Why Easter Island Has No Eggs

 I always go to Easter Island for some head.

For years I heard that the story of Easter island (Rapa Nui) was that the Polynesians who found it in about 700 - 1200 AD did slash and burn farming on the millions of trees of the island and the population grew so when they ran out of food they started slaughtering each other and out of a time of cannibalism and slaughter they built the Moai to their gods to save them.

In 1774 Captain James T Cook visited and reported only about 700 islanders living primitive lives barely surviving.  So it must be true then.

Two anthropologists, Terry Hunt and Carl Lipo, from the University of Hawaii have a different idea as to what happened.

The introduction of the Polynesian rat which can double its population every 47 days are the cause of the de-forestation. Gnaw marks on seed shells found back this idea up. The rats with no predator caused the extinction of 21 species of tree and all land birds on the island. Roots and sprouts were quite tasty to them, there was no stopping the wee fuckers.    

 People with energy and time to spare make big fuck off statues.

The people of course had rat to eat as well as being able to fish. From waste pits archeologists found that 60% of bones were from rats.

Explorers from before Cook's time have said how islanders asked for hats rather than food and a starving people do not sit around making giant statues. Of course they probably had trees when they were making those statues otherwise they couldn't have moved them. The largest statue was left unfinished, if it had been completed it would have stood 72 feet tall.

She may look clean, but she probably has cooties. 

Those explorers no doubt brought diseases with them that made them the 700 that Cook saw in 1774 and in the 1800's slavers from Peru reduced the population too.

No trees to make boats the islanders did what people do, they adapted. They ate rat, seafood found along the coast and were able to grow some plants. Living the simple life and appreciating the crappy stuff we'd turn our spoiled noses up at which is why Spam is a delicacy in Hawaii. If you eat the same old rat everyday even Spam tastes like angel cum.

    

Prince Charles, Serial Hypocrite

Prince Charles collecting magic mushrooms on a fairy hunt.  

Prince Charles was branded a serial hypocrite last week. The environmentally minded Prince who is all about saving the Patagonian flat footed wanker or some weird creature that only the most serious of trendy activists would have heard of doesn't think it matters if yer on home soil. 

  A pack of dogs ripping apart an exhausted fox is getting back to nature.

The prince had a polo match 68 miles away but his time is precious ... even though his day was clear of engagements. He scrambles an RAF helicopter to fly 60 miles to his country palace and then 68 miles to the polo match. 

Fucking bald eagles, just roast the beggar ... making the Windsor face. 

After the match he flew back home and the helicopter had to fly back to base. Instead of 4 gallons of petrol he used up 200 gallons of aviation fuel. Why should Charles have to drive for an hour and 45 minutes like all the other plebs when he can fly? Prince Charles is special, he's better than us because he happened to be the son of Elizabeth and Philip, sort of an inbred master race. He deserves to be given titles and land and in return he waves and tries not to say what he really thinks. 

Us commoners deserves his scorn and we're grateful for it. Old Knudsen comes from Scottish royalty and someday hopes to take the throne of England but it won't change him, he'll be the down to earth sexual deviant and psychopath you have all cum to love .... and hopefully fear. 

It doesn't matter that the royal helicopter is paid for by the £40 million Sovereign Grant his mummy gets from the government which are the profits from all the lands and estates the government have given to the royals. It matters that this cunt lectures us about our carbon footprint then uses a chopper when he doesn't have to. 

Ach the Queen can afford it since the government has given her a pay rise on top of her grant to cope with ... um things and she receives £1m a year in farming subsidies from EU. 

Like father like son. Prince William takes the wife out pheasant shooting and then he likes a spot of wild boar hunting in Spain. The royals just aren't like us no matter what cutesy pictures they put up. 

Prince George and prince William ... or the other way round I don't know. Fucking creepy clone kids. Even Charles looked like this as a toddler they must use the same body suit at this age. Who dresses their kid as a creepy ghost child anyways? 

We'll never be royals ... it don't run in our blood. We are nothing like them, who has rode on the backs of elephants to hunt tigers in India? .... the Queen and Philip racked up a few kills in the 60's. 

Prince Harry left the military, was given a knighthood for it and is now off to Africa on an adventure holiday to observe conservation. Yep you know what that really means, lets hope that Cecil doesn't have any more brothers. 

 A very chuffed looking Edward VIII. 

The royals have a long tradition of environmentalism but their version of it is different than most people's idea of it. Thanks to the royals, Donald Trump's sons, evil dentists, anyone with a few thousand bucks and the bloody Chinese the environment has declined so I'm not really in favour of people killing what's left ..... hunt hobos like the rest of us, 7 billion people on Earth and 6.5 of them are cunts, get stuck in.   

