Wednesday, 29 November 2006

Alba Gu Bra!

Saint Andrew's Day

Saint Andrew, from the Greek name meaning 'manly' and rightly so, Andrew was a disciple of John the Baptist and the brother of Simon Peter and was born at Bethsaida in Galilee, we know this because his birth certificate was found with the Dead sea scrolls.
He was a busy saint and was also the saint of :::spits:::: Romania, Russia, Malta and Greece, the Greeks know how to treat their patron saint, those were the fuckers that crucified him on the crooked cross which went on to become the Scottish national flag, otherwise known as the Saltire, which in fact is the oldest national flag in Europe, so fuck yas all.

The Thistle, as prickly as I am and loved by thousands of people, just like me also.

Enough of all this Slav and Greek crap, no offense to those two dirty races but its 'my' day, Saint Andrew was a good Protestant just like Jesus, the reason he became the patron saint of Scotland was that he was chatting to St Paddy and he was telling him about the lovely cold and wet weather in Ireland and Scotland but he had his hands full with the Irish, a troublesome lot they are so St Andy said I'll head on over to Bonny Scotland (she was the travel agent) and I'll take a wee holiday in beautiful Alba, (Jessica Alba, I wish) well he went and enjoyed a few rounds of golf as he also the patron saint of golfing and the rest is true Scottish history, so have a wee dram to warm up yer bones followed by a chaser of 18 beers, go fondle a sheep and spit at something English, a muffin will do, for today if you don't want to be Scottish for a while you must be a slack jawed cunt.

Alba Gu Bra!


Anonymous said...

Happy St. Andrews Day, Old K.
I'll toast you with a nice dram of cask strength Talisker tonight.

Jagd Kunst said...

I just wish you'd stop writing all these love letters to me.

18 beers:Check

Fondle a sheep: Check

Spit at something english: Check

Slack jawed cunt: Check.

are you a psychic, old Knud?

tony said...

Sounds like the makings of a new Mel Gibson movie!

frobisher said...

To celebrate St Andrew's day I shall deep frying a battered Mars bar getting blind drunk and boring complete strangers in pubs with half audible stories punctuated with loud shouts and cackles.

Btw, Lidl have a single malt on special offer. Why are there more Scottish people in England than Scotland?

Anonymous said...

Here's to the warm spittle in their eye and I'll be drinking a shot or 20 along with ya!

Anonymous said...

I'm a McRee, so I'll think fondly of the Scottish today. I have heard the McRee's were a warring clan, but I have also heard every clan was a warring clan.

Taihae said...

ha, been having a life and so I missed you answering my query below, explanation goes a long way. Though, I ought to warn you I am technically English, but no worries on that account as I am happy to be spit upon, also slathered with butter and KY jelly, and indeed, tied to anything ya like, cross or otherwise.

BEAST said...

I will be with Frobisher , I shall also wet myself , and cry a bit while listening to Michelle Mcmanus's greatest hit

Andraste said...

In honor of St. Andy, I shall go to a pub, get trolleyed on whatever Scottish beer they import, and get into a brawl. "Ahhh'll fight ye' in the auld Scots way. Bare brrrreasted and wi' a bairn under each arrrrm!"


Anonymous said...

Thank you again, you old Thistle, for another informative article.

Foot Eater said...

Well, you certainly seem to know how to enjoy yourselves. It's days like this that sometimes make me wish I too was a caber-tossing cock jockey.

Foot Eater said...

I suppose you're proud of your wimmin, you Scatch. Well, there's the rug-bothering Claire Grogan, I suppose, but then also the fragrant Kirsty Young, I've a big bone to peel, I mean pick, with her, I'll post about it soon on my blog, I can't stop talking like you Mr Knudsen, you're a death virus launched by the CIA.

Old Knudsen said...

dive and I'll toast ye with a nice bottle of beat the wife.

jagd kunst no love letters as I wouldn't want to make Ace jealous and I'm only psychic as in I can fortell events before they happen, apart from that no.

tony Mel's next movie needs to be in english, funny and to make him loveable with a jewish side kick that doesn't get killed off.

Mr Frobisher good man ye are, thats exactly what I did, the Scots are quietly invading England again, don't tell the Amadons.

babsbitchin pace yerself, 20 before noon and 20 after dinner and you'll be nice and tipsy and ready for the beer, or hospital.

Robyn McRee ya say, we made short work out of them at the battle of knocklowmin, when I say we I mean the Clan Colquhoun to which my family belong.

taihae English or no my trousers are very tight right now.

Mr beast good man, it does my heart good to see the english repent.

andraste my mother has done that many a time, can you send me some pictures for me spank bank?

sassy sundry you'll know nearly as much as me before I'm finished this blog, have some prozac handy.

Mr Eater the sheep got yer attention, don't forget Lorraine Kelly what a hottie, I have noted the influence I've had on you blogger types, I may write a feces on it.

robyn I made up the battle part though my family is of the Clan Colquhoun among others but no good unless you carry the name.

dh said...

Very nice. But I'm having trouble keeping up with your prolific outpourings. Also I keep scrolling back your niece for some reason. Can we look forward to another brief appearance?

Old Knudsen said...

See what happens when you phone in sick? my niece ah my pride and joy is due to make another appearance though I don't want to end up like some baby blog.

rich said...

Speaking of thistle... I used milk thistle plant to detoxify my liver. you know... from all the pesticides that are in the food we eat these days

Old Knudsen said...

Like Digitalis (the foxglove) as used for heart conditions? I usually use onions on my liver.

Anonymous said...

I'm still pacing, day two! Drinking vodka tonight. It's no wonder those fargin' Russians are nuts!