I Get The Children, You Can Have Wales.

Fergie, seconds before she ate these dogs.

I remember the time when you could only leave the royal family through death, it was like the Mafia or the CIA, this did cause Henry the 8th no end of trouble as his troublesome wives would not die off quick enough (we've all had that trouble) which is why it usually ended up with trumped up accusations and a beheading, it was always about a male heir for that bloke, kicking out the pope and starting up his own religion that makes him a L Ron Hubbard/Ian Paisley Tudor style.

This post is a rambling report about royal divorce and anything else that wades through my stream of consciousness and is done out of love and respect for the Royals who even though are inbreed ,snobby ,elitist, nazi, German ,parasites are a much needed part of British culture and as I have taken an oath* to be faithful and bear true allegiance and I will, as in duty bound, honestly and faithfully defend His Majesty, his Heirs and Successors, in person, Crown and dignity against all enemies, and will observe and obey all orders of his Majesty, his Heirs and Successors, and of the Generals and Officers set over me. So help me God*, I will have to kill anyone anti-royal, nothing personal.

Princess Victoria of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha and granddaughter to Queen Victoria fancied her first cousin grand Duke Kyril Vladimirovich, but because he was Russian Orthodox which had silly rules against two first cousins marrying Queen Victoria forbide it and fixed her up with a different cousin Prince Ernst Ludwig of Hesse.

Princess Victoria and Prince Ernst, doesn't she have the same kind of face as Elizabeth II when young?

Queen Victoria was one of histories great meddling schemers, she managed to get most of the great European Royal houses all related to her, in fact World War I was just a great big family feud.
Princess Victoria and Prince Ernst had a loveless marriage which produced two children that died young. Victoria still had a thing for Kyril who she saw at royal functions so taking a leaf out of Henry 8th's book she claimed her husband was homosexual and that she had caught him in bed with a male servant.
Divorce then was a big scandal, soon Victoria and Kyril ended up married. When the dirty Bolsheviks killed the Russian royal family the kissing cousins fled to Finland and then Germany, where of course Victoria got interested in the Nazi party.(all those royals do)The English Royal family being a bunch of Germans changed the name of their royal house from Saxe-Coburg-Gotha to the current Windsor in 1917 during World War I so the British People would see them as British and not German like the enemy.

Prince Edward of York, Duke of Rothesay, Prince of Wales, Duke of Earl and Lord of the Dance Settee. He served briefly in the trenches then went on a tour of the Empire gaining almost movie star status around the world and even having the big silly looking knot on his tie made famous with the name 'The Windsor knot'. He loved the ladies, mainly married ones, even when he was having a relationship with the married American woman Mrs Simpson he was still shagging lady Furness on the side.
Edward Duke of Windsor and Mrs Simpson, I left the throne for you and you no longer put out.

MI5 kept tabs on the the Prince and Mrs Simpson for the government.
King George V died in Jan 1936 and Edward became king the next day.
Mrs Simpson got a divorce but as they would not be allowed to marry by the government and the church of England (ironic as that was Henry the 8ths church and formed for the purpose of a royal divorce) Edward abdicated the English throne in Dec 1936 and the day after that abdicated as King of Ireland.
Not allowed to live in England the couple were exiled to France where they became good friends with Hitler, so the British government banished er installed Edward the Duke of Windsor to be governor of the Bahamas until the war was over, when the couple visited Florida the FBI did a covert surveillance operation on them, its even been suggested that Edward leaked secrets leading to the disaster at the Battle of Dunkirk.
( like the Alamo the people would shout "remember Dunkirk! it was a big deal at the time)
The Duke and Duchess ended up living a life of ease in Neuilly near Paris.

Princess Anne and Captain Mark Phillips, well he was actually a lieutenant but marrying a Princess gets you a promotion.

Princess Anne (with more horse DNA than human) married an army officer named Mark Phillips in 1973. In 1974 she was almost kidnapped by a nutcase called Ian Ball, he blocked the road using his handy dandy Ford Escort and shot her detective and chauffeur that both tried to disarm him then a passing journalist had a go and was shot, Ball told Anne to get out of the car and she said "not bloody likely", at that time another passerby punched Ball on the back of the head and got her to safety, a policeman tried to arrest Ball and also got shot, another peeler gave chase and got him, everyone that got shot lived and got medals, Ball was going to ransom her for 2 or 3 million (big money in those days) and was going to give it to the NHS, he must have been nuts. This has nothing to do with divorce but I like the story so fuck off.
They got divorced in 1992 and Anne remarried the same year,(makes you think huh?) she got married in the church of Scotland as the church of England are little bitches .


Charles and Diana, a more perfect couple you could never hope to find.

Charles and Diana being the most famous for the current generations. Charle's great-uncle Lord Mountbatten of Burma who was blown up by the IRA in 1979 had always told Charles to marry a young protestant virgin who would look up to him, lady Diana Spencer was perfect, and they make a couple as cringe worthy as Tom and Katie in the What the fuck? category.
They married in 1981 and it was lovely, I still have a cup with their faces on it knocking about here somewhere. The divorce was finalised in 1996, and I'm not even going to mention how the fucking hippies killed sweet Di in France, her and the Arab were just friends, got it?
Charles went on to have sex with Dragon ladies and in 2005 married one.
Charles will only be king when Elizabeth II dies and by then he'll be a really old geezer and will anyone care?

Whose skirt would you rather see up? and who would have the biggest penis?

The last and the most sad of the Royal marriages/divorces was in 1986 with Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson, during their separation the British Tabloids tore her apart for toe sucking and being fat, their divorce was finalised in 1996. She went on to write books on a helicopter named Budgie and to promote weight watchers, she did the old charity shit thing so the press can't say boo about you because you're a fucking saint.
She posed naked with some jewels and a pair of Jimmy choo shoes in a book for an aids charity even though the Sun newspaper put out a petition begging her to 'keep em on', she has since got a
crystal methamphetamine addiction and joined the group called 'The black Eyed peas' and sings in a most undignified way about her lady lumps, using her name 'The Duchess' to sell records (as the young people call them) she shakes her booty wearing crotchless trousers dousing the first two rows of the audience with golden showers, disgraceful, and if anyone has any spare tickets e-mail me.

Fergie and her lady lumps.


* this is taken from the oath of Attestation that is said by all those entering the British armed forces*