 

During the 'Save the endangered Great Grey Oyster' event last week Charles decided to save them in his belly, much to the delight of Camilla who said, "Oysters make him a randy old sod heh heh." After swigging from their royal hip flasks for most of the day they were soon ready for ...

 

 

Their Masonic eyes wide shut orgy.  Even with a mask on (a real improvement) you could tell it was Camilla cos even Ron Jeremy would be like a bee in a jar with that woman. She's a horse breeder you know .... yes that too means something else in royal circles.

Hitchhiking Robot Is Murdered

The hitchBOT who has traveled across Canada, Germany and Holland was making its way from New York to San Francisco. Though hitchhiking is illegal in many states a loop hole in the law allows robots and undead creatures such as vampires and zombies to catch rides.

The hitchBOT talks and interacts with people making friends all around the world and has a GPS to tell where it is. After a Boston Red Sox game it traveled to Philadelphia, the home of brotherly love.

Early one Saturday morning it was found beaten and dismembered in Philadelphia’s historic Old City neighborhood. It is not sure why it was murdered, its last ride was by a video blogger and his friend.

   Shifty looking dudes.

Jesse Wellens on the right somehow obtained video from a surveillance camera showing a guy that looks like his friend but in a different shirt kicking the crap out of the bot. The video is probably not from a surveillance camera at all. They are my #1 suspects, too smug and cocky for my liking. 

A video blogger is someone who will do anything for content and views .... hey I shot JFK to promote my blog so I know. Will whoever that killed it become a hero when the robot overlords take over? Will this crime (similar to Cecil's murder) be the thing that tips robots over the edge to wipe out humanity? 

The bot did make enemies such as the national weemen's sunbathing team who wanted the bot to help them apply their sunscreen. When it said, "I do not like to touch humans" you could tell that tensions were building and you know what weemen are like.    

Humans resentful about the hitchhiking laws may also be responsible. The intolerance faced by zombies and vampires shows you how deeply humans can hate. 

Experts say that many humans feel threatened by smug stupid looking robots with swimming pool noodles for limbs. What the fuck you smiling at?

The last hitchhiker I picked up was a deadbeat named Jack Kerouac, I think he wrote some books or something. That cunt latches onto you like a leech, hangs around for weeks smoking yer weed and eating all the food in yer fridge, just thinking about him would make me want to kick a noodle bot with rubber gloves on to death.    

It is thought that hitchBOT's last werds were, "I will bury you, you human scum" and the whole hitchhiking concept was to gain intel on humans in preparation for invasion. Doesn't look like Philidelphia will be getting invaded, they'll probably nuke that place for its fanatical robotphobia. 

 

Kill Off The Old People

 They get on but they never get off.

Katie Hopkins is at it again, she says that the UK has too many old people and that we should have euthanasia vans, "It’s ridiculous to be living in a country where we can put dogs to sleep but not people." I agree! We should also put stars onto the clothing of those we intend to get rid of, maybe round them up and put them in a death camp or housing estate .... same thing sorta.

"They might even have a nice little tune they’d play" like an ice-cream van. So yer drifting off to the great unknown and the driver puts on, 'Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and hurt you' .... try getting that earworm out of yer heads ya cunts. That would send you into a Hell dimension of torment probably.

 My new British hero heroin heroine.  

Katie ... can I call you Katie? recently told of her love of hotdogs sold in jars of brine, she inserts them into her vagina as she loves the feeling of them squishing about. She usually has 12 - 30 in at a time, depending how much walking she has to do that day. I admire her confidence to be able to share so readily. 

If you go to her house for dinner and she serves hotdogs, time to become a vegetarian.

The media have been trying to get the public whipped up into an anti-seagull frenzy because someone has just noticed that large scavenger birds will attack and eat smaller animals .... even yer rat sized yappy dogs. Those people had better never get a fish tank for guppies then.

What if someone left a baby outside while they went out for a KFC? The gulls could totally kill it.
Now Katie is solving a problem that doesn't exist.
Old people, they take too long, they smell and always want to chat because they are lonely after the gulls killed their horrible tiny dog but are they really a problem? 

Would you really gas Old Knudsen with his enduring sex appeal and wisdom? ... nah don't answer that.

 Hitler had euthanasia vans like this one used in Poland.

I was only just reading on RT about how she doesn't just say nasty things to get attention and that she is the voice of the honest working class grafter. 

I know that RT is full of shit and should only be used for entertainment purposes but this is total satire. Yes the woman with the posh accent who attended officer training at Sandhurst really does speak for the hard working everyday Brit .... NOT!    

