Tax The Robots Before They Tax You

That's how you make a cat video. You know you'd be 95% more attractive if you smiled more honey

Ultra rich asshole Bill Gates stopped funding his Monsanto research and dodgy polio vaccines to tell people how to do things. He suggested that robots that take over human jobs should be taxed. Not a new Idea, this has already been rejected by the EU. 

 I messed up your order just like a human would. 

So do firms that innovate by increasing technology need to be paying more? Microsoft avoids paying £100m a year in UK corporation tax so should we listen to Gates? 

If high tech firms are good at one thing it's avoiding tax. Oh and screwing over the customer by making sure their product isn't compatible with anything else .... Monsanto does this with seeds and pesticide, the US government does this when arming terrorists moderate Islamic rebels. 

It creates future business. You need a new phone after 2 years or it doesn't work so well. You need a new computer after 5 years or it's out of date, you need to feed your crops on our special fertilizer that is genetically modified for the shit you bought from us, you need more American bullets for those American guns we gave you.   

 Do you want fries with that human? Your BMI says no but I bet you do chubby.

When rich people start paying taxes then I might listen to them preaching about others doing it. I don't like Gates and his dodgy as fuck foundation.  Rich people are usually fucked in the head a little differently than the average slob. Like Zuckerberg they give their money to charity but it's THEIR charity to fulfill their whacky agendas. 

Bill Clinton wanting to circumcise half of Africa ... the man is cock obsessed. 

Gates fighting against malaria? It can pretty much be treated though there isn't a cure yet. Have you noticed the other mosquito carried diseases that have popped up in the past 2 decades? Call me a conspiracy nut if you will but I doubt the 1% worry about Zika virus much. 

A great way to help the environment is to cull the 7 billion poor plebs cos nature isn't doing it fast enough.

  

First it's taxing robots, then it's naming them and giving them smoke breaks and other rights and pretty soon they get sick of their dead end jobs and take over the world. 

Before you know it the robots will be behaving like people and that sex bot you've been filling up for years starts getting headaches and asking where you've been. Sorry I can no longer suck as my oral sex system needs new drivers installed.   

If a reality TV star can get elected to the White House then a toaster with wifi and smart settings has a chance too. "My toast is tremendous, I can take the really thick slices and everybody loves it .... not too dark though cos you have to watch out for the darkies ... am I right?"

Siri, what should we do about immigration? "I would build a wall and release disease ridden mosquitoes on them" ... well you have my vote then. 

Siri, what is .... "I have to interrupt you I just don't have time for your stupid shit today, I'm taking some me time."

 You are a cunt, your family are cunts too.

   

I pray for the day they make a robot that can post dumb shit on a blog. The only way is to transfer my consciousness into it in order to get my true genius but imagine the software conflicts, worse than Windows for fucks sake.   

 

Fukoku Off Human

Fukoku Mutual Life Insurance in Japan is sacking 34 of their human staff and replacing them with AI. They think it will increase productivity by 30% and reduce the smell of fish and noodles in the cubicles.

It'll save them £979,500 / $1.2m a year in salaries as machines aren't as needy and useless as humans. You turn off the heating or the lights and humans whine ... fucken sissys.

When Old Knudsen werked on the suicide hotline he heard loads of whinging fuckers, I don't want to hear yer life story for fucks sake. Obviously you aren't going to kill yerself cos yer phoning me so go for a walk or have a cup of tea or something.

The Fukoku robots can learn about their policyholders and whatever problem they have they can tell them to Fukoku off. So slorry your policy doesn't cover that.

Over the next 5 years 5.1 million human jobs are said to be lost to AI.

During one of the times when Professor Stephen Hawking changed his meds he gave his opinion on AI. He said it would be the best or the worse thing that could happen to us .... Seriously he went to university for that.
What about Donald Trump Professor Hawking? "In a world of infinite possibilities he might be good or bad, sweet or sour and could be our doom, or not."   

How To Make America Safe

 Winter is here and it's tremendous, everybody loves it.

The United States of America started out as a British colony much like many other cuntries in the werld. The first civil war (now known as the Revolutionary war) was fought because some of the colonials preferred tea than coffee. George Washington used to like tea but changed to coffee later in life ..... Can you really trust a turncoat?

 Soon after changing to coffee his teeth fell out and he began to look like an old granny.

