Its Not The Bowl That I Want To Lick.

Continuing with the sensitive gurly man posts that have been going around here is another.


Either that wallpaper goes or I do.

I was having tea with a lady friend of mine the other day, a Mrs Nunn a widow 3 times over , very unlucky they weren't that old either and all three died of strokes. I came over to her bungalow to give her company and to eat her home baked cakes and buns, she'd like to take it further but she isn't my type, not into the drinking and womanising but she bakes great stuff so I hang around, I'm just careful not to mention any other weemen as she has some anger problems.

We were watching some god awful cooking show but she had made this gorgeous Zulu cake so I didn't mind too much, the cook was some fat middle aged bint with a posh plumy accent talking as if she needed to blow out her nose all the time.
Mrs Nunn really likes her food and doesn't so much have an hour glass figure as more like a 2 litre Fanta bottle figure started to gesture and spray her cake across the room as she said, "shes fat, that means shes a good cook, never mind those skinny tramps with the bosoms".

Mrs Nunn isn't much of a talker, but she excels at discussing things that no semi interesting person would ever put into a conversation, she talks about things like feeding her cat and rinsing out her empty milk bottles,spice racks and lamps you know like the click next Blog topics.

As she continued to talk about the cook and how she had short finger nails my brain checked out. I thought about what I wanted in a TV cook. I want a female, shapely and curvy still a bit of life left in her, hygiene in the kitchen isn't as important as low cut tops and her getting splattered by cream of sung yung guy and licking the spoons in slow motion.


Here is something I'd like to get my teeth into.

I like that Nigella Lawson gurl, but I suspect she wears several of those body shaper corsets under her clothes as she would be a fat cook if her agent would let her, she always looks ready to burst out of what she is wearing which wouldn't be that bad and does lick her lips in close up slow motion as a good cook should.I would not want to see Fanny Craddock lick her lips because she may have been a pioneer of British cooking but she totally looks like a man.


Was she a he? was Fanny Craddock some in joke? who cares? with a name like Fanny you must be a right cunt.

I think cooking shows should also cater to those that are interested in a ham shank as those who actually follow the recipes, instead of calling yer show '30 minute meals' you can call it ' 5 minute wank with food ' .
Well anyway I reengaged in conversation with Mrs Nunn as I was hiding a stiffy under a cushion from all that thinking I was doing, she was going on about the proper way to cut a cauliflower and what do you know, in no time my boner had gone, I hate waste but what can you do ?