Being a fine upstanding Presbyterian means automatic entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven with a good view of all the heathens burning away, nothing personal I didn't right the rules, so I can say anything about religion that I want to.
Moses was a bit of a control freak, do you remember how he climbed up Mount Sinai with those chisels stuck up his skirt to receive the word of God in stone tablets? pretty hard to swallow .
When he came back doon with his masonry work and found his fellow tribe members behaving like a 18 - 30 crowd at Ibiza. He went mental and broke the tablets that took him so long to make, can anyone say anger issues?
The symbolism for his big thick rod , solid wooden staff or snake even is quite obvious, all about the penis, it wasn't a hooded cobra, it was a circumcised trouser snake. Parting the Red sea is a reference to blood after something is parted with a wave of his wand. The plagues were probably all the STDs the fella had. Not only did he talk like an Egyptian but he walked the walk too.
Don't forget who he led out into the desert, the children of Israel, not the parents, you sick fucker , ladies and gentlemen I rest my case which is as plausible as the actual story.
Moses was a bit of a control freak, do you remember how he climbed up Mount Sinai with those chisels stuck up his skirt to receive the word of God in stone tablets? pretty hard to swallow .
When he came back doon with his masonry work and found his fellow tribe members behaving like a 18 - 30 crowd at Ibiza. He went mental and broke the tablets that took him so long to make, can anyone say anger issues?
The symbolism for his big thick rod , solid wooden staff or snake even is quite obvious, all about the penis, it wasn't a hooded cobra, it was a circumcised trouser snake. Parting the Red sea is a reference to blood after something is parted with a wave of his wand. The plagues were probably all the STDs the fella had. Not only did he talk like an Egyptian but he walked the walk too.
Don't forget who he led out into the desert, the children of Israel, not the parents, you sick fucker , ladies and gentlemen I rest my case which is as plausible as the actual story.
8 comments:
My mother used to use the term "trouser snake." Thanks for sending me back to therapy. Not only that, you had to reference the Bangles. Thanks for bringing back memories of a prom, old man. Thanks.
why aren't you writing the kiddies school texts Old K.? The ycould learn much from your salty wisdom and lateral thinking..
*non-sequiter*
How do you have your tea honey? I'll be right up..
sassy sundry trouser snake and prom, must of been a good one.
kimba you can't tell the kids today anything, milky and naked by the way.
you traitor, Old K. Thought i was making you tea.
As a public service, I printed several copies of this post and will shortly be going down to the local baptist church with my big pritt stick to add it as an addendum to their stock of bibles. The people have a right to know.
lynn I found it best not to limit myself to just one cup of tea at a time, if I did I wouldn't be being true to myself and you wouldn't want that.
Mr Waring good lad, I expect to recieve thankyou mails anytime now.
Blasphemer!
Again!
Thats what they called Lucifer too.
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