Praise Is Rising

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It's Sunday which is a day of worship in some of yer human cultures. A day where you have to pretend not to like naked bodies cos that's sinful. Hey I didn't make up the rules some repressed alien, probably with mother issues passing himself off as a god did.  

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All the more reason to post naked bodies. 

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I'm proud of the research that goes into my posts. Now for here are some that soccer fans may be interested in. 

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Ya know .... blokes.

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 Maybe it's time for Wayne Rooney to fill in the rest of his Union flag tattoo or is he going to leave it bare like his thatch job?

Old Knudsen doesn't judge, though it is obvious you need help. Yer love of teams that promise to win then fail time after time sounds like an abusive relationship to me.  We'll do better next time baby, I promise.  

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One thing you can depend on, barbarian rape .... not Bavarian as that is just not right.

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And climax. How was it for you? .... ach like I care, I'm just pretending to be nice (fucking meds) now pop doonstairs and put the kettle on.

Knocknagoney Residents Are Not Racist

A spokesman for residents of the Knocknagoney area of East Belfast vehemently denies any claims of racism after signs of 'Local houses 4 local people' were put up on a house that a Nigerian man was to move into.

The spokesman who refused to give his name said, "It was a total coincidence that he was a coloured, what we want is for local people who need re-housed to be given special priority as they are better than everyone else, the Sinn Fien run media have twisted our words in order for us to look bad now they want to bring in darkies to breed the Loyalist people out! "  


Don't worry, Old Knudsen is here to clear up any confusion.

Simply The Best Value In Drugs

 

 A historical UVF flag.

It's marching season again in Northern Ireland which means yet more flags attached to lamp posts.

These flags are not to celebrate anything but are really just criminal gangs marking their territory with their gang colours. The police would do something about it but they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause any trouble ... they're nice in that respect. 
Most people's idea of tolerance here is UVF and UDA (rival gangs) flags on the same street, aye my people are right cunts and no mistake, I blame the immigrants.  

 

The UDA which is a paramilitary criminal gang added the words 'simply the best' to their flags and love to pogo dance to the Tina Turner tune, much to the disgust of the singer and her management. When asked to stop using it the UDA merely laughed at them as you'd expect. "Take us to court? you mustn't like yer knees a lot." 

I understand why the UVF would use The three stooges on their flag as everybody laughs at them but 'Simply the best?' it sounds like a commercial for something. 

You've tried the rest of the drug dealing thick necked thugs now try the best!

Simply the best at Dune stores, better value everyday. 

When I see those flags and read the words, I don't think about the UDA, I get Tina Turner's song in my head, still it could have been worse, it could have been the Macarena or Agadoo .... fucks sake now I've got that in me head, Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree , Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee, To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees ..... just leave me, go on without me, just tell yer wife I loved her, for 5 minutes then I kicked her out of the car... Ka-Chow!  Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody.

Old Knudsen Reviews The Monuments Men

The Monuments Men is a movie about Frank Stokes who goes to the US president with an idea of saving priceless works of art from being destroyed or stolen during the last months of WW II. They have to save the paintings and sculptures because what kind of future would we have if yadda yadda yadda, they like art and think that you should too.

It turns out that Frank Stokes is based on George Leslie Stout who happens to be the second cousin, three times removed of George Clooney and they both had mustaches. Clooney wrote, directed, produced and made the tea for this film so I guess that means that he can be the lead.

The historical accuracy according to Clooney is 80% correct but in reality there were about a few dozen officers and men rather than seven and it wasn't just created in 1944 by the Americans with a Brit and a Frenchie as tokens, the British had been working at saving art since 1942 .... as usual yer late again America.

As mentioned in the movie, Clooney is a little too old to be at the front but since most of the fighting has been done they might make it through.

Clooney envokes the Oceans 11 movies and one by one enlists a team via a corny montage to go to Europe. Matt Damon is recruited as his eye candy and some older, more decrepit but expendable faces become the team of American, British and French art lovers.

    Nailed it.

Cate Blanchett is seen as a French woman who is working for the Nazis, her finer moment was when she was told to fetch a champagne glass for one of the Nazis and when she gets it she spits into it then offers it to another gurl to spit into ..... cut to scene of Nazi enjoying his champagne unawares. 

Blanchett is perfect as usual with a thin layer of civility hiding her anger and contempt of the art stealing Nazis. Hitler is losing the war but thinks he can still have a really good museum if he puts his mind to it..... maybe an amusement park with a water slide too. 

She has to trust someone if she is ever going to have the works of art returned to France but with the Nazis and the Russians stealing everything who can she trust? 

The eye candy is sent in to get her trust so he can find out where the Nazis might have hidden the art. A good line is when Damon says, "If it wasn't for us you'd be speaking German" Blanchett replies, "No, I'd be dead but still speaking French."

