Praise Is Rising

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It's Sunday which is a day of worship in some of yer human cultures. A day where you have to pretend not to like naked bodies cos that's sinful. Hey I didn't make up the rules some repressed alien, probably with mother issues passing himself off as a god did.  

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All the more reason to post naked bodies. 

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I'm proud of the research that goes into my posts. Now for here are some that soccer fans may be interested in. 

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Ya know .... blokes.

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 Maybe it's time for Wayne Rooney to fill in the rest of his Union flag tattoo or is he going to leave it bare like his thatch job?

Old Knudsen doesn't judge, though it is obvious you need help. Yer love of teams that promise to win then fail time after time sounds like an abusive relationship to me.  We'll do better next time baby, I promise.  

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One thing you can depend on, barbarian rape .... not Bavarian as that is just not right.

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And climax. How was it for you? .... ach like I care, I'm just pretending to be nice (fucking meds) now pop doonstairs and put the kettle on.

Willie Frazer Just Wants To Watch The World Burn

When the Orange Order (or cult for fuckwits as I like to call them) called for civil disobedience no one knew what the fuck they were on about.
Our First Minister Peter Robinson, the one who called for the exact same thing last December has warned everyone not to do it this year cos he hasn't done his Christmas shopping yet . Old Knudsen who is deep under cover on several flegger pages and friends with many fleggers on Facebook has found out what they are up to.
If the fleggers could spell then this could spell The End. 

The Loyalists have shown who they are loyal to since it isn't our loverly Queen .... it's the Daleks!

I'm sure the top picture gave it away, then again my 3 readers aren't too bright, yes I'll put up some tits soon. For fucks sake, I'm an artist!

Exterminate! exterm-m8!  (M8 = mate for those who don't speak retard)

 We've got a man down ... aw fuck is that his testicle hanging off there? I'm gonna boak!

One of the iconic pictures of the war against themins is the water cannon blasting a wheelie bin, er sorry a Dalek through the air. According to Loyalists it was just going to the shaps when the peelers blasted it and it landed on an old man in a wheelchair and 2 small children ...... though no one except them saw it and no one went to hospital.  

Now to blow yer minds, Willie Frazer or Frazos as he is known in the Dalek community is the mastermind behind all the civil unrest, flag protests and parade riots ...... no it wasn't the UVF or the Orange Order, they aren't intelligent or powerful enough to hold sway over the mindless masses. Too busy selling drugs and selling hypocrisy, respectively.  

Did you really he was stupid enough to turn up to a court hearing dressed as a pirate and calling the judge me heartie ? 

Did you really take him as a mumbling bumbling culchie who set his on car on fire and threw paint on his own hoose to blame the Fenians?  ...... well ok you may be right there. 

Frazos is an evil mastermind ... there is no IRA he made up the whole thing. Sorry you Fenian cocksucking cowards but you don't exist and never did. Yer programmed jello with artificial intelligence and flavouring. 

Don't worry, Old Knudsen has used his Timelard abilities and got these armour upgrades from the future for the police to fight the Daleks. What could possibly go wrong? 

My Almost Rape Terror!!

Arghh avast with ye RPG.

Mr and Mrs Chandler were kidnapped last October by pirates while tooling around on their yacht 'Lynn Rival' from the Seychelles heading towards Tanzania.

To show how 'savvy' pirates have becum they now have a pirate spokesman to give interviews and allow journalists to talk to their captives.

56-year-old Rachel Chandler told of how a pirate was intent on raping her in her tent but another pirate stopped him. Beating her was fine but sex ............ they found (and rightly so) objectionable.

How sick of Roger the cabin boy would you have to be to have a go at this ?

Old Knudsen does not want to make light of their plight but maybe they should have stayed in Tunbridge Wells, Kent as it is not a nice world out their for two geezers on a yacht. "Oh look black fellas I wonder what they want, maybe they have beads to sell."

The spokesman said the Chandlers could be freed if everyone in Britain contributed 'just one dollar' towards a ransom , their demands have varied between £ 1.9million and £4.4million since the kidnap.

