Sausage Rolls Of Death

 

 WHO announcing something probably important ... to them.  

The World Health Organization which as you've probably guessed is full of vegetarian hippies says yer at risk of getting cancer if you eat processed meats ..... well they used the word probably because this medical stuff isn't fucking science.

Remember when AIDS used to scare people and you'd shun all queers and burn them out of their homes after you end up drunkenly snogging some bloke then you find out he's ghey? .... oh, just me then. Well cancer is kinda like that, it's been the big bad for years. It robbed us of cunts like John Wayne, Steve McQueen, Walt Disney, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and even some people I liked such as Lana Turner, Paul Newman, Vincent Price, Deforest Kelley, Elisabeth Sladen and George Harrison. In fact IMDB have 4,689 names of famous people that died of cancer, far more females than males.

With WHO putting processed meats onto its list of terrorists it forgets to get mentioned that you "probably" won't die of cancer unless you eat processed meats from cans, jars of sauce, bacon, sausages and chicken Mcfucken nuggets every day washed down with 10 ciggies and a pint of Round up and lead a generally unhealthy lifestyle.
What do WHO actually do anyways?  I've never met anyone from WHO yet they think they know what is best for me. 

 Enjoy life .... at yer dead end low paying job because there is plenty of time to be dead later.

Chances of you being murdered because yer a cunt are way higher or maybe the screaming banshee will get ya. If you go through life worried about what might possibly kill you then are you really living?

WHO are a bunch of fun sucking twatwaffles. Next year they'll be discussing if coffee is harmful too. For years coffee has been accused of causing cancer or coffee enemas are being touted as a cure for cancer .... make up yer minds.

Chances are that coffee enemas don't cure cancer .... going by all the people who went with alternative medicine.

Mobile phones probably don't give you cancer but video games makes you want to shoot people and being religious makes you want to molest children ... it's a fact! Or might not be, do we really want facts if we don't like what they say? 

If you werk night shifts, have a coal fire or live near a power plant, get Hepatitis from prison sex, use hormonal birth control, drink alcohol, live with air pollution, smoke tobacco or hang around with a smoker, have an x-ray, lick bars of lead, spray the weeds in yer garden, eat pickled onions or gherkins, do handyman werk with wood or with metal, werk in a dry cleaners, are a firefighter, eat red meat or hotdogs then don't bother reading this, yer dead.

 

How does this picture make you feel? Inadequate, horny, angry, jealous, curious? If it made you feel anything then yer not dead yet so well done defying the odds.   

WHO won't make me change my eating habits, what is the alternative, being vegetarian? If Old Knudsen became a vegetarian he'd have more energy and would probably end up running a European cuntry and before you know it he'd be throwing some minority group into ovens or something. Famous vegetarians have been Hitler, Genghis Khan, Ted Bundy, Margaret Thatcher, Darth Vader and Sauron Lord of Mordor. 

Never trust a person who 1) turns down a bacon butty and 2) thinks that snot is a food group.

Some people smoke 100 a day and live until they are 150, life is a crap shoot. They told Old Knudsen he'd go blind because he wanked so much but no, his vision is just a little blurry so fuck all those anti-wank people who knew nothing. Sure he must shave the palms of his hands every week but it's a small price to pay.



   

    

Mystery Meat

Two years ago in London some prostitutes "meat experts" were able to sample burgers that had been grown in a lab and cost just £215,000 to make. Aye the price of meat is high enough thank you cunty baws. One expert said "close to meat, but not that juicy" and another said it tasted like a burger but that product hadn't been completed fully. Maybe they left out the percentage of bug bits, hair and rodent excrement found in all foods.
 

That same team want to sell lab grown meat within the next 5 years. I hope the price will be reduced somewhat or it'll just be the the likes of George Osbourne the Chancellor of the Exchequer that eats them for a 'just one of the people' photo op. "Just having a burger and chips like all you lowly plebs marvelous working class folk, oh I had to get a gourmet £215,000 one because McDonald's doesn't deliver." 

 Fresh stem cells.

Made from stem cells which is the tissue that nerves and skin develop from they thought, 'what's better than helping people be healthy?' ....  'burgers, that's what' It's true, they are better. There is nothing Old Knudsen likes better than shoving a Whopper into his mouth and swallowing all that meaty goodness ... strangling hookers and watching the life leave their eyes is a close second though.  

You wouldn't get a smile from a wee shite's face if their happy meal included some stem cells for worn out knee cartilage but turn that cartilage to a burger and slap some cheese on that fucker and you've got a happy wee kid who is not yelling or destroying something for 2 minutes while they are eating. 

