Old Lady Mexican Hookers.

How come the skinny dying fuckers (SDF) always get the birds? must be a musician.

There was once a boy who while out watching his sheep with his lap top blogging away he decided it would be funny if he cried wolf, have you ever cried wolf? that's when yer tears come out wolf shaped, just like crocodile tears . I knew a gurl that cried poodle once but it was her period so she was well emotional also she had just ran out of milk and how can you eat chocolate without milk? for that's what separates us humans from the Slavs , you know what that's like.

So he was Blogging away and along came a spider and sat doon beside him so he took off his shoe and killed it like you do, so anyway most of yous didn't believe I was going anywhere which is fine because I never said when I was going to take two weeks off.
I read recently in a newspaper that 2007 was going to be the year Blogging gets burned out, its seems people think they have a lot to say and when asked to step up and say it everyday and making it interesting they falter, or can't take the pressure of posting all the time, it also said there are already 200 million ex bloggers and it will level out to 30 million active ones.
I of course e-mailed the paper in question which is a local one with high aspirations and naturally a fear of Interweb use. Yes I did tell them to fuck off, the example of the Blogger they used was quite sad no wonder he gave up. You would never admit to paying money in the cinema to watch 'The Devil wears prada' nevermind posting about it.
Yes Dive I will draft a constitution about what you can or can't draft about without looking like a woman (no offense to any weemen out there, you know I love you all, even you DH) anyway Weemen are allowed to post like weemen or like men, its a double standard so fuck off.

Where was I? oh yes I was stalking through the undergrowth looking for Charlie,I got my wish there he was standing in the pale moonlight wearing his customary black pajamas and talking to Jane Fonda. I aimed and shot a short burst from my M-16, and he fell like a sack of shit. Fonda freaked out I took out my trusty David Bowie knife and advanced on her. I'd teach her for making such shit films and being a traitor . Charlie was still alive, damn those M-16s and their crappy stopping power, AK-47s now they are the shit, why does the west use such small calibre weapons? because they aren't serious about winning.

Now being so close as to smell his piss stains from Charlie I saw he was wearing a paisley smoking jacket over his PJs , fuck sake! it wasn't Charlie it was Hugh Hefner my meds started to kick in and I remembered I was in Burbank studios advising on the latest movie 'Platoon 2 the return' a bit like Saving private Ryan but with Charlie Sheen (who I thought I had just killed) and it had an animated monkey that only he could see,It was a look at post traumatic stress disorder and jokes about throwing animated poo very hardcore. Ocsar material for sure.Fonda was there to protest something or other who cares? and Hefner was there to hook Sheen up with some hookers er I mean Playmates. The movie was scrapped for some reason, maybe for the shooting or the 10 hour stand off I don't know. I escaped to Canada, don't go there boring as fuck , and where do all these Muslims come from? even Sweden is full of them now. America rightly so said it doesn't want all those Iraqis displaced by the war but Sweden is soft as shite and doesn't even require you to speak the language.

Oh yeah that newspaper. I fully expect a centre page spread about the best Blog ever and how I'm the guilty pleasure of those on Bloglines who won't admit to reading me, yeah I know, with my lack of punctuation and harsh salty semen terms I'm just a bit of rough for you, snobby cunts.

This Blog needs to be pruned if its to last another year and it has way too much fertilizer on it, oh and it needs more minge.

Now that you thought you were going to lose my wisdom for two weeks (its never 2 weeks is it?) hopefully you've examined yer hearts and cum to the conclusion that you love me more than ever, now we can advance to the pay pal section of the Blog. I expected some cunts to go yay! as they are not in touch with their feelings but the rest of you just filled me with shame with the nice things you said as I would happily turn you all over to the KBG if things got a little rough or if money, sex , tea or pickles were mentioned, did I ever mention before how much I liked pickles?
Ok I've had enough attention, I'm bored now .

The boy that sat up on his hill crying wolf was very dear to me, for I was the man that used to rent him for sex, its ok he was 16 with parental consent and I was married so it wasn't like I was ghey , sheep blogging makes fuck all money which is why he was so dear to me, that lad grew up and became a movie star, £10 a pop which was big money back then, considering a packet of chewits cost 10p and you could buy penny chews. Ewan my lad you were worth it.

Speaking of which I have only mentioned Hitler in 2 posts of this Blog which is bad as he is such a hysterical wank stain just like yer American President Bush.
Hitler gave a new meaning to "eat shit and die".
Hitler had stomach problems as I have mentioned before so his personal Doctor took bacteria from shit of a 'vigorous' Bavarian peasant and put it into capsule form so Hitler would swallow it and the bacteria would grow and dominate Hitler's bowels and thus making him healthy , who hasn't had Doctors like that huh?

This information is totally true, it is my duty to ridicule such famous historical figures especially when neo nazis and white supremacists worship him .

This Blog is very important to the running of the world, depending on who I back or who I'm against my obvious influence is great, it is bigger than I am. I proclaimed this Blog Shilpa shetty friendly and now she has won Big Brother, I can only hope that she thanks me in person.

That blog of yours is massive. I'm not used to anything that size, me cumming from India and all .

Expect big changes on this Blog from now on, I can also promise you more of the same, so its the same old shite but totally different, tell yer friends.