Evil Phoned In Sick

Old Knudsen has made it through the deadly 'November II' , the only thing to happen was that the toilet cistern ran a bit, I fiddled with my ball cock then after I went and fixed the toilet, and I got my lecky bill (electricity to you people) so no big disasters. I can post til those cows come home, then we'll eat the cows and I'll post some more. Enjoy this post, I'm off to have a nice long bath, I'm a little hungry so I'll bring in the toaster and a loaf of bread and make toast while I soak, thankyou for all your concerns, except FootEater, hes a cunt.




Old Knudsen is so old he remembers when he and some of his drunken friends tried to make the world's biggest cup of tea in Boston harbour, it was only a wee prank.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers Davey jones and his foot locker before he got a beatle's haircut and joined the Monkees

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers saying to God, "its dark in here, how about some light?"

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers when they did circumcision for silly made up religious reasons, not silly made up hygiene reasons.

Old Knudsen is so old the cars all ate oats and shat in the street and a hybrid was a Mule.

Old Knudsen is so old the only ones that wore hoodies robbed from the rich and gave to the poor.

Old Knudsen is so old you didn't need the Chunnel, you could walk to France on the ice sheets.

Old Knudsen is so old, never mind national ID cards he remembers saying, "birth certificates, it will never happen" .

Old Knudsen is so old that trepanning went out of style and came back, if you don't believe him, check out the hole in his head.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers making up the expression, "I need that like I need a hole in the head" just before they trepanned him.

Old Knudsen is so old back street abortions were done with wooden coat hangers.

Old Knudsen is so old he apprenticed to be a flint knapper (fucking bronze age)

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers the outrage when a lady had a warobe malfunction and her ankle showed. (I had a stiffy for days)

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers King Harold (Harefoot), King Philip of Mycenae, The Norse God Odin and Lord Nelson as spokesmen for a top brand of eye drops.

Old Knudsen is so old he can remember when Lord Nelson lay there dying and said those famous last words," kiss me Hardy" I looked around at all the salty seamen in their tight flared trousers and said, "that is so gay" .

Old Knudsen is so old that he remembers when Dickens was the most prolific blogger.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers telling Queen Victoria, " wearing black really does make you look slimmer".

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers when the expression 'surfs up' meant your servant was up cleaning the chimney.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers telling Sir Walter Raleigh, "don't worry, Queen Elizabeth never holds a grudge , shes really mellowed out", shortly afterwards they cut off his head.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers Adam saying to his docile wife Eve," you know you could stand to lose a few pounds, lay off the burgers and pasta and just eat fruit for a while.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers Adam's first wife Lilith leaving him to go off to shag Demons because he said she looked fat.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers Jesus as being the David Blaine of his day.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers freaking out Joan of Arc by standing behind a wall and throwing his voice, I wonder what ever became of little Joanie.

Old Knudsen is so old he remembers when he was in Salem he was misheard and actually called the woman a 'bitch' , it would of been embarrassing to try to tell them otherwise.


I hope this and the fact that I'm still alive will cheer some people up, many bloggers have the blues and blame the time change or S.A.D. or both, but I blame El Nino and Venus in Uranus.

The picture of evil above looks a little like David Blaine, for some reason hes gone off the rails but still carries them about, as you can see he is getting his hanky out to blow his nose, even Zombies get snot, but those shoes and that shirt, what was he thinking? what an outfit to die in.