Why Easter Island Has No Eggs

 I always go to Easter Island for some head.

For years I heard that the story of Easter island (Rapa Nui) was that the Polynesians who found it in about 700 - 1200 AD did slash and burn farming on the millions of trees of the island and the population grew so when they ran out of food they started slaughtering each other and out of a time of cannibalism and slaughter they built the Moai to their gods to save them.

In 1774 Captain James T Cook visited and reported only about 700 islanders living primitive lives barely surviving.  So it must be true then.

Two anthropologists, Terry Hunt and Carl Lipo, from the University of Hawaii have a different idea as to what happened.

The introduction of the Polynesian rat which can double its population every 47 days are the cause of the de-forestation. Gnaw marks on seed shells found back this idea up. The rats with no predator caused the extinction of 21 species of tree and all land birds on the island. Roots and sprouts were quite tasty to them, there was no stopping the wee fuckers.    

 People with energy and time to spare make big fuck off statues.

The people of course had rat to eat as well as being able to fish. From waste pits archeologists found that 60% of bones were from rats.

Explorers from before Cook's time have said how islanders asked for hats rather than food and a starving people do not sit around making giant statues. Of course they probably had trees when they were making those statues otherwise they couldn't have moved them. The largest statue was left unfinished, if it had been completed it would have stood 72 feet tall.

She may look clean, but she probably has cooties. 

Those explorers no doubt brought diseases with them that made them the 700 that Cook saw in 1774 and in the 1800's slavers from Peru reduced the population too.

No trees to make boats the islanders did what people do, they adapted. They ate rat, seafood found along the coast and were able to grow some plants. Living the simple life and appreciating the crappy stuff we'd turn our spoiled noses up at which is why Spam is a delicacy in Hawaii. If you eat the same old rat everyday even Spam tastes like angel cum.