Arse Fest

As Lord Byron said: she walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and just look at the arse on that, nearly as good as a young boy's arse.

I'm old and sometimes I get confused. You know sometimes I get confused because I'm old but I try to keep up with the new celebrities that cum out but could they not pick stage names that weren't so fucking similar? I don't think many people use stage names anymore I mean who would pick Russell Crowe as a name? sure Crowe is cool but Russell is a fat bloke that works in I.T. and has an ugly wife cos its the only woman who will and has ever fucked him.

Prime rump, you could bounce a 50p off that I bet her farts even smell nice.

I've had to do some research for the prestigious title of "Old Bitter Balls best arse of the year" and going by the pictures you may have guessed the winner.

The best thing about having yer own blog is that you can post things that interest you, er I mean me.

I looked at Jessica Simpson (fake padded arse), Jessica Alba (small bony arse) and Jessica Biel ( tastes like heaven arse) also Kate Bosworth (nothing special arse) Kate Beckinsale (a close second arse) and Kate Capshaw (Steven Spielberg nailed that arse) I also checked out Nick kershaw (had a hit in the 80's with "wouldn't it be good" arse) Jennifer Lopez used to win this title hands doon every year but then she went out with Affleck and married the Latino Skeletor and got a nose job that makes her look stern and well she is totally off the reservation for my tastes.

Her face is ok and I'm sure shes a lovely gurl but who gives a shit ?

Even though she is going out with that wimpy rat boy Jason Timberland from West life or New kids on the fucking blog or something and I've always thought her to be a little too pretty but still the Old Bitter Balls best arse of the year award goes to Jessica Biel.

Here she is from some up and cumming film that will only be remembered for her arse.

In the Uk there is a title called "Rear of the year" which picks celeb rears, no not like that. It chooses celebs who are supposed to have nice arses, Ms Beckinsale has never won it which doesn't surprise me as the ones they choose are never that good.

Denise van Outen in 1999,Graham Norton in 2000 and Charlotte Church in 2002 have been some of the winners well I'm not impressed quite pathetic, look at Ms Biel for inspiration, the evidence is all there though I'm sure its been tampered with.

I think I may have an arse fixation at the minute. Theres that saying feed a cold, starve a fever (or other way round it doesn't matter) so on that logic I'll keep posting arses until I get over it.

Actually that saying is misquoted and misunderstood, its "If you feed a cold you will have to starve a fever" said by Hippocrates who was a bit of an oaf (get it? ach why do I bother?) he meant at the start of a cold you should fast to promote yer bodies' detoxification process because if you don't you're going to get worse and will end up fasting due the severity of yer symptoms.

You can trust me with yer health I did yon Red Cross first aid courses, its well out of date now but if I had to save a life I would be able too except I would be a little picky about who I'd give mouth to mouth to, ah fuck it who am I kidding I'd let you die me being a cunt and all and the last thing you'd see would be me either touching you up or going through yer wallet.