Monday 30 October 2006

Rambo's Rimjob Roid Rage.


No big surprise here Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe , have split up. After she got that Oscar for playing June Carter in 'Walk the line' the writing was on the wall, did you see Phillippe at the ceremony? he was one step away from being a belligerent drunk, now I might now and then drunkenly post stuff that I thought was funny but really isn't or e-mail scans of my willy to former readers of my blog, and I did say I was sorry, you missed a great lemur story,please come back, fuck I hate lemurs, don't get me started, I am worried that several of you that got the same scans still read this blog.

Well its one thing to embarrass yourself on the Interweb but to do it on TV at an Oscar ceremony which your wife is a cert to win, wise up man, I never liked Phillippe, he has that conceited smarmy way about him,and I'm usually good at picking the wrong uns, yes I'm keeping my eye on you lot.

Reese (you see I'm using her first name but not his) is a spunky wee thing and a little annoying though I don't dislike her too much, oh, they both have knobbly foreheads, I don't know what that means, maybe they keep butting heads alot.
I'm a traditional kind of man and think they should have changed the name phillippe and both used the one name, no not witherspoon, a proper name like bumblebottom, oh I don't know, keeping your own names seems like you're only half into the whole marriage thing, if you're any kind of a star you can call yourself 'meat and two veg' and still get the roles.
Phillippe doesn't strike me as someone who could be secure with his wife's success, I bet he shouts and sulks a lot, hes got his big film coming out soon but he isn't star material .

I just for the record want to say that I liked Johnny Cash when he was known as John Pocket Change, and ever since he died everyone has claimed him as their greatest musical influence, like they did with Ray Charles, like this one," yeah Johnny Cash was what made me want to be a musician, that song 'pretty woman' was the best power ballad of all time" ---------- Vince Neil, Motley Crue.



Ok, that very last bit wasn't true, its called lying no I mean poetic licence, its Halloween today or Samwise as the Pagans call it and I do intend on seeing a lot of spirits today so if you get a scan of a crusty old minger of a penis, that would be my very own pride and joy and today I'll be using it to scare some children with, I hope someone toilet papers my house tonight because I've run out of toilet paper,and theres no more space on my bath towels and clean socks, if the neighbours cat comes round hes next, that will teach him for spraying my wheelie bin, now theres a horror story for you to tell the kids.


As for the title, its a tongue twister.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would love to hate Reese Witherspoon, but alas, she's talented. Hysterically funny at times. I always thought she married beneath her, talent wise (I can't stand him). Still, the news made me strangely sad. She'd seemed so happy.

Happy Halloween, Old Knudsen.

boudica of suburbia said...

I do have a soft spot for Reese, especially after Election. Mr Phillipe, I feel, is probably just like his character in Cruel Intentions - a right stuck-up cunt.

Maven said...

Clever aliteration in the title!

And yeah, I was wondering when they'd split. Strange how folks can predict these things.

Old Knudsen said...

sassy sundry all weemen marry beneath them, yes she did seem happy when in public, unlike him shes a professional.
Happy Samwise.

boudica of suburia she did play that role very well a real nutcase, it seems you don't have to be mystic meg to see what philippe is about.

kav yes,thats how I feel you can always look into my soul and see the vunerable little girl inside who just wants a hug.

nuggetmaven its a tongue twister alright, I also predict failure for any marriages that involve Paris hilton, Pam Anderson, Angelina jolie and Liza Minelli, no brainers, and why is Hilary still with that sink wanker? she should cut him loose and live with me.

Taihae said...

i always get her confused with that thundercunt heather graham, and thus she is tainted by the talentless cuntress brush, but now i feel kinda bad since you all think shes so talented. I dont much pay attention to popular culture these days.

seriously though, heather graham is like a creeping blight in acting. let her do porn by all means, but why are we still suffering her dramatic incompetance?

Foot Eater said...

Finally, Blogger lets me comment again. Sorry I missed your last few posts. Then again, pearls, swine, so forth.

Anyway, all I'm saying is, it's not Samwise, you fool. It's Samovar.

Old Knudsen said...

hadon Powell I can barely read this comment which is good for you, usually you write in Mongish. Jamie Lee has a face like a horse eating pickles, Reese is very freaky looking, and timerblaker and philip always do that blue steel poser look from Zoolander

taihae Heather Graham looks like a surprised version of Reese with knockers, thats her ability, Reese is a competant professional actress,better than most, getting the Oscar was just politics but she carries herself well in public, and doesn't act like a jerk or beat photographers up and so has a tiny bit of respect from me, I am a celebrity hoor, mormal people don't have good enough lighting and scripts for me to enjoy and ugly as fuck, no offense to any normal people reading this, like mormal people read this crap.

Mr eater Blogger, is that a euphemism for coke induced coma cos you aren't fooling me, are you having samovar tonight or is that between the two of yous?

Anonymous said...

Heather Graham is annoying. I thought she was good in Boogie Nights, but I thought she was just *acting* like a less-than-intelligent porn star. I have since realized that she is a less-than-intelligent, better suited for porn star.

Old Knudsen said...

I think she let the short shorts do the acting, of course no offense to any dumb porn stars reading this, I have every respect for your art.

Anonymous said...

Don't you mean "tart"?

Anonymous said...

jamie lee curtis was born a hermaphradite.

Old Knudsen said...

dive I drink,fight and follow the tabloids, being a well rounded person educated in the school of hard knocks I can talk about history, religion, art, music, films but not books, as they are for the weak.