The Taste Of Paradise

Emerald Bile is that Irish woman whose favourite word is "cunt" she hates almost everything including, Dove soap, safaris, poutine,people whistling, Raymond and sex with old men who stink of pee. I just discovered that she loves Dog the bounty hunter . I just happen to have this post ready just waiting for this day as it is my destiny to post this, pretty fucking shite when you think about it.

Proud of his native American heritage he must show this by dressing silly with beads and shells in his hair. Mince like a man my son.

Have you ever watched "Dog the bounty hunter" on the telly? I'm not a big fan of reality TV but this show is one of those that's really a spoof but those in it don't know and so take themselves seriously. Only Yanks could walk about like this and think they are cool.

Duane Chapman who for obvious reasons prefers to be called Dog is a big guy well 5ft 7in tall who must of worked out a He sports long bleached hair that he flicks back in a gurly way every 5 minutes, his sunglasses are always on to hide his old tired eyes and probably the drug use if you believe those stories. Dressed in black to look cool I guess, with pointy wee cowboy boots to make him look taller that he can't run in, picture a woman who can't run in heels. He has gun slinger type pouches around his thighs to hold his 357 magnum and 50 cal desert eagle, no wait, my mistake, to carry his cans of mace or hair spray, these also prohibit him from running.

Dog when he was a pup. I cum from a country that when they call someone dog its usually "Mad dog" and for a reason, not because you sniff arses and hump legs.

You'll also find a badge similar to a cop badge on him, this guy was charged with murder, joined a motorcycle gang and was arrested 18 times once for armed robbery in the 70's so I reckon he just likes to play cops.



The team L - R, Dog, Youngblood, Leland, generic big guy and Beth with the tits who reminds Dog to take his handcuffs.

His big breasted 40 year old wife Beth who may of been hot back in the day also isn't taking to aging well and dresses like a 20 year old, shoves her tits in people's faces to distract from the rest of her. They read out the list of crimes at the start of the chase she is always seen rolling her eyes, disgusted at the criminal class.

Then theres Leland who is Dog's son from another marriage, the heart throb of the show, well ok there isn't much choice, this lad who is a kick boxer type dresses himself like a military red hot chilli pepper, hes quiet and looks like hes about to shit himself a lot.

Duane Lee who is another of Dog's sons is the generic big guy, he must really hate his dad for his gift of the stupid first name.

Youngblood is the quiet well tempered 42 year-old with as much taste as the rest, his greying ponytail gives testament to that, middle aged guys with ponytails go on to become old guys with ponytails, its just sad also he goes by the name Youngblood and has a baseball cap that says it in case he forgets .

Well that's the main cast. At the start of the show they sit around their office in Hawaii and Dog scrawls on a board the facts of the criminal, lets hope he can read it, then after Beth's eye rolls they gear up into their pseudo warrior garb pretending to be lawmen of the past as Dog flicks his long silly looking Fabio hair and clickity clacks to the SUV in his heels.

Due to his hangovers and drug habits he doesn't drive very often as they go and overwhelm some scared tiny crack hoor who they have been telling the viewers is a dangerous piece of work.

One 20 something criminal lied on the phone and said he was no longer wanted, this fib this was unacceptable to Dog, his Christian morals were offended and this criminal was made out to be worse than the rapist he went to Mexico to catch.



Once the bail jumping junkie is caught, Dog will call them Brother or sister and will bless them, then the sermon cums, "you need to turn yer life around" as the crackhead sits there crying with his eyes spinning in his head, this is soo false and hypocritical as the producers have to work around Dog's late nights and dooners. Dog's main concern is looking holier than thou and getting the criminal a ciggarette.



Busty Beth with the giant fun bags.

Not great for the Hawaiian tourist board I'm sure the people who think that wrestlers are cool think Dog is too. I have sent my script for the Dog spoof series to the BBC, if they can get Hasslehoff to don a blonde wig and act like a prick (his usual) then it'll be a hit