But this would never happen, the pirate said, because the British had no compassion for 'old' people and did not really want them back.

That sir is a lie! the UK is a compassionate socialist society that would gladly hand out money to kidnappers . The only problem is we don't do dollars, we'd have to go to the bank which is a pain, we don't like those ghey Euro thingys either but if you want to convert a pound to a dollar it should be around 61p ach me head is spinning with all this talk about giving money away. Do pirates now have a Seychelles bank account?

The pirate mouth piece also attacked the UK government for abandoning the couple and warned that the pirates would stop feeding them if the money was not paid soon.

The UK government have a wee expense account fraud thing going on right now so Chandlers don't be discouraged, its not that the government doesn't care but they are very busy people. We value yer plight we really really do, please hold.

The guilting went on "Why don't you help them? If each one person in the UK pays just one dollar that would be enough money.

These two people are old and poor, and that is why you don't care if they come home. You don't want old, poor people in your country.

They will die here until they pay the money, that's for sure."

Such harsh mocking make it stop. Like everyone in the cuntry gives a shit, if the pirates were so compassionate then they um wouldn't be pirates......... What else can they be they made really crap slaves?

The couple I'm guessing were able to retire early, they have a yacht and do you know how much it costs to sail around the world these days?

Away and fuck you Johnny Depp wanna be they sound like very upper middle class to me, not that wealthy people aren't worth saving but Old Knudsen wishes he had a yacht he could be kidnapped from.

The Chandlers could do with a starve look at those fat fuckers, she already has her pirates sunken chest.

Somali pirates need to stop learning from the likes of Bono and Geldoff maybe the bloodthirsty cut-throats are drumming up money for Haiti, thats nice and trendy and totally worth saving as it was such a thriving hub of business with no corruption at all.


Old Knudsen knows how the people of Haiti feel because after 20 aftershocks I cannae find my hoose either.

Bum Sex Friday

I'm no looking for a fatwa today, here is a fat wha the fuck? I don't have a post for today ....... well I actually wrote a ton of them then put them into drafts, you know me I'm never happy with my work so I just thought I'd chat and get to know a few of my readers, so anyone from Canada?

For fucks sake my IP blockers are shite.

I hope Donn doesn't mind me posting this picture of him suggestively licking the end of a handgun when he auditioned for broke back alleyway an Old Knudsen production. Well actually there wasn't any such film I just wanted to see what I could get Donn to do for the role. That lad is sure ambitious. Donn's blog has a habit of making me think and so my Monday post is inspired by him. Well I haven't written it yet but you know how it goes .............. he sure is lovely isn't he?


I've watched Lost from the beginning, it actually reminds me of when I was ship wrecked on an island once, not as nice as Hawaii where Lost is filmed. I had a load of others with me and we formed a type of government that worshiped a pig's head and we could only speak if we held the conch, yes it was quite similar to the Bush administration but instead of fucking up the island and my mates getting rich we fucked up the island and my mates became stew, no really Stew ate all my friends and would have got me too except me volleyball named Wilson crushed his skull with a rock while he slept, if you don't believe me ask me friend Ben.


You should not be reading this blog, you are too special to be doing that. You know you have a higher destiny just trust me for once and take off your top.


Battlestar Galactica has finished. I will miss the fine acting and amazing twists and turns the show took. What will I wank to on a friday night now? ok I do have the pictures of Donn.

Did you see the last episode? I don't want to spoil it if you haven't but I will anyway. For years and maybe even on this blog somewhere I've said about a spaceship called 'Heaven' landing on Earth and fucking the monkeys or at least genetically altering them with their own DNA, some tissue from a rib here and there but of course weemen were created first then they got it right and made men.

People called me mad, they called me a donkey raper, Old man Knudsen the flasher but oh no some cunt covers hot chicks in baby oil, says 'Frak' a lot and makes a badly lit TV show and before you know it Old Knudsen's story isn't his and now its cool. I had all this shit from Ray Bradbury but hey go ahead take my ideas and make a fortune Old Knudsen doesn't mind. Oh and fuck you Franklin and Edison, R-E-S-P-E-C-T for fucks sake.