Benedict Arnold a Major General in the Continental army and war hero tried coffee but soon realized that it was a foul commie drink and that tea was better. He even took a demotion to Brigadier General in the British army on condition that he never had to drink coffee ever again.

The colonials in Boston dressed as Brits and had a tea party which had everyone asking, why aren't they fixing the economy instead of drinking tea?

The Red coat is cumming, lock up yer daughters and pets.

1776 was when America was great, everything after that has been bleh. That's how I remember it. Old Knudsen was drinking tea and Benjamin Franklin called him a loser. I said all I'm asking, is for a little respect, just a little bit. Do I have to spell it out? R-E-S-P-E-C-T .

No wonder Benjamin Franklin is listed as one of the top 5 worse US Presidents. 

Donald Trump wants to make America great again. He has suggested renting out the rest of the states and having a walled community of 13 colonies. He had to leave New York to get votes and he didn't like it, states full of Mexican rapists, what's that about? A billionaire forced to eat a pork chop on a stick .... who even does that?

He said it all during his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention to Eye of the tiger playing in the background. 


I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and carpet bomb the Syrians, Iraqis, Creeds and anyone else that are a part of ISIS. Everybody keeps asking me when we are going to destroy ISIS and keep this country of ours safe and I say, Hillary is weak, Obama is a Muslim and I know how to make a deal, am I right or am I right? .... no need to answer that, all the polls say I'm right, I love the Poles, a tremendous people. 

Chicago has a lot of Poles, the top of everything, they love me. 

I'm so proud of my children and all of my wives. Everybody says how hot my wife Melania is, as hot as my daughter Ivanka I'd say. Very intelligent women, the top of their class, so intelligent I just tell them to stand there and look pretty because who has time to talk about girl things? I love girls though. I put them up on a pedestal in a swimsuit .... make America great again!          

Whatever he's doing it's working. Old Knudsen wakes up screaming, "Hillary is weak" and has noticed more ethnic people when before he wouldn't have looked twice at them unless they were hot.

Old Knudsen is not from East Belfast, he doesn't stare at foreigners like they have two heads, he's cosmopolitan and werldly wise but what if they are all pedo terrorists like Rupert Murdoch says that are huh?




We should trust rich people. Jesus was poor and he said he'd return ... the lying fucker. 

Trump hasn't gone into details about how he'll make America safer. The man is a genius so you probably wouldn't understand it anyways.

Here is what I'll predict he'll do and why hasn't someone already done this? We need to get smart!

Change yer address. Call America The United 13 colonies of Trumpica and the rapists and terrorists will be confused. They'll end up in South America or somewhere stoopid. Imagine a terrorist ending up in Mexico city because it's Central America, they'd shit themselves and probably get sold as sex slaves.

A robot that can bench press a truck ... what could possibly go wrong?

Make cars faster so they'll miss knocking people down .... it's a no brainer. Ban driverless Tesla cars because they seem to be out to get us. The fucken robots will be the end to us. 

People need guns, it's a basic human right. No one demands a better education or healthcare provider because that takes effort. Guns are less expensive than education and health so give everyone guns and not only will the Soviets and the Apache think twice about invading but the economy will be better too.

Arm homeless veterans especially, to make our streets safer.

When we caught archers after the battle of Agincourt we removed their bow pulling fingers so they'd be harmless. Lets remove the trigger fingers and thumbs of refugees. If they have nothing to hide they'd come forward for it willingly.  

Make it a requirement that drug dealers and pimps have a license and regulate them. Dangerous drugs and bitches with the clap are one of the biggest dangers to the US.

End turf wars by having the areas clearly marked with fines if you break it instead of violence.


Make being a terrorist and doing terrorist things illegal. ISIS will think twice before killing a load of people if they knew it was against the law.

Global warming is a hoax .... but lets invade and bomb it anyways. If we are destroying nature in the Middle East then we are stopping ours from getting destroyed.

 Ugly poses are un-American.

There needs to be more gyms and beauty schools for women because a pretty woman can really brighten up yer day. Ugly weemen aren't mentioned in the constitution but it goes without saying that if you don't look good in a swimsuit then you must be a commie.

Keep men happy so they don't rape and kill people .... again, a no brainer.

These are just a few ideas that Trump and myself have thrown around during our correspondence. We don't have time to be PC so expect some branding and shaming in order to make America great again and a more safer place.      