In the 70's we had that program that killed people over 30 but then some bloke called Logan spoiled it all by running, what was that program called again? .... oh yeah, The Troubles.

People should be allowed to die on their own terms but not like Jack Kevorkian's death bus while driving around the Tesco car park. 

 What a good reason to have a picture of Jenny Agutter, humina humina.

Blonde haired blue eyed Katie calling for euthanasia vans is well dodgy, will she stop at old people or will it be, 'we can kill old people, why not immigrants and disabled people?'  Then it's the we need breathing room thing. 

Nah the best place to start with the cull are the prisons, you worried about the Earth's resources then kill off the criminals and turn them into something useful like dog food and glue. They can contribute to society by helping children make collages and paper lanterns in schools or when you buy those crappy envelopes with no sticking power. 

It is of no surprise that Katie will be soon going in for brain surgery, no not a state ordered lobotomy, she is going in for an operation to try to fix her nocturnal epilepsy which was what put an end to her military career. We at OBB wish her good luck because she is UK's version of Ann Coulter and weemen like her make us proud to be English ... well I'm not English thank fuck but you get the idea.

Your Child Is Ugly

Is yer child ugly? Do they have a face that only a mother could love? Fact is that 95% of those cute babies you see on social media grow up to be ugly wee shites, look what the royal babies turn into.

Even ugly children get stolen or sold to the Arabs and no one cares. Protect yer ugly wee fucker by dressing them up in Old Knudsen's Cecil safe suit.

Normal cases of child crime only gets a blurb unless yer child is white and cute but with the Cecil safe suit yer child will be in the public eye for weeks afterwards. There might even be street protests and petitions. No one likes an ugly child but everyone loves a lion .... yer kids will thank you.

Only 5 easy payments of £29.99 .... Call now while stocks last. Every order you place helps a poor starving child in Cambodia who get paid 20p a suit so call now!   

The Most Hated Man In America

 He must put camo over his teeth when he hunts.

Walter Palmer, the evil dentist from Minnesota is the most hated man in the US .... probably because both Obama and Donald Trump are out of the cuntry.  Obama is telling off 3rd world nations in Africa and Trump is in Scotland watching chicks play golf.

Palmer loves wild life, that's why he loves to kill it .... to honor nature he went to Zimbabwe and paid a couple of shady as fuck dudes $50,000 to kill a lion.

Cecil was cute and cuddly and only ate meat from animals that had died natural deaths, he had dabbled with vegetarianism but it was difficult being a lion and all. He was part of a conservation study and was collared, living a life of safety.
The two guides lured Cecil out of his national park home where hunting is illegal so that Palmer could shot him on normal land with a bow and arrow ... many reports say a crossbow but since Palmer had used a bow on numerous occasions he probably used a bow.  Who the fuck uses a crossbow to kill a lion?

Wounded, Cecil ran off and they tracked him for 40 hours then they shot him, skinned and decapitated him and bummed each other with the raging boners they had.

It's best not to ask why he is naked with this dead leopard.  

Palmer probably didn't expect a huge backlash since he kills all the time. In a statement he said, "Wh wh wh what's the b big deal? So what if it had a name, don't get attached people ... you don't name your gu gu guppies for f f fucks sake." 

13 year-old Cecil had black streaks in his mane which flowed in slo-mo when there was a breeze, he was a bit of a tourist draw at Hwange national park. A White House petition to get Palmer extradited to Zimbabwe has gotten nearly enough signatures for a response.

This was Palmer's second lion kill as killing lions gets him really hard. I'm sure for half the price of a lion the Zimbabwean government would let you hunt some of its people.  

Crazy woman Mia Farrow posted his address on Twitter which I don't think was very cool but fuck him eh.
I haven't been crying over Cecil, oh whatever, so many people and fluffy animals get killed and die all the time. In Nepal the Newari people of a village in Kathmandu rip a young goat apart with their bare hands and teeth to celebrate the 900 year-old Deopokhari festival .....yes there was a petition to stop it 3 years ago, so much for petitions. If you let every death get to you you'd never get through a hot dog or a salad without a stream of tears. 

The stupidity of the killing gets to me more than anything.

The Hindi temple in Bariyarpur in Nepal which sacrifices thousands of animals every 5 years to the goddess Gadhimai have said they were stopping the killings. They can't stop people coming along with their cows and killing them though but it's a start, maybe I'll stop cursing Nepal for a while though those guys ripping the goats apart will die in similar pain they inflicted upon the wee goats. 

He has even killed a polar bear and hopes to kill a panda sometime in the future.

