Wednesday 18 October 2006

Don't Mention The War


The Germans complain that the British are still bitter about World war 2 and that we should move on as they have, and to get over it. Well, if I thought I was a part of the master race (I'm not, I'm one of god's chosen people, the Scots) and if I got my ass handed to me on a plate by a load of Yanks and brits well I wouldn't mentioned it too often either, heres the facts, we won, nah nah nah nah nah, if you don't like those Apples then stop starting wars.
Britain was a small overstretched nation back then, we were doing honest Imperialism, we didn't go under the guise of freedom or oil, we firmly believed that the world should all be British, or at least British servants.

In 1940 we were on the verge of losing not just a war or a battle but everything, the Germans stood across the channel waving their sausages at us, a mere 20 mile stretch of water keeping them at bay, it was a scary time for us, I can't tell you how many times I bravely changed sides until I knew who was going to win.

The usual banter between the Yanks and the British is.
Man with a cowboy hat on says," if it wasn't for us you all would be speaking German"

Man with a bowler hat on says, " if it wasn't for yourselves you'd be civilized, shouldn't have kicked us out old fellow, cup of tea?"

Man with a cowboy hat on," you damn Limey fag I want a cup of coffee, and in an American cup, back in the states cups can hold 10 gallons just like our hats".

Man with a bowler hat on, " sorry no fags old chap, I only smoke a pipe, lucky your hats hold so much, having such big heads and all".

Man with a cowboy hat on , not sure if he was insulted or not as big is very important in the States, "damn straight partner".

Remember when France opposed the war in Iraq and everyone in America became French haters, renaming french fries Freedom fries and pouring out perfectly good french wine, well not only did it show how stupid they were at wasting good booze but it also showed you how convenient their memories are, the French are after all the reason why the Americans were able to Beat the British in the first place to gain their independence , if it wasn't for the French you'd all be speaking English.

I never hear Russians say how if it wasn't for them sending millions of their bullet catching warm bodies at the Germans we'd all be speaking German, I guess it must be an American charm and humility thing, the Americans did send vast amounts of people weapons and equipment into the war, rationing hardly effected those in the states, hmmph! must of been nice.

Those were the days, you'd go all out to win a war, not try to be polite or P.C. and you don't count the death toll by the body, theres this thing called morale, FDR suspended many liberties and took quite a few, you need laws and you can't please everyone.

Though Winston Churchill was half American and to me was one of the greatest war mongers, er leaders of our time, he didn't take any crap, it was his way or the highway, one of Old Knudsen's all time heroes, though in person he could be a little too American if you know what I mean, no not Meth and Anal sex, I mean arrogant.

Yes if it wasn't for the Americans begrudgingly getting involved in world affairs, (they never like to meddle) we would of ended up speaking German, and then when Europe had been renamed 'Gerope' South America would be next and I don't think they would have minded too much, that Polka music is just a short goosestep towards nazism and you too would be speaking German in not too long a time.

I just want to thank my American readers for saving us from the Hun and doing the right thing, of course if you personally didn't help out please ignore my thanks, those brave men and women that did, don't rub it in as no one likes a Braggart, well unless its me.




The picture is of Winston Churchill observing one of the Ravens from the Tower of London, as long as there are ravens in the tower Britain shall never fall.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you should do a post about how WW2 was just a cover-up by the CIA to allow the US to test the nuke.

Dr Maroon said...

Ah the Empire. You’re quite right of course. If all the peoples on the pink bits of the atlas had only got on with being British, the world would be a happier place, with all them knowing their place in it.
Now, since they took their independence from our benevolent pillage, you’ve got your Iraqis Iranians Adenese Saudi Arabians Egyptians Palestinians Israelis Pakistanis Indians Bangladeshis Afghanis Malayans Kenyans Ugandans Sri Lankens Indonesians Hong Kongers all at each others throats, not to mention the Belizeans British Hondurans Falkland Islanders Gibraltarians
.I said DON’T MENTION THEM,

and your Ozzies and Canuks and New Zetlanders, Easter Islanders Pitcairn Islanders and your Jamaicans (Rock On Me Bredren) and Barbadians and St Lucians

Oh I can’t go on.