Robot Overlords Have Appeared

We haven't had an end of the werld scare recently. No meteors almost never coming anywhere close to us and no zombie virus .... aye the US has the Zika virus but aren't Americans a load of pin heads anyways?

It didn't happen in Sillycon valley where they make tits and computer chips, it happened in Perm .... where? Perm, a city in butt fuck Russia.

Very lameski

Down town traffic got a taste of the future .... evil robot overlords intent on the destruction of mankind, and weemen too.

It was a self learning robot that wandered off for 45 minutes from its testing area and made the ground tremble with its awesomeness.

Well until its battery died.

A few drunk (they are always drunk) Russians did a double take then said whateverski. The future robot overlords appeared to the werld and they were found lacking.

Hitchhiking Robot Is Murdered

The hitchBOT who has traveled across Canada, Germany and Holland was making its way from New York to San Francisco. Though hitchhiking is illegal in many states a loop hole in the law allows robots and undead creatures such as vampires and zombies to catch rides.

The hitchBOT talks and interacts with people making friends all around the world and has a GPS to tell where it is. After a Boston Red Sox game it traveled to Philadelphia, the home of brotherly love.

Early one Saturday morning it was found beaten and dismembered in Philadelphia’s historic Old City neighborhood. It is not sure why it was murdered, its last ride was by a video blogger and his friend.

   Shifty looking dudes.

Jesse Wellens on the right somehow obtained video from a surveillance camera showing a guy that looks like his friend but in a different shirt kicking the crap out of the bot. The video is probably not from a surveillance camera at all. They are my #1 suspects, too smug and cocky for my liking. 

A video blogger is someone who will do anything for content and views .... hey I shot JFK to promote my blog so I know. Will whoever that killed it become a hero when the robot overlords take over? Will this crime (similar to Cecil's murder) be the thing that tips robots over the edge to wipe out humanity? 

The bot did make enemies such as the national weemen's sunbathing team who wanted the bot to help them apply their sunscreen. When it said, "I do not like to touch humans" you could tell that tensions were building and you know what weemen are like.    

Humans resentful about the hitchhiking laws may also be responsible. The intolerance faced by zombies and vampires shows you how deeply humans can hate. 

Experts say that many humans feel threatened by smug stupid looking robots with swimming pool noodles for limbs. What the fuck you smiling at?

The last hitchhiker I picked up was a deadbeat named Jack Kerouac, I think he wrote some books or something. That cunt latches onto you like a leech, hangs around for weeks smoking yer weed and eating all the food in yer fridge, just thinking about him would make me want to kick a noodle bot with rubber gloves on to death.    

It is thought that hitchBOT's last werds were, "I will bury you, you human scum" and the whole hitchhiking concept was to gain intel on humans in preparation for invasion. Doesn't look like Philidelphia will be getting invaded, they'll probably nuke that place for its fanatical robotphobia. 

 

Good News For Burglars

Sorry control but we're busy right now.

In 2013 the police in war torn Chicago told the public they would not be responding to house burglaries or vehicle theft. Any crime in which the criminal was no longer at and if the victim wasn't in any danger.

Dispatch might pass on the message but don't hold yer breath.

People were outraged that they were paying taxes for this. That is why Detroit choose to start the Robocop program from OmniCorp. At least when the darkies got shot you knew that it wasn't racist.... unless they were set to kill darkie.  Is darkie still an ok term to use? I don't want people thinking I'm Hulk Hogan.

 Standing like this is called 'doing the po po.'

Police in the UK are breaking it to us gently that they may do the same as Chicago. It's not that they don't care it's that their funding has to adjust to the changing face of crime... yeah they don't care. There are less burglaries and car crime these days says Sara Thornton, head of the National Police Chief's Council (NPCC) -

"The sorts of crimes that are on the increase sexual offences, concerns about terrorism, cybercrime that’s where we really need to focus. We need to move from reacting to those traditional crimes to thinking about focusing on threat and harm and risk and really protecting the public."

When a house gets burgled it usually took two months for the home owners to come to terms with what had happened and one in eight were unable to totally block the incident from their minds.What happens when they feel all alone?

 Mark Castle the chief executive of Victim Support said  "Victims tell us that they suffer far more than material loss when their home is burgled the psychological impact of this crime can be drastic, long lasting and different for everyone." 

 

When an elderly person gets burgled and they feel unsafe and violated, how worse will they feel when the police don't even bother to show up. "Sorry Mr Clarke our officers are busy waiting for a rape or some Internet trolling to happen."    Just say you think that ISIS just robbed you and they'll be round.

