Wednesday, 27 September 2006

Read My Lips


Old Knudsen doesn't watch his T.V. with the sound turned all the way up so loud that people outside can guess how much the items will be on the Antiques Roadshow, I'm not deaf yet but I do prefer to use captions for the hard of hearing.

The transcribers on some of the programmes either leave parts out or just give up, swear words may be blocked from the sound but sometimes you can still read them, do these people typing away drink alot? if Old Knudsen can tell when something is spelt wrongly then it must be bad, here are some examples.

On the weather report they foretold a 'chance of rape' I bathed and clipped me toenails but Old Knudsen was left sad and unmolested, then there was the 'nature of the STBLX' what the fuck? word verification again? now I didn't do much book learnin but I'm pretty sure that's not a word, work these ones out.

'The man cop rated', 'The woman and her Todd lir', '200 beards recovered' and has anyone ever said to you, "its smell like something crawled up you and died?" (I get it all the time) well the captions have a name for it 'Die Rearia'.

9 comments:

The Dog of Freetown said...

I've always wanted a job doing that. Imagine the possibilities. I'm quite fond of the man who does the signing on crap shows like Hollyoaks - most of the time he's doing it proper, but then sometimes he seems to just find the whole lark ridiculous and makes a big wanker gesture at the viewer. Great work! Now why isn't this blog subtitled?

Old Knudsen said...

Signing is one thing, I'm sure there are some rules that say deaf people have the right to watch T.V. but why do the signers have to make the silly faces?

Fat Sparrow said...

"Now why isn't this blog subtitled?"

It is, you just have to read between the lines. And it's subliminal, too. Haven't you noticed that strange urge to moon people since you started reading Old Knudsen? I know I have.

Foot Eater said...

Haven't you noticed that strange urge to moon people since you started reading Old Knudsen?

The strange urge to throw myself down a hundred-foot tube lined with fish hooks, maybe.

Old Knudsen said...

Fat Sparrow, having seen your web cam performances acne cream and shaving might be an idea.

Mr Eater, go with your urges.I took off word verification for this?

I write this crap and it gives me the urge to masterbate in public, well nothing new there.

The Dog of Freetown said...

I knew that tramp in York was you! You sly beggar.

Old Knudsen said...

York is too nice and quaint a place to have tramps, thats why I was asked down, hey mucker, ya got 20p?

Fat Sparrow said...

"Fat Sparrow, having seen your web cam performances acne cream and shaving might be an idea.

Old Knudsen, I added on the pimples and hair just for you, as I know your proclivities.

Old Knudsen said...

Yeah and I'm wearing an old man's false face.