I was enjoying my weekly e-mail from Fat Sparrow, as usual she had been drinking and telling me of all the famous people she had banged back in the day, she didn't realize that David Frost was such a big name in Britain otherwise he would have got more than just a pity diddy wank, there 'is' a reason I've been telling her that her web cam doesn't work at my end, oh the horror , then she goes on to say about if I don't get funnier with my posts she'll cut off my link, Sparrows look so cute but can be very brutal, as with all her other mails this one ended talking about her woman parts, Herpes and flare up was mentioned.
Old Knudsen had to do a search on herpes, I could only find a crescent shaped rash on the base of my penis, not sure if its herpes though, I needed a medical expert, I called Billy one ear, he was a doctor of sorts, he had his own home service lipo suction business, it was featured on Crimewatch, you know you really have to be careful just who you let into your home.
Billy warned me that Americans are infested with Herpes, its one of the many viruses that Bill Gates passed on to the computers when he was making them. Gavin has told me about downgrading porno pictures on the Interweb and getting viruses, but I heard if you clean your keyboard afterwards you'll be safe, sometimes it really needs itttt oops the ttt keeps stticking, that manmuck gets everywhere, that Dr Miriam Stoppard , I'd like to cut and paste all over that one alright.
Billy warned me that herpes can arc like electricity so I had better make sure the shoe I wore had a rubber shoe, he then went on to tell me that he was going down the Kings Road today and some guy rear ended him, I hung up on the dirty bastard, he doesn't even have a car.
My sister Muriel had the herpes, during the war the American G.I.s that would want to date my sis kept giving me Hershey bars to keep me happy, that got them a dry hump at her, nylons and ciggarettes that's when we made the big bucks, and Muriel was a hard wee worker, always ready to please, that all stopped when I had to go and fight Hitler, that wee fucker was a biter, anyway a Canadian airman got Muriel up the duff and had to marry her, well it was the polite thing to do, and you know those Canadians, thank the lord it wasn't a Yank.
Anyway get one of those rubber keyboard covers if you don't want to catch anything, and if Fat Sparrow wants you to connect to her web cam, for the love of God say no.
Sunday, 3 September 2006
Golden Rule, clean your tool.
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3 comments:
Ah Shit, did I hit that publish button again?, I thought it said Polish, nothing wrong with whacking a pole as me father said, my father loved me, he used to called me his 'chum', it was much later I learned that he wanted to cut me up and feed me to the fish, though I think it was in an affectionate way, anyway, what were you saying,? oh I'll have half a stout, I'm all bunged up.
For crying out loud, will the two of you just shtup each other and have done with it?
I'm game if you are Mr eater, we'll get a couple of bottles of 'beat the wife' and pluck the old bird, but if she lays an egg I'm gone, I'll fry me eggs not raise them.
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