I don't fancy yours much, or mine to be honest ah well it will all be over in no time.A few years ago I was having sex in amongst the bushes to the side of a golf course with this gurl who worked in a nearby Xtravision, she was a minger but I got to watch free videos and she bought me things so it was a pretty healthy relationship.
After the traditional exchange of body fluids I left her there and started to walk home. I did say she was a minger right? I wasn't going to be seen out in public especially as I was going to be walking past the Newsagents shop where that nice wee ginger gurl worked (I was going through a ginger phase back then) I was walking doon Lovers lane which used to be nice until they started to build houses there and you know what I saw? 3 ugly hags cackling over a cauldron they were stirring. I went over thinking there was going to be some food samples or something like ya do but no they were just hanging about to clue me into my destiny and to warn me about a bad pint I was to drink on Saturday .
They knew my name and told me a few other things that have since come true and if I had believed them I could of betted about Princess Di and made a ton of money out of the crash (she was lovely wasn't she) yadda yadda yadda I'm the Messiah, I'll have a second coming during the night of the drunken moon in a dark alley way that will result in the birth of the blogger who will kill me in an epic Interweb flame war, to be honest I wasn't listening because I could totally see hag nipples.
I think you all know how special I am as I am constantly telling you, no point to this story I'm bored as I've already played with meself and theres fuck all on the telly so anyway.
If there is a subject to this post I'm off it, oh yeah I've stepped off the path, I wasn't going to post as I was quite busy, the fate of the world lay in my hands and I had to fly an alien spacecraft we recovered from Roswell in 1947 and infect the mothership that sits in orbit ready to destroy our world with a computer virus, those aliens are easily fooled by 60 year old spacecraft so they deserved what they got, or was that a film I fell asleep to the other night? I'm not sure I had a boxing match with Apollo Creed and I think he may have knocked my metal plate loose in my head.
I'm sort of glad that the cassette has almost died out , those Boom Boxes as the young folks call them got pretty complicated, they had those direction buttons on them, I could never figure that out, you put it in and it plays the other side. In my day it went from one reel to the other, simple. I can see you all rolling yer eyes as you all have those walking men things in yer ears and those I-Pods and mp -45 players , why don't they call them ear pods? I don't get it, where is the music?
I have long heard about how Barbies are a bad role model for young weemen and give themselves a bad body image, if in doubt about yer body send me a picture and I'll tell ya whats wrong with ya. Those nice barbies have nice cars and nice non-threatening ethnic friends and nice metro sexual boyfriends that turn out to be ghey 20 years into the marriage 'surprise' and now they have a dog that shits and a scoop for them to lift it with thus teaching them responsibility. Now the Barbie makers have given up and realised to stay in the lifestyle she is accustomed to she has to get married . I used to be annoyed when weemen go on about getting married and finding their Disney prince to complete them but this Barbie wedding collection selling the dolls with white virginal dresses is is ok because there is a lot worse out there.
After the traditional exchange of body fluids I left her there and started to walk home. I did say she was a minger right? I wasn't going to be seen out in public especially as I was going to be walking past the Newsagents shop where that nice wee ginger gurl worked (I was going through a ginger phase back then) I was walking doon Lovers lane which used to be nice until they started to build houses there and you know what I saw? 3 ugly hags cackling over a cauldron they were stirring. I went over thinking there was going to be some food samples or something like ya do but no they were just hanging about to clue me into my destiny and to warn me about a bad pint I was to drink on Saturday .
They knew my name and told me a few other things that have since come true and if I had believed them I could of betted about Princess Di and made a ton of money out of the crash (she was lovely wasn't she) yadda yadda yadda I'm the Messiah, I'll have a second coming during the night of the drunken moon in a dark alley way that will result in the birth of the blogger who will kill me in an epic Interweb flame war, to be honest I wasn't listening because I could totally see hag nipples.
I think you all know how special I am as I am constantly telling you, no point to this story I'm bored as I've already played with meself and theres fuck all on the telly so anyway.
If there is a subject to this post I'm off it, oh yeah I've stepped off the path, I wasn't going to post as I was quite busy, the fate of the world lay in my hands and I had to fly an alien spacecraft we recovered from Roswell in 1947 and infect the mothership that sits in orbit ready to destroy our world with a computer virus, those aliens are easily fooled by 60 year old spacecraft so they deserved what they got, or was that a film I fell asleep to the other night? I'm not sure I had a boxing match with Apollo Creed and I think he may have knocked my metal plate loose in my head.