"Have you heard the word of the Lard? its cunt"

Saddam Hussein has the same initials as Sherlock Holmes which leads me to believe he is still alive and living in ............................. Montreal. As the song goes, "I'm a dreamer Montreal" What old world charm that city has, some parts remind me more of France than France does, of course France is a shit hole.
The last time I was up in Montreal was 2001, I have family up in Canada, Toronto I believe but of course I wasn't going to go near them, young Jilly was shacking up with some Mexican lad and her mother Ruth my cousin on my mother's half sister's side wasn't too pleased. She was heavily into lipo suction but the fat just kept coming back, not very good for a law enforcer. She also had bad skin but a lovely gurl.

So anyway what was I saying? oh yeah I don't have a post today, sorry well no I'm not. I have Saturday and Sunday covered but today nope nothing.

What Saddam is saying in the picture is: "You .......... you are still dangerous, you can be my wingman anytime."

Latest OBB News Up-Dates

The 6 Spots Of Death

You know what I saw in Mongolia? yaks and mongs. No Xanadu, Kubla Khan or even Chakka Khan, Chakka Khan.

I saw a story on the web that was titled '6 spots to see before you die' this panicked me greatly as I had developed several large weeping spots on my penal system.

I pulled doon me gunties and counted, thank fuck there were only 5.

I call that irresponsible writing, scaring an Old man who is in God's waiting room.

I don't get telemarketers making constant phone calls but instead the Grim Reaper " Old Knudsen this is death, I have some important business information for you, please call me back at ************."

Yeah right I will, the Nazis haven't got me, Dog the fucking bounty bar hunter hasn't got me all those weemen with their paternity suits haven't got me and nor will death.

It was a travel site with 6 destinations to go to, well I counted and my maths not being too good since book learnin gave me heart burn I only counted 5, I added the last one to insult you.

Mount Kilimanjaro
Alaska
Mongolia
Antarctica
Atlantic Ocean
Yer Ma's G-spot

I've been to all 6 of these, yep 'all' 6 and they were crap and I'm still alive so fuck yous, ok the last one did give me the clap and spawned you but hey I'm still standing except right now I'm sitting.

At the end of the world it will be me and Keith Richards feeding off cockroaches and maybe if I'm desperate enough I'll make him feed off my cock for that terrible film appearance in that terrible pirate movie he was in.

Latest OBB News Up-Dates

Rough Trade

Vicious cruel animals out to rape and pillage, anyone that thinks a Pirate is cool obviously has had a soft and pampered life without the threat of a coxswain up yer galley.

A while back the English were getting all uppity and brought out this navigation act which meant they would only import and export with English ships, just another kick in the head as I saw it. I lived in Dundee then and though the ship I was on "The Lusty" had its salted fish and meat all ready we had to Winter out in the harbour until spring as we were then forced to trade with the dirty French on the continent.

The French were and are a strange people, if any out there are reading this then explain yerself at once. Drunk driving seems to be a national sport over there and the things they eat, almost as bad as the Spanish (who are just primitives) the French eat, horses, snails, frogs and little babies, due to a recent law forbidding this as the birthrate is low over there they have substituted babies for puppies and kittens.
I wouldn't lie to you. I may suffer from moods swings and depression but that's because of my chemical imbalance, yes I know I should give up sniffing chemicals.

One winter when money was extra tight, the wife (Agnes) and three of the children had to take on several jobs each. Me not being a man who shirks responsibility also took on a job. I became the manager of "The Seaman and the Wench" a lovely wee pub near my beloved North sea. I was the manager in charge of acquisitions, evictions and pickled eggs. I had to acquire the empty glasses from the tables and return them to the bar, I also had to evict unruly clientele but my favourite job was making the pickled eggs, who ever thought of putting hard boiled eggs into vinegar is a genius .

