Its nearly Halloween again, thankfully the annoying American virus of Trick or Treat
is only reenacted in the nice neighbourhoods, yes lets teach our kids about the sense of entitlement nice and early so they can be suitably outraged when they see what the world is really like and how useless they are when the Levies break.
In Britain the kids go to the least amount of trouble possible but not for sweets, how childish is that? they do it for money so they can buy smokes.
With one kid wearing a cheap false face on and the rest with hoods pulled up over their faces they knock on doors, if you are silly enough to open it you'll hear a monotone chant like this, "halloween is coming the Goose is getting fat (about this time I slam the door shut annoyed about having been bothered) please put a penny in the old man's hat (there is never a hat) if you haven't got a penny a half penny will do if you haven't got a half penny God bless you".
If you give them a penny they may put your windows in as they expect a bit more, half penny pronouced 'hapenny' hasn't been in circulation for years, but the kids do try it on as there may be some dopey cunt too polite to slam the door on scumy street kids on the scrounge.
I read on the Interweb about some Christian that doesn't celebrate Halloween because its a Pagan celebration but he does turn the other cheek in order to take his little son out trick or treating, its free sweets fuck your beliefs this is serious, now he makes his kid say this little rhyme ------- at Halloween.
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, Jesus made a promise he is coming back".
For the hypocrisy alone I just want to kick the two of them in the balls, it would be a valuable lesson to the boy, "your father is a moron and you'll end up the same if you listen to him", I had a mate that said he was coming over the last week and didn't bother his arse, I'm not going to wait 2000 years for the fucker, I'm not that dumb, yeah and he never called either, what does that tell you about him? my friend not Jesus, I'm sure Jesus is on his way, stuck in traffic no signal on his cell, yeah that's it.
Toffee apples, nuts and the same old slasher films on the TV that's British Halloween, my grandson Gavin is seeing this Wiccan gurl called Julie er sorry Saffirebluemoon, on a witches sabbath her coven goes up to Scat hill and have a big fire where they chant and then throw candles into the fire, well they did at the one I saw in August, nothing like the Wickerman, everyone was clothed, just as well really, ugly weemen and old blokes, I've never seen so many oldmen with ponytails in my life.
Then the 5th November comes round too, I might as well mention it as the same little shites from Halloween come round with their hoods up and say, "penny for the guy" for those foreigners 5th November is Bonfire night or Guy Fawkes night , in 1605 Guy Fawkes and his catholic friends tried to blow up the houses of Parliment when King James 6th of Scotland (aka James 1st of England) was inside, so now they still burn effigies of Fawkes to celebrate, fireworks too, a lot of the commonwealth used to celebrate it but due to firework regulations and the anticatholic theme its fading, the Australians called it 'Cracker night' that was because of the fireworks, not the drunken white people.
Sometimes the kids going around the doors will get the smallest of their team and put him into a babystroller or a shopping trolley and pretend hes the guy, British children though vastly annoying and trouble making wee gits are quite enterprising , here is a chant rarely used and mostly been forgotten, I wonder if you can tell why its never used much now.
Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
The full rhyme, rarely used, continues:
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,'twas his intent
to blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!
A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o' cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!
Well I like it, nice and bitter, the way I take my weemen.
Monday, 30 October 2006
Halloween Is Coming
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15 comments:
Round our way, the rhyme used to be:
Halloween is coming
and the goose is getting fat
please put a penny
in the old man's hat
If you haven't get a penny
A ha'penny will do
and if you haven't got a ha'penny
You're a right stingy fucking cunt
and we're going to egg your house.
Thank you for the education. I never knew that the rhyme was really about Halloween. I love dresssing up for Halloween. Around here, where a bunch of people scared of a few bitter weemen burned them as witches, folks know how to do things right.
The whole thing about it being a pagan holiday cracks me up. Samhain is a pagan holiday, but the Catholics made it into Halloween, the precursor to All Saints Day. I love telling people that little factoid.