Not enough to save the movie though, what a slow paced, boring, indulgent piece of shit and Old Knudsen likes Clooney, Damon and Blanchett. 

Clooney's make up was just weird, his face was all Caucasian flesh coloured with his makeup quite heavy yet his forehead was the usual brown and leather like. He isn't aging on screen very well as they keep getting him at the most unflattering angles in his recent movies.

They did the obligatory standing on a mine scene but it was Damon standing on it, would they really blow up Matt fucking Damon?    

 The real monuments men looking a lot more able than those in the movie.

Only the Brit and the Frog gets killed .... like I said, expendable. The older gentlemen who we are to believe went through boot camp play their military service for laughs as they dander around clueless as if they are in their garden rather than a cuntry at war.  John Goodman is too fat for war and looks like a walking heart attack, Bob Balaban is too old and frail for war as is Bill Murray, all three are in their 60's but seem a lot older. 

Life is too short for this movie, I gave up caring if any art got returned. Clooney is asked if a Madonna statue was worth the life of the soldier who died (in a really stupid way) trying and save it, Clooney said that the soldier would have thought so .....  me? I'd say no but a Cher statue would be.

Did Clooney kill off his people in stupid pointless ways to illustrate how terrible war is? maybe they just weren't famous enough to live. 

Five million pieces of art were rescued at the end of the movie, I didn't stay to watch the end as I felt as if I had personally spent a year of my life watching this slow paced film with it's phoned in wooden acting. 

        

Is Obama Crazy?

White facing a black person isn't racist if he's half white. 

Recently Fox news had on a psychologist on to give her valued and expert opinion on Barack Obama. I don't know for how long she has been treating him as they didn't say .... oh what? you mean she isn't his Doctor?

Did they get some twat with a degree in Geography who calls themselves a Doctor to take a few swipes at Obama? 

It turns out that Dr Gina is qualified, going by yer website though according to the Internet so is Old Knudsen or Dr Knudsen if you like and his cock is massive and has a PhD in pleasure..... according to the Internet.

She gives her opinion on everything it seems .... do I smell some competition? You can book her to speak at yer event and you can buy her book What weemen really want.  Old Knudsen could tell you that one easily enough. Weemen want someone who understands why they need to always have plenty of toilet paper in the hoose and they want to be dominated but in a subtle way that suggests they have a free will but they don't really . Hey I'm just going by society and organized religion on that one.

 

She says about Obama," I am very concerned about the mental stability of this president some of his behavior seems irrational beyond that of a typical narcissistic arrogant I'm the leader of a big country and I feel tyrannical at the moment kind of attitude." 

I'm sure glad that Dr Gina (sounds like a dominatrix) isn't my doctor. I like how the typical narcissistic arrogant I'm the leader of a big country and I feel tyrannical at the moment kind of attitude is acceptable but anything else is in her words, " erratic, irrational and anti-American  not exactly what we might want to deem sane."

So if you do shit that she doesn't like or wouldn't do then yer irrational and anti-American? Is it not anti-American to say that the President is anti-American? You'd be in a gulag if you said that on Russian TV .... not about the president, ach you get the idea. When the president starts putting people into gulags (Gitmo doesn't count) then you can call him anti-American.

Just recently on BBC Radio 5 a host had someone on who was anti-fracking, the bloke was quite reasonable and told how the British government are trying to shut the fracking protesters up by making protests illegal and how they are trying to change the laws so they can frack under people's houses without their permission. The radio host Peter Allen mumbled to his co-host "I think we have a loony here" ..... was that necessary? Belittling someone instead of listening to their point of view. Who do you think you are cunt breath, me?

Excuse me if I don't just fall into line with state run radio channels or some bint on a Republican biased channel with a Republican agenda to sell.

On the Fox show their real agenda was soon shown and it wasn't the mental health of the president. "So what did Obama have to say about Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi?" .... "Not a word, despite all the signatures."

Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi is a US Marine who tried to cross into Mexico with 3 legally held firearms in his truck, the Mexican authorities take that shit seriously and so locked him up.

Many think that certain laws shouldn't apply to those who have served their country and think that Obama should threaten to go to war with Mexico over it and call him insane for not having done so. So along with hashtags (#dumbjarheads) they have also signed a petition to have him released, ach it makes them feel useful.
How did that petition for the US to build a Deathstar go? 

From Old Knudsen's point of view, Obama is sane. Not a very competent president but there hasn't been one of those since Clinton and he was a total wab ..... he was good with the economy and interns but wasn't hard enough on Al-Qaeda during the 90's.

Obama took office amid promises of hope and change with people thinking he was going to be great because he was black, they forgot that though he was black he was also a lawyer.
I think Obama was overwhelmed at the inability to do anything and the lack of Republican help to make changes made things worse.