I'm sort of glad that the cassette has almost died out , those Boom Boxes as the young folks call them got pretty complicated, they had those direction buttons on them, I could never figure that out, you put it in and it plays the other side. In my day it went from one reel to the other, simple. I can see you all rolling yer eyes as you all have those walking men things in yer ears and those I-Pods and mp -45 players , why don't they call them ear pods? I don't get it, where is the music?
I have long heard about how Barbies are a bad role model for young weemen and give themselves a bad body image, if in doubt about yer body send me a picture and I'll tell ya whats wrong with ya. Those nice barbies have nice cars and nice non-threatening ethnic friends and nice metro sexual boyfriends that turn out to be ghey 20 years into the marriage 'surprise' and now they have a dog that shits and a scoop for them to lift it with thus teaching them responsibility. Now the Barbie makers have given up and realised to stay in the lifestyle she is accustomed to she has to get married . I used to be annoyed when weemen go on about getting married and finding their Disney prince to complete them but this Barbie wedding collection selling the dolls with white virginal dresses is is ok because there is a lot worse out there.
My names Sharon Chavette, its french you know. If you buy me a pint I'll shag you and yer mate, got any KFC? I'll kick yer fuck in, wot you lookin at then?
To quote Hemingway: "The sky was blue my crotch was wet and the bull was faster than the diego, Ka-chow!".Always one to keep an eye on those dirty Spaniards ever since the Armada fiasco of 1588. On 17th January they had a day to honour St Antony a patron saint of animals. Guess what the dastardly diegos do for this, no not chuck a goat from a steeple as that would be cruel, instead they ride a horse through a bonfire. Remember that post in which I said to respect other cultures and races? that doesn't count with the Spaniards, terms and conditions do apply here.
I have Boycotted all Spanish products, though if a hot Spanish bird wants my body I won't turn her doon as that would be ghey. I am not renewing my membership to ETA this year as they were putting too many demands with on my time and it was inferring with my Blogging also I couldn't understand that dirty lingo they speak, what the hell does viejo estupido mean anyway?
15 comments:
Aar I remember the days when I could blog like you, you auld cunt.
Lol not so 'stupid old man' are you Old K? How DO you sleep at night with all that stuff running around your head. I like the way you decorate your posts with tasteful little photos too. Can't decide whether the top one has false breast additions to their outfits or whether they are real ones covered in chiffon. Hmm.. it's occupying my mind.
which days were they? at the beginning or the end of the week? no one can blog like me, except clones and robot Knudsens,in fact if I change the letters in yer name it becomes, Jat Knudsag, ha! so we meet again, this time I will not leave you living.
Lynn you sneaked in between that kunst and me, you bad gurl.Breasts? I didn't notice.
They have some weird customs in Spain. I was there for New Year and at midnight you have to eat twelve grapes one at every strike of the bell. I almost chocked to death.
Boil, boil, toil and trouble. McKnudsen marries Barbie and shags mingers on the side in the bushes. Then he rejoins ETA.
Whaddya mean, "send me a picture"...
How many pics do I have to send before yer satisfied?
Frobi: Are 'grapes' a euphemism?
Well, you've mesmerized me w/this one. You must really loathe me since I am Black Irish, ya know and baptized Catholic, (that doesn't mean I am still a Catholic).Frobisher has me going down memory lane, back when I dated that inbred Spaniard and we shoved grapes up our ass at midnite. Who knew?
How do you think Kieran plans to occupy my mind in a minute, Old K - i'm sure i just don't know.
Yes i did slip in between you there, cheeky wasn't i ;)
kieran as a former fisherman I used to sell them green crabs that only they are disgusting enough to eatin some form of soup so the fish must be pay back.
Mr Frobisher the nazis did some experiments on the Spanishin 1937 and found them to be part rabid ground squirrel,explains a lot.
mj the last one satisfied me plenty if you know what I mean.
babsbitchin pity is the word I'd use, some day with gene therapy we can fix you with good old scottishness injected into yer eyeballs, I saw it on the discovery channel once, you'll be och aye my eye in no time and the darkness shall pass.
lynn I think he wanted you to consider the fishes, the lad is a loose cannon, hes burnt out and on the edge, don't let him into yer car.
sassy sundry sounds like I have things to do (and mingers)
That is to say, I couldn't write like you once I'd had the good sense to put down the Buckfast.
I was going to be walking past the Newsagents shop where that nice wee ginger gurl worked (I was going through a ginger phase back then)
I read today that gingers are going to be extinct by the year 2010. You'd best get in there sharpish.
OBB! Did you HAVE to put that bull-horn-in-the-thigh-gone shot in there? I swear, I almost lost my CHEERIOS!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! ;)
BONE BONE BOOOOOOOOOOONER...not GONE! Sigh~~~~~~~~~Just got me all shook UP! =)
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