took him 6 weeks."  Aye he also turned a tree into a table, some cattle into burgers, made a blind man see by finding his glasses and walked on water .... it rained that day so everyone walked on water but Jesus thinks he's special.   

Questions and doubts are for the weak. Showing Thomas the spear wound and the fact that Jesus could nod his head convinced him .... peer pressure played its part too.  

So yer welcome about Easter, I'd actually just wanted to fuck with their heads but a holiday and chocolate bunnies is a fucking win.

You say I'm famous for shitting myself when I died ... that makes me sad. 

When you read about Hitler you see that he just didn't bother the last couple of years, he barely left his room nor did he make any decisions. I went back and made Hitler watch a movie called  Inglourious Basterds and told Hitler that it was based on real historical fact.  Yes Hitler, you were killed as well as many of yer top men by a group of Jews who could barely speak any German ... feel wick ya loser. 

He did indeed feel wick to speak plainly he was scundered . Hitler felt embarrassed at having failed Germany so badly that he became depressed and a total shut in. Yes, Old Knudsen won the war by fucking with his head. 

One day in 1944 he heard the birds singing and the sun was out so he left his bunker to go for a walk and BAM! he entered Old Knudsen's historical fightclub. That right there was probably the last straw. 

Don't judge Old Knudsen, it's the way he rolls. Old Knudsen also talked Bonnie Prince Charlie into invading England just to have him get doon there and a friend tell him that London had a massive army which made him retreat .... it had fuck all of an army Ka-Chow! 

I also suggested to Columbus a nice vacation destination out west and swapped the Titanic's unsinkable blue prints for ones I had made in photoshop. The 4th funnel was fake you know, the original only had 3 but I didn't like odd numbers, very unlucky so I had them slap on an extra dummy one for luck. 
Apart from terrorism, Game of thrones and the crisp sandwich, Belfast is only known for a maritime disaster ... no publicity is bad publicity .  

I didn't know that Houdini was joking, otherwise I would have left him his secret key. Some have called Old Knudsen a madman in a box, others have called him a dirty fucker who rapes dead bodies, Old Knudsen refuses to let these small minded labels define him or shape the person he is.

Did you have a good Christmas last year? .... well there might not be any more but don't worry you won't notice, it will be replaced with 'Happy oral sex day' not really for the children but they'll learn. 



*When Old Knudsen types lol he is doing it scornfully as there is never any out loud laughing from him ... lol*

The Secret Life Of Steven Moffat

Stephen Moffat the writer and producer of such shows as Dr Who and Sherlock is famous for his Fridge moments , that means you watch a TV show and afterwards when it's over you go to the fridge for another piece of crack or whatever you keep in there and you make an observation about the show that you didn't notice at the time.

I'll just get a pickled eye .... 'Hey why did Buzz Lightyear, who thinks he's a real Space Ranger and not a toy lie still and quiet like the rest of the toys when Andy was about?' 

Fridge moments or plot-holes as you may know them are usually a slap in the face to the viewer cos the writers couldn't think of anything else, 'aye we'll just reverse the polarity with the sonic screwdriver or blow something up totally out of character for the Doctor or something, who cares? it's Friday and I'm outta here early.'

From all the fridge moments and the fast talking, fans are getting a bit fed up with Moffat, it's like hes trying so many different things that he isn't focusing on one. Give the fans what they want and take their money, we'll just skip on quality for a bit.

 Some have cum to the conclusion that Sherlock and Dr Who needs less Moffat.  

In the last episode of Sherlock, Magnussen had his two bodyguards search Sherlock and Watson for weapons when they went to the Baker street flat but when Sherlock and Watson went to the home of Magnussen known as Appledore not only were they not searched but the place lacked any security, completely vulnerable.  
Sherlock producing Watson's gun and shooting Magnussen dead was a real lack of foresight from a genius such as Magnussen ..... Why does Watson have a Sig-sauer handgun anyway? Oh he was a captain in the army when he was an army doctor .... the army doesn't just let you keep shit you know, especially firearms.
After the Hungerford massacre, handguns for the public were made vorboden! Oh and inspector Lestrade wouldn't have one either. Problems when you modernise Victorian stories.

Jesus was walking along the hilly country east of the Jordan, he met two blokes who were possessed by demons. The demons knew Jesus had a big angry father and knew they were in for some trouble. They begged Jesus not to zap their asses to the void but instead to put their souls into a herd of pigs.

Old Knudsen had his fridge moment. Why would there be pig farmers in a land that didn't eat pork?

The 2 demons entered the herd of pigs and then rushed over a cliff and into a river and drowned.... no idea why they did that, as with many stuff in the Bible this was not explained either.    

So Jesus put them into pigs, pigs because according to the Bible they are unclean animals because they have hoofs but don't chew the cud.... Cows would offend the Hindus and sheep, well they are most useful to the Israelites.  

I did some research and it seems that the Philistines who were a seafaring people that migrated there around 3,000 years BC kept and ate pigs. The Israelites were always at odds with the lowland Philistines hence being called a Philistine is now an insult thrown at some uncouth person, just as heck and hell are now used in a derogatory manner but were the names of goddesses Hecate and Hel.

Thats what cunts do, they associate yer name with something bad to demonize you ... they may even turn you into a demon or even leprechauns to be mocked and scorned.   

Christians/the victors love to rewrite history and phase out and replace the old ways.

Believe it or not but pork consumption is a good marker of ethnicity and identity considering the no lovely bacon rule in parts of the Middle east. Archeologists can tell a lot from what bones they find, whether these were Philistine pigs or European pigs that arrived 900BC. 
 