The Republicans being whiny backstabbing little bitches, Obama inherited a country almost bankrupt and in two un-winnable wars that he didn't start which all turned him into the man you see today. A man who will smile and tell you what you want to hear even if he means to do the opposite. He's a survivor and will sacrifice you if he has to.

Are you sure he isn't a Republican?

In his last term as Preez, that's when presidents start to panic about their legacy and how they'll be remembered.  When Sgt Tahmooressi gets released (the last dumb Marine to do this served 4 months) and released he'll get, sure the White house might very well be there to take the credit, just like how Reagan took the credit for the release of the Iranian hostages but it was Jimmy Carter who put in all the work.

Dr Gina needs to worry about the Fox news channel more than she does with Obama as those people need a lots of medication and therapy. 


  

Sand Boy Makes It Big

2009 yer in a US detention camp getting water boarded and beaten when you think how will I ever get a job after this? people won't want to hire an ex-con.
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi probably thought this during his release in 2009. He said goodbye to the reservists who were guarding him and as a testament on how close he got to his captives he said, "I’ll see you guys in New York," wow, talk about winning the hearts and minds of the people.

Major Tard who was head of the detention camp said, "Our catch and release system means that we teach former terrorists to respect the west by torture and the desecration of all they hold dear, they love it and we can sleep at night knowing that the mission has been accomplished."

I don't know if he ever got to travel to New York to see his friends but if they saw him today they would no doubt feel very proud.
Going from an ex-con with nothing, Baghdadi saw a niche and filled it and became CEO of a growing concern named ISIS.
I wonder if troops think back and say, 'just to think I had this guy handcuffed to a bed with my gun at his head, I am so glad I didn't shoot him by mistake.' 

ISIS be all that you can be. 

ISIS became popular quickly mostly due to it's well targeted infomercials. Their training program is better than other groups who promise Jihad and ISIS are very well funded so expect high a level of equipment and product to meet the demands of the ever growing market place.

Baghdadi recently released a video of the 1,400 Iraqi soldiers they executed to show the world that even though the competition is fierce, ISIS is determined to be number one. First we had CIA trained Osama Bin Laden who went on to become head of Al-Qaeda and now this. The American dream is alive and well in the Middle east. Unlike the west, these guys want to win, we have a lot to learn.

Lets hope the 5 prisoners recently released from Gitmo can make just as big of a name for themselves as Baghdadi has.    



 

Kill Homeless People

 I'm a little fed up at seeing these spikes and people's reaction to them. Metal spikes put into the ground to stop homeless people from sleeping there.  By the way people are reacting you'd think that Bergen Belson had reopened it's doors for business or something.

"Oh no, these are human beings who deserve more"   as if their human rights were being walked over, Tesco was branded as being anti-homeless  ..... as opposed to being pro-homeless I suppose.

People who lock doors are anti-home invasion .... shame on them. 

Yes I support homeless people and think they should be allowed to sleep in all the doorways, in fact more people should be homeless and if you don't think so then yer a bigot.
I blame grain, back when mankind were hunter gatherers they didn't have time to waste of silly shit but now they don't have to spend their days trying to survive they can dander around trying to take offense at anything they can.

A Tesco in London had the spikes on their window sills to discourage anti-social behaviour, it wasn't as if anyone was sleeping on the narrow ledge it was no doubt to prevent teens from sitting there all day.
Some liberal types came along all offended and poured concrete over them. They intended on drowning the spikes but I guess their knee jerk reaction was clouding their thinking as the concrete was too thick to smooth out and they had to leg it.

  Saw some liberals buying cement and buckets, they didn't have any change to spare, need dislike button :(  

If you have been outraged by spikes in the ground then GET A LIFE! when was the last time you invited some toothless hobo with a dead rat collection home for Thanksgiving dinner? When have you gone up to someone who is living on the streets and offered them a bed for the night ... hookers don't count, well they do count the money you give them, a suspicious untrusting lot they are. 

Hey cracker, you ignore my cup that means yer a racist!

Strangely enough I don't want some dirty, smelly, hairy bloke sleeping outside of my hoose and I doubt any businesses want their customers getting hassled for change when they do the weekly shopping. They don't shit and piss where they sleep but they do it near by.
In Callyfornia I had to make sure no one was sleeping in the bushes beside my hoose, not only do they leave their trash but they'll steal anything of yers that isn't nailed doon. Some dirty git was shitting in the bushes, boy did he have stomach issues going by the poop. There was someone else who left a bunch of kittens.
Aye before you know it you've got a mattress and tarps erected at the end of yer garden. If they didn't leave when I told them to or if it was too dark to go into the bushes looking for a hobo with a knife then I'd turn the hose on the bushes.

