You Get What You Pay For.

I'm in love with Salma Hayek but she never returns my e-mails, nothing to do with the post I'm just proud to be a Hornivore.

Along with several Bloggers I also thought that Ernest Borgnine was dead. I found out not only is he not dead but he turns 90 today. Happy birthday, I will put you on my watch list for obituaries.


Fuck hes ugly, which is why I didn't put him at the top of the post.


The latest news in the world of competitive dying.

Julie Winnefred Bertrand, the oldest living woman in the world and oldest living Canadian, died on January 18. The 115-year-old from Quebec held the Guinness World Record as oldest living woman for just a few weeks, the pressure was just too much for her and she has been referred to by her rivals as "a flash in the bed pan".
The new title holder, Emma Tillman, born November 22, 1892 in Gibsonville, North Carolina, was one of 23 children born to emancipated slaves. Tillman had a moment of exuberance and lost the professionalism and dignity expected of someone of her position, much like when Nancy Pelosi was made speaker of the House of representatives and shouted about being the most powerful woman in America (Oprah sent her an e-mail saying I'll slap you down bitch) Tillman punched the air and shouted " in yer face whitey, who has the power now?" and did some body popping or whatever it is that they do.

Damn its hotting up, with so much at stake anything can happen, I will keep you up to date at least a week after its all over.

I was in a shop yesterday and the guy had the radio playing behind the counter, I recognised the tune but never new who sung it then I heard the lyrics.

Close yer eyes, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh .

I listened to make sure of it thinking I'll mention this song on me Blog. I am the worst for mishearing lyrics, my previous post with Don't cry for me Argentina (insert link to post here if I could be arsed) proves it. I did a search for the song and it turned out to be sung by Toto who had two over played songs that were hits in the 80's, the actual words are.

Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh

There was me thinking it was about unpredictable money shots but no, it was about phone sex of something.

"Hello Kieran my names Angel, I'm 22 and hot for academic types, what am I wearing? oh you naughty boy you just made my nipples pop up like corks, all I'm wearing is a G-string and baby oil made from freshly crushed babies and I'm rubbing it into my melon like boobies, Kieran? are you still there pet? oh you're done already? if you would like to talk to me again just request Angel".

To make a point for all those men out there with small willies, no names mentioned but they do have Blogs in my links. Size doesn't matter as weemen are doing more phone sex these days and the phones are getting smaller, I don't know what the attraction is with putting a phone up yer vadge unless it had vibrate or something but I never use someone elses phone, you just never know where they have had it.
Some dirty fuckers talk on the phone while sitting having a crap, ok I Blog while I'm having a Blog but that's different, you don't hear me grunting nor do you hear any splashes, maybe from now on I'll do a little ::::grunts::::: just to let you know what I'm up to:::pinches off::: just to give you a taste of my life, press Ctrl/Alt/Backspace/Enter to smell my life:::::splash::::::

Fecal matter flying about yer bathroom because you don't flush with the lid doon then you put yer phone to yer mouth and inhale yer own shit all day, go on use someone elses phone, if you're lucky its just been up some vadge.

I don't like to be pigeonholed or put into a jar, fuck off you grown up cunts, can ya spare a fag mate?

That's me off my subject ya bastards, I hope yer happy, well actually I don't, why should you get to be happy ? I didn't see you at the Alamo or Dunkirk, those Texans and British put up a hell of a fight, no thanks to you we got lucky.

Mondegreens, that's the name for misheard song lyrics. Another one I've been mis-singing for years is Neil Diamond's 'Forever in blue jeans', I would be going around belting out the words that I thought I knew and mumbling the rest, I'd give it some welly alright and I'd cap off the verses with 'Reverend Bluejeans hey!' well I thought it was about a trendy vicar that tries to be hip and cool by wearing jeans.

Remember what day tomorrow is folks, it maybe a ghey day but I'll be going around collecting tribute.