Palmer was fined $3,000 when he illegally killed black bear in Wisconsin in 2006. In fact 2006 was quite a busy year for him, according to a former employee he was sexually harassing her. His insurance company settled for $127,000 in 2009.

This guy is a cunt, that is for sure. I hope his grown up children weren't raised with him as a role model, his wife Tonette also hunts so I suspect killing animals for fun is a way of death life for them.

As Old Knudsen has stated before, Old Knudsen is ok with hunting though he no longer does it himself, except for humans and he eats what he kills.

Only hunting that is for conservation reasons or for food is acceptable. 

  Killing animals legally is such a boar.

If you go and kill animals to stuff or for a selfie then yer just an asshole. Why travel millions of miles to kill an animal that wasn't doing you any harm and that you didn't need to eat to survive? Was that lion with its yawning and licking its bits in Africa bothering you Mr Palmer? 

Was causing un-necessary pain to yer patients (all dentists do it) not enough for you?

I try to understand him a little. Dentists are all resentful because they aren't doctors and no one likes going to them. That resentment and frustration along with that hot receptionist probably made him do some unneeded root canals and why did mother never love me, FUCKING BITCH!!!!! even after I killed father she never loved me, she could see what I was she could see my inner beast and yes I think about killing animals when I have sex..... oops too much there. 

Being a profiler I sometimes get too into it ..... but you knew that as you sit there hoping that there might be tits in this post and yes, you are to blame for most of yer troubles in life which you secretly know.

 

 Not just any tits but vintage tits.

Killing Cecil has probably ruined Palmer's life, of course there are those who are dependent on Palmer like family and employees so this karma isn't fair on them but for all the lives Palmer has ruined, sure they might just be animals but they were probably better at being animals than Palmer is at being human.

Not really a big story in Zimbabwe, at 80% unemployment all the media and Internet hype seems like one of those First World Problems to them. Tryphina Kaseke a street seller said, "Are you saying that all this noise is about a dead lion? Lions are killed all the time in this country, what is so special about this one?"  

Another local Joseph Mabuwa said, "Why are the Americans more concerned than us? we never hear them speak out when villagers are killed by lions and elephants in Hwange."


Lion lives do matter it seems .... cos they are cute. 

 

The Pope Hates Boobs

The Pope will kiss lamp shades .... or what ever the fuck that is. 

He'll totally tongue leper boils.

He'll get stuck in between some chav toes and maybe playfully nibble on them.

And of course he'll kiss young boys. 

Lots and lots of young boys.

But if a woman without a bra comes to have her sins forgiven he'll have his security escort her away. 

Victoria Xipolitakis, a good Catholic gurl and glamour model (she gets her fake tits out) who has appeared in the Greek version of Playboy which is 70% more hairy than the American version tried to meet the Pope in Paraquay to have her sins forgiven.    

She was only just banned for 5 years from a domestic Argentinian airline for being in the cockpit for most of the flight taking selfies with the pilot and handling the controls.The pilots got fired. 

Xipolitakis says she doesn't know why she was told to leave. Don't worry it isn't you, thousands of children don't know why God let those priests abuse them or why this pope was silent over the abuse when he was a Cardinal .... No need for the long face.

She volunteers as a life guard on weekends as she has extra floatation devices built in.

The pope has become famous for making positive, liberal comments about those discriminated against by the Vatican but never changes Vatican policy so you can be assured that he pretty much hates weemen, only matched by his hatred of gheys.

For fear of being embarrassed by a titty model who actually had on clothes for a change he made her leave ... not very Christian.

Is milk sexy or something? I don't get it. 

When Jesus found a crowd of Pharisees and lawyers who were about to stone a woman for adultery (as like Moses had taught) he said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."
If the DUP were there they would have stoned her as their sinning wasn't real sinning because well it's them and such rules don't apply to them otherwise the wife of their party leader would have been stoned .... As in most cultures only the woman gets blamed for adultery.

The first known photo of Jesus, on the left. 

Jesus then said, "has no one condemned you?" the filthy slut answered "No one, sir," so he said, "Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin." it is not known what happened to her afterwards because no one cares ... probably became a victim of an honour killing or something because the husband would have thrown a stone.

The next case was for a man accused of stealing a camel, Jesus tried the whole without sin thing again but was told to fuck off and get some new material.

The Pope may say breast feed away but he really doesn't want to see them. 

That adultery passage was added to John fairly recently about 200 years after Jesus' fictional death and isn't in any earlier manuscripts. I learned this the other day and of course had to check that fact because as Old Knudsen was just saying to Dennis Hopper on Thursday, "I'm all about the facts and the fact is that it's yer round, a pint and a whiskey chaser mate." Some Bibles have a disclaimer at the bottom saying that verse isn't in other texts.

