15 Of The Biggest Lies Ever Told

 

Lies have shaped history and even the thinking of people today. If history is written by the victor then Victor has a lot of explaining to do. The Great War for Civilisation or the war to end all wars, World War One was to be something we'd learn from so that it would never happen again. Fighting for civilisation is like fucking for virginity, is it any wonder that we still aren't civilised?   

1) Slaves did not built Egypt's pyramids. I've recently covered how there was no proof that the Jews were ever held as slaves in Egypt and whoever wrote the Exodus story probably did so from sunny Palestine and had never even set eyes on the sphinx. In 2010 the tombs dedicated to the pyramid builders were found so Ka- Chow!

2) Virgin birth of Jesus. First of the census that made them go to Bethlehem was a lie, there was no go to yer hometown census. Augustus Caesar had 3 census' one in 28BCE, 8BCE and 14 CE, there was a census in Judea in 6 CE as written about by the Roman historian Titus Flavius Josephus which caused a revolt. Stop making shit up whoever wrote the Bible. Do you believe that Loki mated with a horse and then he/she gave birth to the 8 legged stallion Svadilfari? Or that  Dionysus was born from Zeus' thigh? Yet you'd believe some Middle East slapper who was probably afraid of her people going all honor killing on her ass. If Tracy from Leeds claimed she was a virgin and was pregnant you'd maybe suspect that her arse isn't a virgin and that drips happen.
  

3) Christopher Columbus couldn't find his arse with two hands. In 14 hundred and 92 Columbus sailed the ocean blue ... And got lost. When he reached the Bahamas he thought that San Salvador was Japan and that Cuba was China. Mankind had known that the Earth was round since 240 BCE so none of that crap about how his sailors thought they'd fall over the edge but he bravely went on. You can blame the first Columbus day in 1792 for all of that crap but Columbus never set foot on North America . Norse explorer Leif Ericson discovered America 500 years previously though the Native Americans claim to have been there already ... if you can believe that.

4) George Washington is famous for two things, the first is that he looks like and old woman and the second is that he cut down a cherry tree as a boy. Washington who betrayed the British and then went on to betray the rednecks that fought the British to get whiskey taxes from them didn't go anywhere near a cherry tree. This is a bloke who openingly wept in front of his men, "look lads, most of you are going to die [sob sob] but we really have to win this one [sob sob]" It was his biographer, Parson Weems that made up the cherry tree story to show how honest he was .... by telling a lie.
 

 Give us some spuds ya facking cont!

5) The potato famine, over a million Irish citizens died of starvation due to a potato blight ... wrong! Aye we love our chips but you can grow other things here. During 1845-52 the potato crops did fail but boats of food from charitable nations all over the world were turned away by the English and whatever crops were produced in Ireland were exported out of Ireland by the English. There are very valid reasons why the English/British are still disliked in Ireland by the Paddy Bogtrotters .... to be sure.  

6) Lincoln freed the slaves. He didn't mean to it just kinda happened. He didn't give a fuck about them and you know what else? He never killed a single vampire either.

7) Einstein failed math at school. Einstein had already mastered differential and integral calculus by the age of 15 so fuck yer special ed classes.

8) Hitler said he wouldn't invade Czechoslovakia and just wanted a little peace .... of the Sudetenland, an area of Czechoslovakia that had Germans living in it, much like what Putin is doing in Ukraine. Attacking Czechoslovakia would have France attacking Germany and Britain would have to back them up. Hitler totally lied ... Hitler, you twat! Britain declared war on Germany after a good cry and when Poland was invaded. We really did fuck over Czechoslovakia to try to appease Germany.     

9) We're gonna invade Greece. In 1944 the allies had to make Hitler think we were going to invade Greece but really we were invading Italy. A dead homeless guy from Wales was dressed up as a Royal Marines Officer and dropped into the Mediterranean sea. His uniform had been pre-worn, there were made up love letters, ticket stubs and a receipt for an engagement ring in his pockets and a case with fake invasion details. Operation Mincemeat it was known as and the Nazis took the bait and deployed some of their forces to Greece making the invasion of Italy easier than it would have been.     

10) I'm not a crook, Richard Nixon was a crook. In 1972 five men were caught breaking into the Democratic National Committee headquarters, they were connected with Nixon's reelection campaign and then it turned out that Nixon had been bugging the competition, he lied about it but before he was impeached or convicted  he resigned in 1974, his VP who then became president Gerald Ford pardoned him.
 

Intern blowjobs or classified e-mails, just bluff it out and lie. 

11) I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Oh yes you did. In 1998 Bill Clinton lied about an affair he had with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. He later admitted an "improper physical relationship" that was "not appropriate." Clinton was acquitted of all charges and remained in office, he totally fucked up Al Gore's chances and paved the way for G.W. Bush to steal win the 2000 election.

12) Building 7 fell down. During the 9/11 attack of 2001, building 7 was designed to be a command structure for 7 intelligence and law enforcement agencies should disaster strike and had George Bush's Royal Doulton porcelain collection all of which was very well insured. The building sustained minor damage and had fires, then within 6.5 seconds the building collapsed into its own footprint. Buildings 3, 4, 5 and 6 also had fires but neither collapsed.

13) Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, no it did not. Our soldiers are still fighting and dying there because Bush and Blair both lied. Neither have had to answer for their lies as of yet .... but soon.         

14) Of course I'll still respect you in the morning. Yeah cos getting yer hole is all about respect.


Trust no one and check everything. If you read a story about Christians being killed in Syria don't go believing all the Christian based sites that carry it but no one else does. Don't believe sites like 'Before it's news' or other sites that crackpots can make up .... yes like Wikipedia.

I won't always be here for you to tell you the correct thing to think, someday SG-19 will track me down and double tap me cos I knows too much. Think, question and don't let yer agenda or issues cloud yer logic.