I like this concept cos then you can tell the smug vegetarians and vegans to shove it, finally real meat, not some kind of vegetarian replacement but meat without the murder. Ach who am I kidding like we really care about the murder, tasty murder.   

The down side I see is no jobs for people who just came out of school with no qualifications but if they put on a chain mail glove and wave a knife around they can werk in the slaughter house. Or they can pluck chickens. 
Old Knudsen once went for a job as a chicken plucker but soon found out that it wasn't a euphemism, so he went home and choked his chicken instead while watching Linda Evans on The big valley .... like you do.     

I wonder if the North Koreans (according to Mike Huckabee) .... or most of South East Asia will ask for dog to be grown. But you can have beef, you still want dog? ... real dog lovers but total crazy fuckers that'll eat anything. Will Russians grow babies to eat .... who knows? It's a cultural taste I suppose.

My pocket pussy looks like a Mexican bandit ...nearly Movember again.

 
If you ate grown meat that was human would that be acceptable cannibalism? I'm still waiting for them to grow vaginas, you know, something actually useful. If science is the place where nerds and geeks werk you'd think they would have figured out their loneliness by now .... or are they all having ugly, awkward nerd sex with high IQ's and pocket protectors? Ugh! 

When you can go into Tesco and buy a pound of lab grown meat will Tesco still remove the flavour as they do with all of their other foods?
   
I foresee millions of roaming cows, sheep, pigs and chickens causing trouble cos we stopped killing them for food.
There will be outrage when an American dentist shoots Betsy a cow that some local people named for the lolz. Everyone loved that cow! .... that no one but a handful of people had even heard of.

I hope the vegetarians and vegans finally understand why we enjoy have to kill animals for food when the cows chase them down and rip em apart because they can smell the grass soup that they ate for lunch still on their breath. Animals have heightened senses and are stronger than us. Not chickens though, but they are creepy in a dinosaur way.

We kill those animals before they kill us and we eat them as a warning to others. Eating meat that hasn't suffered just won't be the same.     

    
  
 

Hate Makes The World Go Around

Moneyshots on slappers and hot sass on kittens, big booty weemen and kickin yer shit in, KFC gravy and Lord of the rings, these are a few of my favourite things.

Strong Irish whiskey, hate crimes and buckets of crack .... etc etc.

You know me by now, if it's bad for you, illegal or just a social taboo then you know Old Knudsen has it as a hobby.
I've already told you how to conceal a can of beer inside a coke can and tell yer bosses that you need the sugar for yer diabeetes, you can also use that excuse to shoot up too, it's me insulin dude. Well if you get one of those e-cigarettes and adapt it to just be a tube with a light on it you can smoke in those places that ban fegs but haven't banned vaping yet.   

Old Knudsen is so here for you.

It takes more muscles and effort to smile and be perky than it does to frown so who gives a fuck what I like? It's what I don't like that makes me write on this blog. Hate makes the werld go round and it makes me hard. Hate is my emotional Viagra.

Some of the things Old Knudsen hates are frowned upon ... good, cos people smiling all the time and agreeing is creepy .... unless they are agreeing with Old Knudsen cos then that makes them right.

   That is so wonderful!

I hate people who only look on the bright side or worse still hippies who go on about respecting all living beings. 'I look on the bright side because I'm in denial and don't want to face my issues' or 'You need to respect all living things which is why I don't eat meat' .... then they rip apart a Lettuce's head. 

Vegetarians are often mentally unstable, many people who werk in I.T. are vegetarian, or Satanists. Being mentally unstable has probably something to do with their diet, there are a few cool vegetarians who don't preach or condemn you for eating a burger just as there are some Christians who don't try to talk you into their Middle Eastern weirdy woo bullshit.

When you die you'll be rewarded in Heaven. Christianity is the ultimate Nigerian scam, if you send me yer details and $200 I'll send you $5 million. 

If vegetables were cute and had big brown eyes would they eat them? Yer hoose plants cry in silence when you have a salad you know, what kind of cunt eats plants in front of living plants? No wonder house plants choose to die all the time. Every time I had smoked kippers me goldfish died, the horror they must have felt like Bob in The walking dead watching those people eating his leg right in front of him.

Do vegetarians condemn tigers when they eat meat? 

Kim in Ebola.

I also hate the Kardashians. Kim used to be attractive and I cared about her huge arse but then we got to see more and more of her and now she just makes me want to punch her .... in the arse.  Kanye was someone you wanted to punch anyways but now he designs gog awful fashions and pretends to look sad everything a camera is around. 

Now Bruce Jenner is a chick and people say I have to like him now or I'm being anti-transgender, away an fuck!

Just like if I criticize Israel I'd get called anti-Semitic or if I say that black people rioting are thugs then I'm a racist .... Can I no just slag off wankers without people thinking I'm in someway bigoted? I'm bigoted against arseholes that's what .... oh I've got white privilege. I'm no better than you because I'm white, it's because I'm just better than you .... Learn to deal fuck face.   

Chris Kyle was an amateur, I shot more men weemen and children than I can remember.  

Being ex-military if I slag of Loyalist fleggers in Northern Ireland I'd get called a Republican (IRA type) sympathizer, course they don't hear me saying I'm against a united Ireland cos they ain't got no time for logic or reason.  You can't control how others think of you so fuck em. They don't know me or my ability to not be blinkered in my opinions.   Loyalists only like dead soldiers that they can use for their own agenda, they make me sick. The Republicans that made those soldiers dead also disgust me.

It pissed me off that Prince Harry said we should have national service back in the UK, that's the draft to you Americans. Take people out of their early adult life when they should be thinking about a career and force them to be in the military for 2 years. Not only will they be resentful at leaving their life and maybe their young spouse and family but they'll be counting down the days to leave and when they eventually become of some use to the military they leave. It takes a lot of money to train a recruit. 

Prince Harry thinks it's what young ones need to keep them out of trouble. He comes from a place of privilege and a life handed to him on a sliver platter, he didn't earn it. Unlike many he went to college and has a cushy military life seeing the world and doing things normal soldiers don't do .... does he even soldier bro? Then when he leaves he gets a knighthood from the Queen, his granny. 

If others were given his opportunities in the military then hell yeah, sign me up again. Will I get a castle too? Prince Harry needs to fuck off and go be ginger somewhere else.  
   

Conscription works for Israel because that was a nation formed by terrorists who have been at war since before it was a nation. Einstein turned down being in charge and was against the whole idea so that should tell you something.
They have no interest in peace until their enemies are wiped out and want more breathing room though do they keep taking pictures of hot IDF chicks so fuck all that I just said, I love Israel. Let me introduce you to Mr foreskin, you'll learn to love him as I do. 

 
I hate Liberals who are too Liberal .... I hate Conservatives who are too Nazi like. When you define how you think and what yer opinion will be by being either of these and saying things like, 'a poor innocent unarmed man was gunned down by a killer cop' .... you limit yerself. The unarmed bloke (Dillon Taylor) who had nervous cops pointing guns at him reached under his shirt to provoke a reaction and so he was shot dead.
A weeping pussy Liberal condemns it, a no facts Conservative says he was asking for it. Old Knudsen looks at the video and says how fucking stupid was he? Yeah lets make sudden movements when people have guns pointed at you. Unarmed and dead doesn't make you automatically right.

A wise person accepts that they don't know everything and that there is always something to learn. At first I was against Edward Snowden because giving away government secrets is treason but it wasn't secrets that could jeopardize lives in the field, it wasn't a NOC list of spies, it was the government spying on it's own people, the government shouldn't be doing that. He told the American people what they were doing with Microsoft and Facebook at the cost of his own freedom.

Now I think that Snowden is a hero, Assange can still go fuck himself though .... with or without consent.

I dislike knee jerk hatred towards Obama. Don't hate him for being a Democrat or for being black, hate him for promising hope and change and giving the US the same old shite. He has let everyone down.
I also hate those who unconditionally love him, did you not see what Snowden said? Have you not been seeing the US support of ISIS? Those journalists beheaded, they were just a part of the whole  Obama admin cover story to be in Syria.
The UK gave the US details of a hostage and the US still did nothing. They bomb empty cities and other targets in Syria that only get targeted if they are targets that will hurt Assad ... Why are ISIS taking over big parts of Iraq again? Because the US is too busy in Syria.  

Why is the US in Syria? Oh it's to hunt ISIS, like how Bush was in Iraq to hunt WMD's. 

He didn't repeal the Patriot act ... he renamed it the Freedom act, just like he renamed the war on terror Overseas Contingency Operation and how killing people with bombs is now kinetic action.

If you love Obama and think he's great then yer just as dumb as those who loved G W Bush. Don't get me started about Ukraine, the US have been undermining the Russians long before they invaded Ukraine. If there is a war in 2020 as I have predicted it will be because the US has been goading Russia and Hilary has been a part of that undermining as Secretary of State so think about the war she'll be promoting if she becomes preez.

Old Knudsen doesn't know everything but he'll get there, he refuses to go with the crowd because the crowd is fucking dumb and use peer pressure as an argument.

So to break it doon I hate: Christians and veggies and Kim and her family. People who stick to their side no matter what they do, royals and knee jerks, Obama and manipulation .... these are a few of my most hated things.

Bobble headed dolls, reality shows, sports, Necromancers, touchscreens and of course lemurs.    

I hate that feeling you get when you go to an automatic door and it doesn't open for a split second, even the doors troll you. 'You don't have a soul so I won't open, you don't even register as a person, what you going to do use the handle? .... there are no handles.'
You get a flashback to the school bully who mocked you or yer parent who said you'd never amount to anything. Well I have a blog now so who is laughing now? .... Certainly not my readers. 

Vegetarians Are Disciples Of Lies

People go on about being a vegetarian or vegan as if they have some kind of moral high ground .... the poor animals, they are kept in horrible conditions then killed, here let me post a video on Facebook about it.

Maybe that kind of stuff 'is' appropriate for social media, my therapist says I have difficultly with appropriateness which is why she will only see me in a public place. So if people can post animal torture videos maybe Old Knudsen can post pictures of his bowel movements then. My dookies are quite impressive if you wash the blood from them, don't worry, if they were disgusting like weemen breast feeding babies I wouldn't post them. 

She also says I have a difficulty telling reality from make believe, she can tell that to the space pirates I sold her to for 8 bars of gold-pressed latinum HA! 

I think we can all agree that the Asians are cunts cos they eat cute doggies, it's the way they do it that makes them cunts. You can treat an animal well before you kill and eat it but they shove them into cages and torture them, not cool at all.
I never eat at our local Chinese take away, not just me flashbacks to Nam but me BBQ pork ribs wagged it's tail at me and licked me hand once.

Most animals we eat are cute, in fact lamb can be doon right sexy in the right light as can a jar of liver. I mostly eat chicken cos they are descended from dinosaurs and are more creepy than cute, see? I do have feelings. 

 

 The Illuminati say that the Jews killed all the dinosaurs.

Hunters don't torture the animals they kill unless you count fox hunters and badger baiters etc, I'm only for hunting if the animal isn't wasted after it is killed. If there is a food shortage then eat the dogs, just don't treat them like shit first.
It makes sense, dogs breed fast and can eat scraps and dogs are everywhere. They also come in big family bargain size or quick snack size.  

We don't condemn a tiger when it eats a native, sure we might go out and shoot it dead but the tiger was just being a tiger, it wasn't being evil. I eat meat cos I'm just being Old Knudsen, I'm a hornivore  so don't fuckin judge me. Maybe if vegetables tasted better... aye it's the veggies fault I eat animals.

 Dirty protest in a jar .... very kinky.  

All those TV chefs couldn't stop vegetables from tasting like snot so I continue the age old slaughter, I hope you are happy Rachael Ray!  

 Life is too short for broccoli.

Old Knudsen is a Presbyterian Pagan, that means that I love and venerate nature while at the same time condemning it for being sinful. The rainforests of South America are the lungs of the world, they are getting cut doon and turned in 3 football pitches every day .... you know what the south Americans are like with their soccer ... thanks Obama.  

If you look at broccoli they look like little trees, that right there is a sign from nature to eat animals. The more plants you cut doon the bigger the hole in the Ozone layer and the hotter the planet gets, that's FACT bitches, if you dent it then yer an idiot Conservative who only wants to save the oil or something. "I'm voting Bush in 2016 cos I believe in second chances and he served Ronnie Reagan well enough." 

War criminal #1, Sir Paul McCartney being fed soy bacon by his nurse ... Lets go see John, George and Bingo! ..... just eat up Sir Paul so you'll be strong enough for the new hip.    

Yes, a Presbyterian, Pagan and Nature Warlock of great power, not one to be trifled with but I do like banana flavoured jello, only artificial flavours though as I respect nature. I can feel the pain of all the plants as they get cut doon and plucked from life, they feel far more pain than animals do.
Don't talk to me about how cutting onions makes you cry when an onion is cut off the vine it cries ya heartless bastard! 

Old Knudsen likes weemen so only eating veggies or tofu or whatever is just impossible to do, if I couldn't eat meat I'd probably fall off the wagon and start eating babies again, but not baby potatoes cos that is just fucking cruel.

Hitler clenches in pain mid-shart. 

Of course I'm going to mention that Hitler was a vegetarian, probably still is. Hitler and Morrissey are probably the two most famous, nay infamous vegetarians there is. The evil committed by those two still sends a shudder through the core of Mother Nature herself. If you think that farting cattle contribute to green hoose gases then just think about a world of vegetarians. Hitler nearly achieved that in 1939 but they were too weak to win once General Patton cut off their protein shake supply line in 1944.

Vegetarians say they care about animal welfare yet never offer to take the place of a cow. Rule # 64 never trust a vegetarian, ask Neville Chamberlain about that one. Creatures designed to kill but pretend to be all self righteous by eating nuts an grass an shit .... yes Hitler did eat shit, it was for his bad stomach, I eat a couple of tums but each to their own.

That movie Alive, it was a vegetarian who first started to eat the dead ass strips, on the Titanic only vegetarians survived cos they get mean when they are hungry after years of pretending to be superior. There was room on that door for Jack but Rose said, "fuck up an die so I can eat you" .... I remember it well, if I hadn't cut open a fat person and wore them for the heat I wouldn't have survived, longest movie ever! Or seemed like it anyway. 

The Presbyterian in me denies that I am an animal but I'll go to Heaven as long as I pretend to be better than everyone else, I've a soul and am fuckin enlightened, of course I'll go to Heaven. The Satanist in me ..... did I mention I'm also a Satanist? Well the Satanist in me wears black and poses in capes a lot but embraces my animalistic urges, especially the flinging poo urge.

There is nothing wrong with admitting we are animals that do what animals do, unless of course that animal is a fucking lemur, I bet those bastards eat tofu. 

 

 

How Soon Is Dinner?

Hang the pheasant hang the pheasant hang the pheasant, cos fresh meat is so totally ghey!

Morrissey the former pop star has requested that during his gig at the Odyssey Arena in Belfast there are to be no tasty meat products sold.

This is a rather silly idea since it doesn't apply to the restaurants elsewhere in the complex and they would tell him to fuck off anyways. He is just making sure the smaller vendors who he can shove about do as they are told or lose out in order for him to have his victory for animals.

Vegetarians, Vegans, Jews and Muslims are not all there .... there is air getting in. Just try a bacon sandwich and you won't care how Babe was killed. You just can't reason with some people and that is why the world is in such a shit state .... because of Morrissey!

"If you believe in the abattoir then you would support Auschwitz. There’s no difference. People who would disagree with this statement have probably never been inside an abattoir. "

So the killing of animals is the same as the Holocaust? Do you know what other famous vegetarian thought that way? .... Adolf fucking Hitler that's who.

It's like when Tom Cruise gives his opinion on depression or Liam Neeson rants on about gun control, just shut the fuck up, if we wanted to know what you thought we'd go to bargain books and pick up yer autobiography for a quid.

What else has the uber intelligent Morrissey said?

"If this doesn’t affect you in a moral sense then you’re probably granite. I see no difference between eating animals and pedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder."

My cooking has been called many things but never equated to sticking yer dick into a child. "Fuck sake Old Knudsen, this burger is like rimming a toddler"  ..... does that mean you like it ?   

"If I’m introduced to anyone who eats beings, I walk away. Imagine, for example, if you were in a nightclub and someone said to you, ‘Hello, I enjoy bloodshed, throat-slitting and the destruction of life.’ Well, I doubt if you’d want to exchange phone numbers."

Don't you dare speak for me, if a lass said that to Old Knudsen she'd be the 8th, 9th? .... I don't know how far I got but she'd be the next Mrs Old Knudsen. The one in Thailand doesn't count cos it says 'he' on her passport and the lass in Florida will never get parole so that doesn't even count as a marriage.

This whiny pop singer reminds me of those pro life nuts who don't even like kids. Their issues do the thinking and talking for them.
He will cry over a chicken getting necked and will compare it to the genocide in Rwanda because he doesn't like people. Does he still have a career singing his 30 year-old songs because of cows? Show some fucking gratitude to yer human fans, it's not as if you did any great work after The Smiths ya plonker.  

People are hunters hence the eyes on the front of their heads, yes we have strayed away from nature because really we should be hunting and killing our own food like the bear or the tiger. Does he hate tigers when they kill a gazelle? What about when they kill a person? 

We get our food killed by proxy cos that's the evolution of society, should we be all eating nuts and tofu? If Morrissey can get fat on it then it can't be that bad .... except for the taste and it's probably the drink that makes him fat. 
Just think of the self-loathing he has as he cries and cuts himself when thinking about the roast beef sandwich he had when he was 10. 

Old Knudsen can tell the difference between the Moy park abattoir and Auschwitz and while humans are just another animal everything Morrissey says is kinda offensive not to mention stupid and shows you the swift deterioration of brain cells when you don't get enough protein.

Another reason to hang Morrissey (that escalated quickly) before he starts to invade Europe is BACON!

I rest my case.