Kylie Minogue stepped back onto the stage in Sydney for the first time in 18 months since she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had surgery in Melbourne and chemotherapy in Paris where she stayed with her boyfriend Sasha Distel, while there she wrote a children's book and launched her own perfume called Darling, what a lazy bitch.
Sasha Distel who is obviously French.
The other week when I had the Flu, well it was more like a bad cold, you should have seen the greeners I was coughing up, they could have fed an African village for a week with a dessert of snot.
I wasn't a lazy bint sitting around in ghey parree, oh no I wrote 2 children's books 'seen and not heard' and 'do as I say not as I do', my third book ' while you live under this roof' is still in the works.
A serial frog lover, disgusting.
I continued to spew out my poison on this blog causing 2 of my readers to question their existence and delete their blogs (you didn't even notice in the links did you?) the break up of 1 of my reader's marriage, (she wasn't right for you anyway mate) and I got Robyn to call me a "cunty old fucker" in a private e-mail when I called Dr Seuss a quack and compared him to Dr Joseph Goebbels, inventer of the 6 minute abs and head of the Nazi propaganda organization, it was the whole Hitler in the hat speech that did it for me.
Jay Kay from Jamiroquai, The Cat in the hat.
I launched my own aftershave, 'Odour de Oldman' I came up with the idea when I passed 2 hot older weemen with those sexy blue rinse hair dos and got a whiff of their overwhelming old lady perfume , that's good stuff alright its the hint of piss that has the effect on the male libido, I'm getting horny just thinking about it.
Now we men are no longer the victims of lust we now have control , we can take the role of the sexual predator at last, speaking of which I made it to the top 10 of our local sex offender's list, if old Knudsen isn't offensive to all the sexes then you can have your money back.
Someone who is offended by Old Knudsen's sex.
The cruel and unusual death threats that came from Robyn were quite impressive I rescind everything I said, just don't do that thing with the red hot pliers ok? it was just a wee joke, heh heh.
I also clipped my toenails, having only one foot really cuts the time in half and while I'm on the subject why do I have to buy a pair of slippers? the foot on my wooden leg doesn't get cold, I've tried to buy one slipper at half the price but they won't let me, fucking footwear nazis, if there are any lawyers reading, that feel the legal system hasn't been abused enough contact me and we'll file a lawsuit, beats chasing ambulances.
See Kylie? I did all of that in a week , pull yer finger out and learn from the protestant work ethic, multitask gurl, on the way to the shops throw the odd half brick through the window of a suspected Catholic, Muslim, Slav or local MP, does it really matter if you get the right hoose or not? its the hate crime that counts, now get busy lass.
To Pick or not to pick, that is the question, having a wedgie brought back her failing career.
Sunday 12 November 2006
I Do Have A Life You Know.
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19 comments:
you're far more talented than that singing budgie.
this is the closest thing i have ever read to the perfect post. freakin' hilarious and a danger to read at work.
Well I wouldn't go that far, you should see me in a pair of hot pants, I put the hot into hot pants, as well as some piss stains.
"chemotherapy in Paris"
Nothing like the old chemotherapy to keep you nice and slim, huh?
"Sasha Distel who is obviously French."
You lying bastard, that picture is obviously Joe Montana.
Having your arse eaten by tinfoil is seriously painful. The things I do for my public!
Yes, indeed. You were very busy, but let's make it clear for your many many readers that I have never called you names (other than "old man") and my threats were in jest.
There really is something about that blue-haired perfume that can turn an old guy's head, I suppose, but I have found the old man "perfume" more noticeably pungent.
Robyn, I didn't doubt you for a second. Though for this perhaps Old Knudsen deserves to be called a "Cunty Old Fucker." Hee hee.
Knudsen, you have obviously worked very hard through your illness, but I think we need to see a picture of your old man ass in hot pants before we truly believe you.
I think the only thing that would make Old Knudsen feel better is to be the creamy, wrinkly, crabby filling in a Kylie Minogue/Danii Minogue sammich.
It's like reading the story of my life, knudsen. The accuracy of your observations is almost painful.
And bless you for sharing that Kylie picture. I hit pause so many times trying to get that exact shot.
I declare a fatwa on old Knudy , for uttering blasphomous rambling about Saint Kylie of The Steaming Hotpants.
You Sir are a cad and a bounder
lol... kyle is drop dead gorgous.. but that was a pretty fair assesment with the hot pants :)
And my jib is to difficult to pronounce?
fat sparrow the chemo and a diet of frog jizz is what makes her so slim and hot.
kylie just like a robotic rimjob.
robyn sure they'll believe you, you've fooled them well, stop going around sniffing old people, should be a law against that.
sassy sundry hotpants eh? careful what you wish for.
crankyprof you have found my weakness, the bigger chested less famous sister Dani.
kav the pause button is always the first to break, its their wee mind game, I suspect you copied and pasted all over the place you dirty wee man.
Mr Beast You're saying my wa is fat? I do clenching all the time if fact I'm clenching as I type this,once you see me in hot pants you'll say Kylie who?
xmirchra she is when the lighting and make up is good, not only can't I say your name I can never remember how to spell it.
After staring at kylie's arse for 20 minutes thats all you came up with? I take it your hands are still shaking.
Knudsen, the allure of the older lady cannot be denied. Don't, for instance be put off by my blog photo. It was taken forty years ago before I got the Littlewoods wardrobe makeover, a new hairdo (think Carol Vordermann but with split ends) and some electrolysis on my chin and upper lip. Good as new I say.....
I have never laughed so much at someone's death as I have tonight. LOL
Heheheh, reminds me of that old chestnut, "What's long and green and smells like Miss Piggy?"
Kermit's finger...
raghav you know you may be right, now go and get some sun.
auntie pauline I have thought of carol Vordermann many a time. I just came from your place and I believe I still need some help (body disposal help)
cyberscribe what a nice chap you are, I do think its nasty that Kylie is shacked up with a long dead frog singer(is singer the right word?) but who am I to judge?
nuggetmaven their offspring would have been interesting to eat.
Mr Eater Jay Kay is a soulful cat in the hat, a cunt is what you see when you look in a mirror.
If I don't kill ya the cheesy puffs will.
Damn those cheese puffs. My throat is sore today, I really choked!
Oh, and I'd love to know what category I fit in on your sidebar. I prefer wickedly funny! lol
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