The Israelites were pastoral nomads with no time for an animal like the pig since they don't walk very far. They don't use them so obviously they wouldn't eat them, thats something those shitty Philistines do right?  Sea folk would have tasty pigs on board boats to eat up waste and top the occasion sandwich.      

Jesus infecting a man's herd of pigs turning his livelihood into demons was a cuntish thing to do, he may have saved the two men who then with no livestock might have starved to death but who cares? they probably weren't Jews so they were sinners anyway.

The rest of the story has Jesus not being thanked but begged to move on. Please, don't help us anymore ya tosser, that kind of help we could do without.  

 

Which leads me to the theory that Steven Moffat is a Time Lord or some other time traveler who went back in time and wrote the Bible.

How else can you explain all the fridge moments and the contradictions?  He doesn't even look Scottish for fucks sake he looks all pubic headed and timey.


     


  

Doctor What Was His Name?

I'm trying to be nice and not laugh at all the Matt Smith fans who are close to tears because after 4 years playing doctor, Smith is leaving the show.

I kept it to a simple Yay!!! when Old Knudsen first heard about it, everyone else was commenting noooooooo!!!!

His heart hasn't been in it for a while and on the whole the writing has been shite. It really shows Smith's lack of talent when a good writer like Neil  Gaiman writes for the show.

Who will be Who next? probably a teenager with an animated space monkey or a boy band wanna be the way things are going.

Dr Who Dealing The Drugs

Box of crack?

From the headlines of the LA Times, Doctor who admitted dealing drugs to get his license back I knew we couldn't trust that ugly gangly fucker! 

He gets on like an idiot but really hes selling the drugs.... trust me, I'm the doctor. 

A West Hollywood psychiatrist was selling Adderall which is legalized speed and of all places he was selling it on Craigslist. 15 prescriptions per day.

 
"100 Adderall pills, hardly used, selling because traveling in the time space continuum isn't cheap."

You get crazy fuckers buying off Craigslist when yer selling a table lamp so I can only imagine what kind selling drugs attracts. "Still got the 100 Adderall pills you had advertised?" ..... "Um, you just called me 5 minutes ago to ask me the same question and every 20 mins for the last 6 hours before that."

Many Craigslist people want to talk about how Obama is ruining the country or what about those fucking immigrants?  ...... get a FaceBook account like everyone else.
  
Well drugs would totally explain why the latest season of Dr Who was shite on a stick.

  

Looking Back And A New Beginning

My first post of the new year, yep 2008. I'm going to make this an inspirational post full of hope, love and the promise of a better tomorrow today, assuming today is fine with you, if not can you pencil me in for later in the week? afternoon please as I don't do mornings.

It is written in the Bible (somewhere at the back) "And so'th the lamb shall lay doon in the mint sauce and the polar bear will share a Coca Cola with the wolf and peace shall reign doon for a thousand years."

The translation from Aramaic is a little dodgy and it might have been "And piss shall rain doon ."

If George and Mahmoud can be friends then why can't I be friends with all the horrible cunts that read me not to mention who spammed me for over two months this year. I shall visit yer blogs more often and pretend to like you all in the coming year............................................this may be a total lie.

This year has had its ups and doons, its ins and outs, its ramming and thrusting. I've done things that I'm not proud of.

Yer Ma being one of them but I did her just so I could do a post about it.

I recently won the Palitzer Prize for my news blog, I still haven't got my cunting prize money yet but I hear its the honour that counts.

It was sad when the Grinch went ape shit and shot up that town, that sad young Grinch had some serious Christmas issues.

While there are weemen like this one I have hope for the world and my wank bank. I do wish she would tuck in her underwear, is that sexy? yeah as sexy as those low rider jeans, got a bad looking arse then make it look worse.

Ah fuck it and fuck you, another year full of the same old shite, tits, arse and midget sex. Those who have wronged me last year I hope you die in a fire and those who will wrong me this year I hope you get mauled by a tiger on yer birthday.

Al Qaeda and Global warming are getting together for a super group and we are all fucked. Didn't I tell you about Bhutto? no Taliban or Al Qaeda cunt is taking responsibility for it, even the IRA are keeping quiet, how stupid do you have to be? The 140 who died by suicide bomber when Bhutto first turned up in Pakistan wasn't even investigated.

Musharraf did it. People say oh Bhutto would have let US troops come into Pakistan and that worried the Taliban, the fuck it would, as if the Ragheads are afraid of the US troops, that would of helped their cause. Musharraf had the most to lose as Bhutto had a chance of winning the election.

In 1979 the Queen's cousin Lord Mountbatten who was in charge of the Burma campaign or the forgotten war of world war II was blown up on his boat by the IRA while on holiday off the coast of Donegal. It turns out that Mountbatten was all for the unity of Ireland, have a huge helping of irony why don't ya.

Dr Who with Colin Baker and his assistant Peri as played by Nicola Bryant. Ah those were the days. She was English but put on a fake Yank accent to play an 18 year old student. Large breasts that bounced with grace as she ran from the aliens she even appeared in a bikini and you could see the odd nipple poke through her clothing now and then, yes I am still very much in love with her.

For some reason there has been a lot of UFO sightings over Wales, many by Airline pilots, two or three a week in fact. I see a connection that Dr Who is now being made by BBC Wales other than that all I can tell you to do is, "watch the skies."

Well um happy new year I suppose and don't let yer posts get away from you like I do, I make genius look easy but it isn't.

It is actually very easy now go to my news blog or I'll glass ya.

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