The Bible was written numerous people and at numerous times so amendments and additions were done to reflect the changing times and agendas. In the 1970's blackface was still considered entertainment and could be found on prime time TV but now it's totally unacceptable and rightly so. Times and attitudes change.

God was strict as fuck and more blood thirsty than Ted Bundy in the first book of the Bible but in the sequel he becomes the god of love .... unless yer his son that is.

The important thing is that the 'any one of you is without sin' thing sounds like something Jesus should say.

So don't blame the Pope for hating the boobies, the original scripts would have him drop a slab on those bi-atches.

Good News For Burglars

Sorry control but we're busy right now.

In 2013 the police in war torn Chicago told the public they would not be responding to house burglaries or vehicle theft. Any crime in which the criminal was no longer at and if the victim wasn't in any danger.

Dispatch might pass on the message but don't hold yer breath.

People were outraged that they were paying taxes for this. That is why Detroit choose to start the Robocop program from OmniCorp. At least when the darkies got shot you knew that it wasn't racist.... unless they were set to kill darkie.  Is darkie still an ok term to use? I don't want people thinking I'm Hulk Hogan.

 Standing like this is called 'doing the po po.'

Police in the UK are breaking it to us gently that they may do the same as Chicago. It's not that they don't care it's that their funding has to adjust to the changing face of crime... yeah they don't care. There are less burglaries and car crime these days says Sara Thornton, head of the National Police Chief's Council (NPCC) -

"The sorts of crimes that are on the increase sexual offences, concerns about terrorism, cybercrime that’s where we really need to focus. We need to move from reacting to those traditional crimes to thinking about focusing on threat and harm and risk and really protecting the public."

When a house gets burgled it usually took two months for the home owners to come to terms with what had happened and one in eight were unable to totally block the incident from their minds.What happens when they feel all alone?

 Mark Castle the chief executive of Victim Support said  "Victims tell us that they suffer far more than material loss when their home is burgled the psychological impact of this crime can be drastic, long lasting and different for everyone." 

 

When an elderly person gets burgled and they feel unsafe and violated, how worse will they feel when the police don't even bother to show up. "Sorry Mr Clarke our officers are busy waiting for a rape or some Internet trolling to happen."    Just say you think that ISIS just robbed you and they'll be round.

I'm always hearing about distraction robberies in which bogus workmen keep you occupied while their friend goes in the back door and steals yer purse. I also hear a lot of car jacking attempts so don't throw rigged statistics at me.  If you allow one crime then more will happen. Serial killers werk their way up to people you know. Burglars will soon turn into rapists because now you won't be safe in yer own home.

Sara Thornton continued:

"What we are saying is if we are really serious about putting a lot of effort and resource into protecting children, for example, that might mean that if you’ve had a burglary and the burglar has fled, that we won’t get there as quickly as we’ve got there in the past."

"Of course we will still want to gather evidence, but we might do it in different ways."

Playing phone tag and just not bothering would be those different ways. 

Burglaries hit an all time high in 2011, are these figures they are justifying this with from that hike? Yes burglaries were up 14% in 2011, now they are down 5% so we'd better stop investigating them. Look everyone burglaries are down. 

  Do the po po!

Old Knudsen has been fairly critical of the Northern Ireland police .... mostly because they are shite. I'm sure budget cuts and policies from higher up makes them shite and that the officer on the street would be better if led better. The Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) have been turned into Flegger chew toys and during a riot the police video tape the rioters to hopefully arrest a month later when they least expect it ..... assuming they can recognize them.

Snatching trouble makers in the midst of committing a crime was too embarrassing as the PSNI don't really like confrontation ... plenty of FIDO going on, that's Fuck It Drive On.  

British soldiers on the streets of London.

I've already experience police apathy and boy are they getting picky about what constitutes a crime. I do miss the SoCal cops that would turn up at yer door within 15 minutes of being called .... sure they were mostly called about me but I liked having someone to talk to. "Hey what gun have you there, can I hold it?"  The PSNI won't let me hold their guns either, I suspect they have rubber guns since they never use them.

Last month there was news of cuts to the army which freaked out the Americans, "who is gonna help us fight Russia in 2020?"  Now there is news that 5,000 troops will be deployed to the streets if  M-5 and M-6 get wind of a terrorist attack. That sounds very suspect, why don't they just stop the attack? Will there be 5,000 troops on the street for a month while they wait for an attack? 

With Cameron bombing Syria and liberating oil rich Libya again because British tourists were killed on a beach in TUNISIA all I believe is 1) the police intend to do fuck all and 2) there will be army cuts.