Day of the Dead can be fun too.
Hey, Old Man!
Bugger Halloween. This is far more important:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6098106.stm
I would do my own post on the subject, but I just know you'd do it so much better.
Long live the King, what what, good to see you're holding up tradtion.
Round here the doorstep trick'r'treat conversations go a bit like this:
"Trickatree"
"Here, have some of these"
"Wut, is vat awl?"
"Erm, have a few more jelly babies?"
"Giv us yer fone ya fuckin' cunt"
No history of actual witch burning in middle America, but the rhyme here is this:
Trick Or Treat.
Smell my feet.
Give me something
good to eat.
There's a yearly discussion on the evils of trick or treating here too, but my kids and I have always found it a great night to say "hey" to the neighbors. And about the entitlement part, it's as much fun to GIVE the candy, unless the kid at the door is some punk high school kid who's too old for the whole thing.
In the rich bitch white town where i lived a long time, the streets used to compete to try to scare the living shite out of the kids. some streets were straight out of horror films, horrible sound tracks, people leaping out at you from trees in very convincing costumes, fake blood all over the porch, top notch decorations, really good stuff. and of course, in rich towns, you get whole candy bars sometimes. they always warned us at school that we shouldnt eat apples people give us, because they might have razor blades in them. what a great holiday.
Remember, remember the fifth of November...
I fucking love V for Vendetta, before I finished reading the post I was going to post that line, but you had already posted the rhyme.
I'd be willing to bet that if old Fawkes had managed to blow up Parliamnet, it'd have been the only blow-job some of those guys would have ever gotten.
Why has no one mentioned the face on that minger in the picture? What, is she sucking lemons without her teeth in? What the hell kind of expression is that?
And I do just love how the Christian nutters try to make absolutely everything about Little Baby Jeebus.
Sassy Sundry is right, Dia de los Muertos rocks. I love the candy skulls, interspersed with all the marigolds. Now, do you go straight to hell if you slurp up the tequila offerings left for the ancestors? Funny, they never address important questions like these in the homilies at mass.
robyn, in my grade school they generally finished it up
and if you dont
i dont care
ill pull down your underwear
Well done, Robyn and Taihae! I love that rhyme. I think I'm going to say it tomorrow.
Taihea, I completely forgot how it ended. Thanks for adding that mean little bit--I think it must have been something we muttered as we walked away from the houses, once the loot was in the bag.
kav did the parents not tell the kids to stay away from old man Kav's place, he'll eat yer sausage he will.
sassy sundry no, Sam hain was the fat hobbit that helped frodo, most of the big Christian celebrations were pagan, we're all gonna burn and not know what for.
Dawn of the Dead was better.(yes I'm joking)
dive you scared me man, I thought Muffin had died, but no its just his birthday. I got arrested once for muffin the mule.
boudica of suburbia I remember the day when children used to be small and unarmed.
robyn Too busy with the injuns to bother about witches, those poor pagans of all religions, its not enough that they'll burn in the afterlife but we have to speed them onto it, in Europe more witches were hanged than burned, we must of did a good job as you don't see many well hung witches around anymore.
taihae Apples with razor blades or preservatives in them should be avoided, and if one more person asks about my old man false face I'll deck em.
sammy Thank god Hollywood is teaching you young people something, I haven't seen the film but I will mention it again and soon.
crankyprof you made me laugh at Catholics trying to kill protestants, it should be the other way round, shame on you.
fat sparrow the lady in question is doing that pout all the young uns think is sexy, if I was a young man it would scare and repel me, alas pretty gurls no longer smile.
actually i read the graphic novel years ago, but happen to love the film as well. just referenced the movie cause i didnt think anyone would know the original piece (graphic novel by alan moore)
I will mention the graphic novel assuming my hangover isn't too bad, everytime I think of V for Vendetta I think of a porno in which a guy had a similar mask but with a very long nose and while 'in combat' as I romantically call it he would say, "lovely lovely", that has stuck in my head for 30 years.
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