Trampling over their human rights? ..... the fuck I was they didn't pay an ounce of rent so fuck off they can.

Like in the UK if yer homeless in the US you will receive help from the government. Many who are homeless stay that way because they don't want to address their addiction problems are fucking nuts or prefer that way of life.
There are plenty of hard luck stories out there but they are running out of excuses because there is help to be had.

The homeless people at the Twaddell civil rights camp in Belfast... move them on.  

Spikes on the street are not a big deal and don't hurt anyone, now there have been plenty of stories about hobos getting set on fire, that is a serious issue as melted hobo is difficult to clean up. I've seen plenty of places with metal guards on window sills but because they are spikes then folks don't like em. I've seen marble benches with metal balls on them to stop skateboarders from grinding, what about their human skating rights?

You have park benches and bus shelter benches with dividers so people can't sleep on them, in fact many of the benches at the bus shelters are only 5 inch wide shelves that you can barely sit on never mind sleep on..... where is the outrage?  Spikes, people react to spikes without thinking.  

You don't live here so don't set up yer hippy occupy camp and stop looking at my children. If I wake up to find some friendly homeless person lying in my flower beds I'll politely ask him to move on ... with me boot up his hole of course. Wise up people, if you don't like it that hobos are not welcome in many doorways of homes and businesses then take them home with you.  "I ain't had good food like this since prison, yer wife is real purdy I bet she knows exactly what to do in the sack with does pert little titties, Am I right huh? oh I phoned a couple of pals who are down on their luck too, they'll be over in a bit, much appreciated."     

No Jiggity

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On this day of worship please give yer attention to gravity and the effects that it has on the human body. This post is fucking science bitches!

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Check out the molecules on that!

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Smells like teen spirit put on a few pounds. 

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A bit of jiggle is fine, just don't put anyone's eye out. 

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There is one thing that I have learned from this scientific post.

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Is that gravity can be down right scary at times..... I can't look away. 

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I don't remember Sandra Bullock having this trouble, if she did that Gravity movie might have been a lot better.

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What goes up must cum down, if it takes longer than 4 hrs to cum down, brag about it before going to see yer doctor. 

Islamist Profile ISIS

Roadside execution by ISIS

The Jihadi insurgents known as The Islamic State of Iraq in Syria (ISIS) and sometimes known as The Islamic State of Iraq in the Levant" (ISIL) are the ones to watch if yer looking for a career move. The UK has just announced a round of cuts for the armed forces so you can always go and join ISIS. 

Originally called the ISI, it was created from al-Qaeda forces against the west during the Iraq war/liberation but has grown, and moved into Syria to fight against the government of Bashar al-Asswipe.

ISIS grew from ISI and got so big and scary that Ayman al-Zawahiri, the leader of what is left of al-Qaeda disavowed it. To quote al-Zawahiri, "Those ISIS motherfuckers are a bad influence on my men, I don't like em."

The thing about ISIS is that they are organised, they have taken control of half of Iraq including one of it's main cities Mosul in what could be compared to a Nazi Blitzkrieg attack as it was so fast. 

They go in and kill whatever police and army are dumb enough not to have fled, they have lists of names of security forces and set up roadside checkpoints, executing anyone suspicious like the bloke in the first picture, I'm sure they aren't too worried if they get it wrong now and then. 

The Iraqi Kurds in the north are trying to keep ISIS in check and won the city of Kirkuk for now. ISIS are fighting a war on two fronts in Syria and in Iraq and seem to be doing a pretty good job, the brutality of Sharia law that they impose in any gained territory and just plain brutality for the sake of it puts enough fear into the people that no one wants to fight back. 

 

It isn't just the Islamists that the people need to flee from but the Iraqi government usually plan a massive bombing campaign if an area has been taken. People really do get in the way of a good war don't they?

The UK founded the state of Iraq but don't want to get involved, the US have already liberated the fuck out of it and really don't want to get involved either but of course they will but in a less public way with airstrikes and drones. Drones over Pakistan, Mali, Nigeria, Iraq ..... and everywhere in between. 
Everytime US troops set boots doon in one of those butt fuck sandy places the Islamist cause gains more followers. It is thought that ISIS has 3,000 -5,000 crazy fucks fighting for them in Iraq. 

 

 Iron man having retired means there is no one to save the people.

ISIS already have the towns of Dhuluiya, Ramadi and Falluja but Mosul is Iraq's second city and is home to a very worried Christian community who fear being made into martyrs, it also has Iraq's largest oil refinery that gives Baghdad most of it's energy ....... Nice strategy guys.

Gaining Mosul is a symbolic tea bagging the Iraqi government. If it wasn't for the Kurds they would have Kirkuk which is another oil town but the Kurds have their own plans for that place.