Ok my job title wasn't an actual manager but I felt like a sort of "people's manager" and true I didn't actually get paid, I got a pint for every hour worked and all the dregs left over in the glasses that I could drink , this did take the strain off financially as my bar bill was usually quite high at the end of the night and I didn't want my lovely wife to have ta get a third job, I mean I wasn't getting any of the hot loving as it was.

I gained some level of fame sorting out the unruly rabble we called customers, the trick is to make sure they are plenty drunk but to get them before they finish their drink so you'll have a wee dram they didn't finish after the expulsion. Captain Morgan came in one night and I don't know if you've ever met him but hes a strange lad who slurs his words and says "savvy" a lot, I had enough of that cunt and his Sassanach sayings and was just looking for an excuse to throw the wanker out then it came. We had a no smoking policy (ahead of our time you could say) so when Morgan lit up the wee braids on his beard to show off I grabbed him by the bucklar and flung him towards the door at speed, he straightened up and said, "I didn't deserve that" and drew his sword, we had a comedy sword fight and ended up running away from a sea monster, I don't know I was confused when a thick haar came in off the sea, no a thick haar isn't a dopey hoor its a fog from the North sea.

Captain Morgan, to be honest I don't see the attraction and really don't like him.

People are mongs, that's my conclusion, I hate the way something is taken made into a film with action figures and video games aimed at teenagers and younger taught to enjoy the violence the cool outfits and action and don't think about anything else because they haven't been told too.

It has gotten to the extent that villains are revered and they aren't interesting ones either just one dimensional characters, like the heroes but evil, I'd rather be Lancelot than Mordred any day given the choice. That sort of depends on how hot Guinevere and Morgan Le Fay are I suppose, yes I know Le Fay was Mordred's Ma whom he shagged but it was a different world back then.

This Pirate lass and her crew of firm tittied cut-throats want you to have bumsex with them or its "spank the plank" not so funny now is it?

Disney has taught teens all they need to know about Pirates but because it was all a few hundred years ago the crimes and violence are cool but if you go to a fancy dress party with a swastika on yer arm you're accused of being insensitive, I don't think 80 year old survivors will be at the party. It shows you what time does, in 1878 Wigan pier collapsed killing 200 but who cares or remembers ? that was 1878 and those weren't real people because it was so long ago, just like the Pirates or worse still the victims of their actions.

I think its time to make a film about those who hunted doon the Pirates and hung them, they are the real heroes.

Pirates of today carry, M-16s, P-45s, Ub-40s and Ak-47s.

Lets take the worst of the worst from a maximum security prison and give them a Royal Navy Frigate to sail and watch as they rape and murder all the men, weemen and children they come across on their travels and hey because its bound to be cool lets make a film about it but make the hero a silly looking drunk hollywood hunk that wouldn't really do anything bad, yeah right he'd be a captain for 2 minutes.

I looked at a Jack the Ripper site, the comments I saw had to be from teenagers or sad fuckers that forget they are old, if you write like this and yer over 15 then I pity you:

OMG I LOVE THE FEEEEELLLLLL OF BLOOD ON MY HANDSSS!!!!!!.

I hate it when people write like that, caps means you are SHOUTING shut the fuck up and restrain yerself, maybe if ya didn't wank over the keyboard so much it wouldn't stick.

Killers are not kewl nor are they rad, I myself have sworn off the practice no matter what Ned tells me to do. I have a point to make here, I'm not sure if I made it clearly or not. These twats will help me make it.

A Johhny Depp Fan wrote:

I know everything about jack the ripper! ha ha

Crackerlover wrote:

I LOVE JACK THE RIPPER!!!!!

Queendarkness wrote:

i reall y like learning more and more about Jack the ripper, i think he's real cool even though he was a killer but hey thats what makes him cool right?

emoidle wrote:

i think jack the ripper rules i want to be just like him killing and all

Luciansblade wrote:

i am very inter seted in what this page has to say. All you Jack the Ripper fans i got one thing to say HE STILL LIVES!!!

tom wrote:

coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool