The Pope Hates Boobs

The Pope will kiss lamp shades .... or what ever the fuck that is. 

He'll totally tongue leper boils.

He'll get stuck in between some chav toes and maybe playfully nibble on them.

And of course he'll kiss young boys. 

Lots and lots of young boys.

But if a woman without a bra comes to have her sins forgiven he'll have his security escort her away. 

Victoria Xipolitakis, a good Catholic gurl and glamour model (she gets her fake tits out) who has appeared in the Greek version of Playboy which is 70% more hairy than the American version tried to meet the Pope in Paraquay to have her sins forgiven.    

She was only just banned for 5 years from a domestic Argentinian airline for being in the cockpit for most of the flight taking selfies with the pilot and handling the controls.The pilots got fired. 

Xipolitakis says she doesn't know why she was told to leave. Don't worry it isn't you, thousands of children don't know why God let those priests abuse them or why this pope was silent over the abuse when he was a Cardinal .... No need for the long face.

She volunteers as a life guard on weekends as she has extra floatation devices built in.

The pope has become famous for making positive, liberal comments about those discriminated against by the Vatican but never changes Vatican policy so you can be assured that he pretty much hates weemen, only matched by his hatred of gheys.

For fear of being embarrassed by a titty model who actually had on clothes for a change he made her leave ... not very Christian.

Is milk sexy or something? I don't get it. 

When Jesus found a crowd of Pharisees and lawyers who were about to stone a woman for adultery (as like Moses had taught) he said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."
If the DUP were there they would have stoned her as their sinning wasn't real sinning because well it's them and such rules don't apply to them otherwise the wife of their party leader would have been stoned .... As in most cultures only the woman gets blamed for adultery.

The first known photo of Jesus, on the left. 

Jesus then said, "has no one condemned you?" the filthy slut answered "No one, sir," so he said, "Then neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin." it is not known what happened to her afterwards because no one cares ... probably became a victim of an honour killing or something because the husband would have thrown a stone.

The next case was for a man accused of stealing a camel, Jesus tried the whole without sin thing again but was told to fuck off and get some new material.

The Pope may say breast feed away but he really doesn't want to see them. 

That adultery passage was added to John fairly recently about 200 years after Jesus' fictional death and isn't in any earlier manuscripts. I learned this the other day and of course had to check that fact because as Old Knudsen was just saying to Dennis Hopper on Thursday, "I'm all about the facts and the fact is that it's yer round, a pint and a whiskey chaser mate." Some Bibles have a disclaimer at the bottom saying that verse isn't in other texts.

The Bible was written numerous people and at numerous times so amendments and additions were done to reflect the changing times and agendas. In the 1970's blackface was still considered entertainment and could be found on prime time TV but now it's totally unacceptable and rightly so. Times and attitudes change.

God was strict as fuck and more blood thirsty than Ted Bundy in the first book of the Bible but in the sequel he becomes the god of love .... unless yer his son that is.

The important thing is that the 'any one of you is without sin' thing sounds like something Jesus should say.

So don't blame the Pope for hating the boobies, the original scripts would have him drop a slab on those bi-atches.

Experts Predict Bad Stuff ... Again

Top scientists have made some startling predictions for December, now called Deadcember. Due to climate change (Global warming is an obsolete term) and mystical forces beyond our comprehension we are to suffer a few very bad weeks.

A polar vortex will plunge the UK into a mini Ice-age with higher grounds getting up to an inch of snow. The whole cuntry will cum to a standstill, there will be a lot of moaning and pictures posted on Facebook. Old people will die and due to food shortages many babies and young children will be eaten.
Experts predict it to be the coldest afternoon in all recorded history ... ever! 

Frost cougars will take advantage of the snow and will come down from the hills and form packs to hunt people, even a scratch from a frost cougar will then turn you into one of them, a bite will give you Ebola.  

David Cameron with Ali Baghdaddy.

ISIS will exploit the UK's vulnerability and David Cameron will surrender to them. Everyone will be forced to convert or have their welfare benefits stopped. Alcohol will be banned and the nation will be forced to view life through sober eyes for a change ..... the fucking bastards! 

All weemen under the age of 75 will be forced to get Halal boobs implants to be in line with Islamic law.

The large Hadron Collider 574 ft beneath the Franco-Swiss border will go into melt down after the EU decides on the standard size that God particles should be and this will create a black hole. 

Scientists are 78% sure that the black hole will occur when Asia is facing it so the civilised world will probably be safe. 

Until the week after when Brutus 476 grazes the surface of the earth killing millions and sending debris into the air blocking off all light from the sun. 

Wolves infected with a new strain of the SARS virus will over run Africa so nations around the world will have to build walls to keep the Africans out. 

Bob Geldoff will re-release Do they know it's Christmas with Bono singing all of it cos who needs anyone else? Then Bob will wonder why it is that people in his life tend to kill themselves. The SARS infected Africans will kill themselves in protest to this shite song. Even Midge Ure who used to be cool and who co-wrote the song will have a crisis of conscience and off himself .... Bob will be very sad for a week before giving a two page interview to the Daily Mail about it.

Santa will still not visit Africa cos he's racist and is still recovering from a stroke so Christmas may very well be cancelled everywhere. 

Large crotch eating spiders will invade people's homes to get away from all the crazy weather, the government will then set up a spider tax to charge people for how many spiders they are likely to have in their homes.   

White Americans will riot and post angry comments on Twitter after being told that police will start shooting them too in order to not seem racist. 

Walmart will be voted the # 1 store to loot in America. Their new slogan will be, 'social injustice? ... then why not loot us?'  .... offer of looting does not apply to store employees forced to go on welfare as Walmart does not pay a living wage, terms and conditions may apply.

The west coast of America will catch fire and several movies will be made about it all shot in Vancouver. 

Hilary Clinton will be exposed as a soul sucker demon, being a lawyer she'll go on TV and cry saying she was the actual victim as that guy checked out her ass ...... her approval rating soars and is made President without an election. 

Kim Kardashian's arse does indeed break the Internet and she is sent to Federal prison, she tweets pictures of her designer prison overalls and soon everyone is wearing them. 

It's not all doom and gloom from the "experts" they predict that Jesus will return, just in time for Christmas. However we'll probably kill him again once he starts preaching about that equality shit. 

 

 

Sunday Should Be Cancelled

Another glorious Sunday, for the record Old Knudsen hates Sundays. Too much hypocrisy in the air for him such an uncomfortable vibe.

Sit in yer hoose or get yer hoosework done cos Sunday is the most boring day ever .... the telly is boring all the time but is somehow extra dull on Sundays. 

Tweak with yer place in the afterlife if you want but seriously, is there any proof/evidence of an afterlife? Yes, the answer is a giant resounding NO but if you want to waste yer own time and appear really really really really stupid then go ahead, it just annoys me that I am effected by yer stupidity and that children have to be molested cos it's in yer holy book.

I haven't read yer holy book, Old Knudsen is just assuming it is cos yer a load of kiddie fucking Gog botherers. 

What will I do?

I know what I'd like to do but she has a restraining order on me.

Maybe I'll just lounge around the pool with a couple of buddies and see what cums up.

This Is Culture

A MILF with a dartboard, I think I'm in love.

It was a dirty week for Pagans and Witches so I'm thinking that all you Christians are feeling a little vulnerable, the temptation to molest children is probably pretty strong within you. Fear not for Old Knudsen is here with his adult Sunday distractions.

There maybe some repeats as I'm going through old folders, clearing out my computer in case the police take it as evidence sometime in the future...... Nipples! 

 Those fucking aliens! them and their breeding experiments to make monkeys look hot. So they gave weemen tits, which are fucking fabulous I must say ..... then they top it off by putting nipples on the end, perfect just improved upon perfection. Lick, flick, suck and only bite with the really bad gurls. 

They totally just had a laugh with useless wee man nipples, whats the point in them? Old Knudsen can barely get half a pint of milk out of his and it's lumpy milk.

Back to tits, Old Knudsen is a big fan, he could and has sat and looked at them all day.

If Old Knudsen had a pair of tits he'd sit in the hoose and play with them all day, what did you say? I'd get bored with them? thats what they said about Old Knudsen's love for mixed pickles and they are still the only source of vegetable on his dinner plate.

Old Knudsen should never have moved back to Northern Ireland, the weemen here are just too brutal on the eyes.

The odd wee Pole isn't too bad though but shes a hag.

I like the feel of boobies,
in or out of the bra,
from hardly there to lots to share,
just ask yer dear ol Ma,
they bounce and jiggle when I make her giggle,
nothing like a laugh when all soapy in the bath.
Technological advances may be nice,
but you can keep yer drones,
you can't shove yer cock and get off,
between 2 iPhones.

A warrior poet Old Knudsen is for sure and that is why I was so harsh with Seamus Heany's work .... fucking amateur.

Some tits, all fake and covered in cake ..... see you next week you pedo Christians.  


 

Crocodile Tears And Fake Tits

 

Nothing good comes from Leeds like poor Josie Cunningham a 23 year-old single mother of two didn't have any tits.
So she told her doctor that not having tits made her depressed. When Old Knudsen doesn't have tits in his life he too gets depressed.

Before you know it she got a £4,800 operation on the NHS. 36DD implants just to achieve the appearance of a 36C.
Who could have guessed that Josie wanted to be a model?  This op didn't go doon too well with the public and Josie thanking the tax payers and the NHS didn't help much either.

She did of course get em out and well ..... where do I start?

They aren't very good and you aren't good enough looking to be a model, bad skin, dodgy tats and no offense but yer orange and a bit of a minger .... I'm sure yer a great mum though.

Well Josie isn't happy with them either and wants a smaller size and intends to sue the NHS for making her sullen and distraughty. Probably why she ordered yon chihuahua puppy, to make yer happy.

   No, leopard print and a onesie do not make you look like a cheap chav, nor does that wall paper.

Josie who is saving up for a nose job will take the NHS up on their offer of botox injections to cure her excessive sweating.
Maybe if you didn't slap that terrible looking fake tan shit on an inch thick yer skin would be able to breathe.

Josie's role model is Katie Price who is a model, author and gurlfriend to famous blokes etc. The haters have been calling Josie, Katie Cut-Price so cruel.


Even if Josie looked perfect she'd still be a minger as there is nothing attractive about her inside or out. Shes working the system and laughing about it.   

If only they had worked on her mental issues rather than a quick expensive fix.