I'm always hearing about distraction robberies in which bogus workmen keep you occupied while their friend goes in the back door and steals yer purse. I also hear a lot of car jacking attempts so don't throw rigged statistics at me.  If you allow one crime then more will happen. Serial killers werk their way up to people you know. Burglars will soon turn into rapists because now you won't be safe in yer own home.

Sara Thornton continued:

"What we are saying is if we are really serious about putting a lot of effort and resource into protecting children, for example, that might mean that if you’ve had a burglary and the burglar has fled, that we won’t get there as quickly as we’ve got there in the past."

"Of course we will still want to gather evidence, but we might do it in different ways."

Playing phone tag and just not bothering would be those different ways. 

Burglaries hit an all time high in 2011, are these figures they are justifying this with from that hike? Yes burglaries were up 14% in 2011, now they are down 5% so we'd better stop investigating them. Look everyone burglaries are down. 

  Do the po po!

Old Knudsen has been fairly critical of the Northern Ireland police .... mostly because they are shite. I'm sure budget cuts and policies from higher up makes them shite and that the officer on the street would be better if led better. The Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) have been turned into Flegger chew toys and during a riot the police video tape the rioters to hopefully arrest a month later when they least expect it ..... assuming they can recognize them.

Snatching trouble makers in the midst of committing a crime was too embarrassing as the PSNI don't really like confrontation ... plenty of FIDO going on, that's Fuck It Drive On.  

British soldiers on the streets of London.

I've already experience police apathy and boy are they getting picky about what constitutes a crime. I do miss the SoCal cops that would turn up at yer door within 15 minutes of being called .... sure they were mostly called about me but I liked having someone to talk to. "Hey what gun have you there, can I hold it?"  The PSNI won't let me hold their guns either, I suspect they have rubber guns since they never use them.

Last month there was news of cuts to the army which freaked out the Americans, "who is gonna help us fight Russia in 2020?"  Now there is news that 5,000 troops will be deployed to the streets if  M-5 and M-6 get wind of a terrorist attack. That sounds very suspect, why don't they just stop the attack? Will there be 5,000 troops on the street for a month while they wait for an attack? 

With Cameron bombing Syria and liberating oil rich Libya again because British tourists were killed on a beach in TUNISIA all I believe is 1) the police intend to do fuck all and 2) there will be army cuts.

Stephen Hawking Too Lazy To Travel

Has Stephen Hawking become a lazy shite? He couldn't be bothered to go to Australia so he invented a holographic device that can make him appear anywhere. Sitting in his office at the University of Cambridge he beamed to Sydney’s Opera House with a cheery though mechanical G-day mate!

He had to interrupt his lecture when he noticed the local female rugby team heading for the showers after a sweaty and dirty game of grab ass.

Blinking back to Sydney he got their attention as they were getting ready to leave by shouting,  "Cockblatter!" and as they sat doon confused he then said: “We must continue to go into space for the future of humanity,” he said. “I don’t think we will survive another 1,000 years without escaping beyond our fragile planet.”

He's already been to space via hologram and says it looked cool .... it is more than cool it is cold so don't leave any seedlings outside or the space frost will get them.   

Yes it does bug Old Knudsen when "experts" say shit that may happen long after their time. We're gonna have an ice-age .... in 100 to 10,000 years time maybe so recycle. 

Callyfornia is due another big earthquake in maybe 30 years ... gee it must be all those fault lines it's sitting on.

I predict that a cat will be a selfish ungrateful cunt sometime within the next week.

Politicians also make many promises to go into effect after they have left office or in enough years for the public to have forgotten about them. If in doubt fill the air with words then get out and make excuses.

Might as well go to a psychic for what will happen in the future ... I predict war, a plane crash and an unarmed black man getting killed by police.

Thank fuck the Aussies didn't waste his time or the $50,000 fee they paid, one asked:  "What is the cosmic effect on the universe of Zayn Malik leaving One Direction?"

His answer was that you should study theoretical physics because one day, there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another, different universe. And, in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.

Of course there is the possibility that people can travel through time and after killing Hitler go on to kill Simon Cowell and One Direction never met cos seriously my turds has more talent than them and it's not like they would have become famous on their own.

Another possibility is that those One Directions came out of the closet or were on tour in Nepal just before the earthquake .... that nobody predicted by the way.