Fuckski Yer Diplomatic Immunity.

You may have noticed but I'm a bit of a diplomat for that was once my career, it was me with Solomon like wisdom that suggested cutting Berlin in half, not that the fucking Krauts appreciated it any.

It pains me to see anything go to waste, if I'm ever out at a fancy restaurant like Pizza Hut or Burger King I will pretend to work there and start clearing tables in order to get the food the punters didn't want, old habits die hard I believe I got this way when I was accused of spying on Stalin and thrown into a Russian Gulag for 4 years until I was swapped for a homesick submarine captain that had defected to the west.
It was all a big misunderstanding I have no idea how that hole looking into Stalin's bathroom got there, I only looked through it once to see where it looked into and I meant to tell someone , when I saw 'Big Joe' Stalin dancing in front of his mirror singing into his hair brush I grew strangely fascinated and felt compelled to keep returning to the cleaning supply cupboard to peer through the hole.
I couldn't look Stalin in the eye without blushing after that, he found it highly amusing but I found it cruel , when I saw him I would imagine him naked flexing his muscles in front of the mirror or having a good scratch at his hemorrhoids.

Arm wrestling, one of the many ways men demonstrate their Alpha Dogginess over each other to establish a pecking order, you can't get much more manly than this and still they hold hands.

Must I remind everyone that I'm 100% heterosexual? all straight men get turned on by ghey porn its only natural and are potentially ghey, well that's according to Queer Barry at the Post Office.
While having sex with the numerous Russian Scuts that hang around the Kremlin I'd be having sex with her but thinking about Stalin. I knew that on some level it might be wrong but I didn't care. I prayed that Stalin would get the shits so I could go to my cupboard and watch, I also passed a rumour that people were saying he had bad body odour, the rumour got back to him as planned and 12 suspects were executed, the only thing that mattered to me was that he showered more. I was beyond obsession and I know a thing or two about obsession.

There was no such thing as therapy in the soviet union back then all the doctors were talking Freud and I didn't need him to tell me it was all penis motivated.
I was the liaison between the Russian and the British governments, the Berlin wall was my idea so I really had it in for that Reagan cunt and someday that curly headed Hasslehoff fella will get whats cuming to him. My diplomatic career really took a nose dive when the KGB caught me peaking as Stalin was getting stuck into a jar of Brlycreem .
Imagine the good I could do with my skills of diplomacy on the world stage today half the world's troubles would be solved.

Here is Elena, muscles of steel and the mind of a psychopath, yeah I liked her , she loved to play a game called red neck cousins in which she would pin me doon, I'd protest and struggle all the while proclaiming we were kin then I'd give up and let her have her way with me, she always wanted to be the daddy.

Sent to a Gulag in Siberia for the crime of love, yes self love does count as love. it was harsh and cold, we were put to work in the snow mines mining snow for 28 hours a day, when someone posts about 8 feet of snow outside their hoose I laugh, you don't know what snow is. We were fed toenail clippings soup and a piece of balsa wood, you learned to eat every scrap in order to survive then at weekends we were forced to become the sexual playthings for female Olympic athletes, it was horrible what they did to us, some of the weemen had bigger dicks than the men and if they neglected to shave for a day of two it was like I'd imagine Yeti sex to be like.
Scarred for life and I was already pretty messed up in the head before I went in, only strength from the good Lord Jesus, excessive alcohol and masturbation have enabled me to be the sane and rational person before you today.

A picture of beauty I'm sure you'd all agree.

Still my issues creep back to haunt me, having done terrible things with big man gurls I look upon the fine creature that is Courtney Love and think "how could men be so blind as to let an angel from heaven such as her go to waste?"

Ms Love was married to Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain until he did a Ernest Hemingway in 1994 and shot himself, Cobain was a lot more talented than Hemingway so it was a big loss.
Courtney who is not short of talent herself but short on self discipline has let the demon drink and drugs rule her , now she wants a boyfriend to fill that 'hole' in her life or at least the one between her legs.
Doing what people have done for countless generations she filled out an application form for the on-line dating service eHarmony.com, there must of been a lot of emotion sharing mummy's boys in the database as she was rejected with zero matches, bloody hell if only I had been on that list, a dose of Old Knudsen to buck her back to sobriety is what she needs. I am now going to her official web site to start the courtship. I may break her heart but not before I cum.