Due to excessive gambling, drinking and hiring professional weemen to fulfil my manly needs, manicures , getting my dishes washed and the like I find my funds are at an all time low.
I've heard about people selling their kidneys for transplants or whatever so I'm going to sell mine. The early birds will get the best deals and its 10% off if you buy in bulk, no really I've got loads of these things in my big chest freezer doonstairs.
I also have a lot of spare parts, a black shriveled penis on yer coffee table makes a real conversation piece, ever want to get a head in life or would you just like a little head? Old Knudsen is yer man, want a bum deal? well I'm up to me arse in arses.
Not happy with yer nose, I have a huge selection of noses you can pick from, go on pick yer nose.
Skin suits will be the next cool thing this fall, skin is the new denim.
Need a hand with yer blogging? well I have a load of hands it'll feel like someone else is publishing yer post, if you know what I mean, or I can just give you the finger, buy four get a thumb free.
Think you're a heart breaker? well you can be, just eye up the prices of my eyes, I hear the eyes have it and I heard that with my boxed ears set .
Want to give yer gurl the elbow? or a work colleague the cold shoulder? literal is funny, I know funny cos I'm a fucking Clown fish.
When you entice a gurl back to yer bedsit you don't ask her if she wants to see yer etchings you ask her if she wants to see Jimmy Hoffa's or Lord Lucan's skull? weemen go gag gag over that sort of stuff or to get them "in the mood" what about Glenn Miller's coccyx?
I've often heard that the largest sex organ we humans have is our brains, I'm willing to bet that my cock is bigger than my brain but that's neither here nor there. The brain isn't much of a sex organ, pretty tough to get that initial thrust into, maybe I'm doing it wrong.
Remember, you don't need a backbone to make highly illegal deals with Old Knudsen as he has all the spines you could ever need. Custom orders may take up to a week depending how picky you are.
Friday 23 March 2007
Spare Parts And Broken Hearts.
oldknudsen@gmail.com Old Knudsen
Labels: the sale of the century
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17 comments:
do you do Part Exchange on your part-exchange ?
i could do with new legs ,nose & bowels (i hear they run in your family?)
do your parts have full warranty? a "no-quibble" return policy would be cool...........I mean customer disatisfaction would leave you without a leg to stand on...........
anonymous yer wife likes me drivel, she comments all the time on it.
tony you know I tried to get all the quips I could but you found more.
Damn it, Hey anonymous, why can't you be more like Tony, ah what a disappointment they have become.
At last, a chance to do something about my broken heart.
Do you take free state money?
Women have always said we think with our dicks; and while reading your piece it reminded me (a personal confession) I love "going down" you know what I mean? Knudsen you've cracked it for me and maybe for all men: the ultimate orgasm and return to Mammy all in one thrust....well I might manage 2/3 thrusts now and again;. I'm getting on you know. Don't mention that to ellie. You'll notice I'm always trying to impress her.
When I was a kid, I remember having this fantasy where I collected tits, severed ones. I had them on a special shelf in the garden shed. Of course, I never actually did it. It was just a fantasy, but just out of interest do you have any spare tits? Womens ones that is.
Paddy, I was impressed until I read the return to Mammy comment now I feel the urge to vomit, would you like to hold my hair back while I chunder?
ellie does anyone take free state money? I thought they bargained with beads and cocaine.
paddy going doon? like to the shops? there was this film were the guy set his gurlfriend's hoose on fire so he could rush in and save them to impress her and her family, try something like that, weemen go gag gag over that stuff.
Mr Waring I have over 200 but I don't know if any are spare,selling severed tits sounds a bit icky and too personal. I have fat men tits if interested severed ones that is.
sassy sundry as long as you're impressed it makes up for disappointing some anonymous fool.
ellie again I've found that weemen can not match up to good old ma, they should really try harder, even the ones that could take out their teeth weren't the same.
Oh, Sassy said the F word.
Knudson, this is so odd and delightful at the same time. A favorite dog chew toy these days is called the bully stick made from a bull's penis. Maybe you could try that market if the human side of things runs dry.
What was that you said Paddy?!!!
Cum again?
There is red wine sprayed over my monitor after reading your posts.
OK - holy friggin' snappin' arseholes - this may be the best thing I've ever read. Those years in university were wasted - the wisdom of the world is all here! Me and some friends get together and have rants - but holy sweet shit - we've got nutthin..... Nutthin....
We need you to come to northern Canada and drink with us you old bastard. You can fart in the tent, but not shit in it. Unless there is a blizzard going. Canadian rules camping.
Alasdair, wtf are YOU doing here?
If one more Canuck joins in, we'll have enough to fulfill the CanCon requirements.
Knudsen, I doubt that's wine that he's sprayed. Not after he's seen those nude pics of you.
alasdair
Good to have you aboard.
Yes I am.
say yes to drink...*don't mind me, i'm new*
savannah I love you no matter what.
Don't pay an arm and a leg for an arm or a leg! Just hot foot it right on over to Knudsen's Body-Bits Bargain Basement where you'll find a large selection of everything except feet. Foot Eater's been at 'em and some are a bit, um, shop-soiled.
All your bodily needs will be taken care of in-store by the highly trained staff who all know their arses from their elbows. They're ready and willing to provide you with discreet fittings and honest appraisals of your parts for trade-in.
Oh bugger, how did I miss those quips? I must be getting old.
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