And what price did we pay to the Americans for hauling our arses out the fire?

Why nothing.
All we have to do is bend over and smile.
We know how to do that, don’t we Steve? We just put our cheeks together and whistle (Dixie)..

Anonymous said...

I had something to say about this, something about my mother living with rations and no sugar or tires or whatever, but when I read this:

"The picture is of Winston Churchill observing one of the Ravens from the Tower of London"

I completely forgot my point. Very funny!!

Anonymous said...

Hey that's not Winston Churchill... you tried to fool us didn't you? That's "Fred Mertz" (sp) from The I love Lucy show isn't it???

GG said...

crikey, you oldies are always harpin' on about the war. we don't talk about it much in the colonies - we just do as we're told and, to kinda paraphrase the esteemed dr maroon, bend over and think of england.

CrankyProf said...

God's chosen, the Scots. AMEN!

After all, wha's Lie Us?
Damn Few And They're A' Died!

(All my family on my dad's side are from Clyde Bank.)

Foot Eater said...

rationing hardly effected those in the states, hmmph! must of been nice

I think you'll find Nice is in France.

Old Knudsen said...

I thought Nice was in Texas, right beside Paris, or is Paris that dirty stick insect Hoor?

Old Knudsen said...

Well thats the best (and only) offer I've had today, I have a paper bag with your name on it, belay that, you look like a double bagger to me.

Foot Eater said...

That's the problem, isn't it, Mr Knudsen. You stick a whole load of dirty words in your posts and before you know it, people with names like Cockbox are settling like flies on glans cheese.

Old Knudsen said...

foot eater I did some research and Cockbox is an old Irish name, figures huh.

babsbitchin Ms Cockbox sure has got a mouth on her, what else can you do but shit into it? it may shut her up for a minute.

Rob7534 said...

We honor our French allies during the Great War of Independence in the best way we know how... we name a main thoroughfare after them!

Why every city in the US has a street called Lafayette! And it's usually where the hookers are late at night.

Besides we all know the UK could have held out for a few more months at least. Owning India, and tricking Australia to keep the Queen has to count for something, at the very least a few good shipments of food and supplies. Maybe even some nice hot curry spices. But I won't be taken on a tangent talking about English food.

I only mean to set the record straight, we don't JUST want you to be thankful for not having to speak German, but you should also give thanks for not having to speak Russian after the Germans would have been defeated by the Russians.

And since Russia is listed under your "wanker" column, I take it that would have been a bad thing?

And don't feel bad about the French, we LOVE the French. Everyone loves to hate the French, they are the first to bash themselves anyway, so it's all good.

We still keep that monument they mailed us in semi good condition, over on Liberty Island. That has to count for something!

Old Knudsen said...

Did I give the impression I felt bad for the French?, fuck I hate those cheese eating surrender monkeys,a dirty people indeed, I was merely pointing out how people are quick to forget their own history when it suits them, I feel all dirty and cheap now, the only good thing I have to say about the French, well I'll get back to you, there has to be something, you know they covered the tits of the statue of liberty before they gave it to you, that says a lot.

What a big comment you have Rob7534, feeling better lad?

Rob7534 said...

I am! Thanks for asking. That picture you sent me after I asked for some "relief" material hit the spot.

I'm ever so grateful!

Maven said...

I concur. That's not Churchill. It's Alfred Hitchcock, with one of the crows from the movie, "The Birds."

Glans cheese? Out in this neck of the woods, we refer to it as "Frumunda."

Old Knudsen said...

Ok its a fair cop, hitchcock pictures were on sale and I was a fool to think I could get away with it.