All The Lonely People.

This is what happy people look like, even porkers with sideburns deserve happiness.

If there is one thing that chaps Old Knudsen's thighs its people putting up Youtube instead of a post, my telly works ok I don't need your help I come onto your blog for your thoughts not a video clip, well no actually its bloggers saying they can't think of anything to blog about and dragging their feet around all depressed about winter and the Christmas hols. I am reminded of a school kid on the summer holidays going up to their parents and saying, "I'm bored" and only going away when told ,"if you're bored then clean your room". If you're over 22 then you may have done something in your life worth writing about, so now I'm going to tell you about 2 miserable times I had at the landmark holiday/celebration times in my life, if you don't have anything to blog about write yours up then your current miseries may not be so bad, I doubt all your christmas' were white, and no sad stories of how your old dog died at christmas unless it dies in a really funny way.


Do you know how I spent my 17th birthday? well I'll tell you, I was in the Glasshouse, for those civies out there that's a military prison, I was left to the whims of the crazed sergeants and corporals of the military police, if you know anything about the British army you'll know that the MPs and the physical education NCO's (Non commissioned officers corporals etc) are the meanest and most sadistic of the lot and that's saying something, why let a poor soldier do things the easy way when you can make their life hell instead? that was their thinking, give an asrehole a little power and that's what happens.

Just look at this stupid bint, thinks she can smoke where ever she wants, thats an abuse of power that is.

Me and my fellow prisoners were dressed in green coveralls and made to run all over the camp picking up trash and cigarette butts, then we had to go to a nearby field where the General likes to swing his golf club and look for stray golf balls, all the while being treated like shit by the NCO's and any soldiers that we passed, great for a 17 year old's psyche.

At least they got taken for a walk.

I was incarcerated for a week, not that long considering what I did, what did you do? I hear you shout, I shot a man to watch him die, shocked? I then received the nickname Notoriously Dangerous Knudsen, or N.D. Knudsen, you're not buying any of this are you? well its true except I only shot a fellow soldier in the foot and that was by accident, ND actually stands for Negligent discharge, and the nickname did stick, they would have thrown me out but they needed all the fit young healthy men they could find to go and die for their country in the trenches of France.
Thankfully most of my regiment got wiped out at Ypres and only those that knew my nickname didn't know where it came from so I became Notoriously Dangerous which I remain to this day.


Iceman once told me I was dangerous, I told him to fuck off and get fat, which he promptly did.

One Christmas I was working at the Chipper (chip shop) on Christmas eve and when I was done it was too late to buy food as all the shops had closed(small town) and the day that X-mas was on was no where near a pay day so I was broke. My family were too far away and hadn't invited me over, an over sight or they just assumed I didn't need an invite, well I didn't ask as I have pride so I retired to my small lonely bed sit and looked at the food I had, the chip shop was going to be closed on Christmas day so no fish and chips on the sly. For Christmas dinner I had some rice covered with gravy (the same thing I had for breakfast) the last of my flat coke and I settled down to watch TV, only shite on, even the Queen did a half arsed job in her speech, " my husband and I, yadda yadda warm regards to the British people yadda yadda stretch it out yadda yadda" yes she actually said yadda yadda, so I went for a walk around the 5 or 6 shops in the main street, none where open of course. I got to sneer at the other sad lonely fuckers walking their dogs and then I thought, well at least they have dogs, the bastards.

Do the beautiful people ever get lonely at Christmas? fuck I hate them and their perfect looking ways, I bet her farts even smell nice.

My family never mentioned that Christmas, I'm not even sure they noticed that I wasn't there, so I will post on Christmas day and if everyone is too busy having unchristian fun at the expense of little baby Jesus to click on my blog, whatever, I'm sure I'll get some sad pathetic excuse of a person looking for love in all the wrong places and I will make them laugh and thus be put in the express lane of 12 sins or less into Heaven.


This is the lovely young lady that I'll be spending the holidays with, assuming shes not all booked up, they call her the Abroath rollercoaster, how dare you judge me you aren't me you don't know my pain, she is the reason my blog isn't called Old Bitter Blue Balls, its a medical condition I have, shes like an occupational therapist that the NHS won't cover because shes not old and dried up, she s hot and sexy .