You will be Asstimulated.

Dear Ask knudsen

I'm a 32 year old male who for some reason cannot find a female mate to join my collective, I think my mother may put them off when I bring them home.
When I'm alone I half fill balloons with water and put them under my shirt and fondle them pretending that they are the breasts of Star Trek Voyager's Seven of Nine, is this normal and what can I do to attract chicks?


Lord Yorgar of the flixal empire (aka Jason) Michigan


Dear Jason, is humping a jar of raw liver normal?, don't waste my fucking time, of course not being normal doesn't make it wrong. (a kind word for all my homo readers)
I think you should take your mother aside and adjust her attitude, maybe get her to make some scones, she may indeed be jealous which makes you a bit of a Playa.

If in doubt try Pernod and Blackcurrant.